Trsyt

by Shaniel Watson

  I blow out a deep breath trying not to clench my teeth.

  “Ian, please don't let this ruin our weekend.”

  Her brown eyes look as if they're going to spring a leak. I suck up my anger and the insecurity of knowing that asshole wasn't wrong. She should be with someone her age getting ready to go out to the beach—to a party—like they were.

  “You're right. I’ll let it go.” I brush my hand over her cheek, kissing her.

  Her smile appears big and bright. “Great. Let's get cooking.”

  “Hey you.“ I move behind her as she slices in to a red pepper.

  “Hey you.“ She smiles turning her head in mid-slice.

  I hold her hand before she misses and cuts her finger. “Don't ever take your eyes off the knife,“ I admonish. “I need those masterful fingers. Great pleasure is derived from them. They're priceless.“

  “Oh boy, do you know how to stroke a gal’s ego.“

  “I‘m a master stroker, don't you know?” I lightly bite down on her bare shoulder, then kiss the sensitive spot connecting her neck to her shoulder.

  “I know.“ She giggles.

  “Let me help you.” I put my hand around her waist, and up under her loose-fitting crop top. “Four hands are better than two, much safer.”

  “In this case, doubtful.” Her breath catches as I make little circles on her smooth stomach.

  She lets go of the knife, I clasp her jaw, and kiss her. A tiny moan escapes her as I press into her backside. “I like the way we cook together,“ I say against her lips.

  She smirks and pushes me away. “You stay on your side of the kitchen, and I'll stay on mine, buddy. Otherwise we’ll be starving.”

  I smile, moving away to put the rice on the stove. We work well together in the kitchen making dinner. We finish and go for a walk on the beach. Standing on the shore with the water at our feet, we watch the sun go down. My arms around her, her back pressed against me, I let today go and let myself be present in this moment with her in my arms.

  Later, I lie on the bed waiting for her. She comes out of the bathroom, and the moonlight catches her, reminding me of the only poem I bothered to remember in school by Lord Byron. She's in the nightgown she wore the first night we had sex. What I feel for her is infinitely different from back then. I can appreciate the sight of her more beyond her body, but her naked curves beneath, are beckoning me to take her. Take what I want.

  “Beauty walks through the night, cannot be heard. Seen with the naked eyes a beauty so rare it brings forth imagines of splendor. Carnal images that can only be had in the presence of true beauty, worthy of love and devotion, devoid of fear, fearless to take chances; for a glimpse of a slice of heaven.”

  “That was beautiful. I had no idea you could be so poetic.”

  “It's you. You bring it out in me.”

  A slow smile parts her lips. “I do?”

  “You bring out a lot of feelings in me I wasn't expecting.”

  She hikes up her gown, kneeling between my legs. I put my hand over hers and together we slide her gown above her waist. I tell her, “Let go. Pull the sheets back.” She does, leaving me naked for her eyes, then I pull her closer so she can straddle my lap properly.

  My cock rises to my stomach. I want to feel her, all of her, exactly like the first time with no barrier between us when I slide inside her body. But this time it will mean much more. I pull her flush against me, wrapping my arms around her, trapping her bunched up gown between us. Holding her, legs spread, just above the point where we will be joined as one.

  “You know I'm clean. Are you still on birth control?” I bite my lip hoping to God she is.

  “Yes.” Her arms wind around my neck tightly as she kisses me.

  “I want to feel your warmth wrapped tight around me. Can we not use that condom tonight?”

  She rubs her lips against mine, our chests rising and falling together in anticipation. “Yes, I want to. I just want to feel you, hot and raw inside me.”

  I slowly lower her down. Her skin against my flesh is scalding, sending a frisson of heat through me as she sinks down to the hilt.

  “Oh, Ian.” Her eyes close, and she rises up and down.

  “I…I love your eyes.” My words falter. “Open them. I want to see you.” With great willpower I hold myself back from bucking up into her, enjoying the slow easy pace of our lovemaking. That's what it is, making love to her. I can deny it, but this is what it is. I have no other word for this feeling. Maybe tomorrow denials will be possible, but never in this time with her.

