by A. D. Ellis
“Get us some big greasy burgers and fries. I know we try to keep the boys eating halfway healthy, but I’m in the mood for junk.” I could almost taste the burger and fries as I spoke. “And, tonight, pizza. With any damn toppings we want.” Being dads to four little boys meant we ate a lot of plain cheese and only pepperoni.
“Oh my God, that sounds like the best plan ever.” Cam closed his eyes and moaned as he likely thought about our planned food orgy. Watching him close his eyes and moan gave me a fleeting moment of wondering what it would be like to have him moaning about me.
Damn, maybe going out on some real dates wouldn’t be a bad idea if I was having inappropriate thoughts about my best friend. No way I’d take advantage of his hospitality by putting him in the awkward position of dealing with my growing attraction. Sure, I’d flirted some on the boat, but it was all in good fun. Cam hadn’t seemed upset by it. But, I couldn’t move into his house and then spring my long-buried bisexuality on him. I mean, yeah, I had sprung it on him, but not in a way other than information. It wasn’t as if I told him in hopes of us becoming an item or something. It was all too soon, and very much too weird. We weren’t in a position to even consider anything like a relationship.
Right?
Right.
I nodded my head in agreement with myself before realizing Cam had been watching me the whole time I’d been having an inner monologue. A blush crept up my cheeks.
“Sorry, just running through some stuff in my head.” I grabbed my keys and headed toward the door. “Have a good workout. I’ll be home a little later, and we can hit the lake. Don’t forget my burger and fries.” I waved and smiled as I closed the door behind me.
~*~*~*~
My definition of our plans clearly differed from Alan’s definition of our plans.
I hadn’t been in the dating world for a long time. And I’d never been in the dating world as a bi man. So, I chalked up the disaster that unfolded before me as simple ignorance and inexperience.
Alan was a nice guy, no doubt about that. But, I had obviously missed the mark on our outing being just a friend showing the new guy around. This became clear when I moved my hand away from his for about the tenth time while we drank our coffee and chatted about our jobs, the town, and where Alan had come from. I regretted we’d chosen a corner table that forced our chairs almost side-by-side when Alan placed his hand on my leg.
Moving my leg away slightly, trying not to come across rude, I made the decision to be blunt since Alan was definitely being open with his intentions. “So, um, I was thinking today was me being nice and showing you around town. I’m guessing you had other ideas?” I kept my tone light.
Alan at least pulled his hand from my thigh before speaking. “I had sort of thought today was more like a date. I mean, you’re gay right?”
His question took me by surprise. I guess I shouldn’t have been shocked, I mean, the guy had been trying to touch me the entire time we’d been together, he obviously thought I was interested. But, I realized quickly that I’d never told anyone except Cam about my sexuality.
“No. I mean, not really.” I stuttered.
Alan frowned. “Not really?”
“I mean, I’m not gay. I’m bi. I mean, I think I am.” I continued to stumble over my words.
“Gay, bi, whatever.” Alan flicked his hand as if dismissing whatever concerns I may have had.
“What made you think I was gay?” No one had ever questioned my sexuality.
“Well, you’re living with that guy. And I’ve heard talk around town. So, I put two and two together.” Alan answered. His flippant response grated on my nerves.
“So, you knew I was living with a man and you still asked me out?”
“Sure, why not. I mean, a lot of people are in open relationships.” Alan shrugged.
“Well, I’m not. I’m not in any relationship at this point in time except with my friends and my family. I’m going through a bad time. My boys are my top priority.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “And, if I was in a relationship, I wouldn’t have been accepting dates with other men. Or women. I can’t do the open relationship thing.” I drained my coffee before standing to leave. “I need to head out. I’ll see you at work.”
I left the coffee shop feeling confused. Alan hadn’t truly done anything wrong. I’d misread the situation. I had no hard feelings toward the man. But, I also had no interest in continuing our time together when I knew Cam was home alone. Alan had known I was living with Cam. He’d heard rumors around town. Yet, he still asked me out.
