I'll Be Seeing You

by A. P. Hallmark

  After making my afternoon rounds, I head home for a long, hot shower. It feels good to relax knowing I will see her tonight. Other than my plan to tell her about Emma, I have no idea what’s in store for the evening. An apology to start is always a good place to begin, I guess.

  After shaving, I splash on her favorite cologne and step into my favorite jeans, a forest green V-neck sweater, and I'm ready to go.

  Although a lot has happened between Joy and me over the past month, I’m actually looking forward to seeing her. I know we have a tough night ahead of us, but just seeing her again will be good for my soul.

  Parking my car in front of her building, I get nervous knots in my stomach with the uncertainty of what this night may bring. Will we work it out or part as friends?

  "We shall soon find out," I say, pushing the button for her apartment.

  "Yes," her sad voice says over the intercom. It breaks my heart hearing that tone come from her. What's even worse is knowing it was me that caused it.

  "It's Matthew," I respond, not sure what else to say. She doesn't reply, but simply releases the lock to the entry door.

  When I reach her apartment door, my stomach is too nervous to think about eating the take-out I picked up for dinner, but I suck it up and knock anyway. It takes a noticeably long time for her to answer and I wonder if she's as nervous as I am. Of course she is, you idiot. My heart palpitates when she slowly opens the door.

  "Hey," I say hesitantly.

  "Hey," she returns and I can see she is extremely nervous.

  I walk into the apartment and across the room to set the food on the kitchen counter — the very same counter where I enjoyed her only a few short weeks ago. My stomach twists even more. When I turn, she’s still standing in the same spot and I can see the sadness in her face. My heart aches for her. When did I fall for this slip of a girl? What is it about her that has captured my heart? I slowly cross the room to stand in front of her.

  "You look beautiful," I begin, kissing the top of her head, running my hands up and down her arms, wanting to hold her. "I’m sorry, Joy. I jumped to the wrong conclusion, and I've hurt you … badly." I clear my throat to mask the anguish in my voice. My heart is aching for her, seeing her broken like this. “Can you forgive me?”

  She rests her forehead against my chest, and when I move to wrap my arms around her, she steps away from me.

  That’s not good.

  "I'm in love with you," she says, almost inaudibly.

  She should be happy saying this, so why do I still feel this ache?

  Overwhelmed and pleased, my eyes close upon hearing her say those words. Inhaling deeply, I take a leap of faith. "I'm in love with you, too," I reply, stepping towards her.

  I'm shocked at how easy it is to say the words, releasing the bottled-up feelings I've been fighting for the last two weeks. Her arms wrap around me, but I can tell there’s still something wrong. It saddens me that we announce our declarations to one another under these circumstances.

  "What is it?" I ask, pushing her back from me so I can see her face.

  "I may be in love with you, but it doesn't mean I'm happy. I'm disappointed that this has even happened," she says, turning away from me. She sits in her oversized chair rather than the couch, which I am certain, is so that I can't sit next to her.

  "All right," I say, resolutely. "So, what do we do now?" I ask, putting the ball in her court. I will do whatever she wants.

  "I don't know what to do. You got angry when Brian hugged me, then possessive when Scott appeared on the scene. Don’t get me wrong, he was clearly trying to rile you, but you let him.

  "I know. I can't help it, Joy. I'm possessive by nature and don't like any other man touching my girl," I confess. "It's been hard for me not knowing where we stand. I didn't even know if there was an us,” I admit, taking a seat on the couch, closest to her. She has her head bowed with her chin digging into her chest again. I watch her nervously fidget her hands on her lap.

  "Is it always going to be like this? Every time you see me talking to another man? Are you going to make me defend myself and make me worry whether you are upset because of it? If it is, I don't want it. I’m in love with you, yes, but I don't even know you, really. I fell in love with a man that sat across the café. The same man that when he opened the door to come through it, I knew it was him by the sound of his shoes, and by his smell. His voice when he spoke to Myra made me weak." Her brow furrows and she clearly has a lot to get off her chest. “That man is you, Matthew, but you get mad at me a lot and I don’t understand what kind of relationship it is that you want”

  "No, it's not always going to be like this," I answer. "I'm sorry I've made you doubt me. It's the last thing I wanted to do." I’m leaning forward with my elbows on my knees and my head hanging below my shoulders.

