by A. D. Ellis
I watched Kade for a moment, trying to gauge whether or not he actually believed the words he was saying.
“Yeah.” I nodded, feeling let down that I’d so easily convinced myself and Kade that we shouldn’t let anything happen between us.
“Yeah,” Kade whispered.
My bobber bounced and then disappeared and the moment was broken.
Our talk had been good. Right? Then why did I feel so bereft?
~*~*~*~
The sun was low in the sky by the time we docked the boat. Taking care to clean up the boat deck first, Kade and I trudged up the hill to the house.
“How can floating on a lake wear a person out?” Kade asked.
“I don’t know. It’s not like it’s a super physical pastime, but I’m exhausted. Must be the fresh air and sunshine.” I agreed with him as we put away the fishing gear.
“I need a nap. And a shower.” Kade’s words ended on a yawn.
“In that order?” I crinkled my nose.
“Nah, shower first. Then nap,” Kade said. “I feel like a glutton saying this, but I could eat again. I mean, I’m not starving right now, but the thought of pizza and beer for supper is calling to me.”
“As much as the shower and the nap?” I joked.
“Almost,” Kade said before yawning again. “But, not quite.”
“Okay, showers then naps. Pizza and beer on the beach?” I checked my watch as I asked. “Plan on ordering the pizzas about seven?”
“Sounds good. Better order for pick-up. We probably need to run into town to grab more beer then we can pick up the pizzas.”
“Good idea. Plus, the darn delivery drivers get lost almost every time they come out here. I mean, we live on a lake, but it’s not like we’re in the middle of nowhere. Houses all over out here.” I shook my head. “Later, man. I better shower now before I fall asleep standing up.”
Kade waved me off as he headed into his room to grab his clothes. Closing my bedroom door behind me, I headed straight to my own bathroom to start the shower. Stripping out of my clothes, I threw them in the hamper. Turning to climb into the shower, I remembered I had used the last of my soap that morning.
“Fuck.” I sighed. Opening the cabinet under the sink, prepared to grab more soap, I cursed again when I found the package of soap sitting empty. Declan had likely taken the last bar and not told me.
Walking through my house naked wasn’t something I did a lot before Deacon died, but I’d done it a lot less since we adopted Declan and Justin. And having Kade along with Myles and Evan living in the house meant I at least wore boxers.
But, Kade was in the shower, so I figured I could grab more soap from the hall closet and be back in the shower before anyone was wiser. Plus, the thought of putting my sweaty, damp boxers back on wasn’t appealing.
The hall closet was outside of my bedroom, across from the main bathroom. Reaching for the soap on the second lowest shelf, I froze when the door behind me opened. I knew it was Kade, and I knew he had an unobstructed view of my lily-white ass bent over to get a bar of soap.
Kade’s “Oh, shit!” happened simultaneously with me jumping upright, slamming the back of my head into the top shelf, and attempting to cover my dick with a bar of soap.
“Ah, fuck,” I moaned as I rubbed the quickly forming knot on the back of my head.
“You okay?” Kade asked while doing his gentlemanly best to look anywhere but at my naked body.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I, uh…,” I nodded my head toward the soap, “needed soap.”
Kade chuckled. “Me, too.”
“Huh?” I wanted to run back to my room and escape the awkward moment.
Kade gestured toward the bar of soap doing a poor job of keeping me covered. “Soap. I needed some, too. It’s out. I mean, there’s no more. In that bathroom.” Kade sputtered his words, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.
“Oh, right. Right. Here.” I offered him the bar of soap. Too late, I realized what I had done. Feeling heat rush through my body, my chest and neck flushing, I attempted to control the bugging of my eyes and quickly leaned down to grab another bar of soap. Trying to hide my dick while also trying not to bare my ass to Kade was a monstrous feat, and I failed miserably.
Kade put me out of my misery by jerking the bar I offered from my hand and hightailing it back to his bathroom. With my hard-won soap in hand, I all but ran back to my room.