  We move together, her hips pushing forward, her thighs squeezing mine with long drawn out grunts and moans. Her movements let me know she needs more. I let her take control, riding me like she’s astride a saddle, racing to the finish, exerting herself to reach for the release of a prize we both need desperately. I join in pushing against her, giving her everything I have.

  Her fingernails dig in to my skin in the race for sweet release. “Ian, I, I… Ian—”

  I pump into her, grasping her hips, stopping her flow of words before she says too much. Those three words that will be like opening a Pandora’s Box of emotions and consequences I don't believe we’re ready to face. “Don't say it. Feel it. Feel me.”

  “Ian, yes. Ian…” she stutters as I push into her, holding her tight.

  “Do you know, and can you feel, how much I care for you?”

  She nods, and I tell her to kiss me. Her throaty moans and my guttural ones, is a mix of sounds signaling our release.

  We stay together rocking against each other with the fading of our orgasms. Her head rests on my shoulder, and I stroke her hair. I swear I feel a trail of wetness roll down my back. I don't want to know. Ignoring the truth is for the best. For her and for me also.

  In the morning we get up in silence. After she takes a shower, I take mine. Few words are spoken throughout the day. But we touch, we kiss, and we hold each other on the balcony before we leave, a solemn ending to a weekend filled with happiness and light-hearted carefree moments.

  Everything is packed and loaded in the trunk. She locks the front door and comes down the steps.

  “You're sure you have everything?” I ask.

  “I checked twice.” She brushes her hair to the side, not even looking at me.

  I pull her into my arms kissing her. “I had a wonderful time with you. I always do.”

  “Me too.” She sighs.

  I search her face sensing something's bothering her—almost certain of what it is. This aloof attitude is a far cry from what we shared last night. So different from any of the other times we have been together. Heart-stopping, sensually soul shattering, is the only way to describe last night.

  I won't ask. Best if this ends without drawing it out. “Let’s go then.” I open her door for her and close it firmly when she's in.

  The drive back is quiet. A different eerie kind of silence. I haven't let go of her hand the entire drive. I can't bring myself to look at her, knowing what's going to happen the closer we get to the city. Nervous unwanted minutes tick away until we’re a block from her place. A chill washes over me when I stop the car. We sit holding hands on a not-so-busy New York evening. Not as busy as a regular weekday but still with people rushing off to their destinations as we sit not saying a word to each other.

  “Jade—”

  “Don't you say it.” She shakes her head.

  “Say what?”

  “The bullshit you're about to unload on me. Our age difference. Our families. All the reasons we shouldn't be together. You're so fucking wrong.” She squeezes my hand and my heart with the emotions in her words.

  “You knew this couldn't last. We agreed on what this was. It's time.”

  “Things change.” She looks to me eyes welling with tears voice shaking. “I've changed. Don't tell me they haven't changed for you. This weekend is proof.”

  “Jade— ”

  “No dammit! Don't sit here and tell me last night didn't happen.
You asked me if I felt how much you cared for me. I did—I do. Don't do this.” Her tears drop, and I wipe them away. I don't want to see them. Seeing her hurt this way breaks my heart. “I love you. I'm not afraid to say it. I've fallen in love with you, Ian.”

  I shake my head and close my eyes. This can't work. She deserves more than this. More than a part-time relationship that started as a fling. With a man old enough to be her father. A man who is not even sure he can love her with as much conviction as she just put into three words.

  “It's over, Jade.”

  “That's it—just like that. I have no say? What I want doesn't matter? What I'm willing to sacrifice to be with you doesn’t matter?”

  That is exactly what I'm afraid of. The things she will sacrifice to be with me. It's too much. “No, it doesn't matter.”

  Her bottom lip pulls against her top. She snatches her hand away as I stare straight ahead and she gets out, slamming the door with all her strength. She slams the trunk with so much goddamn force that I feel it rattle down from the roots of my clenched teeth.

