3 Granny Snows A Sneak

by Julie Seedorf

  “He died the same week we buried Dad.”

  “Did you exhume Ferdinand’s grave today?” Franklin continued with the questions.

  “No, we were too busy trying to figure out how the body got under the warming blanket, trying to track down who was in the cemetery last night.” Thor gave his mother a steely look. “and we didn’t want to disturb the crime scene.”

  Granny stood up. “Is there anything more or can this old woman go to bed? It’s late and it’s time for all of you to go.”

  “One more thing.” Thor held out the picture he had shown Granny earlier at the restaurant. “Does anyone recognize this man?” One by one, they shook their heads, except for Granny. She was staring intently at the photo.

  “I’ve seen him somewhere before.”

  All eyes were now on Granny.

  “Maybe he just looks familiar,” Mavis suggested, “We’ve never seen him around here before.”

  “Go home, all of you,” Granny instructed. “Franklin, we need to figure out where our menagerie is going and what they’re doing. They could be getting in trouble. Tomorrow, we track them.” Granny walked to the door, opened it and gestured that they should all leave. “It’s been nice, but let’s not do this again,” Granny told them as they all left her house. Closing the door, Granny turned out the lights, walked back to her bedroom, opened her secret cabinet, pulled out her chocolates, turned to Mrs. Bleaty who was still lounging on the bed and said, “Move over. You bleat, I’ll eat, and tomorrow we’ll solve this crime easy and sweet.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Pastor Snicks was waiting for Franklin to put the ring on Granny’s finger before he pronounced the couple man and wife. Granny looked down at the ring that Franklin was putting on her finger, then looked up––straight into the face of Silas Crickett. Granny woke with a start out of her dream. She sat up in bed and looked at the clock on the cell phone sitting by her bed––5:00 a.m.

  Granny laid her head back down on her pillow and snuggled into her warm bed. It had been a long time since she’d had a nightmare, and what other way could she classify the dream that had just rocked her out of a deep sleep, except to say it was a nightmare? Why else would she dream about Silas?

  She let her mind wander as she tried to get back to sleep, the image of the face on the picture Franklin had shown her last night drifting through her head. Closing her eyes, the face came to her again under the darkness of her eyelids. It was the face of the man she’d caught watching her and taking her picture earlier in the year when she’d gone to Allure, Minnesota, to replace her cell phone. She had even told the young whippersnapper clerk in the store to call the police, but he hadn’t seemed too concerned––and then he had called the police on Granny!

  Granny sat up and grabbed her cell phone. She shouted the word Mavis into her phone. The phone started dialing Mavis’s number. Granny heard the phone pick up. “Mavis, are you there? Mavis?”

  “Wha..? Ya, just a minute. Who is this?” Mavis sleepily muttered into the phone.

  “Mavis, I know who that dead body was in the cemetery!”

  “Uh huh, I...ah...know there was a dead body in the cemetery. Now go back to sleep until at least 6:00, Granny.” Mavis hung up the phone.

  “Mavis, don’t you hang up. Get up!” Granny looked at the phone. The connection said terminated.

  Granny tossed the phone on the bed. Mrs. Bleaty was no longer there. Granny picked the phone back up, trying to decide if she should call someone else. It wasn’t even light out yet. In Minnesota, in the winter, it got dark earlier, and light later in the morning. Granny thought about Delight and wondered how she was coping with the news that the stiff in Granny’s back yard was her husband. Granny decided to find out. Throwing the covers to the bottom of the bed, and swinging her legs over the side, she grabbed the bedpost to keep herself steady as she stood up, while noticing that sometime during the night, Mrs. Bleaty had moved from the bed to the floor and was now snoring soundly.

  Waking herself up with a quick shower that melted the cobwebs out of her eyes, she dressed in her old Granny garb, putting the bad dream about Silas out of her head. Granny looked down at what she was wearing and decided before she headed home she would stop at AbStract and see if she could find a new more stylish wardrobe that fit her personality, since she didn’t have to wear her polyester undercover clothes anymore. She decided to use the underground streets instead of the snowmobile to get to town. Slipping into her red sparkly hightops, she tied the laces. The streets and sidewalks had been plowed so it would be easy to get from one store to the other above ground once she got downtown. She would use the lift at Graves’ Funeral Home.

