Ice Dreams

by Jo Cotterill

  ‘It’ll be the middle of the night,’ warned Tania.

  ‘I don’t care,’ said Libby. ‘You and Zac are meant to be together. Just like me and Scott. I just know it.’

  Brock wasn’t at the rink the next morning, and for once, Tania was grateful. She didn’t want him asking a lot of awkward questions. A couple of solo skaters were practising their routines for the show, but otherwise the rink was quiet and she was able to find a small space on the ice to practise.

  It was tricky; much trickier than she had imagined. She had to go back and look at her tracings each time, and they weren’t anything like as good as she had hoped. After an hour’s practice, Tania’s legs ached and she was dying for a coffee. A learner class was just coming onto the ice, so she had to take a break anyway.

  Tania took off her boots and made her way to the little café by the main entrance. ‘Cappuccino, please,’ she said.

  ‘Want a choc-chip cookie with that?’ asked the girl. ‘Special offer price today.’

  Tania accepted, and found a small table where she sat down and broke off a piece of the cookie. At the table behind her, a large woman was holding forth to her smaller, glassy-eyed companion. ‘Far too expensive, that’s what I’ve told her,’ said the woman. ‘It’s a good hobby, I said, but don’t expect to skate professionally. Besides, what kind of a career is it anyway? You get to twenty-five, you’re on the shelf. It’s a sport for the young, and unless you’re right at the top, there’s no point even entering. That’s what I told my Connie anyway.’

  ‘You’re probably right, Meg,’ said the other woman.

  ‘I know I am,’ replied Meg, taking a large bite of a cheese scone. ‘She’s good, Connie is. That coach she’s got says she could be really good – got natural talent. She could do well. But how well?’

  The other woman muttered something.

  ‘There’s no guarantee of that, is there?’ said Meg. ‘And what if she doesn’t make it? Connie’s a sensible girl. I’ve explained it all to her, and she’s coming round to my way of thinking. She loves it, of course – well, they all do when they’re little girls, don’t they? It’s like ballet. They all want the pretty dresses and to dance on their toes. But will she really work hard when she needs to? Hours and hours every week – and you know who’ll have to take and fetch her, of course.’

  ‘You will,’ said the other woman.

  ‘Exactly! Now, all I want is for my little girl to be happy, but I’d far rather she did something with more prospects. If she puts her whole life into skating, what on earth will she do after that? Much better, I told Connie, to concentrate on her school work. That’ll get her into university and a stable job. And she can carry on skating in her spare time. As a hobby.’

  ‘How did she take that?’

  ‘Well,’ Meg said, ‘she didn’t like it, of course. Burst into tears and said skating was her whole life, it was all she wanted to do, she’d work her fingers to the bone and all that. But in years to come she’ll be glad she’s got something else to offer.’

  ‘You think she’ll forget about it?’

  Meg considered. ‘Maybe not for a while. And it doesn’t help when she sees other skaters around here. Wants to be like that Tania Dunn, she says.’

  The other woman sighed. ‘Such a lovely skater.’

  ‘Not been doing so well lately though, has she?’ asked Meg. ‘We’ve all noticed; everyone who comes to the rink knows she’s been failing the jumps. Can’t imagine why she’s been paired with that boy for the show. They’ve been doing some fancy footwork, but it won’t help her reach the Olympics, will it? I think she’s a child star – you know, one of those who shows early promise but never makes it into the big time. I said to Connie, I said, look what happens when you pour your heart and soul into something and it doesn’t work out. What’s that Tania going to do if she can’t skate, eh? Built her up too much, they have. She’s got a long way to fall.’

  Tania’s ears were burning and she felt sick. Was that what people really thought of her? That she was burned out; all washed up? She poked miserably at her cookie and kept her head down. Why did she even care what that Meg woman thought? Was it because secretly, deep down, she was terrified they were right?

  But then Tania thought of Zac. He brought out the best in her. It wasn’t just about fancy footwork. When she was skating with him, she was better than when she skated on her own, she knew it. And with that certainty came a hot, scorching desire to prove them all wrong. They would see what she could really do. At the Winter Ice Spectacular …

  But there would be no Ice Show without Zac. Tania’s head snapped up. She drained her coffee, stood up, hefted her bag over her shoulder and made her way back to the ice, deliberately catching the eye of the woman called Meg on her way out, whose jaw dropped.

