by Amber Lacie
“I don’t know what to do, Arlo. I don’t know where to take you.”
“Take me home. Take me to Ben.”
Closing her eyes, she slid into her seat and turned to face me as she opened her eyes again. “Sweetie. Ben’s in jail.”
“What?”
“Honey, I can’t take you home. There’s police all over your apartment. Be honest with me, did you know he was still dealing?”
My world spun. “What? He wasn’t dealing. He walked away from it. His parents were helping us. That’s where he got the money. That’s what he told me.”
“No, babe. They may have been nice to your face, but they hated you. They thought you trapped him on purpose. He was still selling, babe. Jim said they’ve been watching your place. Ben knew. It’s why he sent you shopping with all the money. They would’ve taken that, too.”
That morning when I had left to go with Andrea, Ben was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for me. He pulled me into his lap and told me how beautiful I was. He ran his fingers over my belly and then my face before kissing me with everything he had. I had thought it was because he loved me, but I was wrong. He didn’t just love me, he was saying goodbye.
And just like that, everything I had with Ben was over. It wasn’t the fact that he was still dealing, it was because he had lied to me. He put me, and our child in danger because he was too proud to tell me the truth. His pride had ruined us and now our child would grow up without a father. There’s no way I would ever forgive him for that.
The house looked the same as it did when I left from the outside. I didn’t want to burden Andrea with everything, and I didn’t know what would happen with Ben, so I did the only thing I could. I asked her to take me back to my dad’s. We were parked in the driveway with a car full of baby stuff and the only thing I could do was look out the window.
“Just knock on the door.”
“I’m afraid he won’t answer. What if he hates me? What if he hates us?” Rubbing the top of my stomach, I let out a deep sigh. What had I done?
“You won’t know if you don’t knock. Come on––I’ll go with you. If he doesn’t answer, then you’ll come to my place.”
“But—”
“Nope. Not taking no for an answer. No ‘buts’, now get out of the car.” Andrea opened her door and started walking to the side door. She didn’t even wait for me. By the time I stepped out of the car and my foot hit the first porch step, my dad was already opening the door. Andrea stepped to the side, allowing me to share the top step with her.
He looked older than I had remembered. His peppered beard was more white than black now. Taking a deep breath, my eyes met his. Instantly, tears had begun to brim my eyes. I wasn’t even able to say anything before I started sniffling. I hated being so weak, but I couldn’t help it. “Dad, I don’t have anywhere to go.”
He didn’t say anything, he simply stood back and held the door for me. I stepped into the kitchen and leaned against counter, waiting for him to say something. Instead, he just stood there, staring at my belly. Andrea awkwardly stepped around him and made herself at home, like she had always done when she came over. Making herself something to drink, she pulled out a chair and plopped down. Her head went back and forth between us, until she finally spoke.
“Right. No one else is going to say it, so I will. Arlo’s boyfriend is in jail. That’s his baby and my car is packed full of baby stuff. Am I bringing it inside, or am I taking her with me? It’s your call, Pops.” Taking a sip of her drink, she set her glass on the table. My dad had always hated when she called him pops. I’m sure it was her way of taking a dig at him. She never really liked him, but since I couldn’t choose who my dad was, she just accepted it for what it was.
My mouth fell open as I stared at her. Who makes that kind of introduction? “Andrea.”
“Don’t ‘Andrea’ me. Neither one of you were talking, so I’m just moving things along.”
“That’s one way to put it.” Both Andrea and I snapped our heads back to where my dad was standing in the doorway. He slowly pushed the door shut and then sat down at the table. “Who’s the dad?”
“Ben.”
“Ben? The guy Daniel was living with? That fucking guy?” His face began to redden, and I immediately regretted coming back there.
“I can’t do this. Andrea, just take me with you.”
“Don’t go, Arlington. Please––just stay. I’m just trying to figure out where I went wrong. How did my beautiful daughter end up knocked up and homeless?”
