by Alice Ivinya
I listened to her talk of her own wedding and she described her dress of silver and gold. Then she spoke of Jian, Han and Feng’s childhood antics. She required little response from me, so I just smiled and nodded, and stole looks at Jian who had seemed to draw more in on himself, his eyes staring at the fire. How I wished I could read his mind.
Servants brought food and we ate fried fish, potatoes and a boiled green leafy plant I couldn’t identify. It started to snow, and white flakes swirled around and around the tower windows on all sides.
As we finished, Queen Fei stood. “I have asked for some milk cakes for dessert, but first I must excuse myself. I won’t be long.”
She glided from the room, and I assumed she was going to relieve herself. Or pretend to, so Jian and I were left alone. Why else mention the desserts so that it would be rude if either of us left now.
Jian was rotating his wine cup in long careful fingers as he stared into the fire. I had drunk more than my normal one or two glasses. I thought this was possibly my fourth, but I couldn’t be sure. I pushed it away from myself before I could be tempted to drink any more and lose my wits. The warm fuzziness cushioning my brain was a welcome relief from the hollow pain, however.
“You’re very secretive, you know?” said Jian as he stared into the fire. I jumped. He looked at me with an amused twitch to his lips, and the wine sat like warm honey in my stomach.
I frowned. “I’m the secretive one? I talk a lot more than you! You keep on walking off in the middle of conversations.”
The corners of his lips sagged. “I do not. I only leave when the conversation has ended.” He flicked his fingers up into the air.
I snorted. “Well you can’t continue a conversation on your own, can you?”
He rolled his shoulders. “I just become tired of idle chatter in this place. Everything is inefficient compared to the Border.”
I folded my arms. “You think I speak idle chatter?”
“No, I just walk off when what needs to be said has been said.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Who made you the judge of that?”
He batted my words from the air. “Stop being difficult and ignoring my question.” His tone was teasing more than accusatory. “I know next to nothing about you. You don’t talk about Hava at all. Or your family.”
I shrugged, hoping he didn’t see the unease he’d awoken in my stomach. I didn’t want to lie to him. “I miss them but they’re not part of my new life now.”
He frowned and twisted his goblet. “Elyanna, why were you sent here with only one permanent guard and no maids?”
I sighed, but my throat tightened. “Both the maids went with my lady-in-waiting.” I attempted a smile at him. “They were scared of you all.”
He snorted. “Flighty Syberans.”
“And Jeremiah is fiercely loyal. In fact, he is the most loyal person I’ve ever known. You have done him a disservice with the way you talk to him.”
He raised one eyebrow. “And they did you a dishonor by letting a child guard you. He’s not even a knight. Do your parents not realize the danger they could have put you in? Mother has spent days wondering if some slight was intended towards us, or if there was some disagreement between you and Queen Geraldina.”
I licked my lips, not liking where this was heading and tried to change direction. “Jeremiah’s station is not his fault. He is a good guard and serves me well.”
Jian tilted his head and ran his fingers through his fringe, studying me. There was a gentleness in his eyes that I’d not seen before, and it made my stomach twist in a delightful yet unnerving way. The sensation was unexpected, and I felt warmth sweep through my body.
“I will apologize, Princess. I’m very glad you have a loyal guard.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
His eyes didn’t leave my face, and I struggled for something more to say. In the end I just looked back at him. There was a softness around his mouth and an openness in his eyes that didn’t belong on the face of the General of the East Fort. It suited him. My eyes fell naturally to his lips.
Words tumbled brainlessly onto my tongue. “Well are you not going to leave now, for fear of idle chatter?”
He half smiled and dropped his eyes. “Quite right. I will see you tomorrow.” He stood up.
I stood too. “That’s not what I meant. What about dessert?”
He suppressed a laugh. “I’m sure you and Mother can enjoy it without me. You’re quite right, I should be working instead of talking.”
He bowed his head and strode to the door and I wanted to kick myself. He didn’t look back as he left. I put my head into my hands. I’d not meant the words as a dismissal. I hugged myself, feeling colder and a little sad. I shook my head. What was wrong with my emotions today?
I reimagined the glance he had given me from the shadows of his hair and the gentle look in his eyes. My stomach twisted again, and I sat down. I hadn’t expected any pull of attraction and a thrill of nervous excitement tingled down my limbs. I reached for my wine to calm myself down. I still barely knew him. It would not be sensible to get carried away.
11
Hunter or Hunted
The next morning, I wandered through the town with Ruo, Jeremiah trailing behind. I had said I needed some fresh air and a change of scenery to prepare myself to see Falada’s head, but in reality I was looking for any sign of Elyanna or her maids or soldiers. Every single person I passed looked like a Borderlander, and her height and green eyes would make her stand out even if she covered her hair.
Maybe I was worrying for nothing and Falada’s death had nothing to do with her?
Jian had posted a permanent guard by Falada’s head, on top of the two usual guards of the South Gate who kept an eye on who was passing in and out. I asked them if anyone suspicious had been seen, or anyone they didn’t recognize had been looking at Falada’s head. They all replied they hadn’t. With the attack on Han and the Syberan soldiers, and the appearance of the Nameless, they were even more observant than normal. I couldn’t believe Elyanna would have got past them.
