The Lost Daughter of Liverpool: A heartbreaking and gritty family saga (The Mersey Trilogy Book 1)

by Pam Howes

  Joe smiled at her enthusiasm. ‘I’m proud of you, love, but like I say, take it a day at a time.’

  Dora looked through the window as her dad stood up and put his hands to his back. He looked tired. She banged on the glass. ‘Are you ready for a bit of dinner, Dad?’

  He waved and put down his secateurs. ‘Be in shortly.’

  Dora went back into the kitchen where Carol was propped in the high chair, a cushion wedged in behind her back and a blanket folded under her bottom to give her height. At three months old she was still a bit too small for the chair really, but Dora had discovered that Carol was happier if she could see her as she got on with chores, rather than lying in the pram or cradle. Dolly had bought her a rattle and Carol loved the bright colours and the noise as she pushed it around the tray of her chair.

  Dora’s friend Agnes was coming over this afternoon. She’d got a rare day off from her typing job at a solicitor’s in the city, and it would give them a chance to catch up with all the gossip. Agnes had confided that she had some good news to share. Dora was looking forward to seeing her again as, what with one thing after another, she’d seen little of her friend since her and Joe’s wedding day last year.

  The front door opened and her dad came in. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands and Dora heard him coughing and spluttering and then spitting. She bit her lip as she heard him pull the toilet chain. That cough was getting worse. She wished he’d go to the doctor’s. He’d laughed when she’d nagged him about it yesterday and told her she was as bad as her mam and to stop fussing over nothing. He strolled into the kitchen and picked up the mug of tea Dora pointed at. He smiled at Carol, who gave him a gummy grin back.

  ‘She’s a little smasher,’ he said, tickling her under the chin. ‘What have we got in the sarnies today, chuck?’

  ‘Hard boiled eggs and salad, as you well know.’ Dora laughed. ‘Thanks, Dad, for bringing the food I mean. Mam’s bread, eggs, and the salad from your garden. That’s mine and Joe’s tea sorted as well.’

  ‘Aye well, there’s always more than we can eat before it goes off, and I reckon your mam always thinks she’s baking for an army.’

  They sat at the little table in the sitting room and enjoyed their dinner, with Carol chomping and sucking on a buttered corner cut from the end of the loaf. Her mam had told Dora it helped when they were cutting teeth to have something hard to chew on. Carol was always dribbling and although she seemed a bit young to be teething, Mam said they could start at any age and that Frank had cut his first tooth at three months.

  She’d also warned about the need to watch that Carol didn’t choke on a stray piece of bread that may break off. Dora felt paranoid about that bit of advice and kept a close eye on her daughter. When the baby gagged Dora flew from her seat, took the crust away and scooped the piece of soggy bread from her mouth. Carol arched her back and screamed until her little face went purple. Dora dipped her finger in some connie-onnie and put it in her mouth.

  ‘By heck, she’s got a temper, that one,’ Dad said, laughing as his granddaughter calmed down and clamped her gums around Dora’s finger, sucking hard. ‘You’ll have to watch her.’

  ‘Little madam,’ Dora said, laughing. ‘Never heard her scream like that before. Mind you, no one has ever taken anything off her. She’ll learn.’

  ‘Right, I’ll get back to them borders. They look a lot better than they did.’

  ‘I’ll put her down for a nap and come and help you until Agnes arrives.’

  Dora took Carol into the bedroom, changed her nappy and settled her in the cradle. It was getting a bit small for her now and she would need a cot soon. Maybe she and Joe could go and look for one in town on Saturday. She hadn’t been into Liverpool centre for months. She’d ask Mam if they could leave the baby with her and then they wouldn’t have to carry her everywhere. Hard to get the pram on the tram and bus. She thought about how Dolly usually went out shopping on a Saturday with Alice in the trolley. That was another thing they needed to buy, then they could get out a bit more. She and Joe could make a day of it and have some dinner in the Kardomah coffee bar. The band was playing that night, but they’d be back before Joe needed to go out. Dare she ask Mam if Carol could stay over and then she could go out with Joe? They needed some time together and it would be something nice to look forward to. She felt ready for a good night out with her husband. And maybe Agnes and Alan would join them.