A million responses of how he was a bad father, and how he locked me out, filled my head. Clenching my jaw, I kept them to myself. It wouldn’t have helped matters. I needed a place for the baby and me. I didn’t want to say something to further strain the relationship we had, so I stood there, gently running my fingers over my belly. A little flutter moved under my hand and my nerves eased as my heart filled a little more. I was going to do right by him. I wasn’t going to fail as a parent. Putting all my hopes in one basket, I apologized.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. Look, I just need a place until I can figure something else out, okay?”
Sighing, my dad ran his hands over jaw. “Forget what happened. Forget whatever got you here. I don’t care. You’re home now, and that’s all that matters to me. You can stay here as long as you want. Even after you have the baby. Just don’t go. Not again. I made mistakes, Arlo. Please, let me make this right… I can turn Daniel’s room into a nursery.”
The mere mention of my brother’s name had my stomach in knots. “Don’t. I’ll keep the baby with me. Please, don’t touch his things.”
Nodding his head, my dad looked toward Andrea. “What kind of baby stuff you got in that car of yours?”
“Everything you can think of––minus the actual baby.” She smiled, as she took another drink.
Never once did she offer to help. She just let my dad walk in and out of the house carrying everything. I offered to help, but they both told me no, so I sat in a chair while my dad filled the kitchen. Andrea waited until everything was in and I was somewhat settled in my old bedroom before she left. I owed her everything.
I was sitting on my bed, running my fingers over my stomach as I looked around my room. How did I end up here? Everything after Daniel died has been crazy. Ben was the only thing I thought was helping, but he was gone. There wasn’t any help left. This was my rock bottom. No matter what happened, everything could only get better.
I swore to myself I was going to start going to school again and I set an alarm for the following morning to go beg for my secretary job back. I wasn’t sure any of it was going to work out, but I had to try. Doing nothing wasn’t an option anymore.
“Miss Byres––to what do we owe the pleasure?” Sharee, the office manager, smiled at me with clenched teeth. I knew I put her in a spot before, and it only added to my nerves. The last time I was there was to put in my two weeks’ notice. With Ben making so much money, I didn’t need to work. He was my escape from reality. There was no need for a job when you’re pretending the world doesn’t exist.
“I was hoping I could talk to Geoff.”
“I see. I’m not sure if Mr. Reynolds is in.”
She is lying. I could see him behind the clouded glass in his office. I was hoping he would understand, or at least be able to send me in the right direction. “That’s fine. I’ll wait.”
Sitting down in one of the brown leather chairs, I pulled my purse into my lap and started digging for the folded up resume I had shoved inside. Everything I had to offer was on there, whether it was professional, or worded right was a completely different story. I was taking a crash course in being an adult.
Time was passing slowly. I knew she didn’t tell him I was there. She was making me wait for nothing. I may have ignored things going on around me to avoid being hurt, but I wasn’t dumb. She never moved from her chair. Instead, there was only a steady sound of clicks coming from the mouse of her computer. There
was no doubt in my mind––she was playing solitaire or some other game. I screwed her over and that was my payback.
The battery on my phone wasted away as I constantly played with it in my hands. There weren’t any magazines on the table in front of me, so my phone was the only thing I had to keep me company. Finally, the urge to pee became so strong I couldn’t sit any longer. Standing, I fixed my dress and tapped on the edge of Sharee’s desk. “I really need to use the bathroom.”
Sighing, she looked up from her screen. I could see the reflection of playing cards in her glasses. I was right––she is playing Solitaire. “You know it’s supposed to be for employees only.”
“I know, but I’ve been waiting a long time.”
“So, you have.” Turning her face back to the computer, she completely ignored me.
Maybe this was a waste of time. I shouldn’t be here. Clinging to the strap of my purse, I walked towards the large glass doors. Just as I was about to push on them, I decided to turn around to say thanks to Sharee for giving me her time. At least, I would know I left being the bigger person. To my surprise, Geoff was walking out of his office at the exact same time.