Nothing like spending a day on the lake with my best friend, discussing his bisexuality and our mutual need for sex, only to end up naked in the hallway with him because of fucking soap. I sighed deeply as the hot water streamed over my body. Wincing at the sting as the water seeped into the bump on the back of my head, I could only chuckle at the comedy of errors that had taken place.
Finishing my shower, I dried myself and crawled into bed. Cool, crisp sheets cocooned my hot, damp skin. Allowing exhaustion to take over, I sleepily smiled as I thought of Kade’s naked body. Maybe it wouldn’t be appropriate for us to act on the budding feelings of attraction, but it sure wouldn’t hurt to enjoy the beauty of the man in my imagination.
My throbbing dick, combined with a completely inappropriate dream about Kade, woke me later. Rolling from my side to my stomach, I thrust my cock into the mattress and tried my damnedest to forget the images of Kade’s and my body wrapped together in a sweaty, panting, fuck fest. When the ache in my balls only intensified, I accepted my fate. Rolling to my back, I palmed myself in one last gallant gesture to calm my body. Reaching for the drawer, I realized quickly that I’d had no need for lube in the bedside drawer for a very long time. Deacon had been gone for a while, and before that, he definitely wasn’t healthy enough for sex.
Intent to see the dream and boner through to the end by that point, I fumbled until I found a small sample-sized bottle of lotion. Tootie-Frootie Bubblegum? Why in the hell did I have Tootie-Frootie Bubblegum scented lotion in my house, let alone in my bedside drawer? Likely a free sample given out at some point. My dick didn’t care about the scent, it only bobbed, thick and heavy, as it waited impatiently for me to take care of the issue at hand. So to speak.
I flipped open the lotion and sniffed. Whew! Yep, that’s Tootie-Frootie Bubblegum, all right. Yuck, the scent almost made me want to gag. With a glance at my weeping cock, the cloying scent of the lotion clinging to my nose, and the not-easy-to-forget images from my dream dancing in my head, I could only laugh at the ridiculousness of my situation.
I hadn’t had sex in forever. Cancer affects every single part of a person’s life. When Deacon was healthy enough to be home, sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I wanted to cherish our time together, our time with the boys, building memories. Nothing else mattered.
When Deacon died, my body mourned as well as my heart. If someone had offered me a million dollars to pop a boner, I would have had to turn down the money. That is, until Kade. Thinking back on the time he had been living with me, I realized I’d been more turned on and interested in sex than I had in well over a year.
And you think it’s smart to be letting your best friend be the one turning your crank?
No, it probably wasn’t smart at all.
But, that didn’t mean I could wipe the images from my dream out of my head. It didn’t mean I could will my cock to return to its prior uninterested state. Who was I kidding? My cock had been interested since Kade mentioned the crush he’d had on the basketball player back in high school.
What about Deacon?
Fuck. What about Deacon?
As if Deacon was in the room with me, I heard him plain as day, “Oh, no you don’t. Don’t bring me into this. Don’t deny yourself a good jack off on my account.”
Rolling my eyes, I gave one last-ditch effort to calm myself. I could get dressed, watch some television until it was time to order the pizza. There was no need to jerk off.
My dick begged to differ. He felt there was very much a need to jerk off. Like over a year’s worth of need. Actually, that wasn�
�t true. In the beginning, when Deacon wasn’t as sick from the chemo and cancer, we would sometimes get each other off. But, still, it had been a very long time, and cock-o-mine was determined to get the attention he was desperate for.
Shaking my head, I dispensed the sickeningly sweet lotion onto my palm. Rubbing my hands together to warm the lotion, I closed my eyes and remembered the dream I’d had about Kade. Taking myself in hand, I imagined us together. I loved to suck cock, and I was damn good at it. Letting my mind wander, I took Kade in my mouth and sucked him deep to the back of my throat. I heard his gasp, felt my throat close around his steely length, and thrust myself hard into my slick fist.
“I want to fuck you,” Kade growled in my ear. My ass clenched at the thought of taking him deep. It had been so long. With one hand still pumping my erection, I ran a finger through the lotion and trailed past my balls to my hole.
