Bad Rep

by A. Meredith Walters

  “And the bunch of you can seriously fuck off. I told you I was done with Pi Sig. Well I'm done as of right now. Fuck the lot of you and your hypocritical bullshit. You sit around spouting brotherhood. You don't know the first thing about being a brother. Or being a man. Because a real man sure as hell would never have disrespected a woman the way each and everyone of you have disrespected Maysie.”

  Jordan climbed up onto his chair and addressed the rest of the room. “And if the rest of you can't do more with your lives than talk shit about someone you don't even know; then maybe you need to look a little closer at yourselves and ask what kind of person does that make you? And if I hear of one more person saying something derogatory about Maysie Ardin, you'll need to take it up with me.”

  You could have heard a pin drop, the room was that quiet. My eyes widened as Jordan climbed down and looked at me. “I'm sorry Maysie. I should have done that a hell of a lot sooner.” And with that he picked up his bag and tray and left.

  I looked back down at the table where my former sisters were sat, looking shell shocked. Well, damn. “Okay then, have a nice day,” I said and turned on my heel and left. Gracie and Vivian followed me outside.

  “That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen!” Vivian shrieked, hugging me. Gracie was grinning from ear to ear.

  “You freaking rocked! I wish I had half your courage! And, god, the way Jordan stood up for you in front of everyone? That was the most romantic thing ever,” Gracie gushed.

  I smiled wanly, scanning the quad, looking for him. But he was gone. And I knew he may have stood up for me, but that didn't change the way things were between us. Not a damn thing.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “I know he's off tonight. It's safe to go to Barton's. Not that you should be avoiding him like you're in middle school or something,” Riley snarked, pulling me by the arm up to the front door of Barton's. I hadn't been inside my former place of employment for months. Not since my first, magical date with Jordan. I should have known this place was the beginning of the end for us.

  Too much bad mojo. Maybe I should suggest to Moore to let me smudge the place with some sage or something. “So the place is Jordan Levitt free. Meaning we can commence in getting ridiculously drunk,” Riley singsonged, shoving me through the door.

  Walking inside was like a bad case of de ja vu. My eyes drifted over to the bar out of sheer habit. Lyla and some other guy were slinging drinks to the customers. My eyes caught sight of Gracie and Vivian, who were waving us down. Jaz hurried up and gave her normal squeally greeting. After being embraced far too tightly, she let me know she'd join us as soon as she got off.

  I looked at Riley who shrugged. “I thought you could use a good old fashioned girls' night,” she said, seeming a little embarrassed at being caught doing something thoughtful. I grinned and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

  “You're good people Riley Walker,” I told her.

  “Shh. Don't tell anyone please,” she threw back but smiled anyway.

  We made our way to the bar and I was stopped every few feet by the other employees who acted genuinely happy to see me. I felt a distinct pang in my stomach and realized I missed working here. When we got to the bar, Gracie got up and gave me a big hug. “Hey girl. Guess what?” she asked, bouncing up and down.

  “I don't know. What?” I asked, laughing at her excitement.

  “Viv and I withdrew from Chi Delta today. We went apartment hunting earlier in the week and found a place a few streets over from you. Vivian's staying around next year, wanted to take a year off, so I won't have to search for a new roommate when she graduates. Isn't that awesome?” Gracie asked jovially.

  “Wow. Um, I can't believe you did that. But if you're happy, I'm happy,” I told her and Gracie nodded.

  “Oh yeah, we were so done. The tension is even worse now that Olivia and Milla are on the outs,” Gracie said, picking up her beer from the bar and taking a swig. Gracie had told me that Olivia and Milla hadn't really spoken since my outburst last week. I wasn't sure what went down between the two of them, but they were keeping their distance from each other. But I really didn't care.

  I looked over at Vivian and noticed she was sitting super close to a guy with shaggy, dark hair. His back was to me but I could tell by Vivian's body language that she liked him. I leaned against the bar and waved to Lyla who came over. She reached over the counter and gave me a hug. Wow, I was getting hugged all over the place tonight. Good times.

  “Maysie, girl! We've missed you around here!” Her eyes sparkled at me and I knew she was referring to one particular person missing me. I waved my hand in dismissal.

  “Oh, I think you guys have survived just fine without me.”

  “Don't be so sure,” she said wiggling her eyebrows as she slid a Sam Adams toward me. I didn't say anything, and instead drank half of my beer in one gulp. Damien was still on shift but he came down periodically to give Riley a kiss or to say hello. They had morphed into one of those toothache couples. So sweet, it was borderline nauseating.

  Vivian and her mystery guy had yet to acknowledge our presence so Gracie, Riley and I proceeded to drink our weight in beer. We were laughing with Lyla and the new bartender Jay, who had just started a few weeks ago, when Vivian jumped out of her seat and finally came over to us.

  “Hey chicas!” she giggled. I patted the hand that she had thrown over my shoulder.

  “Hey yourself. Having fun I see.” I teased.

