The Darkness Within

by Deorre, Iris

  ‘Each and everyone one of them will pay,’ he said as if reading her mind.

  She turned to look at him. He smiled. It was hard to believe that such kind eyes could turn evil and could kill.

  ‘You’ll kill them?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes. How do you feel about that?’

  She was silent a while. ‘I want you to.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘You can ask anything you like.’

  ‘Why do you kill?’ she was curious. ‘It’s wrong. It’s… not right and yet I don’t feel like it’s wrong. Well at least to those who deserve it.’

  ‘I only kill those who have done wrong. I don’t go out seeking to kill innocent people. Only those who have hurt others. Especially those who have killed women and children. It doesn’t make it right, but I have to. I have the urge to. Just like you have the urge to take a drink or cocaine. I have the urge to kill.’

  She took time to digest that a moment. It made sense and yet it was still hard to completely accept. Killing was killing.

  ‘Did something happen that made you this way?’ she asked.

  He was silent a moment. He thought back to his childhood years, how his mother had suffered while she’d still been alive at the hands of his father. He remembered the way his father beat her. The way she was always jumpy when he was around. How they never had enough because his father drank the money, and finally when his mother could no longer take it and took her own life. It had been the worst time of his life. When his mother passed he withdrew into himself. He felt hatred and anger. Something dark rose up within him and each time he’d wanted to kill his own father, but hadn’t taken that step.

  ‘It sounds like you had a horrible childhood.’

  ‘It was torturous. I was beaten daily. He would place my hand on the stove for his amusement. The wound would get infected and I’d get taken ill at the hospital. That is only the tip of the iceberg.

  ‘Couldn’t social services get involved?’

  ‘They were, but it’s not that simple. The system is more complicated than it looks. You’ll have to be dead before things become serious.’

  ‘That sounds awful.’

  ‘It was. At fourteen I couldn’t take it anymore and tried to end it by cutting my wrists. Seems as though I wasn’t supposed to die, just like you weren’t supposed to die.’

  She was silent.

  ‘Life had never been an easy ride.’

  ‘It doesn’t sound like it.’

  There was silence between them. Thoughts spun around in each of their minds. It was as if they were both working through hard things and they needed each other to get through it.

  ‘When was your first kill? She asked.

  He took time to think about that. He’d been about twenty-four when he’d first taken a life. He hadn’t had all the resources he’d had now, but was lucky enough not to get caught.

  ‘I was about twenty-four. I’d read about him in the paper. A killer. He’d killed three women and the police were having trouble finding him. After following the story long enough and learning his traits and behaviour I began to find a pattern. I’d learned so much about him that I began to think like him. And soon enough I found his hang out place. It took a while to make sure he was the guy. We became friends, he trusted me and finally told me his story. That was only after I made up that I’d killed someone too. He seemed impressed.’

  ‘Gosh.’

  ‘Yes. The first time was scary, but exciting at the same time. I was getting rid of garbage and he’d never hurt any woman again.’

  ‘Do you think this stems from being unable to protect your mother? Is that why you’re so protective over women.’

  ‘I suppose. I don’t know. I just know that I have a need to kill.’

  She was silent as more of this sunk in.

  ‘How about you? What was it like growing up?

  There was a curl to her lips as she remembered her childhood. It was a happy one. Her parents were the best and she and her sister did very well as children.

  ‘I miss my mum,’ she said.

  ‘What happened to her?’

  ‘She was ill. Cancer. It was hard on her and when she died it was a relief to know she was no longer suffering.’

  ‘Sorry to hear that.’

  ‘Yep. I wish she was around. I would’ve told her about what had happened. She was that kind of woman.’

  ‘Couldn’t you tell your father?’

  ‘I was frozen. My mother would’ve known something was wrong and I would’ve broken down and told her.’

  ‘You have me now.’ He kissed her cheek.

  ‘Yes…’ She went silent. ‘Yes I do.’ Freya drifted off to sleep.

  ****

  It was Saturday morning and the sun shone through the pale curtains. Freya opened her eyes and turned towards Ferguson. He was still sound asleep. It had been the first time she’d slept right through the night without needing more to drink or coke to take. She stretched as she sat up and got out of bed.

  ‘Hey, where are you going?’ he asked half asleep.

  She turned and smiled. ‘To the bathroom if that’s alright with you.’ She giggled.

  ‘I’ll let you, but don’t be too long.’

  She hurried to the bathroom. Freya took a moment to look in the mirror. Something she did regularly. It was hard to believe all the things that had happened in the past few hours. She didn’t look any different, but there was still the sparkle in her eyes. After she’d used the toilet, Freya took her medication and what was left of the cocaine, and headed back to bed.

  ‘I thought you’d abandoned me,’ he said.

  ‘I would never do that. I’m in too deep to leave.’

  ‘Too deep?’ he gazed at her.

  ‘I’m with you in every sense of the word. I want the men that hurt me to pay for what they did to me. So I’m not going anywhere.’

  ‘And they will. Don’t you worry about that.’ He pulled her in closer and their lips touched.

