3 Granny Snows A Sneak

by Julie Seedorf

  Reaching Silas Crickett’s door, Granny grabbed the collar she had put on Mrs. Bleaty so she could lead her around once in awhile when Mrs. Bleaty was being stubborn. Now was one of those times. As Franklin grabbed the collar gently to help her, they heard barking and a bird screeching and cats meowing from inside Silas Crickett’s house.

  “He’s kidnapped the shysters and Baskerville! Mrs. Bleaty is trying to rescue them!” Granny started pounding on Silas’s door. “Silas, I know you’re in there and you’re holding my furry ones hostage. Let me in!” Granny kept pounding.

  Franklin, still holding on to Mrs. Bleaty, tried the knob on the door. Mavis and George, hearing the racket coming from their neighbor’s house, came over to see what the noise was about. “Is something wrong with Silas?” Mavis asked in a concerned voice.

  “He’s dognapped and catnapped my animals,” Granny answered.

  “It’s fine, Granny,” said Mavis. “Silas loves your animals. In fact, he’s made them a great place to play in his basement. He has cat ramps and agility courses for your dogs. And Radish loves them too.”

  Granny stopped pounding as she turned and looked at Mavis, “Have you lost your marbles? He’s always complaining about them.”

  At that moment, the door opened and Silas Crickett stuck his head out the door, scowling at Granny and asked, “What in tarnation are you doing, woman? You’re making enough racket to raise the dead.” Seeing Mavis, his face crinkled into a big smile. “Mavis, George, how nice of you to visit. You, too, Franklin, come on in.”

  At the nice tone, Granny elbowed her way past Silas and inside his house. Not seeing her furry creatures, she turned to the basement steps.

  “Silas, I don’t like your tone when talking to Hermiony,” Franklin warned, while still holding on to Mrs. Bleaty. Giving Silas a stern look, he joined the others in entering the house trying to catch up with Granny.

  “Let Mrs. Bleaty go join the others, Franklin. She wasn’t here when they came over. She wants to have fun with the others,” Silas instructed.

  Mavis followed Granny down the basement steps, trying to calm her. “See, Granny! Look what Silas has done for your furry ones.”

  Granny was speechless as she looked around Silas’s basement at the scene in front of her. What had previously been Sally’s basement, and the Hussy and The Big Guy’s den of illegal activities, was now a large playground for animals. Silas had opened the door to the old tornado shelter and the hidden underground room connected to the tunnels that led to the lake, and had built catwalks, dog agility courses and swings for Silas’s gray parrot, Radish. It was heated with the generators that had previously kept plants warm and alive.

  Little White Poodle ran up and jumped at Granny’s ankles. Fish wove in and out and around her feet. Furball jumped up into Franklin’s arms as he and Mrs. Bleaty got to the bottom of the stairs, and Tank ran and snorted at his feet. Baskerville sat in the center of the room and let out a howl. When he howled, the trap door on a cage tethered to the ceiling opened just enough to let a few treats drop to the ground. When that happened, the shysters left Granny and Franklin and headed to the treats. Mrs. Bleaty, not wanting to be left out, gave a jerk and got free of Franklin’s grasp. At the same time, Radish was nibbling on a radish while perched on a swing high up out of reach.

  “Where’s my shovel, Franklin? I have to snow shovel a sneak. He snatched my animals!”

  “Can it, Granny,” said Silas. “They love it here. I leave the door by the lake open so they can come and go as they please. The snow has melted enough that they can get in and out.”

  “I warned you, Silas,” Franklin barked as he advanced on Silas, “You don’t talk to my fiancé that way.”

  Silas took a step toward Franklin. At that moment, Granny yelled “Attack!” and pointed to Silas and Franklin. Baskerville jumped on Silas with the full force of his weight, knocking him down. Furball gave a leap and jumped on Franklin’s head; Fish, Little White Poodle, and Tank launched their own attack, knocking Franklin off balance and, with a little help from a light head-butt from Mrs. Bleaty, Franklin fell to the floor. Radish, still sitting on his swing, started screeching, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

  Granny looked at the two men trying to extricate themselves from the animals and announced, “I’m going home. Good job, shysters and Baskerville. My training paid off. Silas, you cantankerous thieving old man, I’m reporting you to the Tall Guy and if that doesn’t work, I’m taking you to the town council. Franklin, I can take care of myself.”