  Tania laced up her skates, her lips pressed tight. It was a crazy idea, she knew, but she had to make it work. It was her only chance to put things right.

  Chapter 19

  I really am sorry

  THE RINK WAS eerie at night. Outside, it was cloudy, with few stars appearing. Inside, there was minimal lighting, casting a ghostly glow over the ice. Tania gave a slight shiver as she looked down at the luminescent surface. So busy during the day, it was strange to see it empty.

  ‘Funny time for extra practice,’ commented Jim, the facilities manager.

  ‘I’m meeting someone here.’

  Jim raised his eyebrows. ‘Ah, I get it. Late-night romantic skate, is that it?’

  ‘Sort of,’ said Tania. She bit her lip. ‘If he comes, that is.’

  ‘Course he will,’ said Jim. ‘If it’s you he’s meeting.’

  Tania smiled. ‘Thanks, Jim.’

  ‘Twenty-one years I’ve worked here,’ Jim told her, ‘and never seen a prettier skater than you.’

  ‘Well, let’s hope you’re right,’ said Tania, ‘otherwise I’ll be skating with you instead.’

  Jim let out a laugh. ‘Not on your life! I work around the rink, not on it. You wouldn’t catch me trying a toe loop.’

  Tania glanced at the large digital clock on the wall. Ten minutes to midnight. ‘I’ve got to get ready,’ she told Jim. She didn’t have much time.

  At one minute to midnight, Tania was poised on the ice, waiting, her eyes fixed on the doors to the main entrance. Her heart beat so loudly in her ears it seemed to echo around the silent rink. The chill from the ice crept into her boots, but she didn’t dare shake her feet to warm them. Jim had disappeared into his office with the promise that he would be back in a few minutes. ‘Don’t want to cramp your style,’ he’d said with a wink.

  So now, Tania waited. The digital clock display showed midnight exactly. Tania clenched her fists. He must come, he must! She thought back over the last three months. It was almost as though she had been living a different life before she met Zac. She could never have imagined that they would get on. He was a daredevil, wasn’t he? Threw himself around with no thought of injury or of perfecting his moves. But then … There was the other side of him. The side in which his parents worked night and day to bring in enough money to send him to skating lessons, even though he claimed it was ‘just for fun’. The side in which he was studying sciences and maths with an eye on the future. That side of him wasn’t reckless at all. That side was dedicated and loyal and thoughtful, and …

  And I love him, Tania thought suddenly. It was so clear it was almost as though she had spoken it out loud. I love him. I love him. For how long had she been in love? Now she had realized, it was as though she had always loved him. No one moment; no single event had made her love him. It was the hours of practice; the conversations over ballet or buying skates. It was the gradual realization that her life was so much better with him in it.

  The clock showed two minutes past midnight. He’s not coming, she thought. And I can’t tell him how I feel. I can’t even say sorry.

  An awful choking feeling took hold of her and suddenly it was hard to breathe. How can I go on,
she thought, if he doesn’t know?

  The main doors banged, and Tania nearly fell over from shock.

  Zac walked into the rink, frowning. He looked down at the ice.

  Tania looked up at him, and the choking sensation evaporated entirely. An immense feeling of calm and warmth spread through her. He stood there, the dim light catching the blond spikes of his hair, staring down at the rink. She couldn’t see the expression in his eyes from this distance, but she felt as though he were looking right into her soul. She bent down to her right boot and unscrewed the tiny cap on the bottle attached to her ankle. Then, glancing up to make sure he was still there, she began.

  An opening sweep in a huge ‘S’ shape that covered the width of the rink. Then a careful change of edge into a small spin … two hockey stops, and a looping move, before a couple of sharp turns, a small spin with a looped tail, and a sweeping curve to finish.

  Tania looked back at her tracings. Standing out sharply against the cold blue of the ice, was a trail of red paint, dripped out of the bottle on her ankle. It was wobbly, and the paint had run out just before the end, but the writing was clear:

  Sorry Zac.

