Bad Rep

by A. Meredith Walters

  I stood there, stock still, unable to move. “You stupid, stupid, idiot,” Riley muttered before resuming her task. I had nothing to say. So I ran back down the hall to my bedroom and slammed the door. Throwing myself on my bed, I burrowed under the covers, never wanting to get up again.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Picking yourself up after hitting rock bottom is a daunting task. One that I wasn't entirely sure I was capable of. After my relationship with Jordan tanked so miserably, I was stuck in this strange holding pattern. Caught in the vicious cycle of avoidance and denial, I tried to sleep my life away, refusing to get up for class and only rarely to eat.

  After two weeks of this, Gracie, Vivian and Riley held an intervention. They each informed me that if I didn't snap out of it, they would personally call my parents and send me home with a one way bus ticket.

  That had done it. I may have been clinically depressed but hell if I'd be depressed at home. Heck, I'd probably off myself just to get out of seeing my parent's wonderful disapproval. So I sucked it up for my friends' sake and slowly rejoined the land of the living.

  It was rough. It took time. But gradually I started reintegrating myself back into society. It was early November already. School would be breaking for Thanksgiving soon and then after that our month long winter holiday. I was planning to go home with Riley for Thanksgiving, not that my parents seemed to be bothered that I wouldn't be heading to South Carolina for the holidays.

  I started to find things to look forward to again. I got my act together and started working my tail off in my classes. I think I spent more time in the library than anywhere else for the next few weeks. I stopped hiding out in my apartment. I stopped hiding all together.

  Sure, the looks hadn't stopped. I still heard the whispers but I was working really hard on not letting them drive me any more insane than they already had. Living in a fish bowl was uncomfortable but that was the price you pay for notoriety.

  The Chi Delta girls continued to treat me as though I had the plague. And I knew for a fact that they were the biggest culprits in keeping the rumors circulating. I would have thought that after being disgracefully kicked out of my sorority and ending things with the resident heartthrob himself, it would have cooled things a bit. But Olivia and Milla still threw daggers whenever they could.

  Trying to be the bigger person was quickly getting on my nerves. Whiny, pathetic Maysie had to take a hike. Because bad ass, low bullshit tolerance, Maysie was back in force. It sucked that it took losing Jordan for me to realize that life was too short to worry so much about what everyone else thought. That what I thought was what truly mattered. But it was a lesson better learned now than not at all.

  So I was taking my life back. One nasty look at a time.

  Up first, the pretentious duo in my Shakespeare and Chaucer class, aka Cyndy and Aimee. We continued to have to work in our assigned groups for class assignments and they still treated me like I was something they scrapped off the bottom of their shoes. Their looks of disgust and pointed glares, while before would have made me want to curl into a ball, now just pissed me off.

  Charlie had at least stopped his outright leering. But it did little to alleviate the awkwardness within the group. One afternoon we were working on a group essay that had to be completed by the end of class. I was writing down ideas the others were tossing around when Cyndy clicked her tongue in annoyance.

  I looked up and raised my eyebrows. “Yes?” I asked less than patiently. Cyndy slid a look to Aimee who smirked.

  “I didn't say anything about using the theme of time and seasons in the Knight's Tale. I think that's a little obvious for this class. You know, something you'd find in SparksNotes or something.” Aimee snickered at Cyndy's dig.

  Charlie looked uncomfortable but didn't say anything. I gritted my teeth and held out my pen. “Would you prefer to write this stuff down? I mean since your ideas are so superior to mine,” I said with sarcastic politeness.

  Cyndy widened her eyes in mock surprise. “I'm not trying to be rude or anything, Maysie. I mean, I know that's probably the best you can come up with. But some of us take this class seriously and would like a passing grade.” She gave me a patronizing smile.

  I slowly put the pen down on my desk and folded my hands over the paper. I leveled both Cyndy and Aimee with a hard look. “Okay. It's no big mystery that you don't like me,” I began.

  Cyndy peered down her nose at me. “Yeah, no mystery there,” she said condescendingly.

  I cleared my throat. “Okay, let me try this again. I really don't give a fuck what you think about me. Sorry that I actually have a life that involves a bit more than sitting on my couch, eating ice cream and watching PBS while pontificating to my only friend about how morally superior I think I am. See, some of us live our lives and enjoy them. If you spent as much time actually getting to know people instead of judging them, you'd find that you're no better than anyone else. So you tell me why in the hell would I waste one second of my time worrying if two sad and lonely bitches liked me? And, let me make myself crystal clear. If you have nothing more to offer this group than your bad attitudes, then you can do Charlie and I a favor and keep your mouths shut. Because some of us would like to do our work and spend less time listening to your condescending bullshit.” I gave them both a bright smile before turning to Charlie, who sat there with his mouth hanging open.

  “What are your thoughts on the themes of season and time in the Knight's Tale?” I asked him batting my eyelashes. Charlie coughed and looked over at our fellow group members who seemed taken aback. I had to suppress the urge to laugh. But that would ruin the moment, so I pretended they weren't even there.

