Protecting Nova

by Belle Harper

  My body relaxed at her words. We were all good, I should have kissed her when we first got here. But at least I didn’t wait too long. I’m glad that I came and spoke to her, that I didn’t wait any longer and build something up in my head over nothing. I walked her back to the cabin and said goodbye to her and Kento. I returned to my pumpkins with the biggest smile on my face. Kareem didn’t miss that as he chuckled and shook his head.

  26

  Nova

  The talk with Adam was needed and I felt better after we kissed. But it also had unleashed memories I still wanted to hide, things that his uncle did to me, even Adam. I was quiet for the rest of the day, trying to stop the thoughts in my head. Kento didn’t miss it. He held my hand as I stared out the window. I pretended everything was okay, that I was just tired. But he saw too much and knew I lied to him. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to burden him with this. He had it much worse, more than I will ever know.

  The door creaked as it was pushed open. “Honey, I’m home,” Ryker called out with a huge smile on his face. After he and Ezra finished their nap, they’d gone off to work on the cabin more. His face fell when he saw me.

  “Shit, princess, what’s happened?”

  I shook my head and told him I was fine and the look he gave me was just like Kento. I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to forget everything. It was only because I had that talk with Adam that everything had rushed back, everything that I had pushed deep down. I tried to ignore everything and I could again. I just needed a day for me.

  “No, you’re not fine. Fine is what you say when you’re not fine. Talk to me. Tell me what’s happened.”

  I just burst into tears when Ryker wrapped his arms around me.

  “No I’m fine. I just need to sleep. Please just leave me to rest. I’m good. The flatbread needs cooking. Can you help Kento?” I wiped my face and crawled into the bed and wrapped myself up in as many blankets as possible. Ryker stood there. I knew he didn’t want to leave me. But I really did want to be alone, just for a little while.

  “I’m fine. I promise I’m just tied is all.” Maybe he would think I was hormonal again. I probably was, and that set my tears off more. I wanted to be pregnant. And now I was going to have my stupid period instead.

  Kento and Ryker both hovered at the end of the bed. I couldn’t help it. I got angry.

  “I said leave me alone. Fuck off already and go cook the flatbread.”

  Kento was instantly away from me. I felt bad that I yelled. But Ryker, the concern was written all over his face as he slowly stepped back. His eyes penetrated me with questions I would not answer; I wouldn’t tell anyone. The only person who knew was Adam, and he promised he would never tell anyone my secret. Our secret.

  Eventually Ryker walked away. He took the flatbread. He hesitated at the door and caught my eye. I could see he was worried to leave me. But I looked away and hid under the blanket. The door creaking as he closed it, and I let out all my anger and tears on the bed. As I cried myself to sleep.

  “Nova? Sweetheart. Would you like some food? The flatbread is amazing. You and Kento did a wonderful job in preparing it for us.”

  I moaned no and rolled away from Colton. I didn’t know how long everyone had been in the cabin. Or how long I had slept. I felt groggy and too warm. But I wasn’t going to emerge from the blankets I had wrapped around myself, my little nest. Eventually Colton got up from the bed, and I heard them softly talking about me. Mostly they whispered but I heard the worry in as their voices echoed off the walls.

  That night I’d slept under the blankets. It was the first night I had not slept on one of them. I felt like I didn’t sleep at all. Like something was amiss. And I knew it was that. There were two in the bed with me, but they lay on top of the blankets. They gave me space and I think that was worse. Even though I understood why. I’d asked for it, and they gave me what I’d wanted. Always. But right now, I needed them to hug me, to tell me everything would be okay.

  27

  Kento

  Eden was crowded. It had more people than I expected. I didn’t know why I thought it would be only a few. There are seven of us, so why didn’t I prepare for everyone else to be in larger-sized families?