  Turning to the animals, she pointed to the stairs, “Home!” The shysters and Baskerville followed Granny up the steps. Mrs. Bleaty turned, let out a bleat, and ran up the stairs after Granny.

  George walked over to Silas and extended a hand to help him up. Then he turned to Franklin and helped him up, too. “I think she’s a little angry.” Turning to Mavis, he added, “This would be a good script for our pretend reality TV show. ‘Flipped Over The Older Woman.’”

  “You’re right; let’s go, George.”

  Turning to the two men, George issued a stern warning, or as stern as George could get, “Behave.”

  Franklin and Silas were silent for a few minutes and then Franklin held out his hand to Silas. Silas pondered the gesture for a minute before holding out his hand to Franklin.

  “She drives me crazy, Franklin,” Silas Crickett explained to Franklin.

  “I know,” Franklin agreed, “That’s why I love her.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Granny’s stomach was rumbling as she opened the door to her house. Apparently, the shysters, Baskerville and Mrs. Bleaty had the same rumblings in their stomachs because they almost knocked Granny over entering the house in a rush for their food dishes.

  Stepping into the kitchen, Granny opened the refrigerator and pulled out a steak for Baskerville and Mrs. Bleaty, figuring they deserved some sort of treat for coming home. Instead of the usual yogurt and vegetables that she usually fed to the shysters, Granny opened a can of tuna for Fish and Furball. Not wanting to leave Little White Poodle and Tank out of the treat fun, she opened a package of hot dogs and flipped them in the air to be caught by the excited dogs. Maybe they would want to come home if she fed them something dogilicious.

  The doorbell rang and Granny listened to it play Santa Got Run Over By A Reindeer. Who had changed her tune to THAT song? Granny wondered as she headed for the door. Granny opened the door to Angel looking up at her with the beautiful blue eyes that Angel had inherited from her mother.

  “Hi, Granny, this is for you.” Angel plopped a present in Granny’s arms before walking past Granny into the house and sitting down on the floor next to Baskerville.

  “We heard from Dad that you had a rough morning,” Heather informed Granny as she followed Angel into the house. We thought you might need some lunch.”

  Granny set the present down on the kitchen table and inhaled the fumes coming from the package.

  “It’s your favorite, Granny, but Mommy said we should keep this between us. Why? I wanted to tell Aunt Penelope when we met her at Rack’s restaurant, but Mommy said we couldn’t tell her because it was a surprise. Is it a surprise?”

  Granny pulled away the paper revealing her favorite fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and deep-fried onion rings. “It is definitely a big surprise,” Granny answered, sitting down to her favorite meal.

  “I have another surprise,” Heather announced, pulling out an insulated bag. Opening it, she set the contents on the table in front of Granny. A big smile lit up Granny’s face as she saw the chocolate fudge ice cream with a chocolate donut on top.

  Angel jumped up and down with excitement, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!”

  Laughter filled the room as Heather, Angel and Granny laughed. Granny looked at Heather with a questioning look.

  “Well, you are going to be my mother-in-law and my step-mother so I thought I better get on your good side,” Heather joked.

  “Do you have a bad sid
e, Granny?” Angel asked with a puzzled expression.

  The doorbell saved Granny from answering the question. “What is this, no rest for the good and who put that song on my doorbell?” Granny started to get up to answer the door, but Heather stopped her and ran to the door instead.

  “Surprise––oh, Angel, why are you here?” Thor asked Heather as he stepped into the room with a carryout bag from Rack’s restaurant with the same aroma as the box Angel had just given to Granny.

  Thor stopped by the table. “Oh, what’s that you’re eating?”

  “Ah, ah, my dinner?”

  “Yah, and it’s our secret, so you better not tell. We want Aunt Penelope to be surprised.”