  Pulling on her coat, Granny picked up her pocketbook and, for good measure, decided to take her pink snow shovel cane too. It just might come in handy if she had to snow a snatcher.

  There were no animals in sight. Maybe they were at Franklin’s where they usually were at this time of day. Granny peeked out the front window to see if all was quiet. It was as good a time as any to leave the house before she had to deal with the supercilious Silas. What a good word! That’s what she was going to call him––supercilious! With a smile, Granny tromped down the basement stairs and exited her house into the underground streets.

  Since it was so early in the morning, the streets were deserted. Granny made her way to the lift at Graves’ Mortuary, and punched in her code. The lift moved quietly up to the main level, only making a noise when it finally jolted to a stop. Granny was caught off guard by the darkness of the store. Then she remembered, it was only 6:00 a.m. Graves’ Mortuary was still closed and Gravy was probably tucked snug in his bed. Granny hoped she would be able to unlock the door from the inside and get out so she could walk down the street to the Pink Percolator.

  Granny made her way through the darkness of the mortuary to the front door. The Christmas lights of downtown Fuchsia shone through the window, illuminating her path. She extended her arm to try to turn the lock on the store’s front door, when a voice came out of the darkness, “Is someone there? I hear you breathing.”

  Granny scowled. There was no way anyone could hear her breathing. “Stop or I’ll shang you with this shovel!” Granny warned the voice.

  “What does shang mean? There’s no such word as shang.” The lights turned on, flooding the room.

  “Mother Fiddlestadt! What are you doing here?” exclaimed the voice.

  Mother Fiddlestadt? Only one person called her that. “Butch, what are you doing in Graves’ Mortuary?”

  “Didn’t I just ask you that question?” her son-in-law Butch countered back.

  “I’m supposed to be here. I have the code,” Granny challenged.

  “I’m supposed to be here, too. I have the key.” Butch held up the key in his hand.

  “Why do you have the key?” Granny asked suspiciously.

  “Because I used to work for Mr. Graves when I was in high school and since Penelope and I are moving back, I’m going to help him out from time to time. Penelope can handle the hardware store while I’m gone for a little while. Mr. Graves asked me to move some caskets around this morning in the casket room. They are getting too much for him. I wanted to do it before I opened the hardware store. Your turn.”

  “I wanted to go to the Pink Percolator for coffee and I didn’t want to use my snowmobile. I took a shortcut through the funeral home.”

  Butch sighed. “It’s a good thing I caught you before you turned that lock and opened the door or you’d have had the entire Fuchsia Police Department here. You would have heard a ding, ding, ding and it wouldn’t have been in your head. Mr. Graves installed an alarm system yesterday after someone robbed your grave.”

  “It’s not my grave! I’m––not dead! So it’s not my grave!”

  Butch walked over, turned off the alarm, and opened the door for Granny. “And I won’t tell your daughter that you’re roaming around in a funeral home at 6:00 a.m. You’re welcome.”

  Granny turned
to say something to Butch before exiting the building, thought better of it, and walked out into the cold.

  Butch closed the door, reset the alarm, and shook his head, no doubt thinking about the strange family he was a part of.

  Delight was turning on the Christmas lights inside of the Pink Percolator when Granny entered the coffee house. The aroma of fresh baked goods and roasted coffee filled the air. When Delight turned and saw Granny, she rushed over, threw her arms around the petite woman, and started sobbing.

  “Oh, Granny, I’m so sorry that Delbert stole your husband’s clothes! I know he didn’t do it on purpose. He was a good man.”

  Granny patted Delight on the back while extricating herself from Delight’s tight grip. She held Delight at arm’s length and looked her straight in the eye. “Delight, he was dead; he didn’t do it on purpose,” she said, trying to help Delight get a grip on her grief.