What if she was still out there and she had somebody on the inside kill Falada to prepare for her arrival? The only person from Hava was Jeremiah. I glanced back at my guard who was staring up at Falada, his face lined with sadness. Could it really be all an act? I felt guilty for even doubting him. But still...
I tried to force Elyanna from my mind and looked up to Falada’s beautiful head fixed above the gate, his glass eyes staring over the snowy plains. The tanners had done a wonderful job and I could almost believe him alive. His mane streamed in the wind as if he were galloping.
“Oh Falada,” I whispered past the lump in my throat. “What am I to do? How am I going to be happy without you here to guide me? Who do I trust?”
I listened for his familiar voice in my brain, but it didn’t come. I strained all my mental senses towards him, begging for there to be part of him left and that he hadn’t left me alone.
‘Briaaaanna…’
That voice again. That child’s voice. I looked around, but there was nobody. No bird or beast that I could see either.
‘You’re not alone. Don’t be sad. I am here.’
The tone was comforting, but a shiver ran up my spine.
“Who are you?” I whispered.
Jeremiah touched my shoulder. “Princess? Are you alright?”
I shook myself and gave him a smile. “Sometimes I hear things. Don’t worry. I’m told it’s quite normal for people with some Old Blood up here. Jian said to ignore it.”
But he hadn’t spoken of something that would know my true name. Only snippets of conversation from passing birds or beasts. And why did I only hear it here in the castle?
Ruo looked out over the fields. “That’s good advice, Princess. Nothing good comes from listening to the wild ones.”
I gave one last look up at Falada and wished I could bury my face into his warm fur and hear his calm words. He had always been r
ight, and he had told me to give Jian every chance I could, so that was what I would do.
I wandered back through the streets, peering at every face I passed.
Ruo grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a low house. “Look, Changying is here. You should meet her.”
I followed her gaze to where a woman was cracking ice over a private well. She looked up as we approached, and her eyes widened when she saw me.
“Princess Elyanna,” said Ruo grandly. “Meet my dear friend Changying. She is one of my knitters. Her son is on the Border.”
Changying curtsied to me and looked at Ruo with uncertain eyes. I smiled warmly to ease her nerves. “It’s nice to finally meet one of Ryo’s friends, Changying. The soldiers at the Border were so happy when they received the blankets when I visited. I wish you could have seen their faces after all your hard work making them. Your group deserved all the praise, not me. I am hoping we can send even more there next time. I’m sure we can work out an efficient way.”
The woman smiled and tilted her head as she studied me. Her face had rounded with age, and her lips were chapped from the cold, but there was no grey in her hair. She was still beautiful. “You delivered my letters to my son and brought back his reply. That meant a lot to me. Thank you. It’s the sort of thing I never feel I can request from the Prince himself.”
I smiled. “I’m just happy I could help. I hope he rotates out soon and you can speak to each other in person.”
She stood a little taller. “I miss him, but I am so proud of what he is doing there. If only they worked out how to properly heat such a big place.”
Ruo gave her friend a sideways hug. “They’ll look after him, Changying. There is no use in all this fretting. Chen said they’re both doing well.”
I looked around at the low water-reed-thatched houses with walls insulated by a thick layer of smeared clay over the bricks. From her door I could smell chicken stew and wet leather, and I wished it was easier for me to be part of this world.
I snapped my attention back to Ruo’s friend. “Changying, have you noticed any suspicious behavior around the village? Any strangers?”
Ruo gave me a patient look and folded her arms. “Her Spirit-Horse was killed last week,” she explained to Changying.
The woman shook her head. “There aren’t many strangers at this time of year. The snows make travel hard. It is just the farmers and their families who come within the walls for the winter, now they don’t have crops to protect.”
I let my gaze keep wandering around, looking for clues. It was such a tight-knit community here, how would Elyanna hide to be close enough to kill Falada? Even if she dyed her white hair, her features were Syberan, not Borderlander. She would stand out.
“Are there many people here with Syberan blood?”
Changying pouted in thought. “Only a few families. None I know well. They’re all farmers or herdsmen.”
“Any with white hair?” I pushed.
Changying snorted. “By the Spirits, no. None with Old Blood. No offense, Highness, but any Syberan with money or title wants to stay far away from here. They are too soft.”
I nodded, feeling a little foolish. “Could you do something for me? Could you find out more about the Syberan families and tell Ruo your findings? I especially want to know of any newcomers. A girl in her late teenage years.”
Ruo was looking at me oddly, but Changying bowed. “Of course, Highness. I would be happy to assist you since you have helped us.”
I thanked her and Ruo led me away. She looked concerned. “This white-haired girl you keep worrying about.” She frowned. “If you are as suspicious about her as you sound, you should tell Prince Jian. He could organize a thorough search for her at once and see if she is really here. Did she know Sir Hellard?”