  Within moment their bodies heated and they were united once again. Freya loved feeling him so close. It was hard to believe that she even wanted a man that close to her, but Ferguson wasn’t just any man. He was the man who protected her. The man who would make everything right in her world. As she felt every part of him, Freya felt no worry about anything. She wasn’t afraid anymore, the voices had stayed away. Ferguson had been right; he’d made her better. At least that was what she thought.

  They reached a high and came back down to earth. Ferguson rolled onto his back and gazed up at the ceiling breathing heavily. Freya also looked up at the ceiling and took it all in. It was nice just to lie back and feel free and not worry what would happen next.

  ‘Would you like some breakfast?’ she asked. She didn’t want him to leave.

  ‘Breakfast sounds nice. What’s for breakfast?’

  ‘Not sure yet, but I’ll have a quick shower and then find out.’

  ‘I think I’ll join you in that shower.’

  She shot out of bed and he chased after her. ‘You can’t get away from me,’ he teased finally catching up to her.

  ‘I wasn’t even trying.’

  The warm water caressed their bodies. Ferguson took the opportunity to get their bodies clean. She leaned into him and watched as his hands lathered her body.

  ‘This feels better than cocaine.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’ He kissed her neck. ‘I’d do this every day if you allowed it.’

  ‘You’re welcome to it. I love having you touch me.’ She leaned into him.

  Once he’d washed the soap off her body, it was Freya’s turn to wash his perfect body.

  ‘Do you work out?’ she asked as she ran her hands down his biceps.

  ‘I do. I have an indoor gym at home.’

  ‘Your body is amazing.’ Her hands moved down his chest.

  ‘You have a lovely body too,’ he said placing his hands on her bum. ‘Very sex
y.’ He kissed her, the water splashed over their heads.

  Freya continued to explore his body. ‘Did you have your appendix out?’ she asked noticing the scar.

  ‘I did. A long time ago. You’ll also see that I have a scar from stitches on my lower back. That was done by my father.’

  ‘What an awful man,’ she said as she found the scar.

  ‘Very, but he’s dead now. No time to keep bringing him up. I’m here with you and I’m enjoying every moment of it.’

  ‘Me too.’ She giggled as her hands went over his bum.

  They spent a few more minutes in the shower getting clean and appreciating each other’s bodies. Freya found it exciting and new and didn’t want it to end.

  ‘I love this,’ she said a little serious looking up at him. The water sprayed over him. ‘I don’t want it to end. I want to be with you forever.’

  He smiled. ‘It won’t end. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.’

  ‘Can you really promise me that?’

  ‘Yes I can.’ He kissed her. ‘Shall we get out.’

  They headed for the bedroom to get dressed.

  ‘I’m going to need a change of clothes; I’ll get my driver to pick up some stuff for me. That is if you want me to stay.’

  ‘You know I do.’ She laughed.

  ‘Okay then. I’ll make that call.’

  ‘And I’ll start on breakfast.’ She’d slipped on a pair of jeans and a blue shirt. It was Saturday, and it felt like a relaxing day.

  ****

  Freya opened the cupboard underneath the sink and pulled out a bottle of vodka. She filled a glass and took it down neat. Her eyes shut savouring the taste and allowing it to warm her. She’d wanted it, but not as bad as most times. Again she poured a glass and downed the drink. After the third glass, Freya felt satisfied. The cooking began.

  ‘Hmmm, smells nice.’

  ‘I’ve just started. Thought I’d make the traditional English breakfast. My housekeeper keeps my fridge full even though I don’t eat much here.’

  ‘My house is empty. I eat out most of the time.’

  ‘I drink and eat out most of the time too.’ She laughed.

  He walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck while she cooked.

  ‘That feels nice.’

  ‘Good.’ He squeezed her a little tight before letting go. ‘Do you need my help with anything?’

  ‘Everything is under control. You just make yourself comfortable.’

  ‘Okay then.’ He sat down at the kitchen counter. ‘You have such a lovely place.’

  ‘Yes. I’m surprised I was able to maintain and keep it. I mean with my drinking and in and out of hospital it hasn’t been easy.’

  ‘You won’t have to worry now. Everything will be okay.’

  She stopped turning the bacon in the pan and turned to him. ‘You really think so?’

  ‘I know so. Once we’ve done with breakfast, we can sit down and you give me the names of the men that hurt you.’

  She turned back as she nodded.

  ‘We’ll get to the bottom of this.’

  ‘I want to be with you when you do it,’ she said without turning.

  ‘You do?’

  ‘Yes. I want to see the terror in their faces. I want them to know that it’s over and it will never happen to anyone again.’

  ‘If that’s what you want my darling, then I will allow you to be there.’

  She smiled. She wanted to see them suffer like they’d made her suffer.

  Minutes later they were enjoying a full breakfast.

  ‘This is great. I can’t remember the last time I had a full English breakfast.’

  ‘Neither can I. It’s pretty good with vodka.’ She joked.

  He laughed.

  ‘Are you sure my drinking doesn’t annoy you? I mean with your past with your father.’

  ‘My father was abusive. He was hurtful and cruel. You’re not. You were landed in a bad situation and this is your way of coping.’