  “Yeah.” She let out with a self-satisfied grin. The guy had turned around and my stomach dropped. It was Cole. Generation Rejects' lead singer. Oh, just freaking fantastic.

  “Hey, Maysie,” Cole said, tipping his drink in my direction. I inclined my head in his direction.

  “Nice to see you again, Cole,” I said, though less than happily. Cole smiled in a way that said he knew exactly what I was thinking.

  “We've missed seeing you around. Don't be a stranger.” Cole said sincerely as Vivian came back around to sit beside him again. He put a hand on her thigh and she lit up.

  “Yep.” I responded, letting my mouth pop around the word.

  Gracie looked confused. “Cole's the lead singer for Generation Rejects,” I explained and her eyes brightened with understanding. We fell into an awkward silence. What was there to say? Oh, hey sorry I fucked over your friend royally...wanna be best buddies?

  “So, you girls coming to our show next weekend?” Cole asked, tossing his hair out of his eyes.

  I frowned. “I thought you guys weren't playing any gigs for a while.” I stated.

  Cole shook his head. “Yeah, that was the plan, but Moore is relentless. So we finally caved. Plus he pays out the ass,” Cole said, tossing the rest of his drink back.

  “Oh, that sounds like fun. We'll be there,” Vivian said, a little too enthusiastically. I swallowed my groan.

  “Uh, yeah. I don't know,” I said noncommittally. Cole gave me a sweet smile. He really was good looking. I could understand why Vivian was having a hard time keeping her hands to herself.

  “Oh, come on Maysie. You need to be there. We've been working on some new material that I bet you'd love,” Cole said, his eyes saying something else. I just didn't know what.

  “Come on, Mays. It'll be fun,” Gracie pleaded. My eyes rolled to the ceiling.

  “Yeah, sure. Sounds great.” My friends squealed and I tried not to mutter something rude under my breath.

  ~~

  And that's how I found myself a week later, sitting in the exact same seat, with Riley on one side and Gracie on the other. Waiting for Generation Rejects to start their set. Vivian was off with Cole. They had apparently started dating and had been together every day the past week. I have to say I was pretty shocked by that turn of events. Given what a male slut Cole had a reputation for being. But they seemed pretty into each other, so I reserved judgment.

  My eyes darted around the restaurant, looking for the one person I dreaded seeing most. So far, I hadn't found
him. Riley squeezed my knee. “Settle down. It'll be cool,” she reassured me.

  I took a deep breath. “Yeah, sure it will,” I said less than convincingly.

  Jaz and Damien had just gotten off of their shifts and crowded around us, waiting for their drinks. “I love hearing these guys play! I'm so excited!” Jaz chirped, her good mood doing nothing to dispel my bad one.

  “Yeah, they put on a good show,” I responded, staring into my whiskey sour.

  I was going for the harder stuff this evening. Figured I'd need it.

  The crowd was thick and the noise in Barton's was deafening. I could see Garrett and Mitch setting up their amps. Vivian sat on top of one of the rigs, talking to Cole, who was pressed against her, his hands on her upper thighs. Still no Jordan.

  I tried not to fixate about it. But it was impossible when I knew any moment he'd show up and shred my heart to bits all over again. “Oh, Maysie! I forgot to tell you. We move into our apartment next weekend. I'd really appreciate it if you could help,” Gracie pleaded, batting her eyelashes. I laughed at her.

  “Of course I'll help. No need to waste your flirting skills on me. You know I'll do it without all the cuteness,” I joked.

  “Awesome. Vivian wants to have a housewarming party that night. Just a few people. Nothing crazy. But it should be fun.” Gracie started telling Riley and me about the new couch they had just purchased and the green and gold color scheme they had planned for the living room.

  I tried to pay attention. I really did. But suddenly the air seemed to leave the room and I knew he had arrived. The skin on my back prickled and I discreetly looked over my shoulder. And there he was. His hair was growing out and for the first time I could tell that his dark hair was sort of wavy. It looked good on him. Too good.

  He was lugging his drum kit through the door, his arm muscles bulging under his t-shirt. Riley handed me a napkin. “Wipe the drool,” she muttered and I swatted her hand away.

  “I am not drooling. Shut up,” I hissed, looking away, even though it was almost physically painful to do so.

  Why was I here? This had to be some form of masochism. I was inflicting unnecessary torture on myself. I was finally in a semi-decent place. It wasn't like Jordan had made any effort to talk to me. That part of my life was over.

  So why was I sitting there, in Barton's waiting for him to reach into my chest and rip my heart out all over again?

  “Breathe, Mays. It's all good,” Gracie whispered, tapping her fingernails on my glass.

  “Yeah. All good,” I murmured.

  The lights went down, Vivian rejoined our group and Cole introduced them. The crowd went wild and my body pulsated with the first beats of Jordan's drums. His draw was intense and instinctual. He literally called out to my body and every inch of me answered.

  It seriously sucked.