I shook my head. “Please, Ruo. I know this all sounds odd, but it is probably just a flight of fancy. I don’t want to bother him with it. I just feel safer knowing that somebody has their eye out, even if the whole thing is foolish. Besides I should know which families of Syberan descent are here. I feel like I have a duty of care to them. I don’t want any more to die.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You don’t want to tell the Prince?”
“No,” I said firmly. “He has far more important things on his mind.”
I was going to have to be more careful with my questions, or I would catch myself out.
Ruo gave me a bright smile to cheer me up. “Well, if you are finished out here, I think it is time for lunch.”
The afternoon loomed, and I didn’t want to fall back into grief and self-pity. I missed Falada terribly, finding myself naturally turning to the stables for comfort, only to remember he was gone. I needed distraction. After eating lunch, I decided to go for a walk around the castle. Well, that was what I told the guards and Ruo. I was actually hoping to catch a glimpse of Jian training his men. I wanted to spend more time with him but wasn’t sure how to make that happen without the Queen’s intervention. He was busy with the Spirit-Beast attacks, and I knew he needed to concentrate on that, but I had started to enjoy our conversations. I could spare an hour or two before working on my dress again, even if it was just watching him from afar.
The wedding dress was starting to take shape and Ruo had helped me design a wonderful mix between Borderlander and Havan fashion. I sketched and designed my embroidery, while she cut each panel down to size ready to stitch together. I couldn’t help but wonder what Jian would think when he saw me in it.
I wandered through the higher floors of the castle, guessing the best direction until I found a window that looked over the parade ground, three floors below. The parade ground was a frozen field that only soldiers and guards were allowed to enter. About thirty spearmen were standing in rows, assembling into different formations at barked commands from Captain Jun. I watched them, mesmerized, as the lines rippled and bled into each other, each spear held at the same angle.
Jian strode in front of them, his eyes on each man and woman. Now and again he would hold up his hand to freeze the soldiers in place so he could talk to an individual or adjust a hold on a spear. His posture was one of pride and devotion, and I felt a flicker of admiration.
I wished he would fight with Jun again. I wanted to watch the graceful way he moved, the precision and skill, but I supposed all his focus would be on training the men.
A man I vaguely recognized appeared at the corner of the field and called to Jian. The Prince clapped Jun on the shoulder and hurried over. The two disappeared back into the castle.
I sighed and pulled myself back from the window. Jeremiah gave me a questioning raised eyebrow and seemed a little annoyed for some reason. I pointed down at the field. “They’re much better than Syberan troops, aren’t they?”
He nodded. “Sybera’s strength has never been military.” He sighed and kicked his boot against the wall. “You shouldn’t have to resort to spying to see your betrothed, Princess. His lack of regard for you borders on insult.”
I gave Jeremiah a warning look, a strange surge of protectiveness warming my stomach. “He is very busy, and he’s becoming much better at talking to me, actually.”
The guard shrugged and looked down at the floor, still unhappy.
I turned and made my way down the stairs, curling around and around, my fingers brushing against the cold stone. I could live like this, I decided. I could live second place to a man’s duty. For surely that was the role of a married queen? The country always had to come first, whatever the sacrifice. It just seemed such an odd idea that the queen would be me. And Jian was not cruel. He was a good man. Maybe even one of the best.
I rounded the corner of the cloister and heard the echo of a familiar voice, and my chest tightened with excitement. Jian. I hurried forward whilst still trying to look elegant and saw him walking away from me. He was talking to two men dressed like soldiers and their tone was serious. My heart became heavy with disappointment. It looked like they were discussing important matters, pro
bably Han’s death, and idle talk with me was hardly worth distracting him for.
He was responsible for so much, and now his brother was gone, I could see the weight of it on his shoulders. He wasn’t just a general anymore, responsible for protecting the lives of his people, he was now the future king, overseeing everything in this kingdom. I needed to help him other than simply making clothes. He was strong, capable and devoted, but nobody could bear that alone. He pushed too many people away in Stonekeep.
Jian must have heard my faltering footsteps because he turned. His expression was serious, but when he saw me, the heaviness fell away from him. He stopped walking, stood straighter and a smile flirted on his lips. There was a bright eagerness in his eyes that took me aback. He studied me, taking in my clothes, my hair, my features, and my skin flushed as I closed the distance between us. The other two men had stopped as well and stood awkwardly behind the Prince, their sentences hanging in the air.
I inclined my head respectfully. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. You’re all clearly busy. Please continue.”
The Prince’s eyes didn’t stray from my face. “You’re not interrupting, Elyanna.” As he said the name, it jarred with me, and I wished for all the world he had called me Brianna. I wished he didn’t see the fake vizard of the princess but saw me truly as I was. For the first time it felt like a tangible wall between us that I would never be able to remove.
The Prince turned to the men. “Thank you for your advice. I’ll heed your words and continue these discussions this afternoon when I’ve had time to think.”
One of the men frowned and took a step towards us. His hair was in waist length braids and I remembered him as a friend of Prince Han. “But, your Highness, we haven’t…”
“Thank you, Shunzi, that is all for now.”
My heart thudded in disbelief as the two men bowed and left, leaving me alone with Jian. “You didn’t need to do that, Highness. I told you I wouldn’t get in the way of important business.”