  Thor walked over and hugged Angel. “She certainly would be surprised, especially if she knew what I brought Granny, too.” He winked at Angel. Opening the bag, he took out fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, deep-fried onion rings, and, in a Styrofoam container, chocolate fudge ice cream with a chocolate donut on top.

  Granny looked at Thor suspiciously. “Am I ill? Is this my last meal and I don’t know it?” Never in her late life could she remember any of her children feeding her anything but organic and wholesome food.

  “I hear you’ve had a hard day.” Thor shook his head as he spoke trying to have a sympathetic tone. “I hear you had another altercation with Silas.”

  “Where did you hear that? Franklin! He had to go and tell you. Did he tell you that despicable man stole my animals! Did he tell you that he and Silas almost got into a fight?” Granny was on a roll now. “Did he tell you that that he almost popped Silas? And you think I’m out of control. Did he tell you that Silas Crickett held my animals hostage and I had to rescue them? Did he? Did he? Did he?” Granny’s voice got louder with each did he.

  Angel walked over next to Granny and looked into Granny’s face with a sweet little smile. “Are you talking about that nice man across the street? He promised to let me play with his bird someday if I come over. He said I could call him Grand because he’s old and he’s not my Grandpa, but he is grand.”

  Granny stood up quickly, then realized that she had to set an example for Angel. “Yes, sweetheart, I am talking about Mr. Old Grand. He has another name, but I think it’s too long for you to say. It is supercilious but I think you should just stick to calling him Old Grand for now. I’m sure he would like that. Why don’t you go play with the shysters and Baskerville. It looks like Mrs. Bleaty is going to my bedroom to take a nap.”

  “Ok, should I call you young Grand then?” Angel asked as she headed down the basement stairs followed by the shysters and Baskerville, not waiting for an answer.

  “Grand! Grand! And now he’s trying to steal my new granddaughter! Wait until I get ahold of him,” Granny ranted. “You all might as well have some of this since you decided to feed me.”

  Thor and Heather joined Granny at the table. Thor was quiet for a few minutes, watching Granny intently.

  “What? Why are you staring at me? Have you never seen me eat fried chicken before?”

  Actually, I can’t stay,” said Thor. “I’m headed to the cemetery. They’re about to open up Delbert Delight’s grave. It will be interesting to find out if there’s anything or anyone in there.”

  “I’ll go with you,” said Granny.

  Heather broke into the conversation. “Actually, Granny, I thought you and I could visit Pastor Snicks. I’ve made an appointment so we can talk about the weddings. There are a few things that need to be coordinated between us. Then I thought we might do some Christmas shopping. It will be a good bonding time for us. I’ve made arrangements for Mavis to come over and watch Angel. They’re going to work on the Christmas pageant for Christmas Eve.”

  Granny eyed both Heather and Thor. “You planned this. Butter me up and then go in for the kill.”

  “No, really, I had no idea what Thor was doing. He said he was going to be busy all day.”

  “The only reason I stopped in was to tell you that we know the name of the man who was found under the warming blanket on Dad’s grave.” Thor assured Granny.

  “Well?” Granny prompted.

  “Felix Smart.”

  “Why would this guy Felix Smart be taking pictures of me?”

  “Perhaps because he’s a private investigator?”

  “Who would investigate me? I’m just a little old lady almost ready for the wrinkle farm. Do you think I did something I can’t remember?” Granny asked in alarm.

  “Did you?” Thor asked, studying Granny’s face to see if she was pulling her I-am-a-feeble-old-lady act. He had a hard time telling, unlike his sisters who always believed that Granny was frail and helpless and needed taking care of. Maybe that was what daughters did. He didn’t know.

  Granny skewered him with a dirty look.

  Thor let out a big sigh. “All we know at the moment is that he was a private investigator and he rented Neil Nail’s house from Neil. Since Neil is no longer able to live in his house, he decided to rent it out. We’re doing some checking. I’ve got to go and see what they’re finding out in the cemetery.”

  “Isn’t the Tall Guy in charge now?” Granny reminded him.

  “Yes, but I’m working the case with him.” Thor walked out the door, calling back to Heather, “Good luck, this afternoon! Don’t bond too much; you might turn into my mother!”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Pastor Snicks was studying something on his desk so intently that he didn’t see or hear Heather and Granny enter the room until Granny pounded her snow shovel cane on the floor. With a start, he quickly covered the papers he’d been studying.