  Nova had been in bed for two days. I didn’t know what was wrong with her. Just that she was sad and withdrawn. I tried everything I could think of to help her, but she wouldn’t talk to me. That was what I loved most about being her house husband. The job I assumed was made for me on the spot by Olivia but turned out all families had a house husband. I felt much better knowing that. I didn’t like other pitying me. I was grateful that Nova chose me… that she wanted to spend that much time with me. I was grateful.

  “Nova, would you like to go for a walk with me?” I hoped she would talk to me at least today. But all she did was roll over away from me. It broke my heart every time she did that. I knew it wasn’t me and that I shouldn’t be offended. But it still chipped at me, piece by piece. There was a knock at the door, it gave me something to do at least so I got up to answer it.

  I opened the door to see that new neighbor guy, Beckett. I liked him. He had been over here a few times just to chat, or ask if we needed anything. Usually when Nova wasn’t here. Well most often it was when she was at Poppy’s house that he would come over. Which was nice, because then I wasn’t alone here. I didn’t like being alone anymore. It scared me.

  “How is Nova today?” he asked, as he tried to look around the door to where Nova was sleeping. I didn’t let him, though. I knew Adam didn’t like him much. And Colton and Ryker told me not to let him in the cabin while they weren’t here. So I never let him in, I always met him outside.

  “She is still under the weather.” I shrugged. Ryker told me not to say anything but that she wasn’t well. So I kept up the lie. He nodded and backed down the stairs. I followed him out. I needed some fresh air and someone to talk to, even if it was only five minutes with Beckett.

  “I hope she is feeling better soon. Did you need the doctor? I could go over and get Dr Mal. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind coming over and taking a look right now. Just in case?”

  I shook my head. “No it’s not like that. She will be fine. Just under the weather is all.” He gave me a look. Then, he nodded and said, “Ah. Maybe I could get something nice for her? You know to cheer her up during this…um...” The guy was nice. Not that I knew what would cheer her up. Last time she got her period she mainly cried and yelled. I remembered that very well. But this was different. Yes, she had her period. Ryker had taken care of her for it already, and I was on wash duty so I knew she had gotten it. But this was more; something was not right with Nova. And it really scared me.

  “I don’t know what would make it better. But thank you. I better go back inside. She might need me.” I returned into the silent cabin and wished and hoped for a better evening.

  When everyone returned back that night, I was exhausted and I was sad that we still had to tiptoe around Nova. I wanted what we had a few days ago. When she laughed and told terrible jokes. She was full of life and ate three meals a day. Now it was a struggle to get her to eat half a meal.

  “How much has she eaten today?” Colton asked me after she refused her dinner again. I shook my head and whispered, “None.”

  He ran both his hands over his face and then through his hair and messed it all up. It had gotten a little longer since I had been with them and was past his shoulders now. I looked around and noticed everyone needed a haircut, mine included. He cursed under his breath a few times, his eyes darting around the room at all of us. We all watched those blankets, the ones that covered her. The only time she left was to use the outhouse. Even then, she wouldn’t let me leave with her. I kept watch from the cabin though.

  “All right, we need to think back to what happened. Did someone say something to her? To upset her?” My eyes automatically found Adam. He went for a walk with her that day, and when she came back, she was quiet and not herself. Colton didn’t mi
ss where I looked as he crooked his finger in a come here motion to Adam. I could see him pale, as he picked himself up from where he was seated on the rug and slowly made his way over.

  “Kento?” My eyes darting back to Colton. “Was Adam the last person to talk to Nova before she went, well like this?” Adam sucked in a breath. I felt bad I was about to throw the guy under, but he was. And maybe he knew how to fix her. I nodded and looked away.

  “I didn’t say anything to her that would make her be like this. I promise I would never hurt her on purpose. I didn’t do anything.” He was loud as everyone watched him plead his case to Colton. The blankets even moved slightly, and I thought maybe Nova would come to his defense, but she didn’t say anything.

  “What did you say to her? And I want to know everything!” Colton growled out. He took a deep breath and calmed himself, “Maybe I can work out what set her off in the first place. Maybe you said something and didn’t know it would do this to her. I don’t know.” He paced now, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Maybe it wasn’t you, but I’ve got to try somewhere.”