  Delight looked back into Granny’s eyes, gave a final sniff, wiped her eyes, and stepped back out of Granny’s grasp. “You’re right. Delbert has been gone a long time. How this did happen and how did Delbert get in your grave? They don’t seem to know.”

  “Again, I’m not dead so it isn’t my grave or my crypt and I don’t know anything about it,” Granny explained in exasperation. “What we need to do is figure this out.”

  “I’ll get you some coffee and a donut.” Delight moved toward the counter. “We can talk before I get busy, and the others come in to work.”

  Granny sat down near the window so she could see what was happening on the streets. She lay the snow shovel down on the ground underneath the table. Delight brought over the coffee and the donuts and sat down across from Granny.

  Granny moved her gaze from the window to her coffee cup. She read the saying on the side of the cup out loud and laughed. ‘“Yesterday is gone, today is here; drink your coffee, not a beer.’ Got something against beer, Delight?”

  “No, but I was trying to think of something that rhymed with here, and beer was the only thing I could think of. I don’t have your gift of rhyme, Granny.”

  “It’s fine, Delight. I probably would have ended it like this, ‘Yesterday is gone, today is here; drink your coffee, it’ll help you look in the mirror.’”

  “Oh, Granny, that’s wonderful! I think I’ll change my cups to that the next time I order them. Do you mind?”

  Granny ignored Delight’s cup comment enthusiasm and got down to the subject most on her mind. “When did your husband die, Delight, and what were the circumstances? I didn’t know you then. Did you actually see him in the casket?”

  “Well, according to your son, Thor, they died the same week and were buried on the same day. Your husband was buried in the morning and my husband was buried in the afternoon. We had a closed casket because I couldn’t bear to look at him dead, so I never actually saw him after he died. Also I didn’t want to upset Ella by having her look at her dead dad.”

  “How did he die?” Granny asked.

  “He was on a business trip for his job and he stepped off the street right in front of a motorcycle. It was a fitting death because he always wanted to ride a motorcycle,” Delight reminisced. “He was thrown up on the motorcycle behind the driver, and when the driver came to an abrupt stop, he was thrown into a nearby tree.”

  Granny nodded and patted Delight on the hand. “At least he died doing something he enjoyed.”

  “But now, they’re saying that the new autopsy they conducted indicated that he was murdered,” Delight reminded Granny, just as the door opened and Franklin hurried into the Pink Percolator and stood over Granny, interrupting their conversation.

  “Have you seen the shysters, Granny? They didn’t come to my house last night. Were they with you?”

  Granny stood up. “No, I assumed they were on their nightly rounds and were with you. Where are they disappearing to these days?”

  “We need to find them. Have you seen Baskerville? Do you suppose he’s with the shysters? He doesn’t always hang out with them,” Franklin reminded Granny.

  “Mrs. Bleaty was still snoring loudly on the floor of my bedroom when I left. We have to go to the police station first, Franklin. I know who the stiff under the warming blanket is.”

  Delight had been listening to the conversation while savoring her coffee and said: “They’re exhuming Delbert’s body today. I signed the papers yesterday. If you hear anything about the results of his autopsy while you’re at the police station, let me know.”

  Granny bent over and pulled her shovel out from underneath the table. “Hang tight, Delight. We may have answers by tonight.”

  Delight could hear Franklin questioning Granny about the dead stiff as they exited the Pink Percolator. She smiled, as it was clear Granny wasn’t goin’ to tell what she knew until she got to the police station. The last words she heard Granny say to Franklin her cranky tone before the door closed were, “You and Thor are too close to the case. Remember your decision. I’ll tell the Big Guy’s doppelganger and only his doppelganger. You are not on a need-to-know basis.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Thor was standing by the front desk in the police station, chatting with another officer when Granny and Franklin entered. Seeing his mother, Thor nodded to the other officer, and met Granny before she could get any farther into the station.

  “Mother, what brings you here today?”

  “Are you the officer in charge of the Grave Robber Case?”

  “I’m working on it, but the officer in charge is Ephraim. But you know that.”

