Jillian's Promise

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  “That was nice of her.”

  The back door opened, and Keith entered, followed by Matt carrying a plate of burgers.

  “I hope you’re hungry.” Keith grinned as if his appearance was nothing out of the ordinary.

  “I’m always hungry.”

  He laughed and gestured to the mostly eaten bowl of potato chips and ranch dip sitting on the counter. “So are your sons.”

  Matt set the burgers on the table, Drew took the salad out of the refrigerator, and Keith retrieved the hamburger buns from the pantry. They all seemed to have their parts, leaving me feeling lost as I stood in place watching them.

  After talking with Keith on the phone every night for the past few weeks, I assumed he would pay more attention to me, or at least greet me with a hug. Maybe our phone conversations didn’t mean as much to him as they did to me. Or maybe I was being overly sensitive. Goodness! Why did a crush—even a crush on an ex-husband—have the power to reduce an educated adult woman into a silly schoolgirl?

  Wanting to distract myself, I leaned over and rubbed Bella’s head. “What’s up with this limping, sweetheart?”

  The dog panted hard and smiled. Seeing her grow old was difficult, and I didn’t want to think about the inevitable. It was a sad fact of life that while Labs were the greatest dogs in the world, their life expectancy was often cut short due to hip and other joint issues.

  I straightened and glanced at Keith who was watching me. “You took her to the vet today?”

  He nodded. “I didn’t want to bother you at work, but she was limping pretty badly and I was worried.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. Dr. Lindsay gave her some medicine and she’s going to be fine,” Drew hastily added.

  “Really?”

  Keith nodded but his expression held a sadness that frightened me, especially when he said we could talk about it more after dinner.

  I gave Bella one last rub before turning my attention to Matt. “So, you made dinner?”

  He shrugged. “Dad helped, but I think I can do it on my own next time.”

  “I’m proud of you, Matt.” I washed my hands at the sink. “It smells fantastic.”

  “Let’s eat.” Keith took a seat at the table. The boys followed, and I sat across from Keith just like I did when we were married. We joined hands, bowed our heads, and Keith said the blessing.

  “Father, we thank you for this day. For the food before us and the wonderful people surrounding this table. Please forgive us our sins and help us to do your will.”

  “Amen,” Drew said enthusiastically. He reached for the salad bowl and scooped a huge helping onto his plate.

  “So, you’re praying now?” Matt asked, with only a slight hint of sarcasm.

  Keith offered me the plate of hamburgers. “Part of my treatment involved surrendering to a higher power, and for me that means God. I don’t know why I ever thought I could make it on my own, but I’m certain that recommitting to my faith will be the difference between success and failure this time.”

  “With God, all things are possible, right, Dad?” Drew asked.

  Keith chuckled. “That’s right, buddy.”

  I glanced around the table, filled with humble gratitude—Keith was praying, Matt was cooking, and Drew was eating something green that wasn’t a jellybean! My mom was always trying to convince him there was nothing better than fresh asparagus from the garden, but he refused to believe her, insisting she’d obviously never eaten a microwaved donut.

  “Drew,” Keith asked, holding up a bottle of ranch. “Would you like some salad dressing?”

  Drew loaded his fork with lettuce, arugula, and endive. “No, I’ll just eat it like this. It’s more natural, and Dr. Lindsay said natural foods are good for you.”

  “Do you have a crush on Dr. Lindsay or something?” Matt teased.

  “No,” Drew insisted as his entire face turned red.

  Keith shot Matt a stern warning before passing me the salad dressing. “Did Drew tell you he picked all the vegetables for the salad himself?”

  I nodded. “He did, and I have to say I’m impressed. I didn’t even know he liked salad.”

  At that precise moment, Drew’s face wrinkled with horror. He spit out a mouthful of mushy greens onto a napkin. “Yuck. Something’s wrong with this stuff. It tastes like poison.”

  “Drew,” Matt groaned, turning away. “That’s disgusting.”

  Drew chugged a large glass of milk. “I’m telling you, something’s wrong with this lettuce. It tastes like grass.”