  Hesitantly Tania looked up. Would he still be there?

  Not only was Zac there, but he was leaning over the upper barrier, staring at the ice; an expression of delight on his face. ‘How did you do that?’ he called, his voice ringing across the ice. ‘That’s brilliant!’

  Tania felt weak with relief. ‘Paint bottle on my ankle,’ she called back, lifting her foot to show him.

  ‘Stay there,’ he said. ‘I’m coming down.’

  Tania skated over to the barrier to meet him, her stomach suddenly full of butterflies.

  ‘Show me,’ said Zac as he reached the bottom of the stairs. ‘How did you attach it and make sure it came out so smoothly?’

  Tania unlaced her boot and passed it over. ‘I had to thin it down,’ she said. ‘I wanted to use ink but I thought it would stain the ice too badly.’

  ‘Yeah, you’d never get that out,’ said Zac, grinning. ‘Can you imagine Brock’s face tomorrow if he found that written into the ice just a day before his precious show?’

  ‘He’d never forgive me,’ said Tania.

  ‘Too right,’ said Zac. ‘But this is brilliant. A paint bottle. And you just stuck it on at the right angle?’

  ‘I wasn’t even sure it would work,’ confessed Tania. ‘I didn’t have a chance to practise with the paint at all.’

  ‘But you must have spent hours working on the tracings,’ said Zac, glancing back at the ice. ‘To make sure you did all of that on the right foot.’

  ‘I’ve been practising all day.’

  Zac raised his eyebrows. ‘All day?’

  ‘Yeah. When I could get on the ice, that is.’

  Zac said nothing.

  ‘I wanted to make sure I got it right,’ Tania went on, the words starting to rush out of her. ‘I wanted to say sorry, but not just – you know. But I thought – on the ice. Well, it’s more – personal, sort of. Because I really am sorry – I felt so awful about everything. I should have told you – asked you. I didn’t think about what you would – how you’d feel.’ She stopped, her face bright red.

  Zac looked serious for a moment. He nodded slowly. ‘I’ve been doing some thinking too,’ he said. ‘I know you didn’t realize what it meant. You’ve always had money – I haven’t.’

  ‘I know, and that’s why—’

  Zac held up a hand. ‘Let me finish. Brock’s been leaving me phone messages all week. Telling me I have responsibilities, trying to guilt-trip me. But he also talked about you.’ He stared out across the ice. ‘He said I shouldn’t be too hard on you, because having money could be a disadvantage in some ways. It makes people think that everything can be solved with money, whereas if you don’t have it, you know that there are other things just as important. Like family, respect – trust.’ He looked directly at Tania. ‘I trusted you. I trusted you to be honest with me. But I can see how you wanted to help. You thought I’d be offended if you just gave me the money.’

  ‘Wouldn’t you?’ Tania couldn’t help saying.

  ‘Yes, probably,’ said Zac. ‘But you never gave me the chance to give my opinion. You lied to me.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘You were wrong.’

  ‘I know that too. I’m so sorry.’ Tania took another shaky breath. ‘Thank you for coming.’

  ‘Yeah, well, you got me. Always wanted to know what this place was like with no one here. And your note was kind of cryptic.’ He looked at the red writing on the ice again, and a smile spread across his face. ‘It was worth it. This is one of the coolest things I’ve seen. However did you think of it?’

  ‘The names on the trophies in the cabinet,’ said Tania, biting her lip. ‘It was the reflection of the ice in the glass. And the names.’

  Zac nodded. ‘So you thought about writing on the ice with your blades. Brilliant.’

  Tania shifted from one foot to the other. ‘So,’ she said in a small voice, ‘are you – do you forgive me?’

  Zac looked at her. Meeting his gaze, those hazel eyes, was too much for Tania. She had to look away, frightened of what he might say. ‘Hey,’ said Zac, and his voice was soft. ‘How could I be angry with you, after this? It took real guts to think this up and see it through. In the middle of the night too.’

  ‘It was the only time the rink was empty,’ whispered Tania.

  ‘You’re lucky no one saw it,’ said Zac. He chuckled. ‘Jim would have a fit.’