  It felt like everyone had leaned in, just that little bit closer to hear what Adam was going to say. But Adam stumbled over his words. eventually his eyes flared. He knew. He knew why she was like this. “I…maybe. I asked her why we didn’t kiss anymore. And you um…know do other stuff,” he stuttered out. Then his eyes flared. He knew. He knew why she was like this.

  Ryker was impatient as he stood up tall and made his way over. “Spit it out, kid,” he rumbled from his chest. Getting up in his face.

  Adam shook his head. “I can’t. I promised her I wouldn’t tell. She said I had to keep it a secret and never talk about it.” He continued repeating that he couldn’t tell over and over. I think he wanted to tell us. But he would never break her trust. I could tell he was loyal to Nova. Hell, we all are. But this is different. She needed help. She couldn’t go on like this.

  “If it would help her, then the secret can be shared. Because look at her, Adam. She isn’t eating or doing anything but lying there. Can you give us a hint as to what it is? Fuck, I don’t want you to have to break that promise you have with her, but we need something. Anything, please?” Adam looked to the bed, where Nova now watched us. Those big dark eyes carried a huge sadness. The room was silent. The only sound was that of small shallow breaths. We didn’t want to move in case she got upset and hid herself away again.

  Colton slowly stood up straight. Her eyes darted to him. Shit. So, I stood up next and her eyes went to me. They softened at me, and a lone tear rolled down her cheek. I reached my hand out toward her slowly and took a step forward. She looked around the room at everyone and froze on Colton and Adam. “Hey,” Colton practically cooed at her. Her brows scrunched up at him. I took another step to her. My hand still held out. Her eyes danced back to me, and her hand went out to me. I made quick effort to close the distance between us and touched her hand gently. She gave me a sad smile and pulled the blankets back.

  I looked over to Colton, who looked shocked and gestured at me to get in. So, I crawled up on the bed, and she flicked the blankets, so they now completely covered me and held my hand under the dark warmth.

  Propped up on the pillow, I looked down to the lump that was Nova. Hidden under the blankets once more. “They have all gone now. Will you please talk to me? I want to help you, Nova?” I whispered from over the blankets. She’d eaten breakfast earlier; which Ezra had made. Everyone noticed that, and Ryker used hand gestures telling me not to move from here. They gave us some snacks and water, and it felt weird. I didn’t want them to do that for me. I could have gotten up and done it myself. But they really wanted me to stay in the bed with her. They did say one of them will be back every hour. Which I wasn’t sure if it was to help keep me in the bed with her, or to see if Nova was better.

  Nova rolled over and her face popped out from under the blankets. Her hair was a mess. So many knots that would take ages to brush. She placed her hand softly on my chest and nuzzled under my chin. I noticed she was a little smelly. Not that I would tell her that, not now that she was…well, I didn’t know if you would call it better. But it was a start. A bath would do us both good.

  “Would you like to have a wash? I can help you. I will make sure the water is nice and hot.” She didn’t say anything for a while. And just lay there on my chest. I started to run my fingers up and down her hand and then ventured farther up her arm. I had never really touched Nova before, not in this way. She was so soft. She made sounds of contentment, so I continued to stroke her arm and hand. Eventually she fell asleep.

  I felt someone touch my shoulder. I jerked awake, my heart racing and the need to run flaring up. My eyes darted up and I saw Noah with an apologetic look on his face. I must have fallen asleep too.

  “Shh… sorry. How is she doing?” Noah looked down at her snuggled into my side. Wow. She was still sleeping on me, and she looked so peaceful the way her eyelashes fanned out on her cheeks. Her cute little nose. And what did Noah ask again? I got a little distracted.

  “Ah, yep, better.” I hoped he asked how she was doing. He nodded and left not that much after. If that had only been one hour. This was going to be a long day in bed. Not that I was one to complain. That sounded like a great job to me—lie in bed all day and cuddle Nova. Best job ever.