  Keith took a forkful of salad from Drew’s plate and declared it delicious. “There’s nothing like the taste of homegrown lettuce. Maybe you’d like it better with a little salad dressing.”

  “No way.” Drew carried his plate to the garbage. “I don’t even want that stuff on my plate. It’s horrible. Do you really like it, Dad, or is this some kind of joke?”

  Had I been on my own, I might’ve been upset by Drew’s over-exaggeration and rude table manners. Keith’s laughter, however, lightened the situation, and I found myself relaxing in the company of my family.

  Dinner continued with everyone complimenting the cook and talking about the visit to the vet. I’d graduated from high school with Lindsay Atwell, the veterinarian who ran the clinic with her father, Dr. Atwell. Drew’s admiration was understandable, given Lindsay’s natural beauty and easy way with all living creatures.

  After a dessert of vanilla ice cream, caramel sauce, and an obscene amount of whipped cream, we loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the table. Keith suggested a game of Hearts.

  “You’re playing, Mom, right?” Drew asked, sweeping the floor.

  I shook my head. “No, not tonight. It’s been a long day and I’m tired.”

  “Come on, Mom. Please,” Drew pleaded.

  “I know why she doesn’t want to play.” Keith winked at me.

  “Why?” Drew asked.

  “She’s not very good, so she loses all the time. I’m sure you know your competitive mother can’t handle losing.”

  Drew’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What are you talking about? Mom’s a card shark.”

  Keith’s deep, green eyes danced with amusement, and he lowered his voice. “It’s because she cheats.”

  “I do not!” I said, pretending to be outraged.

  Understanding his father’s banter, Matt joined him by saying, “Yeah, she really doesn’t like to lose even though she barely knows the difference between a heart and a spade.”

  Drew started to speak in my defense, but Matt leaned over and whispered something I couldn’t hear. Keith gave me a don’t-you-just-love-our-adorable-boys grin, and my heart soared. Yeah, I did. I loved our boys and our family and moments like this. Could it last? Was believing things could work out for us just some farfetched fantasy?

  Drew’s face lit up, finally grasping the joke. “Yeah, Mom probably doesn’t want to play because she knows she’ll take the queen.”

  I laughed. “Is that right? Okay, game on. Don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

  Leaving the ice cream bowls to soak in the sink, we returned to the table where Drew shuffled and dealt the cards. I felt Keith watching me, and when I looked up, our eyes locked. Something inside me came undone . . . like a sharp ripping of my heart. All the pain of losing our family rushed back, and I was deathly afraid I was setting myself up for more pain. Maybe spending this much time with Keith was a bad idea.

  Matt placed three cards face down in front of me. “We pass to the right. Hope you like these babies, Mom.”

  I put down three cards of my own for Drew before picking up Matt’s. “Why, thank you, sweetheart,” I said in a sickening false voice. “This is exactly what I was hoping you’d give me.”

  Matt brushed back his bangs and gave a mischievous grin. “Yeah, right.”

  “Hey, no table talk.” Keith smiled.

  Two hours later, we were laughing so hard over Keith’s failed attempt to shoot the moon that I almost didn’
t hear my phone ring. Glancing down at the caller ID, I frowned. “It’s work. I’d better answer this.”

  Taking the call, I walked onto the back porch for privacy. Unfortunately, the evening shift was having a lot of trouble with sweet Mrs. Murphy who’d punched one of the night staff in the face. I made a few suggestions, including having the older woman tested for a urinary tract infection. It was amazing how a UTI could turn the kindest woman into a brute.

  When I came back inside, Keith stood at the kitchen sink, washing the ice cream bowls. I felt a tingly feeling in my stomach, but I ignored it, telling myself I was being unreasonable.

  “Where are the boys?” I asked, keeping my voice casual.

  Keith peeked over his shoulder and smiled. “Drew took a liking to one of the pregnant horses at the vet’s, so Dr. Lindsay said they could help feed her tonight. They rode their bikes over to the clinic a few minutes ago.”

