Alexa O'Brien 05 - Death Wish

by Trina M. Lee

  “You wanted that all along, didn’t you?” I asked bitterly. “For him to come to you willingly.”

  Arys inclined his head in a nod. “Of course. But, it’s not my intention to cross any lines with you. He came to me before, Alexa. You knew this could happen. Would you truly rather he seek out the thrill with someone else over me?”

  “No.” I felt like a pouty child, but wasn’t I entitled to my feelings? “I trust you with him. I don’t like being left out of it though. Feels too much like him with her.”

  “Fair enough. I apologize, but I assure you I would never take it farther than a quick bite. Not with him. He needs to be in a controlled situation, which I can provide for him.”

  Arys made a good case. If Shaz was getting off on the bite of a vampire I trusted and loved, it would keep him away from The Wicked Kiss. I’d accept it, but I didn’t have to like it.

  “Just another damn junkie. Like me. Like all of us.” Tears continued to roll down my face though the sobs had subsided.

  I wiped them away angrily. The war between rage and pain continued inside me. Arys let me have my moment of angry tears. He really did understand me better than I gave him credit for.

  I had to go back to the bathroom to blow my nose and splash some cold water on my face. My eyes were bloodshot from crying. I stood in there for a few minutes, regaining my composure. I pushed my damp hair back from my face and concentrated on deep breathing. I could do this; I had no choice. I’d had my heart trampled before, and I’d come out stronger for it.

  When I returned to the living room, Arys was standing in front of the window, gazing out at the sunset. It was the most light I’d ever seen come through the window into his house. The sun was deep enough over the horizon to pose little threat. Its final beams were accompanied by dashes of orange and pink.

  Much the way the moon drew me, so did the sun. Sunset in the forest was heavenly. It kissed goodbye to the day with the promise of night lurking so close.

  “I don’t mean to gloss over what you’ve been through in the last day or so, but what do you plan to do about Lilah? Did you talk with Shya?” Arys continued to stare out the window, squinting against the sun’s final rays.

  “I did. He bailed out when the FPA showed up. The only thing I can do about Lilah is find a way to bind her. To keep her from breaking the curse that holds her. The good news is Shya doesn’t want that curse broken either. I have an ally.”

  “An ally you can’t trust.”

  “I can trust him on this. I’m sure of it.” I shrugged. “Regardless, I can’t deal with Lilah until I get Kale back from the FPA. I told Juliet I was coming for him. I meant it.”

  Arys rounded on me with the furious outburst I was expecting. “Like hell you are. You are not putting yourself in danger for Sinclair. He can take care of himself.”

  “Save it.” I waved a hand dismissively. “I don’t need your permission, Arys.”

  His temper had an uncanny ability to go from cool to raging hot in mere seconds. I knew him well enough to expect it. I concentrated on staying calm. If we both flipped out, this would get ugly.

  “I wasn’t so keen on your ridiculous choice to take his debt for Shya, but now you’re really not thinking.” Arys’s voice rose steadily. “You’d be doing the entire world a service by binding Lilah. You can’t sacrifice that for Kale.”

  “The FPA is issuing a challenge. They need to know I won’t be controlled like my sister. If I leave him there, they’ll kill him. Or worse.” A shudder racked my body. I didn’t want to imagine what they could be doing to Kale.

  Arys scowled, looking at me as if I were an idiot. “They won’t kill him. As long as they have him, they have something you want. They won’t waste that. If you walk right into their hands, you’ll just be giving them what they want from you.”

  “I’m not leaving him there,” I insisted. A fight with Arys had not been on the agenda. However, if he was going to pursue it, I’d be happy to put him in his place. A conflict between the two of us was never less than fiery.

  “You’ve lost your mind.” Arys’s eyes flashed dangerously. “You’re going to do something reckless, like usual, and torture Shaz and I by making us watch you die for him.”

  That did it for my calm composure. The pressure had been mounting for days now. I snapped. “You wouldn’t be such a hard ass about this if I hadn’t screwed him. It happened once, dammit, and it’s never happened again.”