Maybe I did have some ill feelings toward Alan. If I was in a relationship with Cam, or anyone else, I wouldn’t be interested in sharing him or going out with other people. Stephanie’s infidelity had burned me in that department.
Checking to be sure I had my bag of gym clothes in the back, I turned my car toward the gym in hopes Cam would still be there.
~*~*~*~
I zeroed in on Cam the moment I entered the gym. He was doing pull-ups in the corner, his back to me. He had no way of knowing I was there, so I took advantage of the situation and positioned myself on the chest press machine so I could watch him.
What the hell are you doing, Ramsey?
I heard the inner voice and did my best to ignore it. Starting my chest reps, I let my eyes roam openly over Cam’s body knowing no one could see me ogling my best friend.
The gym required shirts, but Cam’s tank didn’t leave a lot to the imagination. He wasn’t super bulky, but his arms, chest, and back showed serious muscle definition. And his ass was pure perfection.
Seriously, what the fuck are you doing? That’s your best friend. He just lost his husband. You are fresh out of several years of marriage. AND you just conveniently remembered you find guys attractive, as well as women. Stop thinking about Cam’s perfect ass.
I couldn’t help but laugh at my psyche. Even it thought Cam’s ass was perfect.
I had long since lost count of the chest press reps I was doing, but I continued so I had an excuse to keep watching Cam. Having reached the end of his pull-up reps, he switched to press-ups on the same machine. Sweat soaked the back of his shirt, and I imagined that trickle of sweat traveling down past the waistband of his shorts.
With my arms officially worn out, I mopped the sweat from my face before moving to do weighted squats. As I walked toward the mirrors, Cam ended his press-ups and turned from his machine.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, seemingly surprised but genuinely pleased to see me.
“Got done early, decided to see if you were still here.” I answered. We made our way to the row of weights. I liked how easily we fell into step with each other. Each of us placed weights on our bars and began weighted squats. My legs quivered by the time we finished our reps.
“Want a spot?” I asked Cam as he rearranged the weights on his bar to prepare for chest presses.
“Sure,” he said.
I immediately regretted the offer when my eyes were drawn to his gray shorts. I forced my eyes to watch only the bar as Cam lifted. Don’t look at his cock. Don’t look at his cock. The more my mind told me to not look, the more my eyes wanted to look.
“You want to go?” Cam nodded toward the bench when he’d finished his reps.
Glad for the distraction, I positioned myself on the bench. Within a couple seconds of being laid out on the bench, I realized my previous moments of ogling Cam’s crotch had led to my own trying its best to make its presence known. Grateful I had on black shorts, I hurried through the lifts glad to have something other than Cam’s dick to think about.
Thirty minutes later, we’d finished our workouts and headed toward the showers. Fuck. The showers.
I recalled showers in the locker room after basketball games. I remembered longing to take a shower at the same time as Sam, but forcing myself to either be done by the time he jumped in, or wait until he was finished. The way my heart and cock both had pounded each and every time I was around the guy, I knew b
eing wet and naked at the same time as Sam wasn’t a good idea.
And now I faced showering with Cam. Something we’d done about a thousand times over the years after gym workouts. But, that was before. Before I admitted to Cam I was attracted to men. Hell, before I even admitted to myself I was attracted to men. Before I started having inappropriate thoughts about my best friend. How could I have buried something for so long? And why did it have to come roaring back with the force of a locomotive at one of the most inopportune times of mine and Cam’s life?
Damn, man. Get yourself together. You can soap up, wash your hair, and get the fuck out without popping a boner.
Taking a deep breath, I agreed with the inner tirade. Grabbing my towel, I stripped down and silently rejoiced when the two open showers were on opposite walls. I took one spigot, while Cam took the other. My shower was done in record time, and I successfully finished without once glancing at Cam’s naked body.
I was dried and dressed by the time Cam emerged from the showers.
“You in a hurry?” Cam gave me an amused look.