  I watch her walk away, head held high. Until she disappears down the street with a sparse few people.

  Out of reach. Gone.

  Monday morning has never been this depressing. It's much like my mood. I can feel the heat rising off the pavement with the drizzling rain. I pass the security guard flashing my ID and wave. I don't need to, but protocol and all, everyone else has to do it. My office feels quieter than usual. I've done the same thing every day for years; take my case off my shoulder, pull out papers, and get to work. I get my coffee before everyone comes in. Except for when Jade came. She would arrive ten minutes after me, coffee in hand, shiny black hair about her shoulders, looking as fresh and bright as the summer day shining through my windows. For the next hour, she'd be mine. No one knows but us what we did in here.

  Nobody heard how she whispered against my ear, telling me what she wanted as I hiked up her skirt. Nobody saw her ass pressed against my desk as I rode her over and over again, her hands clutching me tightly. As her moans came hoarse and strained in the quiet of the room, and my release exploded into her. Always heaven.

  Until today.

  Four hours after the obligatory good morning, in which she didn't even look at me, we haven't said a word. She's hurt, but this is best for her.

  I don't want to hurt her any more than necessary, so I ask Jenny to do things I would normally have Jade do, but I leave my door open longer than usual to get a glimpse of her.

  Around midday, Gary passes by her desk and she smiles for the first time today. I hate it. He stands by her desk smiling at her then touches her hand. She puts her bag on her shoulder, about to leave. She never goes with that guy. I don't want her hanging out with him because she knows as well as I do he wants nothing more than to take her to bed, or where ever else he can get her naked. It pisses me off to see his hands on her. She knows how I feel about him. The guy her age.

  I walk out to the door with a stack of papers in my hand. “Going somewhere, Ms. Hollister?” I glance at Gary, angry as hell.

  She stands with her shoulders squared staring at me like a soldier. “I am. Is there something you need?”

  Yes! For you not to leave with him. “I need these entered into the computer.”

  “I will have them done first thing after I come back from lunch. If that's okay with you? I am entitled to lunch, right?”

  “That'll be fine.” No, you're not entitled to lunch if it's with Gary. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from saying that out loud.

  “I'm ready.” She pulls the papers from my hand sharply dropping them on her desk. She turns to Gary and takes his hand. “Let's go.”

  My gut twists in a knot of fury watching them walk away. Gary looks over his shoulder with a smirk I'd like to rub off his face with my fist. Prick.

  The next day isn't any better. Today is the first day I’ve ever dreaded going in to work. Yesterday was sad and depressing, today is, FUCK! I have plans to go over to Alan's. I tried to cancel, but he said Elena was looking forward to seeing me and had dinner already planned. I grudgingly agreed to come, but we would have to cut it short. I wanted to say, I need to avoid the icy glare of your daughter whose heart I broke. He would be one of two people I would vent to, but I can't. Not this time.

  Instead, I make a call and end up telling the whole sordid situation to Maxwell, my accountant and good friend.

  “I can't believe you had an affair with Alan's under-aged daughter.”

  “She's not under-aged. Not twenty-one yet, but an adult nonetheless.”

  “She's Callie's niece—Ay! negocio arriesgado.”

  “Risky business indeed. And I know who she’s related to. But this wasn’t the way things were supposed to go. I hurt her.”

  “How was it supposed to go?”

  “With no one getting hurt.”

  “There was no other way it was going to end,” he says. “When there are genuine feelings involved, whether you want them or not, people get hurt. Do like me, love them fast and get out even faster at the mere inkling of fluttering hearts. This way you can still end as friends with minimal damage. I'm a serious man. I treat relationships as such. You should always have an exit plan, even for your flings.”

  “You have it down to a science don't you?”

  “Ninety-five percent, but I'll keep trying until I perfect it.” He chuckles. “Does she know what happened between you and Callie?”