  My intent was to storm out. I needed a good run on all fours. I needed escape. Arys had other ideas. He grabbed my arm as I stomped past him and jerked me around to face him.

  “You think you know it all,” he spat the words in my face. “This isn’t about you fucking him. This is about you loving him.”

  “Oh, this again.” I laughed bitterly. I tried to pull free of his grasp, but he held tight. “So Kale and I could screw until we’re blue in the face, and it wouldn’t bother you as long as there were no feelings involved? I call bullshit. I need to leave.”

  “Wrong. You need to remember who you are and what you’re capable of.” He kissed me then, a hard, angry press of his lips to mine. “You can’t always let emotion drive you. To stay alive, you must also listen to logic.”

  Just one kiss got my heart pounding. I gazed into his dark blue eyes, falling into their depths. “Logic left the building a long time ago. I’m not going to keep having this fight with you.”

  “If you won’t accept my feelings and opinions as valid, then you have no choice.” The blue of his eyes slowly bled across the whites, going all wolf. It was no less terrifying this time than any other. “You are my other half, and I will not let you keep making decisions that threaten both of us.”

  “Don’t try to control me,” I muttered, my wolf rising to the surface. “You should know better by now.”

  “Ah, there’s my girl.” Arys grinned, revealing fangs. “I can handle your tears, but I prefer your temper.”

  “Is that so? I might make you regret those words.”

  “Do what you must, my love, but I’m not letting you go in after Kale.”

  There it was. Challenge issued. Arys looked so damn sure of himself, so prepared to do what it took to bend me to his will. It had always been this way with us. The peace only lasted so long. Conflict would follow the twins always… It echoed in my mind, a dark reminder that the odds were not in our favor.

  The two of us had faced off over many things, big and small. One of the biggest issues we’d faced was my choice to seek help from Arys’s sire, Harley. It was a dangerous and probably dumb move. It had set Arys off in ways I didn’t care to remember. However, I had learned a few things from Harley that had saved my ass since. I wasn’t sorry. Nor was I sorry that I’d killed him after.

  If I was sorry for any of it, it was only that the death of his sire had hurt Arys. Of course, his little trip down memory lane with Harley hadn’t been so easy on me. Catching the two of them in bed bleeding a naked woman was one image I’d rather not have burned into my memory forever. Still, the image of Shaz and Bianca was worse, much worse.

  As I stared into Arys’s inhuman eyes, I was faced with a choice. I could lose my temper and give him the fight he was seeking, or I could find another way around it. I’d had more than enough conflict for one week; that wasn’t what I needed from him right now.

  No, what I needed was a brief reprieve from all of it. I kissed him without thought or hesitation. Pouring the raw emotions into it, I devoured him. Arys didn’t miss a beat. Kissing me back hungrily, he slipped his tongue between my lips. He tasted faintly of blood. Shaz’s blood.

  I groaned, but it wasn’t because I didn’t like it. Tasting Shaz on Arys sparked a fire low in my core. Sliding my hands into his disheveled hair, I pulled him against me with a ravenous need.

  The frenzy driving me caught Arys up in its pull. I needed a release, some kind of rapture to chase the pain into the shadows if just for a moment. Arys was quick to comply with my demand for him to s
atisfy my need. His hands were on my hips, and his lips found the ticklish spot on my neck.

  I tugged at his robe, peeling it off him like I was unwrapping candy. I couldn’t get to what was inside fast enough. Running my hands over the hard expanse of Arys’s chest down to his stomach, I captured his shaft in one hand. Eliciting a moan from him brought a smile to my lips.

  Dropping to my knees before him, I took him into my mouth with an eager flick of my tongue. He said my name like it was both a curse and a blessing.

  Arys threaded a hand into my hair, grasping my head with a demanding affection. Heat raced to my groin. I took great joy in his response to my careful manipulations. The power and control I had over him was intoxicating. Only when his hand tightened painfully in my hair did I stop.