  After a few hours, Nova woke up and needed to use the outhouse. She came back with a smile, which threw me. I didn’t know what to say or do with that smile.

  “Everything good?” I prompted, hoping she would talk to me. She looked to me and held up one of her “monthly rags” as Ryker called them. It was clean. Her period was finished. Was that fast? I felt like she had it longer before. Hopefully this would help her feel more like her normal self. Then she jumped back into bed and back into the same position as earlier. Okay, not like her normal self yet. But that smile was promising.

  “Did you want me to make you some lunch?”

  She hummed on my chest and then spoke. “Yes.”

  I almost jumped out of the bed to find the guys and tell them that she’d spoken to me, that she wanted lunch. I slowly got up but before I moved away, I leaned down close to her face. Her eyes widened as I kissed her forehead. A hint of a smile on her lips.

  She didn’t speak while she ate lunch. It wasn’t much but she made happy sounds as she ate. I was hoping one of the guys would be back so I could give them the good news, that she has spoken and eaten. We settled back down in the bed and snuggled to each other. I started to stroke her hair and she spoke again.

  “How do you keep on going? After you know, what those people did to you? How do you keep on living?” She was quiet but I heard her. I pulled back to look down at her, and she sat up next to me. She had never asked that before. It was something I never wanted to talk about with anyone but then no one had never asked me. I cleared my throat.

  “I don’t let them win. Those memories don’t win. I try to block out most of what I can. And I keep going because I want to live. I have people to live for now. I have you, Nova. You saved me. My life is here with you because you were there. You helped me and help me every day. Please tell me how to help you? I would do anything for you. All of us would. Please trust me, Nova.”

  She was quiet for a moment and then wrapped her arms around my chest as she buried her head against me once again. “When…I was taken. When I left you in the tent? They…did stuff. To me. To Adam too. Before we could escape. Like the Red Raiders, like what they did… to you.” I didn’t move or speak. I just waited for her tell me what she wanted. But she never went further than that.

  I told her that I understood how she was feeling; I understand that feeling of not being in control. How it can mess with your head, but that she was strong and brave. And did what she had to do. She told me that she thought we would think differently of her, for what had happened. I grabbed her chin and looked down into those big dark eyes of hers.

  “Never, ever would I think differently
of you. No one would, Nova. You mean the world to us, and I wish every day I was able to protect you from those men. To stop that from happening to you, like it happened to me. It wasn’t your fault. So please don’t blame yourself. We love you and only want to make you happy.

  “It will take time. I know this. I’m still working though my past. And I probably will every day. But I have you, and the guys. And every day you slowly fill that hole the Raiders dug out of me and fill it with love. Something I never thought I would have. I thought I would die there. But you brought me back—you did. And I will fight every day to bring you back from this. I love you.”

  28

  Nova

  I felt better after I spoke with Kento, I didn’t know how to bring myself out of the state I was. But Kento just being here for me, laying with me was what I needed. We didn’t talk much about what had happened, instead we talked of our childhoods and our parents. He relaxed so much, he was doing very okay at touching me and letting me touch him, so I lay on his chest and I listened to his heartbeat as he talked about things he likes, what he likes about me. Then we just laid there in a comfortable silence. He rubbed circles on my shoulder as I softly ran my fingers up and down his arm and across his stomach. I noticed his stomach got tight under his t-shirt when I ran my fingers over it.

  I decided to see if I could push him a little further and the next time around, I ran my fingers along the hem of the t-shirt and slid them up until I felt his warm skin. His fingers on my shoulder paused, then started again. I took that as a good sign. So I ran my fingers again under again, this time pushing his shirt higher. His stomach muscles tensed at that, but his fingers didn’t stop on my arm. On my third go around I pushed my hand under and held it against his stomach. His breathing sped up slightly and I heard his heart sped up a little.