  Dora watched her dad as he prepared the soil for the bulbs he’d told her he would plant at the end of the month when he next had a couple of days off work. The daffodils would bloom in the spring, and snowdrops and crocuses along with them. He’d cleared all the weeds and removed the now dead remains of early summer flowers. There was still a bit of colour left, with the chrysanthemums and Michaelmas daisies and some late roses. She lifted the last of the dead plants from the lawn where they’d been thrown and chucked them into the wheelbarrow. She’d enjoyed spending the last couple of days with her dad; they should do it more often. She was worried about him though. While she’d been knelt beside him she could hear the rattle in his chest and his colour wasn’t the best it could be either. He’d always had a golden tan from spending long days working outdoors, but now he looked pale by comparison.

  He slowly got to his feet and took a couple of deep breaths. ‘I’ll go and pay a visit and then I’ll get off home to your mam.’ He trundled the wheelbarrow around to the back garden and Dora followed him.

  ‘Do you want another cuppa before you go?’

  ‘No thanks, chuck.’ He pushed his bike around to the front and leant it against the chain link fencing as Dolly strolled by with the kids and stopped to admire the neat and tidy garden.

  ‘He’s done a good job. You can come and do mine next, Jim. Fancy a brew?’ she aimed at Dora.

  ‘Er, not at the moment, thanks, Dolly,’ Dora replied. ‘I’m going to see to Carol in a minute then I want to get the tea on for Joe.’ She hoped her cheeks weren’t giving away her lie by pinking up, because their egg salad tea was in the fridge, ready and waiting, and Carol was still flat out or she’d be screaming for England by now. Agnes would be here in about ten minutes and Dora had a feeling she would keep her news to herself if Dolly were around: besides, she had something she wanted to discuss with Agnes and it was private. The last person she’d divulge anything like that to was Dolly, good neighbour though she was.

  Her dad dashed inside and she followed him, waving a firm goodbye to Dolly. He was coughing his guts up again. Dora waited in the kitchen until he’d finished in the bathroom, then handed him a glass of water. ‘Promise you’ll go to the doctor’s, Dad, please. You need to get yourself right. You’ve got another grandchild on the way and they’ll both want a grandpa that’s fit to play with them.’

  ‘Aye, I know. And me and your mam are right chuffed about it too. But I’ve no time for all that doctor stuff and nonsense,’ he said, swigging a mouthful of water and handing the glass back to her. ‘I’m back at work tomorrow. Your mam will boil me some onions tonight. Best thing for a bad chest, onion water. It’ll cure anything. Right, I’m off.’

  Dora shook her head after his departing back. She followed him outside and gave him a hug. ‘You’re a stubborn old bugger. But I love you.’

  He laughed and ruffled her hair. ‘Aye, and I love you too, my little queen. I’ll be seeing you soon.’ He lifted his leg over the crossbar of his bike and rode away, waving as he turned the corner and out of sight.

  Dora went back indoors and peeped into the bedroom. Carol was still asleep, flat on her back, sheet kicked off, one hand flung above her head and her fine brown hair sticking to her head with sweat. It was still so warm, even with all the windows open right through the bungalow. Her dad said he’d heard they were due to have an Indian summer in the next few weeks. She’d believe it when she saw it, but after the awful winter it was no more than they deserved.

  CHAPTER 20

  Agnes perched on the edge of the chair, her red hair
pinned up in a neat chignon. Her pale green summer dress, with a sweetheart neckline and slightly flared knee-length skirt, suited her tall, slim figure perfectly. Dora loved the style and thought she might have a go at making something similar for herself. She smiled as she saw excitement dancing in her friend’s green eyes.

  ‘So, come on,’ she said, handing Agnes a mug. ‘You’re bursting to tell me something, I can see it in your face.’

  Agnes smiled and took a sip of tea. She put the mug down on the coffee table and laced her hands around her knees. ‘Alan’s asked me to marry him. And I said yes.’

  With a yell, Dora leapt to her feet at the same time as Agnes, and the pair did a happy jig around the sitting room, laughing and giggling like schoolgirls. Carol, propped in a corner of the sofa with the cushions, let out an excited squeal.

  ‘That is the best news,’ Dora said. ‘Something else to really look forward to. I’m so happy for you.’

