by Amber Lacie
“God damn, baby. When you say my name like that… I can’t think.”
Chuckling, I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. Hazel eyes stared back at me and a sense of peace came over me. “I just like saying your name.”
“Hmmm. What about screaming it? Can you do that?”
A laugh fell from my lips as I rolled my eyes. “You’re so confident. What makes you think you can make me do that?”
“Trust me.”
I yelped as his teeth nipped at my breast, before positioning himself just right between my legs. A rush of fear ran through me as I realized what we were about to do. “No. Wait. We need a condom.”
“Are you serious right now? It’s me.”
“I know who you are, and I also know I don’t want to get knocked up, either.”
“Jesus, woman, you’re killing me. For the record, I would love to knock you up.”
He didn’t know what he was saying. He might still have had feelings for me, but they were an elaborated idea, based on what we used to have together. I was different and so was he. There was way too much to talk about before anything like that could possibly happen. “You’re insane. Condom, August.”
“Fine. Don’t. Fucking. Move.” He let out a grunt of frustration as he pulled his jeans back on, grabbed his hotel key, and ran from the room.
How long did he expect me to wait naked like this? Grabbing a sheet, I pulled it over myself while chewing on my lip. Was I making a mistake? After debating for a few minutes, I stood up to find my clothes with the sheet still wrapped around me when August walked back in.
“No.”
“What?”
“You’re not leaving. I don’t care if we don’t even finish what we started. I just got you back. You can’t run out on me.”
“August, you don’t know what you’re saying. You still think I’m the same girl. I’m not her.”
My heart sank as he pulled at his hair. Desperation filled his eyes. “Don’t you think I fucking know that. All I want is you. That’s. It. I don’t care how it happens, or what I have to do. I love you, Arlo.”
Fuck me. I stared back at the pained hazel eyes looking down at me. “August.”
“You said one night. It isn’t over, yet. Please, Arlo, stay with me. Let me love you, even if it’s only for this one time.”
It was an easy choice. I slowly walked towards him. My hand reached out for his and I led him back to the bed. The sheet fell from my hands as the back of my knees pressed against the mattress, pulling him down with me. Our lips softly met, and a tear slipped from the corner of my eye. Wanting to be loved, and actually feeling it, is something I can’t describe. He loved me. Love was also the one thing that always seemed to be fleeting when it involved me. Maybe this one time it would be different.
“August, love me.”
“Baby, I already do.” The soft touch of his hands burned my flesh and I reveled in it. His hands ran down my thigh to the top of my boot. “You should always wear these.”
“They’d kill my feet.”
“We can’t have that.” Softly undoing the zipper, he slid my boots down my legs and tossed them behind him. “Be gone with you, vile boots. I won’t have you hurting my woman.”
“Who said I was yours?”
Leaning over me, he braced himself with his forearms resting on the mattress. “You did. I get to keep you for tonight so that makes you mine.”
“Okay, so what does that make you?”
“Crazy, fucking happy.” His fingers softly traced the edge of my jaw before he lowered his lips to mine. Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him closer to me.
“Jeans.”
“Consider them gone.” Reaching down, he pulled a foil packet out of his jeans before kicking them off. “I think we need this.”
“We do.” I chuckled, as I watched him place the packet between his teeth to tear it open.
Raking his hand through his hair, he leaned up on his knees rolling the condom onto himself, before giving me a wink. Maybe he didn’t change so much. Being with him like this felt so familiar. The way he talked, the touch of his hands, and the way he would wink at me, reminded me of the August I knew with the longer hair. Despite the fame, he was still in there.
My lips formed a perfect ‘o’ shape as his cock slid deep into me. His smell, his touch, the way he gripped my flesh––it all had me coming undone. He knew how to make my body sing. The room filled with the music our bodies were making. Soft hums and moans circled around us as I rode out the soft waves taking me under. A hiss escaped his teeth as he stilled inside me.
“Holy shit.”
“You always say that.”