  “Why would I tell her that? Jade was only supposed to be fun for the summer. Telling her would probably make it seem like I was with her to get back at Callie. It wasn't. She's uniquely different from Callie, but sometimes I do see a bit of Callie in her.”

  “Is that a cause for concern? Why you ended things prematurely? Because she reminds you of a younger Callie?”

  “Maybe.” Yes, and she's young. What she wants today, may not be what she wants tomorrow. “I know she's not Callie, but still…”

  “What?”

  Ah hell. Why am I doing this to myself? “Nothing, it's over. I'll email you those figures. I'll talk to you tomorrow.” I end the call and try my damnedest not to think about Jade, which is the biggest fail of the day.

  Before coming over I made my excuses for not being able to stay long for dinner.

  “Good evening, Elena.” She links her arms around mine after closing the door.

  “I'm happy you made it. I thought you were going to cancel on me. I'm glad you didn't. Give me a chance to make up for the last time. There’s less spice in the food. This is actually one of Jade’s favorites.“

  “Will she be joining us?“ I ask, dreading the thought.

  “Unfortunately, my lovely daughter decided to go out with friends for the evening.” She smiles. With an inward sigh of relief, I nod and she continues. “Someone else is here… Tandy.”

  The relief of Jade not being here is even greater when I find out Tandy is joining us. She'll hopefully be a good distraction and take my mind off Jade while I'm here.

  “Hello, Ian.” Tandy comes over to me when we enter the living room. She smiles warmly and kisses my cheek.

  “Nice to see you again, Tandy.” I return her kiss on the cheek.

  “Ian, help yourself to a drink. I’ll tell Alan you’re here,” Elena says, leaving the room.

  “You could have seen me sooner if you’d called me, Ian,” Tandy says, while I pour myself a glass of scotch.

  “You're right.” I smile at her taking a drink.

  “I like a man who can admit he’s wrong. Now, let's see if we can make the amends as satisfying.”

  I laugh and then she laughs. When we sit down at the table, the conversation is easy but then Callie shows up for a visit. And the appetite I had evaporates, along with the somewhat relaxed atmosphere. What the hell was going on here? This was some fucked up version of the dating game?

  Whatever the situation was, I wanted it to end before Jade came home. “Elena, what are you doing?” I ask wh
en we get a moment alone.

  “Whatever do you mean?” she says. About as innocent as her daughter when I'm in heaven, and I'd give Jade about anything she wanted. I stare at Elena waiting for my answer. “You're ready to settle down. I can tell. Tandy is a great woman, so is Callie.”

  “Elena…” I groan.

  “Listen, you were a bit distracted during the first meeting with Tandy, but you have a lot in common. You look awesome together,” she says. I shake my head, and she smiles touching my arm. “Now, Callie, you were always good together, and you have history. I bet the good can outweigh the not-so-good.”

  “No.”

  “I could be matron of honor and your best woman if things work. It could be so perfect. Jade could be bridesmaid, and she'd be beautiful. You could finally make me an aunt with your adorable cute kids. Jade is still too young to even think about having any children for me to spoil.”

  “Elena, stop.” The future she painted is killing me because the only person I can imagine next to me is her beautiful daughter.

  “I only want to see you happy. You look like you could use a little more of that this evening. Think about it? I know Callie would be willing to give it another go. She's changed, more mature.” She pats my arm leaving me on the terrace to look at two successful, attractive women through the door. They should be what I want at this stage of my life. To settle down. Start a family. Get married, buy a house, and all that. Saturday morning games and school meetings.

  Jade’s at the beginning of her life. All doors are open to her, to explore and find out who she is. There are so many unanswered questions in her life and ahead of her to figure out. At her age, most things are temporary—like relationships that start off hot and heavy, then fizzle out. The reality of how hard a committed long-distance relationship could be, will sink in, and she'll be back to her normal life with college guys, parties, and temptations.

  I'm scared to put temptation in the way, too. I don't want to put either of us in a position to hurt each other with the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship. Some things a couple can't come back from.