With dream-Kade talking dirty and thrusting against me, I kept my fist in a perfect rhythm on my cock and my fingers playing with my hole. I had no hope of holding out. Long ropes of white splattered my stomach and chest. After what felt like the longest orgasm of my entire life, I came crashing back down to earth.
Glancing around the room, I tried to recall if I’d made any noise when I came. My ears still roared, so it was hard to know. And I hadn’t exactly been coherent at the time. Tootie-Frootie Bubblegum filled the air, mixing with the smell of sex. Creamy lines of white no longer felt hot and erotic, they now cooled and began to mix with the lotion into a disgusting mess.
My body and brain fought over how to feel. My body wanted to celebrate by feeling sated and relaxed and triumphant. My brain said I was no better than some horny teen beating off to dirty magazines. At least I hadn’t resorted to a happy sock or cum catcher t-shirt.
I rolled from bed, careful not to get the lotion or spunk on my freshly washed sheets. Padding to the bathroom, I grabbed my towel from earlier and wiped myself down. Being sure to bury the towel at the bottom of the hamper, I reached for a washcloth and turned on the hot water.
By the time I’d cleaned myself off and washed my hands with soap, I was feeling better.
“Good, you should. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Deacon’s words filled my head.
“It feels a little too soon,” I argued with myself and Deacon as I stared into the mirror.
“It’s not too soon if it feels right,” Deacon said.
“But, how do I know if it feels right?” I sighed and shoved my hand through my hair. “I mean, that, in there, felt great.” I gestured toward my bed. “But, thinking about my best friend, dreaming about him, after losing my husband. What are people going to think?”
“Well, first, they aren’t going to know you’re dreaming about him and beating off to thoughts of him unless you tell them. Which I would strongly advise against for now. Many won’t be as accepting as your dear late husband.”
I chuckled, tears stinging my eyes. Deacon had always been able to make me laugh.
“And, fuck them anyway. Who cares what they think? If you and Kade end up together, that’s something for you and him to decide. No one else matters. Maybe you try it and it works out. Great. Maybe you try and realize you’re better as friends. Okay, that’s fine. But, don’t make decisions based on what others may think.” Deacon’s words were emphatic.
“But, what if we try, and it doesn’t work, and one of us gets hurt?” I whispered, voicing a fear. “Or the boys get hurt?”
“You and Kade would never hurt those boys. All the boys need to know is that they have their fathers and their friends, they are safe and cared for.” Deacon’s words stopped, and for a moment I feared I’d lost him. “I think what you’re really the most afraid of is you getting hurt. What if Kade decides he can’t do the gay thing?”
I felt the need to defend Kade. “I mean, he’s bisexual, not gay.”
“Right. What if he tries dick and decides he wants to go back to women? What if being with you isn’t what he wants?”
“Yeah, what if?” Taking a deep breath, I whispered the other fear niggling in the back of my head. “And what if he decides he likes dick just fine, but not mine?”
“Don’t borrow trouble, Cameron. Just let things move at a pace you both are comfortable with.” Deacon’s words faded in my mind. “But let yourself be happy. Take chances. Love again.”
Deacon’s words were gone, and I was left staring at a tear-stained face in the mirror.
Splashing water on my face, I ran a hand through my hair to straighten it a bit, and then grabbed some clothes. Fully dressed, taking no chances, I walked out of my room.
I surfed channels for about twenty minutes until I heard Kade’s movements in his bedroom. Checking the time, I knocked gently on his door. “Want me to order the pizza?”
Kade’s reply sounded strained. “Yeah, go ahead.”
“You okay?” I asked again.
“Yep,” Kade barked.
Frowning at the door, I wandered into the kitchen to call in our order[PC47].
Chapter 10
Kade
As if pushing aside feelings for Cameron wasn’t enough, then I have to walk out to find his gorgeous ass on display, and then I wake up with the hard-on to end all hard-ons. Fuck.
Maybe if I got off first, pizza and beer on the beach would be easier. I was just horny, right? I mean, it’s not as if Stephanie and I had been having sex recently. Even before I figured out what was going on, we hadn’t slept together in months.