“Arlington?”
“Geoff. I mean, Mr. Reynolds. It’s nice to see you again.”
“You as well. What can we do for you?” He adjusted the silver frames on his face before tucking both hands into his suit pants pockets.
“I need a job. I know I made mistakes in the past, but I was hoping you could offer me some suggestions.” Taking a deep breath, I tried to steady my shaky voice. “I didn’t know where else to go.” A tiny flip followed by a little flutter spun in my belly. My hand reached up, out of instinct, to brush along the spot where I had just felt him move. Feeling my baby move inside me was the most unique experience I had ever had in my entire existence. My heart would swell, and I would fall more in love with him every time.
Geoff caught my movement and held out his hand. “You should be sitting.”
“I was, for quite some time.” Looking towards Sharee, I glared at the woman hiding behind her computer, while trying to hide her smirk. If Ben were here he would have put her in her place. If Ben were here I wouldn’t need to be here.
“Sharee, why didn’t you tell me she was here?” Her head snapped up. She was caught. “Did you at least offer her something to drink?”
“I’m sorry, but I had the understanding you were in a meeting and not to be disturbed.” Folding her hands, she laid them on her desk.
“I didn’t have a meeting this morning. We are the only ones here. I really wish you would get that schedule of yours fixed. I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Arlington. Come sit down and we’ll talk.” With a wave of his hand, I followed Geoff into his office.
Making myself comfortable in one of the oversized chairs, I pulled at the hem of my dress. He sat down across from me and laid a few pens on a notepad. There was no use in delaying it any further, so I said the first thing that came to mind. “I know I wasn’t the best employee. Things got away from me and I couldn’t handle everything. I felt like I was being crushed. It’s no excuse, I know, but I was hoping maybe there might be a small chance I could get my job back.”
Rolling the pen under his finger, he stared at me for what felt like an eternity. “I’m sorry, Arlington, but there’s no way for me to do that. It’s not that I don’t want to have you back, it’s just that our office won’t be here much longer.”
“Oh.” The weight of the world slammed into my shoulders, making me sink farther into my chair. I knew getting my job back was a shot in the dark, but it was the only shot I had.
“You know my wife has always loved the sand. With both kids out of college and on their own now, it just seemed like the right time to retire. I’ve already started relocating clients and referring them out.”
Nodding my head, I swallowed. The sound echoed in my ears like thunder during a storm. I was waiting for a silver lining I wasn’t going to get. “I understand. I’m sorry I wasted your time.”
“Don’t get up. Please, hear me out. You were a good employee while you were here. I don’t know what happened there at the end, but everyone stumbles through life at one point or another. Let’s just call it what it was––a small stumble. But now, you’ve recovered. I know of a place downtown that might be a good fit for you.” Picking up the pen he was rolling, he wrote a name and number down on the notepad before handing it over to me.
“They’re good people. It’s not a high paying job, as they’re just getting off the ground, but they are looking for a few clerks to help with files and such. This is Christina Lanford’s number. She’s a friend of mine. I just need you to promise me one thing?”
Taking the sheet of paper, I looked him in the eyes. “You name it. I’ll do anything.”
“Don’t mess this up. Northline Acquisitions is a great company. I’ve never had any complaints from clients that have worked with them. However, I warn you, in the boardroom they are a steam train. They will run over their competition without hesitation. Stay on Christina’s good side. Can you promise me that?”
“Yes, absolutely. It’s no problem. I won’t disappoint you.”
“Good. I’ll call her shortly and send your resume over. Do you have a copy on you by chance?”
Digging through my purse, I pulled out the folded, crumpled up sheet of paper. “It was in better shape earlier. I had the feeling I wouldn’t see you, so I shoved it in my purse.”
Nodding his head, he took my resume and flattened it out in front of him. “It’s okay. I’ll work with it.”
“Thank you so much for helping me. You didn’t have to.”