  "I don't know what else to say, Matthew. I don't want to sit here and browbeat you, but I told you early on that I'm a communicator, and it's terribly difficult to communicate with someone that won't take my calls or when I have to resort to following him to his workplace, he kicks me out of his building. Do you know how embarrassing it was to ask Myra to call me when you came to the café, just so that I could derail you today?"

  Wow, she's on a roll. She's really pissed, and I love seeing this side of her — this passion.

  "I was hurt, too, Joy. I mean, there I was, sitting across the room, and you didn't even know I was there, and—”

  "Now, wait one fucking minute," she shouts, moving to sit at the edge of her seat. "Don't you dare blame my impairment for not knowing you were there. Scott said you looked directly at me, yet you left without saying a word. Explain that!"

  "Like I said, it may have been misplaced, but if you could see what I saw, you might have a little compassion. I saw my girl, with a man on his knees, between her thighs no less. The very place I was at just the night before. Your thighs hold a special place in my heart, Joy," I say, reaching out to take her hand from her lap. "And then he hugged you. He squeezed you tight to him, didn't he?"

  "Well, yes, but—"

  "Well, that little hug is a man's trick, Joy. That's what a guy does to feel a woman's breasts against his chest. The oldest trick in the book," I explain. Dropping her hand, I begin pacing the room.

  "Then, you kissed his cheek. It wasn't just a peck either. It was a lip-to-cheek-lingering kiss. It was at least three seconds. That's long in cheek-kissing time." Reluctantly, she grins.

  "Then you whispered something really close to his face. God knows what you said, but it didn't matter at that point. I'd seen enough to believe that, considering you didn't know I was there, perhaps you cared for him slightly more than I believed you did me. It hurt, Joy." Running my hands through my hair again, I make a total mess of it.

  "When I got the call from Maddie that you weren't feeling well, I kept tabs on you. It wasn't until I returned home that I got the text to say you were in the hospital. As soon as my plane landed, I went straight there. I needed to know you were going to be okay but as for everything else, nothing had changed. In my mind’s eye, I still saw you with Scott," I’m pacing circles around her living room furniture, and her face follows me as I talk.

  "So, here we are," she says.

  "Here we are," I repeat, and stop my pacing to look at her.

  "Where do we go from here?" she asks.

  "I don’t know. Look, there is something you need to know about what happened to me before I met you that might help you understand why I reacted the way I did.” I place my hands under her chin rubbing my thumbs along her cheekbones and let out a deep sigh. “I have to tell you about Emma,"

  She places her hands on top of mine and gives me a warm, comforting smile. Lifting her face up to mine, I gently cover her mouth with mine.

  "Before I do, let’s eat first, all right?"

  "All right."

  While I arrange the various cartons around the table, Joy gets the plates and forks. After I grab two bottles of water out of the refr
igerator, I place them on the table. Not certain if she wants to sit close to me, I take a seat across from her.

  "I missed you," I say, reaching out to take hold of her hand.

  "I missed you, too," she replies with a sad smile. "I really did."

  "Come here," I say getting up and pulling her up with me needing to touch her … to hold her.

  She throws herself at me, wrapping her arms tight around my waist and I lift her face to mine.

  "You look really pretty tonight."

  "Thank you. Could you kiss me now?"

  "My pleasure." I lower my lips to hers, and she lifts onto her toes to meet me.

  I missed this so much. The first tingling touch of our mouths is indescribable. Toying with her lips, I apply just enough suction to draw her in — teasing her — until her passionate nature comes out. I can't wait to experience it to the fullest with her.

  "Baby, we need to stop, all right?" I say my breathing heavy. She nods, giving me a sweet smile in understanding.

  "Let's sit and eat — as I said, I need to tell you about Emma." Joy listens with an eager ear.