  “Then there’s no sense in asking me why I’m here. I’m here to talk to the officer in charge and that happens to be the Tall Guy.”

  Thor raised his eyebrows at the name. “The Tall Guy?”

  “Well, he’s the Big Guy’s brother and I can’t call him the Big Guy, so I have to call him the Tall Guy, because if I called him the Small Guy, it would be a big exaggeration since he’s no wally-smally,” Granny pointed out.

  Thor looked at Franklin. Franklin shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

  “I’ll tell him you’re here and need to talk to him, but you need to leave the shovel out here.” Thor took the shovel from Granny’s hands and handed it to the desk sergeant before walking down the hallway, stopping to knock on a door farther down. Opening the door, he poked his head in and said something that Granny couldn’t hear. Then Thor raised his hand and indicated that Granny and Franklin should come his way. When they reached the doorway, Thor ushered them into the room. Ephraim Cornelius Stricknine was sitting behind a desk. He looked up when they entered.

  “What can I do for you, Granny? Your reputation precedes you.”

  “And ya better believe it, unless they’re poisoning your mind with untrue tales,” Granny answered, as she gave Thor a shrewd glance.

  Ignoring the barb, Ephraim indicated they should sit down. “Have a chair and tell me why you needed to see me.”

  “I know the guy in the picture.”

  Before Ephraim Stricknine could get the question out himself, Thor asked, “You know him? How? And what’s his name?”

  “I don’t know his name but I know him,” Granny reiterated. “He’s the guy who was following me when I went to Allure to get my new cell phone. He was taking pictures of me but that young pip in the cell phone store wouldn’t take me seriously.”

  “Is that the same store where they had to call the police for you––something about you harassing the clerk?” Thor reminded his mother.

  Granny frowned at Thor. “The guy was taking pictures of me. It was him,” Granny insisted. “Tall Guy, you have to believe me!”

  Ephraim laughed When Granny called him the Tall Guy. “My brother warned me about you. No matter his faults, he always had a soft spot for you, Granny, and he told me to watch out for you. Big Guy, Tall Guy. We would have made a great team if he hadn’t gotten so greedy. He really liked being a detective and he thought that by doing detective work it would make up for his shady past. So,
don’t worry. I’ve got your back, Granny.”

  Granny flinched at those words. Then, she sat up taller and smiled at Franklin and Thor, as if to say ah ha. “Does that mean I can work for the merchants of Fuchsia again?” Granny asked with hope in her voice.

  “NO!!” Franklin and Thor shouted at the same time.

  The Tall Guy looked at both of them, and then said, “For the moment––no. But before we even think about that, let’s solve this crime first. Thank you for coming, Granny.” He gestured to the door, indicating the meeting was over.

  Reaching the lobby of the police station first, Granny retrieved her shovel from the desk sergeant before Franklin or Thor could object. Leaning on it for support, she turned and said to the two men who had finally caught up with her, “That visit wore me out; I knew I needed my shovel cane for support before my wobbly legs let me down.” Her voice seemed to weaken as she talked.

  Franklin looked at Granny intently. He was never sure when she was using her Granny routine or when she actually was having a weak moment. He could have sworn it was all an act, but after hauling her to the ER twice in the last year from fainting spells, Franklin wasn’t sure he could read the situation accurately.

  “We have to go anyway. We have to find the shysters and Baskerville,” Franklin reminded Granny.

  Granny shuffled to the door with her shovel cane, “Where’s your car, Franklin?”

  Franklin held the door for Granny, both saying good bye to Thor.

  “Let me know what’s happening,” Granny yelled back to Thor.

  Franklin took Granny’s arm and helped her into his car. “We should check my house first to see if they finally got there. Keep an eye out on the streets. I’ll drive through the alley behind AbStract to see if they might be hanging out there.”

  Not finding the shysters or Baskerville in the alleys, park, or at Franklin’s, they headed for Granny’s house. Pulling up out front, Granny noticed Mrs. Bleaty, bleating in front of Silas Crickett’s house. “That goat sure has got a thing for that bird Radish. We better get her home,” Granny concluded.