“Just hungry, I guess.” In truth, I was hungry, but my stomach had very little to do with the speed of my shower. But, feeding my stomach was the only thing I should have been thinking of. That, and spending time with my friend[PC43].
Sitting in my car, I waved to Cam as he drove off. What the hell was going on with me? Lusting over a guy wasn’t completely new territory, but getting hard for my best friend was certainly not the norm. I wasn’t ashamed of my bisexuality. I mean, I’d pushed it aside and settled into married life and parenting with Stephanie, but being attracted to men wasn’t causing me the biggest confusion. Finding myself staring at Cam’s ass and thinking about his wet naked body? Yeah, those thoughts were definitely causing me some confusion.
Chapter 9
Cameron
Kade planned to stop by the local diner to pick up the biggest, juiciest burgers and fries he could find. By the time he arrived at the house, I had the boat packed.
With a huge smile on his face, he held up a brown paper bag that looked as if it would start dripping grease at any moment. “I even got extra cheese on the burgers. Plus, fries and onion rings.”
I grabbed at my chest. “We both probably better find a cardiologist after lunch.”
Once we’d launched the boat, Kade unloaded the bag.
I found a little spot we could float out of water traffic yet still enjoy the sunshine. Grabbing my own sandwich, I settled in to enjoy the meal. It wasn’t as if I didn’t love my boys, I loved them with every ounce of my being, but, sometimes, mealtime with children could wear a person out. Having no one picking around his food, spilling something, needing bites cut up…well, it was about as close to paradise as I’d seen in a long while. Lounging in the sun, my best friend by my side, knowing my kids were having fun and safe…I sighed with deep pleasure.
My sigh was echoed and followed by grunts and groans as Kade enjoyed his burger. I couldn’t help but watch him as he threw his head back and chewed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. As the sun shone on his face, Kade moaned. I knew it was just his savoring the food, but I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if I was the one making him moan in ecstasy. Shoving my own burger in my mouth in hopes of choking down the inappropriate thoughts, I did my best to think of something else.
But, Kade groaned again when he bit into a crispy onion ring, and I couldn’t stop myself.
“You need some private time with your lunch?” I chuckled.
Kade stopped mid-bite and looked guiltily at me. Swallowing, he blushed. “Sorry, this is just damn good. Seems like green beans, carrots, mac and cheese, cereal, spaghetti, and cheese pizza is about all we’ve been eating lately.” His eyes glanced hungrily at the remaining half of the burger in his hand. “I guess I got a little too into it.”
“No worries,” I said. “I just wondered if you wanted to take your burger somewhere private. Maybe spank it and whisper dirty words before you shove it down your throat?”
I immediately realized that my words had been a little more suggestive than I’d meant when Kade’s nostrils flared and his jaw tensed; I knew he’d recognized it as well. I mean, the comment had been meant as sexual, but in a joking way. But, the thought of Kade spanking his sexual partner and whispering dirty words was more than my mind could take. Throw in the image of him shoving something down his throat and I was gone[PC44]. Shit. My mind needed to chill the fuck out. I was a widow and this guy was my best friend.
Reaching for my large fountain Coke, I gulped down several swigs in hopes of cooling the sexual thoughts running through my head.
Damn, Deacon and I had a satisfying sex life, no question. But, I hadn’t felt so turned on and lustful in…well, in ever. Clearly, I needed to spend some time in the shower with my hand. The thoughts I’d been having about Kade since he admitted his bi-curiosity were anything but appropriate.
“Ready to make some waves[PC45]?” More than ready to alter my thoughts, I maneuvered the boat out of our little floating space and navigated north.
Kade nodded mutely, finishing his burger quietly.
I munched my own lunch as we made our way along the sparkling water. “I packed the fishing poles. You want to see if anything is biting?”
“Yeah, sounds good.” Kade cleared our lunch trash. Grabbing the fishing poles, he found the cup of earthworms I’d packed and began baiting the poles.