  Charlie and I opened our books to the Canterbury Tales and started going through the text as I wrote down our ideas. And after a few minutes, Cyndy and Aimee joined in. They were still cool but their scathing comments were noticeably absent. We were able to finish up the essay in record time and when we were done Aimee tapped her pencil on my desk.

  I looked up at her and she gave me a small smile. “Good job,” she told me. It was on the tip of my tongue to reply with some sort of sarcastic comment, but I figured that would completely undo our tentative truce.

  So I had smiled back and said “thanks.”

  After that, there were no more hateful comments during the Shakespeare/Chaucer class and I felt I had won a small victory. I started walking with my head just a little bit higher. Sure it did nothing to erase the gaping hole in my chest, but I stopped feeling like such a victim. Taking a proactive stance in my life was long overdue.

  “Check out the grin on your face! What's the occasion?” Vivian asked as we sat down for lunch one day in the commons.

  “Nothin'. Just feeling kinda good,” I replied, sliding into my seat and opening my bottle of juice.

  “Well that's a nice change,” Gracie said, stirring ranch dressing into her salad.

  “You know, there's really no point in eating a salad if you're going to dump 2,000 calories on top of it,” I told her dryly.

  Gracie took a huge mouth full and daintily dabbed her mouth. “Mmm. Delish,” she said after swallowing. I rolled my eyes and returned to my lunch.

  “So how are things at Chi Delta?” I asked, trying to ignore the accompanying knot in my stomach.

  Vivian looked at me pointedly. “Do you really care?” she asked.

  I laughed. “Not really, but thought I'd ask.” I took a bite of my hamburger, ketchup oozing out of the sides, just the way I liked it. Gracie swirled her salad around in the bowl.

  “Do you miss it at all?” she asked me quietly.

  I took in a sharp breath. Did I miss it? Of course I did. I missed feeling like I was a part of something. I loved the community and the sisterhood. I missed having the belief that there were forty-five other girls who would have my back. Even if that had turned out to be a lie, I missed the illusion of it.

  But I sure as hell didn't miss the cattiness and the back stabbing. And
the hatred disguised as friendship. When I thought about it like that, the negatives far outweighed the positives. “Can't say that I do, ladies,” I answered truthfully. Gracie sighed.

  “Yeah, I figured you'd say that. You know, I'm thinking about withdrawing,” she said, shocking the hell out of me. Gracie was Miss Sorority. She loved it. I couldn't imagine her not being in Chi Delta. It had come to define so much of who she was, that I worried about her should she no longer have it.

  “Why would you do that?” I asked in confusion. Vivian made a noise.

  “Oh please. Since you were kicked out, Gracie and I have become Chi Delta's Most Wanted. Sure, they're still nice to our faces, but Milla has made it a point to make us feel very unwelcome.” I hated this for them and it stirred up all those guilty feelings.

  “I'm so sorry guys,” I told them softly. Gracie and Vivian each reached out and took one of my hands.

  “Don't you dare be sorry, Mays. This whole thing has just shown me who my true friends are. I don't think I can stomach paying dues to be a part of a group that will attack and humiliate one of their own the way they did you. It doesn't sit well.” I squeezed her hand. “Plus, you're my girl. If you jump, I jump.” I laughed, a deep, from the belly laugh. Damn Gracie and her ridiculous Titanic obsession.

  Vivian looked over my shoulder and froze. I looked behind me and my heart leapt up into my throat. Jordan walked in with a few of his Pi Sig brothers and got in line for his lunch.

  It had been a few weeks since our messy break up and this was the first time I had seen him. It was like a fist to the gut. He looked amazing. Gone was the tired, miserable looking guy who had shown up at my apartment drunk and desperate to win me back. The man across the room looked like his old, confident and charming self.

  I couldn't look away. Where he went, my eyes followed. After getting his lunch he headed toward the Pi Sig table, which was beside the normal Chi Delta table. I noticed with irritation, that Olivia and Milla were there.

  Jordan sat on the end, Olivia on the other side of the aisle. She waved and smiled at him in that sickeningly sweet way of hers. Jordan nodded but otherwise didn't acknowledge her. Much to my sadistic delight.

  “Hmmm, I'm surprised he's eating over there,” Vivian said, more to herself. I turned back around to look at her.

  “Why?” I asked, curious. Vivian tore apart her brownie and placed it into tiny piles.

  “Well, it's rumored that he's quitting Pi Sig. He hasn't been staying in the house for weeks and hasn't been to a mixer since the one when school started,” Vivian answered.

  “Hmm, well I don't take a whole lot of stock in rumors, Viv,” I said, stabbing my hamburger with my fork. Gracie made a face at my lunch.

  “Do you have to mutilate it?” she asked, pulling my fork out of my sandwich.

  “But what Vivian said is true. A bunch of the Pi Sigs were bitching about it last week. Talking about how Jordan came into their chapter meeting, saying he would pay his rent up until the end of the month and then he was out. Said something about moving in with Garrett. And that he would be withdrawing from the fraternity. It's caused quite an upset,” Gracie reported, bunching up her napkin and dropping it in her empty salad bowl.