  “It’s almost dark.”

  “After I wash these dishes, I’ll drive over with the truck, and they can throw their bikes in the back.”

  “You’re cleared to drive now?”

  He turned off the water and smiled at me. “Other than the memory, Doc says I’m all healed.”

  “That’s great.” My pulse raced at the realization that Keith and I were alone in the house.

  Given our past history and my weakness for men who did the dishes, being alone with Keith wasn’t good for me. I’d been excited for him to finish rehab, but now I was nervous and scared.

  Chapter 30

  Jillian

  “What did Dr. Lindsay say about Bella?” I asked, brushing past Keith to start the dishwasher.

  Keith’s expression was kind. He smiled affectionately first at the dog, and then at me. “You know she’s about the same age as Matt. Fifteen. That’s old for a Lab, but she’s doing fine. Hopefully, this new arthritis medicine will help ease some of her aches and pains.”

  “I hope so. I hate seeing her hobbling around.”

  Keith nodded. “There are some lumps that might not be good. Dr. Lindsay wants to talk to you about them, but . . . I don’t think treatment is an option. I’m so sorry, Jills.”

  My soul ached. “I suspected that already, but it’s hard to hear.”

  “I know. Bella is family.”

  “Yeah.” I breathed out slowly, wanting to push this topic as far away as possible. “Let me grab my sweater, and I’ll ride over to the clinic with you.”

  “All right.”

  I turned to leave, but Keith called after me. “Jills? Can I ask you something?”

  If I was smart, I would’ve said no. I would’ve insisted we could talk on the drive. When it came to Keith, however, I’d always acted with my heart and not my mind.

  He leaned against the kitchen counter, looking confident and smelling of charcoal—one of my favorite scents. He smiled, sweeping away the last bit of my resistance. “What do you think about Matt’s girlfriend, Hannah?”

  Sighing, I mirrored Keith by leaning against the opposite counter. “I guess you saw her belly button ring?”

  “Why do you think I insisted she wear a one-piece? She’s a sweet girl, but I worry for Matt. Fifteen-year-old boys can’t always control themselves around girls with belly button rings.”

  I nodded in agreement. “I can’t believe she actually agreed to wear that ridiculous bathing suit you bought her. I about died when I saw those tropical flowers.”

  “Hey, my hot tub, my rules. Well, your hot tub, but I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t. What I’d like to know is how can our son be mature enough for a girlfriend when he can’t even remember to hang up his towel or put his dirty clothes in the hamper?”

  “Love works in mysterious ways.” Keith grinned.

  “Isn’t that the truth. Do you think she knows he sometimes sleeps in his clothes and I still have to remind him to brush his teeth?”

  He laughed. “I’m sure when she finds out, she’ll change him. She seems like a very capable girl.”

  “A little too capable.”

  Keith shifted his weight. “In some ways, the two of them remind me of us when we first met.”

  I winced. “I think we were a little different. More mature and less aggressive.”

  “All I know is watching them gives me greater insight into how my mother must’ve felt when we started dating. I wish she was still alive so I could apologize for putting so much stress in her life.”

  “Hey, your mother loved me.”

  “Yeah, she did. I was actually talking about my behavior later. With the drinking. There is still a lot I don’t remember, but I imagine it was tough watching me self-destruct.”

  He looked down and gently rubbed Bella’s belly with his foot. The dog moaned and rolled onto her back in complete submission. “Thanks again for taking care of my mom at the end. I’m sorry I wasn’t around to help you. I’m sure I wanted to, but I—”

  “Had to work,” I blurted out, the words coming automatically and without malice.

  Pain filled his eyes, making me regret what I’d said. “That’s just the way it is in the military,” I insisted. “The army has to come first.”

  He shifted from one foot to the other. “I asked Matt about my mom’s funeral because I remember parts of it. Not everything, but I remember you in a black dress arranging a bouquet of yellow tulips.”