  “We are so happy to be back here at Barton's!” Cole yelled into the mic, after playing a Tool cover. Jordan continued to keep up a steady beat. Cole grinned into the teaming crowd. “I wanted to announce our plans to go on tour next year. Our man Piper has agreed to saddle up with us full time after he graduates! We're gonna hit up places up and down the east coast! You'll be able to find the full tour schedule on our website!” Jordan twirled his drum sticks in his hands and hit out a quick successive beat.

  Wow. So Jordan had decided to do it. I was proud of him. Really proud of him. He had stuck to his guns and gone after what he wanted. I didn't think I could love him any more than I did just then.

  “And now it's time to unveil a new song our drummer has been working on for a while now. Take it away, man!” Cole flourished his arm out in Jordan's direction and the crowd went quiet. I watched as Jordan closed his eyes. His face was dripping with sweat and he seemed to be steeling himself. I knew that look of concentration on his face. It was the same look he wore whenever he was about to say something important.

  I think my heart stopped in that moment. Riley reached down and grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly. Jordan finally opened his eyes and looked out into the crowd of people. He seemed to be looking for something. Or someone.

  And I knew when he found it. Because it was the moment his eyes found mine. He leaned into the microphone by his side. “This is for the girl who always runs away,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving me. The crowd went wild.

  What do I have to do to make you stay?

  What should I say to make you mine?

  When will you stop running, girl?

  I'm watching for the sign.

  You build me up and break me down

  Over and over again

  I crave your seductive destruction

  Even as I long for your pain.

  But it wasn't all bad was it?

  Things weren't always this way.

  You filled the space in my empty heart,

  Your eyes told me things your lips would never say.

  So here I am, watching you run.

  I wish you'd stop trying to leave.

  How easy you forget

  that you're my reason to breathe.

  Stop running, girl

  It won't always feel like this,

  Stop running, girl

  Stop running.

  We could have our tomorrow

  We could have our dreams,

  My future is wrapped up in you,

  Even as my heart bleeds.

  Stop running, girl.

  I've got nowhere to go.

  I'll wait until forever

  I promise to take this slow.

  How easily we tore each other down

  It's hard to take it all back

  Feeding those fears and regrets,

  I'm all alone in the black.

  Stop running, girl.

  It won't always feel like this.

  Stop running, girl.

  Stop running, girl!

  Stop running away!

  Jordan's voice rose in a scream as the tears ran uninhibited down my face. My hand throbbed from the vice grip Riley had on it. Jordan's voice trailed off as he slammed a frantic beat on his drums. The song seemed to tear his heart out and I felt my own being ripped free and flopping on the floor.

  My fucking god! He'd written me a song. And what a song! All of his heart ache and grief rolled through the lyrics and I was at a complete loss. When it was over, the crowd voiced their approval. Then the band launched quickly into another song.

  I was breathing heavily and I wiped at the drying tears on my face. “Shit, Mays. That was incredible,” Gracie yelled into my ear. I nodded, rubbing my nose with a napkin. Riley let go of my hand and I felt the pins and needles as circulation resumed.

  “You need to talk to him. You can't leave things the way they are,” Riley urged. I didn't say anything. I couldn't argue, I couldn't agree. I couldn't freaking do anything. So I watched the rest of Generation Rejects' set and I knew my future hung in the balance.

  When they were finished, the bar started to settle down. Most people left and those still there were either drunk off of their asses and waiting for a ride, or Barton employees. The band had broken down their equipment and loaded it up in Garrett's van.

  They joined the group at the bar. Cole went straight to Vivian, though he stopped by me first. “Did you like the new stuff, Maysie?” he asked, winking at me. I was way too sober for this. I wished I possessed some serious liquid courage right then. But honesty was all I could give.

  So, I nodded. “Yeah, it was beautiful.” Cole patted me on the back.

  “It sure was,” he agreed and moved on to Vivian.

  Jordan came up to the other side of the bar. There were at least a dozen people separating us. He gave Lyla a hug as she handed him a beer. He was quickly surrounded by his co-workers congratulating him on the upcoming Rejects tour and telling him how great the show was. Moore came out from the back and locked the front door, turning the little get together into a full blown party. The kitchen crew were trying to make a beer bong out of a colander a
nd plastic tubing. Jaz and Evian were climbing up on the bar to dance to a bad cover of Britney Spears' Hit Me Baby One More Time.

  Moore and Jordan were talking off to the side. The manager had clasped Jordan's shoulder and I could see Jordan smiling. God how I had missed that smile.

  I was coerced into playing a rowdy game of beer pong with Rozzi, Tito and Cal. I ended up knocking over more cups of beer than actually drinking. Dina tried to talk me into going out back and sharing a joint with her but I passed.

  Then the night started coming to a close. Not once did Jordan approach me. After unloading his heart in that mind blowing song, he stayed as far away from me as he could. I watched him way more than I wanted to. He had spent the rest of the night talking to his friends as well as laughing with Riley and Damien. I had no idea he had become so friendly with my best friend. She had never mentioned it. But I could see that they had become good friends. And that made me jealous. Because he and I had nothing. Not even a friendship to show for all of it.