  ‘I don’t feel that I need it as much as I did before. I think the need is going away.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’

  ‘I’m not sure whether it’s the fact Ronald is gone, or I’ve been able to talk about what happened to me for the first time that’s making me feel lighter.’

  ‘I think it’s a combination of both. You’re finally becoming free from all of it.’

  ‘And I have you to thank.’

  ‘Don’t thank me yet. We still have a few of them to go.’

  ‘Yes I know, but I’m already beginning to feel the benefits.’

  They continued to talk. Freya found herself talking more and more about herself. Ferguson listened without judgement and she in turn did the same. It was as if their paths had crossed on purpose.

  ‘Do you think there is life after death?’ she asked.

  ‘No I don’t.’

  ‘So no punishment after this life. No heaven or hell?’

  ‘Nope. When we die that’s it. We seize to exist. Do you believe.’

  She was silent a while. Freya hadn’t been brought up Christian, but she always thought there was something or someone bigger than they were.

  ‘I don’t know anymore. I used to think so until that awful thing happened to me. I just don’t know what to believe.’

  ‘Believe in me. Believe that you’re going to get justice, and then you’ll live your life happily ever after. With me of course.’ He winked.

  She giggled. ‘I’d love that.’

  ‘That’s great.’

  An hour later the couple sat in the living-room while Freya gave the names and as much information about the men who had raped her.

  ‘So you’re certain these were all the men?’

  She nodded.

  ‘So there’s Lewis, Lloyd, Blake, Trevor and Marvin, Ronald and of course Thomas.’

  ‘Yes I think that’s all of them. The ones I remember.’

  ‘If you think of anyone else let me know.’

  She nodded.

  ‘Do you have any other information about them. Surnames, where they lived or live now. Have you seen any of them?’

  ‘I kept my distance. I don’t know where they are or what they’re doing although I would recognise them. As for surnames, no I don’t have them.’ She felt disappointed.

  ‘Don’t you worry. My guy Gary will find the bastards. You all went to Leeds university so it won’t be that hard to find. Humans are predictable creatures. It is most likely that they hung out together, that they’re also all friends on face book. All I need to do is find one, and the rest will be easy.’ He took her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s all in my hands now. They will all pay, I promise.’

  ‘I believe you.’ she leaned into his shoulder. It felt nice making progress.

  ‘So what would you like to do for the rest of the day?’ he asked.

  ‘I have no idea.’

  ‘Good, then I’ve got something to show you.’

  ****

  An hour later they were in the car heading for some place Ferguson wanted to show her.

  ‘Where did you say we’re going again?’

  ‘I didn’t’.’ He laughed. ‘But nice try.’

  ‘Yes well I hate surprises. I like to know where I’m going.’

  ‘Well you’re going to have to get used to it. I love surprises.’

  Freya giggled. It was nice spending the day with him, it made her drink less and crave cocaine even less. She’d taken some before they’d left but it wasn’t a desperate need.

  ‘I want to get clean,’ she said suddenly.

  He turned to her. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. I don’t want to depend on alcohol or drugs anymore.’

  He leaned close to her and kissed her forehead. ‘I’m proud of you and I’ll support you whatever you decide.’

  ‘I know you will.’ She leaned onto his shoulder.

  He put his hand on her h
ead and rubbed it gently. He wanted to make sure she’d be happy whatever she did. He would be right by her side always, that was a promise he made to himself.

  The car stopped outside the theme park.

  ‘Are you kidding me?’ she laughed.

  ‘Nope. I think it will be fun. Get ready to be a kid again.’

  ‘I think I am.’

  The door opened, he took her by the hand and they headed for the park. The minute she stepped in, Freya became a kid again. Everything was forgotten and all that mattered was the time she spent with him. It was a happy time and she’d never laughed so much in her life. Things seemed simple and easy, but beneath all the laughter darkness still lay in both of them and it would only get worse. They just didn’t know it yet.

  Chapter Nine

  Lewis was a manager of a luxury car dealership. He was married with two children. Two boys. He seemed to have a good life. A loving wife who was a teacher and a home that kept them all. He paid his bills on time, took time to get home in time to give the kids a bath and put them to bed. His wife would never have known that her dear sweet husband was a rapist. A man who participated in the drugging of an innocent woman and forced himself on her.

  He was in work early that day because there was an important client who had booked to see the latest Bentley. It was vital that customers were treated like royalty, since they were about to spend big money. He made sure everything was ready, that the drinks were out and that his assistant was ready to be the best she could be.

  Gary had found Lewis’s whereabouts quite quickly. He was the easiest to find and once he’d been found, the others were just as easy except for Blake. Gary was having trouble finding Blake.

  The jeep parked outside the car dealership. The door was opened and Ferguson stepped out. He pulled on the sides of the suit jacket and straightened his tie. The moment he got to the door, Lewis was right there ready to welcome him in.

  ‘Mr Banks. Welcome.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Can we get you something to drink?’

  ‘A coffee would be great thanks.’

  Lewis gave the order to his assistant and led Ferguson to the fancy office that looked out onto the cars.