  He was dropping out of Pi Sig? I wasn't entirely surprised by that. He had been disenfranchised with the whole thing for a while. But still. It seemed kind of sudden.

  I looked over my shoulder again and watched Jordan as he engaged in conversation with his soon to be ex-brothers. As if feeling my eyes on him, he looked up and met my gaze from across the room. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three.

  Then he looked away.

  That hurt. So damn much. Vivian and Gracie were looking at me knowingly but politely didn't comment. When it was time to leave, we unfortunately had to pass behind the Chi Delta and Pi Sig's table. So much for riding under the radar.

  One minute I was walking with my tray, the next I was falling forward, my tray flying from my hands as I ended up sprawled out on the floor, my face having made painful contact with the hard linoleum. “Maysie!” Gracie gasped as she and Vivian helped me to my feet.

  I heard riotous laughter and realized both the Pi Sig and Chi Delta tables were laughing their asses off. All of them, except for Jordan. His eyes simmered with heat but he was otherwise unreadable. I brushed off my pants and picked up my tray.

  “Oops. You okay?” Milla asked, snickering. Stupid bitch had tripped me. Oh, that was it. I took a deep breath, the laughter ringing in my ears. Then I looked right at Milla.

  “Oh, I'm just fine. Wish I could say the same for you,” I said sweetly.

  Milla frowned, her lips screwed up in a hateful smirk. “And what is that supposed to mean? Is this more whore talk that the rest of us can't even begin to understand?” she mocked and the group laughed even louder.

  I dropped my tray onto the Chi Delta table. Milla laughed again. “What are you going to do? Jump me like you did Olivia? Because sweetie, you'll find I fight back. To the death.” She dropped her voice, her eyes hard.

  “I have no desire to fight you, Milla. In fact, I think leaving you alone is the best punishment there is.” Milla snorted and Olivia frowned. I leaned in over the table and smiled at the girl who had made it her mission to destroy me. I knew without a doubt that the rumors began and ended with her. She was the one who had those posters hung up all over campus. And her entire motivation was jealousy. She was really one of the saddest people I had ever met.

  “God, it must be so exhausting pretending that you like her. That you're her friend.” I said quietly, never dropping my eyes from Milla's.

  “What?” she scoffed, though her eyes darted sideways to Olivia, who was particularly quiet.

  “I know you've been trying to get in Jordan's pants for years. And he has rejected you each and every time. I've also heard how you would go to all of his shows, going to Garrett's parties. Even going so far as to fuck every single one of his band mates, hoping he would pay you some attention. That you liked to call out his name while screwing their brains out. And you have the gall to call me a slut?” I asked in disbelief. Milla's jaw clenched and she started breathing heavily. Her neck flushed a bright red.

  I leaned in closer, my comments for Milla and Milla alone. “But the problem with that Milla, is he never wanted you. After all of your efforts, he never looked your way. You've always hated Olivia for having the guy you've wanted for years. And then you hated me for the same reasons.” I saw Olivia pull in a sharp breath out of the corner of my eye but I didn't move my focus from Milla, who was fuming.

  “No, bitch. I hate you because you are a backstabbing whore,” Milla spat out. I laughed. A real and true laugh.

  “At least I don't pretend to be someone's best friend the entire time I'm scheming to steal their boyfriend. You are a sad and pathetic person. Starting false rumors about me and Jordan, hanging those posters all over campus. Doing whatever you could to get me booted from Chi Delta. And it worked. You got to me. I know you're proud about that.” Milla's chest puffed out.

  “Damn straight I'm proud. You were a cancer. You needed to be taken out,” she sneered.

  “Milla!” Olivia said sharply but Milla didn't hear her, her eyes glued to mine.

  “But the thing is. None of that made a bit of difference because Jordan still doesn't want you. He will never want you. And that eats you up inside. Olivia is more popular. People love her. And Jordan loves me. She and I have everything you have always wanted. But Milla, people like you will never win. Because in order to win, you have to get something in the end. And you have nothing. No guy, no real friends, no self-respect. And I don't give a fuck if you like me. Or if the Chi Delts think I'm the biggest whore this side of the Appalachian Mountains. I am done worrying about what everyone thinks about me. Because all that counts is that I like me. So the rest of you can go to hell.” I straightened and picked up my tray. Damn, that felt good.

  I was just about to make
my grand exit when Jordan got to his feet. “Maysie, wait!” he called out, stopping me. Then he turned back to the table full of Pi Sigs and Chi Delts.

  “The bunch of you make me sick. You've been torturing Maysie for months. Making her life miserable. And no one. Not a one of you did a thing to stop it. All because some stupid bitch filled your head with a bunch of lies,” Jordan said loudly.

  I realized the commons had become quiet. We were the focus of every pair of eyes in the room. Jordan looked down at Milla and Olivia. “Maysie's right, I would never touch you. You disgust me,” he sneered at Milla and for the first time her face started to crumble. I almost felt bad for her. Almost.

  Then Jordan turned to Olivia. “And you. How could I be so wrong about someone? I thought you were better than this,” he said with obvious disappointment and Olivia's eyes brimmed with tears. But Jordan wasn't done. Finally he turned to the table full of his brothers.