Fisting my dick, I decided to rub one out real quick, and be done with it. What I did not decide to do was think about Cam’s ass, his perfect mouth, or burying myself in his body. Unfortunately, that’s what my subconscious mind decided for me.
Throwing my head back on the pillow, I clamped my mouth shut against the moan I knew was fighting to break loose. Images flashed through my head. Cam’s mouth on my cock. Our hard lengths bobbing and rubbing together. My dick sliding deep into his ass.
“Want me to order the pizza?” Cam’s voice was right outside my door.
Fuck.
“Yeah, go ahead.” I struggled to speak.
“You okay?” Cam asked, and I could picture him frowning at the door in concern.
“Yep,” I all but shouted. I’m great. Just thinking about fucking my best friend. No worries.
I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood as I came all over my hand and stomach. Riding the waves of ecstasy, I willed my breathing to return to normal. Closing my eyes, I was struck right in the gut with a thought. Yeah, I was horny. But, even after coming all over myself, I wanted more. I wanted Cam in my arms. I wanted to hold him close and kiss him.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Grabbing my damp towel from earlier, I cleaned myself off and jetted across the hall to the bathroom. I heard Cam talking on the phone and knew I needed to ready myself quickly so we could head into town.
Running the sink full of hot water, I washed my face and used a washcloth to clean up any lingering remains from my fist action. I pulled on a pair of boxers before returning to my room to find some pants and a shirt.
“You ready?” Cam asked from the doorway.
My heart jumped, but I swallowed it down[PC48]. “Yeah. Let’s go. I’m starving.”
We walked out to the driveway and climbed into Cam’s truck.
Cam started the truck as I was overwhelmed with a sickening sweet scent.
“Yuck, what smells like that fruit stripe bubble gum?” I sniffed the air.
Cam gave me a strange look and shrugged. “Don’t smell anything.”
“Seriously? It’s making me want to gag.” I rolled the windows down to air out the scent.
“Hmmm, must just be you. I smell nothing,” Cam said then quickly changed the subject as we left the driveway.
The trip to town was made in a comfortable mixture of silence and small talk.
“You buy the pizzas and I’ll buy the beer?” I asked Cam as he pulled up the liquor store.
; “Sounds good.” Cam nodded, putting the truck into gear.
The store was crowded. A lot of people appeared to be preparing for their Saturday evening just as Cam and I were.
Finding Cam’s favorite beer, I picked up a twelve pack and headed to make my purchase. On impulse, I grabbed a bottle of Jägermeister. I’d not done shots and beer chasers in years.
Paying for the items, I returned to the truck unable to hide the smile on my face.
“What did you do?” Cam asked.
“What do you mean?” I pretended to be innocent.
“You look like the cat who ate the canary.” Cam smiled.
I pulled the bottle of Jägermeister out of the paper bag and waggled my brows.
Cam laughed.
“What? When was the last time you did shots?” I waved the bag between us.
“Years and years,” Cam said.
“I only got enough for a couple shots each. But, come on, it sounds fun, right? Shots and beer and pizza on the beach? Get a fire going. Turn on some tunes. Damn, I love my boys, but I definitely needed this time alone.” I sighed deeply.
“Me too. Those kids are my life. But, sometimes it’s nice to take a breather.”
Cam splurged on the local pizza joint rather than going with the cheaper chain pizza, and my stomach gurgled loudly in appreciation when he climbed back into the truck with four boxes.
“Damn, I’m hungry, but four pizzas for two of us?” I whistled.
“One is all cheese. One is half cheese and pepperoni.” Cam placed the boxes between us on the seat. “The other two are a meat lovers and one with everything. We can start with those two. Move to pepperoni if needed. Save the cheese for the boys’ lunch tomorrow.”
“Good thinking.” I nodded then rubbed my hands together. “Now, get me home before I dig into that box right here.”
“No grease in my truck!” Cam stepped on the gas.
Once home, we took our two pizzas down to the beach. Placing them on the picnic table, I laid a towel over them and covered them with a folded lawn chair. I didn’t think the raccoons would come hunting for snacks with us moving around, but it was better to be safe than sorry.