  Agnes smiled. ‘Something else? Why, what else has happened?’

  ‘Joanie and Frank are having a baby.’

  ‘Oh, that’s wonderful news. When?’

  ‘She’s three months now, she’s due in March.’

  ‘Oh, I bet she’s thrilled to bits, and Frank.’

  ‘They are. I’m so happy for them.’

  ‘Well, I was going to ask you if you’d have the time to make my wedding dress, but I can see you’ll both have your hands full.’

  ‘When’s the wedding?’

  ‘Next July. Gives us a bit more time to get some savings behind us. Alan wants to buy a house. There are some nice new semis around the corner from my mam on the avenues. He’s got his eye on those. Mam rents our terraced on Fourth Avenue, as you know, and it’ll be handy to live near her. It’s close to the shops and stuff too. She’d get lonely if I moved away like my sister did.’

  ‘She would,’ Dora said. Agnes’s married sister had moved from Fazakerley to Chester last year and had recently had her first baby. ‘Sounds good. And yes, we can make your dress; we’ve got loads of time and I know Joanie will insist on it when I tell her. We’ll really enjoy doing it. In fact, we’ll be proud to.’

  ‘Oh, Dora, that’s wonderful. Thank you. And I’ve got one more favour to ask. Would you be my matron of honour? And by then she might be walking, so I’d love Carol to be my little flower-girl.’

  ‘We’d love that, wouldn’t we, chuck?’ Dora tickled Carol, who smiled and kicked her legs.

  ‘Well that’s sorted then.’ Agnes picked up Carol and gave her a cuddle. ‘I can’t wait to have a baby too. I’m so looking forward to being a mam. Are you and Joe thinking of having any more? It would be lovely if we got it right and had one about the same time. You’ll have to wait until after my wedding day though. Mam would kill me if it happened before.’

  Dora chewed her lip as Agnes sat down with Carol on her knee. ‘I said I didn’t want any more, and I’m still not sure, but I think I might change my mind now I’m feeling better. The trouble is, me and Joe – well, we haven’t done it since Carol was born. I had such an awful time and I’ve been so frightened of getting pregnant again with losing Joanna that I pushed him out and now I think he’s gone off me.’

  ‘Give over; Joe thinks the world of you. You know he does. You’ve had a horrible time and it’s bound to put a strain on things.’

  ‘Yes, it has, but he’s sleeping in the spare room, and Carol was in with him until recently.’ Dora could feel her eyes filling and tears ran down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. ‘It seemed the best thing at the time as I couldn’t cope with either of them, and I felt so fat and ugly that I couldn’t see how he’d ever want me again, but now, well, I’d really like him to come back to me.’

  ‘You were never fat and ugly. Just extremely pregnant. And he will come back to you. You need to let him know that you’re ready to have him share your bed again. Joe’s a good man and he won’t want to feel he’s pushing you into anything. It needs to be in your time, Dora. You’ll find a way of letting him know.’

  Dora nodded. ‘I haven’t spoken about this to anyone, not even Joanie. She might say something to Frank and if he says anything to Joe, he’d be mortified if people knew we were in separate beds. But I had to confide in someone. I hope you don’t mind.’

  ‘Not at all. I’m always here if you need me.’

  Dora smiled. ‘Thank you. I’m going to ask Mam if she’ll have Carol to stay over on Saturday while we have a day out, and then I can go out with him at night. The band’s playing at Litherland Town Hall. It’s a big dance and a good excuse to get all dressed up. Do you fancy coming with Alan?’

  ‘Oh yes, I’d love to and I’m sure Alan will. Ring me at my mam’s with the time and what have you. We can pick you up in Alan’s car.’

  ‘That’ll be lovely. Frank and Joanie are out with friends on Saturday, so it’ll just be the four of us.’

  Ivy sat with her hands wrapped around a mug of tea and watched the canteen doors open for the afternoon break. Joe hadn’t been in for his breakfast or dinner for three days running. He didn’t even come in for a break in the morning. She’d seen him sat on the wall outside with a cup from the top of a flask. He’d brought his drinks from home. He’d dashed in yesterday afternoon, grabbed a mug of tea from Flo, dropped a threepenny bit on the trolley and dashed back out again. Today she was determined to corner him.