  Tania’s eyes opened wide. ‘He’s in his office! He said he’d be back in a few minutes! I’ve got to clean it off!’

  Zac burst out laughing. ‘What are you like! Is this the same Tania Dunn who was obsessed with perfecting the double axel and who wouldn’t take risks on the ice?’

  ‘Don’t laugh,’ pleaded Tania. ‘I’ve really got to clean it all off.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Zac. He grinned. ‘I’ll help you. Besides …’

  She looked up at him. ‘What?’

  A funny look came into Zac’s eyes. ‘I can’t skate a pairs programme on graffiti.’

  Tania swallowed. ‘Really?’

  He nodded, staring at her. ‘Can’t let my partner down, can I? Only thing is, I don’t seem to have any skates. Think I must have left mine somewhere.’

  Tania’s face broke into a huge smile. ‘That’s lucky,’ she said, ‘because I happen to have a pair in your size that are all ready to wear.’ She pointed to Zac’s skates, which were sitting neatly on a bench.

  ‘That’s lucky then,’ said Zac, and smiled.

  Chapter 20

  More than anything

  THE AUDIENCE CLAPPED appreciatively as the group of novice skaters took their bows. Dressed in costumes from Alice in Wonderland, their programme had gone down a storm. The rink side was packed with family and friends and those who just liked skating, as well as coaches and agents from farther afield, who had come with an eye out for the next Sasha Cohen or Torvill and Dean.

  Behind a curtain that shaded the skaters from the audience, Tania and Zac waited. There was one more programme to go before their turn.

  ‘You look great,’ Zac murmured.

  Tania flushed. She had worn the catsuit the day before, for the dress rehearsal, but she still hadn’t quite got used to it. It was so very revealing; she felt almost naked. Not helped, of course, by Zac’s gaze, which had swept over her from head to toe before he whistled appreciatively. At that moment, she had almost blurted it all out – how she felt about him; her terror that they would never skate together again – everything. But she had bitten back the words. She had only just won him back. She couldn’t afford to frighten him off so soon, especially just before the show.

  Today, Tania had taken pains with her appearance. As well as the catsuit with its swirling blue whirlpool of sequins, she had added silver and blue sparkles to the side of her face and her hair. She had even painted her nails
silver to complete the look. Zac had been quite dazzled when he saw the final effect. ‘I didn’t realize your eyes were so blue,’ he eventually managed.

  The little girl waiting nervously beside them took a deep breath and prepared to step onto the ice. ‘Good luck, Connie,’ said her coach, and Tania blinked with recognition at the name. Connie looked about nine years old and was wearing a baby-pink skating dress, with a tiny tiara perched on top of her head. For a moment, Tania forgot her own nerves as she watched Connie take up position on the ice. The music began, and the little girl started to skate. Tania’s eyes opened wide: this girl was very good indeed.

  ‘She looks like a mini-you,’ whispered Zac, his gaze also following what little they could see of Connie through the gap in the curtain.

  ‘She’s better than I was,’ said Tania. An anger was rising in her against the woman called Meg who thought skating wasn’t as important as a stable career. She said fiercely. ‘She’s as good as Kerri was.’

  Zac nodded. ‘She should go far.’

  ‘I’ll tell her that. Someone should look out for her.’

  Zac looked a little surprised but didn’t comment. Instead, he peered out of the gap in the curtain. ‘My parents are here,’ he suddenly said. ‘Wow! I didn’t think they’d come.’

  ‘Where?’ Tania squeezed up close so she could see out too.

  Zac pointed. ‘There. Sitting by the aisle. My mum’s got long brown hair like you. Dad’s next to her in the blue jacket.’

  ‘They took the afternoon off to come and see the show,’ said Tania.

  ‘A Saturday too,’ said Zac, sounding as though he couldn’t quite believe it. ‘They never take time off together.’ His face split into a smile.

  ‘They must really want to see you skate,’ said Tania.

  Zac glanced down. Their faces were only inches away. ‘I guess,’ he said, and his voice was husky.

  Tania gazed into his face – the one she had come to love. ‘Zac …’ she said.

  ‘I know,’ said Zac.

  ‘You do?’ Tania’s heart skipped a beat.