  “Your mother loved yellow tulips. It was one of the many things we had in common. I miss her. She was a good woman, and I’m grateful she went quickly. It’s hard seeing some of these women at the facility hang on for so long. It’s almost as if they’re waiting for something before they pass, but because of the dementia, they’re confused, so they keep waiting. It’s heartbreaking, you know?”

  He nodded and stared at me for a moment before speaking. “Jills?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Why’d you and Bryan break up? Was it because of me?”

  “No,” I said, automatically.

  He pushed off the counter and reached for my hand, gently threading his fingers through mine. “Are you sure?”

  His hand was warm in mine, and I looked into his eyes, wanting to deny he’d had any influence on my breakup with Bryan. He had, of course. How could I settle for a lukewarm relationship when I’d already experienced the greatest love of my life with Keith?

  I formed my words carefully, but they never left my lips because Keith dipped his head and kissed me.

  “Keith,” I breathed against him.

  “Tell me you don’t want me,” he whispered. “Tell me no, and I’ll stop.”

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  He swept a piece of hair off my face and cupped my cheek. Then he pressed his mouth to mine so firmly there was nothing I could do but kiss him back. Surrendering to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. His kiss was tender and smooth, tasting like vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce.

  My heart pounded in my chest, and I could’ve kissed him all night, but his cell phone rang, distracting me. “Do you need to get that?”

  “No.” He leaned into me again.

  I laughed and continued kissing him as his phone rang. When it went silent and mine started ringing, I pulled away. “It might be the boys.”

  Before I could see the caller ID, Keith wriggled the phone out of my hands and answered it. Although Drew’s voice was muffled, I heard him say, “It’s coming; it’s coming. You have to see it.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, afraid there’d been an accident.

  Keith placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Okay, Son. We’ll be right there.” He hung up the phone and handed it back to me.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing.” He pulled me close to kiss me again.

  “Keith!” I pushed him away, pretending to be outraged but relieved that obviously everything was fine.

  “One of Dr. Lindsay’s horses is in labor and Drew wants us to come see it.”

  “Rea
lly? Let’s go.”

  He gave me a cocky grin. “Are you telling me you’d rather see the birth of a foal than stay here with me?”

  “Definitely. Watching the birth of a foal won’t get me into trouble. Staying here with you . . .”

  He laughed. “All right, let’s go.”

  We rushed to the clinic and headed straight for the barn. Drew greeted us, his whole body shaking with excitement. “Hurry, Dr. Lindsay says it’s going to happen any minute.”

  We followed Drew through the barn out to the pasture where a brown and white horse lay on her side, rocking and groaning. Despite growing up with horses, I’d never witnessed a birth, so I was excited to be there.

  Lindsay stood a fair distance from the horse, and I asked if she needed to do something to help with the birth.

  “No, Missy’s doing great. I don’t want to interfere unless I have to. Both front legs are out, so it won’t be long now.”

  I stared at what looked like a plastic grocery sack with two sticks protruding from the horse. With the next contraction, Missy’s entire body tightened, and to my absolute amazement, a tiny horse face emerged.

  “It’s breathing.” I gripped Keith’s bicep. “Oh my gosh, do you see the nostrils? It’s breathing!”

  Keith slipped an arm around me and pulled me close. The mama horse rested and waited for the next contraction. When it came, a little more of the baby emerged, only to be sucked back in at the end of the contraction.

  “Do you want me to pull it out?” I asked, unable to refrain from helping. “I delivered a few babies in nursing school. Never a horse, but it can’t be that different.”

  The veterinarian chuckled. “Believe it or not, Jillian, I’ve delivered a few horses in my time, too. It’s best to stand back and let nature take its course. She’s doing great.”

  I gave an embarrassed laugh. “Of course. I didn’t mean to imply you didn’t know what you were doing, it’s just . . . I feel so helpless.”

  With the next contraction, I squeezed Keith’s arm as if I was the one giving birth.

  “Ouch!” he cried.

  “Sorry.”

  He rubbed his arm. “I don’t mind the bruises you gave me from Matt’s and Drew’s births, but please don’t hurt me over a horse.”