  I backed him up against the couch so he was forced to sit. While he watched, I stripped off my clothes then wasted no time climbing onto his lap. His arms went around me, clutching me tightly to him. He buried his face in my neck as I slid down his hard length. A sigh of relief escaped me.

  I set the pace atop him. I hungered for control, something I didn’t feel I’d had a lot of lately. This man was mine, and I was going to take from him what I needed. That kind of control was dizzying, erotic.

  “Think you can shut me up, huh?” Arys murmured, his mouth hot against my skin.

  “It’s working so far, isn’t it?” I silenced him with a bruising kiss. Arys was a smooth talker who could talk his way out of or into anything. He was used to being in charge. But, not this time.

  A growl rumbled low in his throat, and I laughed in delight. I could feel the wolf creeping around inside him, unable to break free. It wasn’t real, merely an echo of my own wolf. Still, it was as dangerous as any caged beast.

  He gripped my hips in an attempt to guide my rhythm. I shoved his hands away, pinning them at his sides. With a shake of my head, I smiled wickedly. Having him inside me didn’t free me from the emotional turmoil I carried, but it did lift me up on a wave of euphoric, glorious ignorance.

  The sound of our moans and cries filled the room. I pushed Arys to the limit. He brought me to climax again and again before finding his own release.

  The sexual energy surrounding us was potent and spicy. I leaned forward to rest my head on his shoulder while I savored it. He said nothing for a long time. He just held me.

  Finally, he whispered, “Let’s just stay in tonight. You should rest. Take some time to think.”

  “Sounds like a great idea. I just need to do something first.”

  “Does it involve being wolf? Because I can feel your beast inside me in a desperate way.”

  “It does.” Reluctantly, I got to my feet and gathered my clothing. I didn’t want our tryst to be over because it meant going back to reality. The wolf wouldn’t wait though. I’d had my moment of bliss, and she demanded hers.

  The short trip across town to Kylarai’s was all it took for everything to come crashing back. I just couldn’t shake it. The loss of Kale, my sister’s betrayal, Shaz and Bianca, it all ate at me.

  I followed the small town streets to Ky’s. The wolf within sought the forest and the relief it provided from the human world. Such bittersweet freedom.

  Leaving my car in the driveway, I ran around the house to the backyard. I pulled my clothes off as I went, dropping my keys near the steps leading up to the patio. If Kylarai saw me streaking through the early dusk like a bat out of hell, she would know something was up.

  I leaped into the air, coming down on all fours as wolf. The shift was fast and fluid. It felt, for just a moment, like true liberation. Everything was so much simpler as wolf.

  I ran as if I could escape, but there was no escape, only acceptance.

  Speeding across the stretch of field separating Kylarai’s backyard from the forest beyond, I was accompanied by the fading sunset. It did not cease in its beauty for my heartbreak. Its color never dimmed. The world would go on regardless of my place within it. For the first time I began to feel like I belonged in the dark.

  Weaving in between trees, leaping fallen logs and brush, I pushed my body as hard as possible. My muscles burned and my lungs heaved. I ran blindly, having no destination. I couldn’t flee the truth; it clung to me.

  If Arys was my darkness then surely Shaz was my light. He’d kept me grounded, sane, until now. I needed him. If that was selfish then so be it. Long before I had met Arys, I had formed a special connection with Shaz. He meant so much to me. How would we get over this?

  Shaz had said we would be ok. After everything went down with Kale and then finding Shaz playing with the vampires at The Wicked Kiss, he had promised me we would get through this. Yet, I felt so betrayed.

  I’d made my share of mistakes. I was no one to tell Shaz what he could or could not do. But, I had promised it was over with Kale, and as screwed up as that whole situation was, I had stuck to my word.

  I couldn’t help but think the twin flame revelation had something to do with this. Shaz had been remorseful up until he found out what Arys and I really were to one another. It had driven him into the arms of another woman. He had been mine, but a matter of brutal seconds had changed everything.

  Lifting my voice to the wind, I howled. Mournful and eerie, the sound of my pain echoed through the treetops. Again and again, I cried out my misery to the forest.