“It’s because you always steal my words.” Pressing his forehead to mine he placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. “You’re the perfect thief.”
“Why is that?”
Sitting up, he tossed the used condom into the trashcan beside the bed. He picked up the sheet from the floor, wrapped us up, and laid us down with my head lying against his chest. “First you stole my heart. Then you stole my words. That makes you the perfect thief because I didn’t even know they could be taken.”
My heart melted and poured out of my chest, onto the sheets. I hadn’t felt love like this in years. My fingers ran up and down his bare chest, tracing the trail of hair leading up and down his stomach. Eventually, I drifted to sleep in his arms. It was beautiful.
The sound of knocking pulled me from my blissful state. My hand reached out for August only to find his spot empty. Sitting up, I noticed the sun was starting to peak in from behind the edges of the curtains. I checked my phone for the time. It was just after seven. It wasn’t as late as I thought. Not knowing where August was, I began to get dressed. Whether he was still there, or not had nothing to do with the three-year-old I would need to go home to soon.
Jack. How would I explain all of this to August? Would he even accept him? What if all of this was nothing, but a prolonged goodbye?
The knocking at the door grew louder. After making sure all my pieces were situated and tucked in where they belonged, I opened the door to find a very out of breath, Andrea leaning against the doorway.
“Sorry. I was afraid to call. Didn’t know if he would answer. Tell me what you know. Did you guys talk?”
“Um, good morning to you, too. Want to come in? You look like death warmed over.”
Slinking into room, she plopped down on one of the chairs. “Sorry. That would be the hangover. Fuck me. Do you know how much vodka they keep in those mini fridges? I do. Fucking too much. That’s how much. My head is fucking imploding.”
“If you feel that bad, what was the rush over? Is it Jack? Is he okay?”
“What? No. I mean, Jack’s fine. I came over here cause when I was downstairs at the café buying a cup of joe, I found this.” Andrea handed me a rolled-up magazine. It was a tabloid that loved to stalk celebrities.
“I don’t care what this magazine says. Celebrities are not being abducted by aliens.”
“What? No, turn the page, you moron.”
“Love, Andrea––I feel the love.”
“Yeah, well, tell me what you feel on page three.”
My fingers stilled when I came to the page with August featured direct center. In it was the model I had seen him pictured with before. It claims they just recently got engaged. They even went as far as to circle what appeared to be a ring on her finger. Underneath the picture, it said their sources talked to Brindi Isle and she confirmed the engagement.
She confirmed it. I knew it was only a tabloid, but where did they get the picture? Why would she confirm it? “Tell me this isn’t real.”
“It is. I’m sorry, but it’s all over the Internet this morning. Did he say anything to you?”
“Not about her. Not about this. I put myself back out there and I got hurt.” My feet led me back and forth across the room as I came to a decision. I needed to end things with August. If I would have done it properly to begin with, I wouldn’t hav
e been standing there with my heart shattered on the floor in front of me. I stopped and stared at Andrea.
“Thank God, you stopped pacing. I thought I was going to hurl.”
“I need a minute, okay? I’m going… to grab my things, ya know? Make sure I got everything. Will you meet me downstairs? I just want to get home and shower before I pick up Jack.”
“Yeah. Got it. Totally. You need time to process. I’ll be downstairs, dying at the café. If you can’t find me, I’ll be in the ladies’ room, bent over a toilet. Take your time.” She gave me a half-assed smile as she did her best to stand before giving me a horrible looking thumbs-up. Once she was securely in the elevator, I closed the door.
Anger. Hurt. Pain. They all circled around me, but it was mainly disappointment in myself that got to me the most. I knew we weren’t the same people. To hold him up to some kind of imaginary standard wasn’t fair to either of us. There I was, wondering what he would think of Jack, and he had his own secrets waiting to be told.