  “Tryin’ to hide something?” Granny blurted out in a suspicious tone.

  With a little laugh and a covered cough, Pastor Snicks indicated that the women should have seats in the two chairs in front of his desk. “Yes, Granny, I am; I’m hiding the records of another parishioner. Privacy Act, you know. You can’t see what I know.”

  “Well, I know what you can’t see,” Granny countered back.

  “Pastor Snicks,” Heather had decided to break up the conversation so they didn’t upset the Pastor––after all, they needed him. He was on the books for weddings the month of December for the We Save You Christian Church and, although he and Granny usually got along, you never knew what conclusions Granny might stoop to if she thought he was hiding anything about his other parishioners. “I want to finalize our wedding party and music, Pastor,” said Heather. “I brought Granny along in case any of our decisions impacted their wedding.”

  “No problem, there,” Granny piped in, “whatever you do is fine with me. We’re going to march in to the Wedding Bell Blues, say I do and let the party begin.”

  Ignoring Granny, Pastor Snicks looked at the papers he’d taken out of his drawer. “Yes, but we do need to name the Matron of Honor and the Best Man. You two have to discuss this before making a decision.”

  “Yes,” Heather answered. Heather turned to look at Granny. “Granny, I would like you to be my Matron of Honor.”

  Granny looked at Heather and at first was speechless, which was an odd thing for Granny. It took her a few moments to answer. “Me? Matron of Honor? I’ve never been a Matron of Honor. Don’t you want your sister or a friend? I’m old. Do you know what I would look like in one of those frou-frou dresses?”

  “Granny, my mother is dead. Since I’ve met you, you have accepted me and I feel like you are my mother, too. By being my Matron of Honor, it will be like our ceremony, too––becoming mother and daughter.”

  Granny cleared her throat and turned away from Heather and Pastor Snicks to let out a little pretend cough, sneaking a hand across her eyes to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Turning back to Heather, she answered in barely a whisper, “I...ah...I... ah...I suppose I can. But what will your father say?”

  Heather smiled. “He’s going to be Thor’s best man. It will be our ceremony uniting Thor and me and making you both our new parents.”

  Pa
stor Snicks had been watching this exchange. “All right now,” he said, clearing his throat. His eyes were a little misty at the exchange between the crusty Hermiony Vidalia Fiddlestadt and the young Heather. “We have that settled; anything else, Heather?”

  “Yes, Thor and I have decided that we would arrange for music for the guests to enjoy while they are waiting for my dad and Granny’s wedding to begin. After all, Angel has to change and Granny will have to get her flowers, and if she may want to change dresses––although i’s perfectly fine if she wears her wedding dress for our wedding too. We’ll need a little time in between to get ready.”

  “Wedding dress? I don’t have a wedding dress yet,” Granny said in a panic. “Can I get a wedding dress in two weeks? I haven’t had time to shop, what with all the hoopla about Delbert and the dead stiff in the cemetery. Speaking of the cemetery, can we go there?”

  “Why would you want to go to the cemetery today?” Pastor Snicks queried.

  “They’re digging up Delbert Delure’s body.”

  Pastor Snicks quickly looked down at his watch. “I’m sorry; I have to go. You need to stay away from the cemetery, Granny. Leave the detectives to do their work. You can let yourself out, right, ladies?” Pastor Snicks grabbed his coat off the coat tree, along with his hat and exited his office at a quick pace.

  Heather and Granny buttoned their coats and put on their gloves. Granny looked at her shovel and laughed. “Want me to shovel you a way out?” indicating that the cover had slipped off the sharp scoop of the shovel.

  “That’s a pretty cute shovel, Granny. It was a good idea. It keeps you stable on the ice with those four little sharp teeth at the bottom of the shovel cover. It has a sleek handle and is kind of pretty,” Heather mused.

  “They made it to my specifications.”

  “You know, you should show it to Butch. Maybe he could market them and you could go into the unique cane business. It would keep you busy.”