  Miles away in the distance, Shaz echoed my heartbroken cry.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I watched Shya pour six sugar packets into his tea. Gross. He totally just ruined it. He was oblivious, sipping from it like it was perfection.

  His crimson eyes settled on me. “I apologize for the other night. Skipping out on you wasn’t my intention.”

  I glanced around the near empty Tim Horton’s coffee shop. Nobody sat within earshot of our conversation. “Did you mean to leave Kale and me for the FPA to drag off?”

  “I had no way of knowing what would happen. Kale should have done a better job of covering your tracks after the Irving kill. He isn’t usually so careless.” Shya gave me an appraising glance, one that indicated he blamed me for Kale’s blunder.

  “So that’s it? The FPA has him, and you won’t do anything about it?” I had expected this from the demon, but the shrug and smirk accompanying his response surprised me.

  “I’m not a babysitter, Alexa. I can’t bail my people out of every screw up they get themselves into.” He tapped another sugar packet against the table before opening it and adding it to his tea. “Besides, Kale hasn’t been the sharpest tool in the shed lately. Falling in love has made a fool of him. Perhaps some time with the FPA will do him some good. Frankly, I’m just happy they didn’t get their hands on you.”

  I stared into my coffee cup as I censored myself from spitting out a nasty retort. I understood why Kale meant so little to someone like Shya or Arys. So, why the hell couldn’t they understand why he meant so much to me?

  “What will they do to him?” I was afraid of the answer, but my imagination wasn’t helping.

  Stirring more sugar into the tea, Shya clinked his spoon against the cup repetitively. I had to fight back the urge to rip the utensil out of his hand. He studied me intently, noting everything from my expression to the way I fidgeted with a napkin, folding and refolding it.

  “They’ll start by torturing as much information as they can out of him about anything and anyone. I’d imagine they would start with you and your vampire, as well as me and what I’ve been up to since the FPA saw me last. Then they’ll either kill him or recruit him if he doesn’t manage to escape them. It’s unlikely though not impossible.”

  “Fuck,” I muttered, crushing the napkin in my fist. “I can’t just leave him there.”

  “I’d call it even and walk away if I were you. You both took a fall for the other. Sentimental, sure. Romantic, perhaps. Ultimately, pointless. It’s done no good for either of you.” With a shrug and a shake of his dark head, Shya frowned. “Your attention should be on Lilah right now. She’s not t
he type to give up. And, I can assure you, her attention is very much on you.”

  I drank down some of the hot coffee, needing the caffeine fix but finding it hard to enjoy. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means she’s more desperate than ever to break the curse. She’s lying low, staying out of touch. But, she’s not staying idle. I can promise you that. We must bind her, Alexa.”

  “How?”

  “I can do the binding, but I’ll need you to strip her power first. Your power over vampires makes you the one person with the best chance of success.”

  That was suspicious. “Why can’t you do it?”

  “She’s my queen.” Shya stiffened, appearing uncomfortable. “A binding is disrespectful but it won’t harm her. I can’t do that. You weaken her enough, and I can effectively bind her. It will render her powerless, but it will only be temporary. It should buy us some time.”

  “Time for what?”

  “To figure out what she needs to break the curse and make sure she never pulls it off.”

  I pushed a hand through my long hair and stared out the window at the traffic. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want anything to do with Lilah or her curse. Now I had no choice because of the trouble she was bringing my way. Besides, I couldn’t turn my back and let her break the curse if I had the ability to stop her. Willow said my name meant ‘protector of mankind’. If Lilah returned to her dark goddess throne, all of mankind would suffer for it. It couldn’t happen, not if I could stop her.

  “Fuck,” I repeated. “I miss the days of hunting down idiot vampires. I don’t have the stress capacity for this shit.”

  “With great power comes–”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I cut him off, holding a hand up to stop his clichéd comment. “I know.”

  Shya drained his teacup. In a motion almost dainty, he ran a finger along the rim. “The night of the full moon. That’s when we do it.”