It was time for me to go. I made sure my phone and keys were inside my purse, then I ran into the bathroom to make myself look somewhat presentable. I smoothed my dress out as best as possible in the mirror, and tossed my hair up in a bun, using a comb I found on the counter. It wasn’t my best look, but then again, it wasn’t my best night, either. I was using my finger for a toothbrush when August tapped his fingers on the doorway of the bathroom.
“You get ready fast. I ran down to get us some breakfast. You hungry?”
“No. Look––this was fun, but it can’t happen again.”
The confusion on his face made everything worse. How could he not know this wasn’t going to work out? His footsteps were quiet as he set down the food on the coffee table. Our eyes met as he ran his fingers through his hair. He took over, pacing back and forth in the same spot I was just pacing a few minutes ago, putting himself between me and the exit. Whether he blocked it or not, I was going through it. I couldn’t stay there with him. Not when he belonged to someone else.
“Why do you always run from me? What happens in that head of yours when I’m gone? Were you not with me last night? Didn’t you feel it?”
“August––you and I are different now, with different lives. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”
“Have you ever had your heart shattered into a million pieces before?”
Closing my eyes, I thought of Daniel. I knew that pain. What he thought he was feeling wasn’t the same thing. “You know I have. Every time I look at my reflection I get a reminder.”
“Fuck, Arls. I wasn’t thinking. That’s not what I meant.”
“Then tell me what you mean, August. Tell me how I fit into your life. Are you going to squeeze me in between shows and your time with Brindi? Is that how it will work? I refuse to be your piece of ass you keep on the side. I’m better than that.”
Pausing mid-step, he yelled. “Damn it.”
“Right. Like I said, this won’t work out. I know about her, August. I know about the ring. I know everything. Just so you know, I would’ve tried at this. I mean––I know I got secrets of my own, but engaged? How could you not tell me?”
“What the fuck are you talking about? You’re not making sense. I’m not engaged.”
“No? That’s not what she says.”
“Fuck her. She’s got nothing to do with us.” He took a step towards me and I took one to the side. I needed to keep a wide path between us. If he touched me, I knew I would crumble.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this. You’re a big bad rock star now. I can’t compete with that.” He had someone, and I knew the only way he would let me go was if I had someone, too. “Is that why you were okay if I was with someone else? Is that why you said that?”
“No. You’re screwing with my words, Arlo. Wait a minute. Is there someone else? Is that what you’re doing? You’re trying to make me out like the bad guy when you got somebody else at home waiting for you.”
Fuck him. I would never do that. Cheating isn’t something I would ever tolerate. If that’s what it would take for him to feel what I was feeling, then I would let him have the lie he created. “He’s not home, yet. I need to be there when he gets there. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Jesus. I mean, I said it, but I didn’t really think there was someone. Andrea never said a word. I mean––she knew. I told her how I felt.”
Pain began to register as I realized I was biting my lip trying to hold myself back. “Yeah, well she thinks she needs to run my life. Much to her dismay, I rarely let her.”
“What’s his name?”
I couldn’t help the corner of my mouth as it tried to smile when I answered him, “Jack. His name is Jackson.”
“Does he love you?”
“Completely. I’m his world, and he’s mine. He saved me from a dark place. I am who I am today because of him.”
His face fell into his hands as he stepped back, letting his knees bend against the frame of the couch. His body collapsed in a loud sigh. Our eyes met and my heart tore. I watched as a tear slipped from his eyes. “He’s not the only one. I love you, too.”
“You love the idea of me. The person I used to be. I’m sorry, I have to go.” Slipping my purse onto my shoulder, I quietly stepped out of the room, carefully shutting the door behind me.
I was able to hold myself together until the elevator doors closed, and then I fell apart. It was all a fantasy. The entire night, the thought of being with August…none of it was real. It was all a lie I let myself believe. I did my best to compose myself before I stepped out into the lobby. When I finally stepped off the elevator, I found Andrea sitting in the café with Blake. Jen was still lingering in his lap. She looked completely content with life, while Andrea looked like she might fall over dead any moment.