I steered us to an area I knew was good for fishing. Dropping anchor, Kade and I pulled out our boat chairs and cast our lines. I could have turned on the radio, but the silence surrounding Kade and I was comfortable. Tiny waves lapped at the edge of our boat, frogs croaked, birds sang, and a soft breeze rustled leaves on the shore.
About fifteen minutes into our fishing, we’d both caught a couple bluegill. Nothing worth saving, but something was satisfying about seeing that bobber pulled under the surface. When Kade cleared his throat, I looked at him briefly, expecting him to speak. But, he shook his head and kept quiet.
The second time he cleared his throat, I started to wonder if he was getting sick.
By the third time, I couldn’t keep quiet. “Damn, man. Either spit it out or get a drink.” I slapped him on the back. “What’s up?”
Kade kept his eyes trained on the red and white bobber bouncing along the water’s surface. “So, listen. Um, I feel like I sort of opened a can of worms the other night when I admitted I’d been attracted to men.”
“Yeah?” I questioned. Not wanting to push, but wondering where Kade was headed.
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t think I ever would have mentioned it if Stephanie hadn’t screwed me over so royally. I guess I would have continued keeping it as a long ago memory and moved on as a husband and father.”
“And now?” I asked.
“Well, now that I’ve allowed myself to think about it. And told you about it. And likely let the whole town make assumptions about it. Now…now I can’t stop thinking about it.” Kade swallowed thickly before glancing at me.
“So, you want to explore your bisexuality?” I fiddled with my fishing line, needing something to do that didn’t involve looking at Kade.
“I don’t know. I mean, yeah? I guess so?” Kade blew out a frustrated breath. “Maybe I need to get laid. But even the thought of being with Stephanie[PC46] makes me want to puke.”
“I can see why,” I stated in complete agreement.
Kade shivered and wrinkled his nose in disgust.
“Do you think you want to sleep with a woman?”
Kade thought about it for a moment. “No.”
“Why?”
He screwed up his forehead. “I think part of it feels wrong to sleep with another woman so soon after Steph left.”
“And the other part?” I prompted.
He made direct eye contact with me. “The other part of me can’t stop thinking about sleeping with a guy.”
I swallowed thickly. “Well, I mean, I can p
robably help you find a hook up if that’s what you’re looking for.”
Kade frowned. “No, I don’t want a hook up. I mean, I do, but that feels wrong, too.” He ran a hand over his face. “Damn, how can this be so screwed up? I need to be a good parent for the boys, but I’m also going crazy with thoughts of sex. But, I don’t want just any sex. I mean, it’s not like I need it to be deep and meaningful. But, I don’t want just a wham and bam.”
My brain and heart were arguing. My libido was for whichever body part decided to offer sex to Kade. I could have easily taken him back to the house and let him work off the urge. But, I couldn’t do it. And because he was my best friend, I felt I had to explain it to him. “Listen. Part of me wants to turn this boat around and drag you up to the house. We could have something good...”
Kade’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Man, that’s not what I was getting at,” he sputtered.
“I know, but it would be a quick and easy fix for both of us. Right?”
Kade nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”
“But I can’t do it,” I said.
“I know. Deacon,” Kade said. “And, truly, I wasn’t even hinting at that.”
“No, it’s not about Deacon. He wouldn’t expect me to be alone forever. He wanted me to be happy. Made me promise, in fact.” I smiled at the thought of Deacon. My heart never stopped aching for him, but the smiles came easier. “I don’t want to be your exploration and experiment.”
“You wouldn’t be,” Kade interrupted. “I mean, even if sex was what I was getting at, it wouldn’t be for an experiment.”
“You wouldn’t do it on purpose. But, what if it ends up feeling wrong? I don’t want to ruin our friendship and what we’re building for the boys so you can figure out if you like dick as much as boobs.” I quirked a smile, hoping Kade would understand where I was coming from.
“Yeah, you’re right. I mean, I can’t get the thought of being with a guy out of my head. But it would be wrong for us to try something.” Kade’s voice sounded a lot more questioning than I would have liked. “I mean, we’re grown men. Fathers. We can’t be irresponsible.”