  He’d kissed her on Saturday, full on the lips, and it had left her feeling breathless. Surely he’d felt something too, even though he’d pushed her away afterwards and avoided her for the rest of the night. She caught her breath as he walked in alongside Eric and picked up a mug. He ignored her and sat down at the same table as Eric and some of the other workers, his back to her. What was his game? He’d seemed keen enough when he’d danced with her, eyes staring down the top of her blouse, and he needn’t think she wasn’t aware he’d been aroused either. She wasn’t that naïve. Surely a response like that proved he cared? She got to her feet, walked across to where he was seated and put her hand firmly on his shoulder. He jumped at the contact and slopped his tea onto the table.

  ‘You avoiding me, Joe? Anyone would think I’d done something to offend you.’

  Joe turned to face her, his cheeks going red and the curious stares of his workmates burning into his back. ‘Er, no, of course not. I brought sarnies from home this week. We’re trying to save a bit of money to get the baby a new cot.’

  Ivy frowned. It sounded a reasonable enough excuse. A lot of the men brought food from home when times were hard. She wasn’t going to embarrass him in front of his workmates. She just wanted a reason as to why he hadn’t been in to see her.

  ‘Oh well, I’ll catch up with you at the dance on Saturday then, won’t I?’ She walked away in as dignified a manner as she could muster. A man who confided in her in the way Joe had done wasn’t going to treat her badly. Not when she knew his personal secrets, anyway.

  Joe stared after Ivy’s retreating back, beads of sweat breaking on his brow. Bloody hell. Dora had told him last night that she wanted to go to the dance on Saturday if her mam would have Carol and that she’d invited Agnes and Alan along, who would give them a lift. She’d been so excited and bursting with the good news as soon as he’d got through the door and he’d been delighted to see her so happy. It hadn’t even entered his head that Ivy would be going to Litherland to see the band. It was a bit too far from the area where she usually went out, a good fifteen miles. It would cost her an arm and a leg in a taxi. Hopefully he could put her off. ‘Er, Ivy,’ he called. ‘We’re not local this weekend. Bit of a long way without a car.’

  She turned and smiled. ‘We’ll get buses there and a taxi home. Don’t worry. We’ve never missed a dance yet. We won’t let you down.’

  Shit. Ah well, all he could do was keep her and Dora apart and hope for the best.

  Dora finished hand-stitching the hem of her new dress and shook it out. She held it against her. Perfect. It was the same
style as Agnes’s pale green dress, with a sweetheart neckline and gently flared skirt that finished just above her knee. The soft blue flowers on the navy background brought out the blue of her eyes. Tomorrow she was hoping to find a pair of navy court shoes in TJ Hughes at a bargain price. Her mam had offered to have Carol until Sunday afternoon when Dora and Joe could join them all for Sunday dinner. Dora was thrilled at the prospect of having Joe all to herself for nearly two whole days. It would feel like they were a courting couple again. Frank was coming over early tomorrow morning with Joanie to pick Carol up, along with the cradle and high chair and all the other baby paraphernalia they’d need. She’d packed more stuff for the baby than she and Joe had taken on their honeymoon between them.

  Joe was collecting fish and chips on his way home from work so she put the plates in the oven to warm. Carol was bathed, fed and tucked up for the night; well, at least until she woke for her last feed around eleven. Dora sat down on the sofa with a pad and pencil and started to sketch a few ideas for Agnes’s wedding dress and her own matron of honour outfit.

  Dora and Agnes ran up the steps to the red-painted front door of Litherland Town Hall with Joe, while Alan found a parking space round the side. They waited until he joined them and hurried inside. The doorman stopped them and asked for their tickets but Joe held up his saxophone case and said, ‘We’re with the band, mate.’ They were waved on and the girls made their way to the cloakroom to hang up their jackets, touch up their lippy and mess with their hair.

  Dora felt a thrill of excitement as she thought of dancing with Joe and spending hours with him. He hadn’t said anything yet, but she knew from the looks he’d given her as she’d walked into the sitting room ready to go that he was hoping she’d ask him to come back to their bed tonight. And she planned to do just that. She’d felt him tremble as he’d held her in his arms just before Alan had tooted that they were outside.