  "I was in college when I met Emma," I begin. "We were the golden couple. We attended only the best parties, dined at the best restaurants, were voted the best at everything. You get the picture." Joy nods her head in understanding, listening while she eats her dinner.

  "Like I told you, I was doing my thesis on stem cell therapy. It was the talk of the University. They told me it held promise as being a breakthrough in the medical field and they were grooming me for a position at Johns Hopkins who wanted my hypothesis developed at their hospital. They knew that it would bring billions to their bottom line." I stop to take a bite of my dinner but can only stare at the food on my plate.

  "Emma and I were inseparable. I can't stress the 'golden couple' moniker enough. We were in love and marriage was inevitable. Our families were close and vacationed together every winter. We attended dinners at the Dean's home on a regular basis. While Emma and I were hobnobbing with the upper crust, loving our lives and each other, I learned, through her best friend, that Emma coveted the position waiting for me at Johns Hopkins. Apparently she would do anything to get it, and she went to extremes to make sure she did. Evidently she didn't love me as much as I thought she did because a few months before we were to graduate, I learned that Emma was sleeping with several of the board members of the hospital." I set my fork down on my plate, unable to enjoy my meal.

  "Oh, Matthew."

  "She ultimately got the job … through blackmail. It was a position she clearly was not qualified for. One time she was told she was going to be terminated for incompetence, but she threatened to disclose the members she had the affairs with, and her job was safe and secure once again. Emma was able to retain the position for a few more months, but, ultimately, she was fired. The various members of the board were fired as well, and basically, the inner structure of Johns Hopkins was destroyed. Once the board re-grouped, they came knocking on my door in search of my project. By then it was too late and I had plans of my own. Once I get the approval for my procedure, many will come to my hospital for treatment. The Institute will be the only hospital of its kind that will perform this procedure. They want my private institution to go public, but I refuse." I stop to take a breath.

  "Now, since my meeting at the Center in New York, the rumor mill has started about my procedure coming to fruition, and Emma has come sniffing around. I know she wants a piece of my project. Anyway, with all that said, I guess you can see where my insecurities stem from.”

  "Oh, Matthew. I don't know what to say. I’m nothing like her. It takes a certain kind person to even think like that," she says, shaking her head in bewilderment. "She gives a new definition to the word 'traitor'," Joy says, quietly.

  “I know. She’s an evil woman and when I saw you that day, I knew Scott was trying to get you into bed. He was probably telling you how he didn't want to lose your friendship, but, in actuality, getting you into bed was his mission,” I say, smiling.

  "You know, maybe you're right. I remember him pushing on my upper back, which noticeably forced my breasts into his chest and when I tried to move, he held me there. I even made a mental note about it as he did it," she recalls, shaking her head. "What a cocksucker," she says, gasping and covering her mouth at her use of language.

  "Why, Miss Joy, you have quite the potty mouth, don't you?" I say, taking her hands down from her face.

  "Yeah, I guess it comes from hanging around Laura too much," she giggles.

  "So, anyway, that's my story. Sad, but true. I promise you, my attitude has changed. I hope you allow me to prove that to you. I've learned a lesson in humility and jumping to wrong conclusions." I pull her up from her chair and place her in my lap.

  "I need you to forgive me, baby. I promise you this will never happen again," I say nuzzling her face, stroking my hand along her long, soft hair.

  "If we're going to do this, we need to talk openly with one another. I can't go around second-guessing what's going on in that overactive brain of yours. I need to know that this won't happen again," she says, laying her head on my shoulder.

  "I promise. It will be easier knowing that you love me; my little heart can rest from the fear of someone stealing you out from under me." I know we will be all right when I see her beautiful smile.

  "Now, I'm going to hold you close to me, Joy. There's no hidden agenda here. I am not hiding the fact that I want to feel those beautiful breasts against me," I warn her, as I hold her tight to me.

  "You smell delicious," I murmur against her neck. Moving my mouth up to her ear, I gently tug her earlobe between my teeth.