“You’re right, I didn’t. That’s what makes the difference between men and great men. Not everyone is going to help you, especially in your situation. You’re going to have a lot of battles ahead. There’s no sense in kicking you down before you even get a chance to stand.”
Smiling, I stood and pushed my chair back a bit. “Thank you. I wish I had better words, but thank you is all I can come up with.”
“You’re very welcome. Take care of that baby. I hope to hear all good things about you in the future.”
Grabbing my purse, I gave him one last wave before I walked out of his office. When I exited, Sharee was still sitting at her desk. Neither one of us acknowledged the other as I walked out. Mentally, I told her off while flipping her the bird. Even though I kept it inside, it still felt good.
Once I was comfortably in the front seat of my truck, I pulled out my phone to text Andrea. I didn’t have my job back, but I had an opportunity for a new one. My fingers were crossed. This was going to change my life. As my fingers typed out my message my phone began to ring. It was a number I didn’t recognize. I decided to answer it, just in case the other company was calling me.
“Hello.”
“Gemini.” Ben’s deep voice crackled in my ear. Love and hate filled my heart at the same time. My stomach flipped back and forth, not knowing which way to go.
“Why, Ben?”
A sigh filled my ear. He’s never going to give me an answer. If he had been with me, he would have been trying to distract me. He was in jail. I was alone in my truck. There were no distractions.
“Fine. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
“I love you.”
“Do you? You don’t hurt people you love, Ben. You don’t lie to them for months and tell them everything is okay, when it’s not. I trusted you.”
“I know.”
Clenching my jaw, I tried to focus on the plan I needed to follow. He was no longer in it. “Ben, if you love me… if you have ever loved me, you will let me go. This baby in my belly needs every chance I can give him at a great life. He didn’t ask to be here. He didn’t ask for his dad to be in jail for dealing, but that’s where you are. I’m alone in this. I need to do right by him. I mean it, Ben. If you love me… if you ever loved me the way you made me feel you did, then there will be none of your cronies followi
ng me around. I don’t even want Jim around. Please. Do this one thing for me… just let me go.” Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to catch my breath between words.
“Arlo… is that what you want?”
“Yes. Please, Ben.” Sniffling, I reached for a tissue from my purse. “I wish you weren’t there. I wish you were here with me, but it is what it is. I can’t do this. Please, let us go.”
A long silence echoed in my ear while I waited for him to speak. Finally, I heard a sigh.
“You are everything good in the world, baby. All I wanted to do was spoil you and keep you to myself.”
“I didn’t want to be spoiled. I just wanted you.”
“I know, baby. I know. That’s where I fucked up. If you want me to let you go, I will. I would do anything for you.”
“No Jim, either. I don’t want him coming around.”
“No. No, Jim. You’ll be on your own. Take care of our baby. I love you.”
Before I could say anything else the line went dead. It didn’t occur to me at the time, but there was a good possibility I had just used his one phone call to break things off with him. I knew I had hurt him and it broke me. My life was like a stack of precariously placed dominoes. One had fallen, triggering an avalanche, leaving me destroyed in its path.
A stack of manila files were sitting on the metal cart in the corner of the room. File boxes were stacked all around me. I felt like I was in a jungle of cardboard. Sweat trickled down my back, as I tried to fan myself with my shirt.
“Arlington––honey, are you in here?”
“Yeah. Sorry, I’m trying to keep up, but Todd keeps bringing in these boxes.”
Peering around one of the stacks, I saw Christina standing in the doorway. A white badge was clipped to the band of her gray slacks, and her soft pink shirt looked so pale against her complexion. Tapping her long red nails along the doorway, she walked towards me. “How many times have I told you to take a break today?”
“A few. It’s just that there’s so much, and it will be a bit before I’m back. I was trying to get it all organized before I go on leave.” Pressing my hands against my back, I tried to alleviate some of the pressure the baby was causing me. It was useless.