“Can we go? I just want to get home?”
Andrea noticed me wiping the leftover tears from my eyes, and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing just a little too tight. “Did you tell him to fuck off? I can’t believe he did that to you.”
Blake looked over at us and tapped Jen’s leg as he scooted her off his lap into another chair. “Why would you tell him to fuck off? We stayed here just so he could talk to you? We fucking rescheduled press meetings and flights so he could fucking talk to you.”
“You shouldn’t have.” Razors snapped from my teeth, as I looked him over. “Why didn’t anyone feel the need to tell me he’s fucking engaged? That’s a rather important fact.”
“What? He ain’t engaged.”
“Then why did Brindi say so?” My foot tapped on the ground, motioning for the other two to follow me. “I want to go. I need to see Jack. Can we please just go?”
Jen’s head whipped back and forth between all of us. “Wait, your friend is engaged, and you let him hook up with her? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Whoa, whoa. How the hell is this my fault?”
Jumping to her feet, Jen grabbed her coat from the back of his chair. “Because you knew, asshole. That’s how it’s your fault.”
“I don’t even know what you guys are talking about. Fuck it. There’s the man himself. Take it up with him. I’ve had my fill of crazy women this morning.” Blake leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands over his chest, refusing to say anything else on the matter.
“Arlo, just wait.” August quickly caught me.
“No. I told you––I can’t. Now, I have to go.”
I watched as the realization that I was leaving finally sank in. “Just like that? Everything last night is over? There’s nothing more you want to discuss. You’re just going to run home to Jack?”
Andrea gasped at the mention of Jack. She grabbed my arm as she whispered into my ear, “You told him about Jack?”
I pushed her hand off me as I muttered. “Let it be.” She didn’t know I hadn’t clarified who Jack was with August. All he knew was I had someone else at home. He didn’t need to know it was my son. “Jen, are you coming? I can’t stay here
any longer.” I said, walking towards the large glass doors. The urge to look back over my shoulder was killing me, but I held strong. There was no sense in holding on to something that would never be.
Once I was outside, I took a couple of deep breaths. After a few seconds, both Andrea and Jen were at my side. They both held onto me as I cried into their shoulders. Falling in love is absolute shit. All it does is hurt. I knew August was still watching. I could feel his eyes on me as Jen brought the car around from the parking garage, but it didn’t matter. Soon, I would be at home, and everything would go back to the way it was.
When we pulled up in front of my apartment I could have sworn I saw Jim. One moment he was there, the next he was gone. It was something I would have to deal with eventually as well, but I’d already had enough drama for the day. The thought of a hot shower filled my mind. I dropped everything just inside the door as I headed to bathroom. I needed to refresh myself before I picked up Jack.
By the time I finished drying my hair, an hour had already passed. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I heard the most heavenly of sounds. It was Jack’s giggle. Andrea was lying with him on the floor, while he raced cars up and down her arms.
“That tickles.”
“I know. I’s like it.” Jack grinned, as his one dimple popped out. It was one of the few traits he got from Ben. It was also one of my favorites.
“Hey, baby,” I said as I smiled down at him with open arms.
“Momma.” He jumped into my arms and I lifted him into the air, breathing him in like I hadn’t breathed in months.
“I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too. Nanna Alice made me brush my teeth. See?” He smiled, as he pointed to his bright, white smile.
“That’s good. You don’t want dirty teeth. That would be so gross.”
He started wiggling in my arms. I knew what he wanted, so I set him down onto the floor. His fingers flew to the cars like magnets. They were instantly in his hands. He loved them. It didn’t matter what kind of car it was. As long as it had wheels, he loved it.
“I knew you were pretty bad off this morning, so my mom and I decided to bring him back. That way you didn’t need to worry about anything. Oh, and she said since you got me drunk and I quote, “Destroyed ‘my’ brain”, that I’m your problem now. I guess that means I’m crashing on your couch. Expect a serious veg-out from me in front of the TV.”