  "That feels good, Matthew," she whispers. I can't wait to see if she’s as passionate as I think she is.

  "Okay," I say, setting her back in her seat before we get too carried away. "We aren't done talking."

  "What else is there?"

  "I have questions for you now. You have avoided a specific subject, and I don't want to skirt around it anymore." I watch for her reaction.

  "What’s that?" she asks, clearly apprehensive.

  "I want to know your medical history."

  I can see that she is extremely uncomfortable with this.

  "There's nothing to tell," she replies, somewhat angrily. "I've been to every doctor there is, and they all say the same thing. They tell me it's permanent, and I don't really want to discuss it again." She gets up from her seat to take her plate to the kitchen, but I catch her wrist and pull her down onto my lap again.

  "Joy, how many years ago was that? There have been a lot of breakthroughs. Mine, for one. You might qualify for my procedure. Will you please allow me to review your files before you shut it down?"

  "Dammit, Matthew," she snaps, jumping off my lap. "I told you. I've been to all the specialists, and they say the same thing. I'm blind. There's nothing you can do about it, and if you can't live with me the way I am, then …" Her response is not what I expected. She nearly runs to the kitchen in an attempt to get away from me.

  "Wow." I had no idea her reaction would be so violent. I walk up and stand behind her, my arms circling her small frame.

  "Listen to me, baby,” I say softly. “We need to discuss this. I'm a surgeon. I repair eyesight. It’s what I do." She starts to pull away from me again, but I hold her tight.

  "Don't you want to see how handsome I am?" I can’t help but smile at her giggle. "Don't you want to look into my eyes when I tell you that I love you?" I say, as I place a kiss on the top of her head as she nods against my chest.

  "Although blindfold sex is fun, I would rather you look into my eyes when I make love to you."

  "Matthew, you aren't playing fair."

  "Just for now, let me look at your medical records. We can start there, okay? If I see anything that raises suspicion, we can address it. Will you at least agree to that?" I ask, feeling her ire go up again. Holding her head in my hand, I rock her back and forth.

  "All
right, but I'm not happy about this. I've been poked and prodded too many times, and the results are always the same." She’s exasperated, but I don’t really care. I want to see her medical files.

  "But you haven't been poked by me yet," I whisper into her ear. I can feel her giggle against my chest.

  "No, and you won't if you screw this up," she threatens, shoving me away from her.

  "Why, Joy Johnson! Go get me a bar of soap to wash out that pretty mouth right now." She laughs that beautiful laugh as I chase her around the kitchen. "Dish soap will work," I shout, pulling her toward the kitchen sink. She screams and laughs, trying to get away from me. Conrad comes running in, wanting to play too, barking at our shenanigans. "Conrad, your mommy has a naughty mouth, and she must be punished," I say to him as I spin her around the room. Putting her down on her feet, I kiss her lips soundly and smack her bottom, pushing her toward the living room.

  "Okay, I want the name and phone number of your doctor.”

  She sighs, clearly hoping I had forgotten. I have my cell phone poised and ready to enter the number and follow her as she goes to her office. Looking around the room, I see the special equipment she uses.

  "Very funny, Joy.” I say, looking down at the paper she hands me. It's in Braille.

  She laughs as I hand the paper back to her and ask her to read it off to me as I enter it into my phone.

  "Hey, tell me what all this is,"

  "Okay,” she replies, pointing out to the various pieces of equipment. “Here’s the scanner. It's just a typical scanner, like you would use in your home office. Once I scan the transcript of a book through here, it sends it to my desktop there." She moves over to a large computer on her desk. "I have special software that converts regular text to Braille, and when I send it to this Braille printer right here, it prints it out there. Here is the next chapter that I’ll be reading to audio tomorrow. I then put this little headset on and speak into the microphone and it records back into my computer. As I complete a chapter, I email the audio file to Radiant where they compile my work into a final recording, and voila, instant audio book. Now, with Scott and I doing multiple parts, i.e. male and female," she says, grinning up at me, "He sits there."