Murmur of the Lonely Brook

by Debashis Dey

  It was difficult for Parvati to approve the jeans and shirt.

  “You are old enough now. You should not wear this English dress.”

  “Everybody wears these in the city.”

  “Yes, but this is the village. It would be better if you put on something decent.”

  “You will always remain a farmer,” Ria said and marched out of the room.

  She went inside and unpacked her bag. She saw the packet of photos and spread them on the bed. After a while she forgot the exchange with aama and called Nisha.

  Both went through the photos and Ria told her her excitedly about all the places she had visited. She insisted that it was the best place to live and was much better than their village.

  “I will live in this city. I am not going to stay here,” she announced.

  All along Nisha sat silently by her side and listened to her. Ria finished and looked at her, expecting some comment.

  “Why are you so quiet?”

  “It’s nothing,” Nisha said, managing a weak smile.

  “No, I can see you are not your usual self. But you should be happy. Now you will have two husbands instead of one!”

  “Do you think it’s something to be happy about?”

  “Both my brothers are good and they will take good care of you.”

  Nisha thought about speaking her mind but realized that it was useless to waste words with her.

  “Yes, they are good and I should be happy,” she said and went back to the kitchen.

  ***

  Diwakar crossed the river and went up the slopes with his axe. He had tried to find a few friends to go along but everyone was busy. He decided to go alone. He found nothing on the nearby slopes and trekked higher. He used the axe for support and reached the forest. The snow had melted from the rocks and boulders but the ground was still covered with a thick layer. He saw footprints of various animals in the snow and assumed they had gone to the river. He sat on a boulder and glanced around. The pines stood tall with their bark wet from the snow. The wind blew through them and made a whoo-whoo sound. A few that stood in the shadows still had snow on them. Freshly fallen needles made a pattern below each tree. The oaks and poplars stood naked and bare but he knew the new leaves would come out soon. He looked at the spring flowing next to the boulder. The top was frozen but he heard the faint sound of the water flowing underneath.

  He thought about Nisha and his dream. He smiled at the very thought of her. In just a few days, she would be in his arms. It was more of a fulfillment than a desire. He thought of the coming season and decided to advise aama to take complete rest. He would work the farm only with Nisha. He thought of the many moments he would spend with her on the field, the meadows, the slopes, and near the spring. He decided to straighten up the house, the room, the courtyard, and everything around it. He would ask aau for two lamb kids to accompany them to the field everyday. He thought about planting a few rose bushes around the fencing.

  He then drew a house on the snow with his finger, with a tree and two lambs. He felt happy looking at it and then clicked on a song on his mobile. He kept it playing on the boulder and picked up the axe.

  ***

  Shevak sat with Ria and listened to her intently. He had a soft spot for her and had missed her presence all through winter. He asked her about everything. He also shared his experiences in the city. He saw the photos. “You look like a city girl.”

  Ria thought about sharing her thoughts with him but good sense prevailed and she simply smiled. She knew he would never approve.

  “I have learned a few recipes. I will cook them for you.”

  “And what are those?”

  “Noodles, a sweet dish from carrots, and also cakes, but we don’t have the things we need.”

  “Never mind, we will try the carrots some time.”

  Parvati made pancakes and watched father and daughter talking together for some time. “Why don’t you tell her not to wear those pants in the village?”

  Shevak glanced at Ria’s pained expression and was at a loss of words. He smiled at her but kept silent. Parvati saw the conspiracy between them and decided to drop the subject.

  Lila got the news that Ria was back and came to meet her. Ria hugged her and pulled her inside. Ria showed off her photos again and chatted for a while until Lila interrupted her.

  “Your brother is getting married tomorrow?”

  “Yes, Nisha will be his wife also,” Ria said casually.

  “He does not want another girl to be his wife?”

  “No, both my brothers will share her, like Aunt Jayshree.”

  “So now it’s your turn?”

  Ria blushed and smiled. But then she was serious. “I need to ask Jeet when he will be ready.”

  “Ready for what?”

  “For running away to the city,” she said and realized instantly that she had divulged a great secret. But Lila was a trusted friend and an ally. “But you must swear to God not to tell anyone about my plans.”

  “I swear,” Lila said, touching her.

  Ria looked at her and saw she was sincere. She smiled at her and both left for the courtyard.

  At night, Ria went to sleep early. But sleep eluded Nisha, and she stood at the window gazing at the faraway peaks. She couldn’t see the moon but she could see the moonshine washing the slopes that stood tall against the dark sky. The mountains had always instilled a sense of freedom in her but now she felt trapped, trapped in a situation from which there was no escape. She thought about how to face the situation. It was only a day away. She knew she could not pretend. She knew everyone expected her to be happy. Everyone expected her to keep the two men happy. She knew it would be difficult. She once again prayed for strength and wisdom.

  ***

  It was the morning of the announcement. Pravin sat in the shop with his gaze fixed outside. He had a sense of accomplishment and felt happy it was he who had taken the initiative. He knew his aau treated him differently now. He was not sure about Nisha but hoped she would meet all expectations. Diwa was more than a brother and he was sure there would never be any differences between them.

  “What are you thinking?” Raju asked.

  “It’s my brother’s marriage today and I cannot attend.”

  “Yes, you told me earlier. Maybe you should make a phone call.”

  Pravin nodded.

  “And when do you plan to go back to your village again? Remember, you promised to take me along with you.”

  “Yes, I remember. We will surely make a trip but not immediately. Let my brother have fun for a few months,” he said with a stoic smile.

  ***

  Shevak sat in the courtyard while Diwa cut his hair. He took a handful of snow to remove the trimmings from his face and jacket. Shevak then insisted Diwakar go for a haircut but he refused. Winter was the only time he could grow his hair and he liked it as it was. He simply shaved and washed his face.

  In the kitchen, Parvati took out her treasured shawl and the necklace Shevak had brought from Sangla. As per custom, the women wore a necklace made of black beads with three gold balls in the middle. Nisha already had one of those, so Parvati wanted this necklace to be different. This had alternate green and gold beads and Parvati felt sure she would like it.

  “This is for you. Please wear them today,” she said and looked at Nisha. Her eyes were sad but she saw a hint of glitter. Nisha nodded and set them on the bed.

  “You should save this for Ria’s marriage instead of spending the money on an old girl like me.”

  “We will think of that when the time comes. Meanwhile you wash and get ready. You had better get rid of that long face,” Parvati said and without waiting for an answer left her.

  Nisha splashed water on her face, dried with the towel and then looked in the mirror. She rarely used anything except some kajal for her eyes and a bindi. She brushed her hair, changed into a pink kameez and put on the green topi. She wore the necklace and wrapped in the shawl that Parvati had g
iven her.

  Ria came in and kept looking at her in awe. “You look beautiful. You could easily be on TV.”

  “Maybe with a sickle and a bundle of grass,” she said.

  “No, I am serious. And this necklace makes you gorgeous.”

  “It’s a gift from your Aama. She gave me this shawl also.”

  Ria smiled, while in her mind she was making a list of ornaments she would need after marriage.

  Jayshree came early and helped Parvati with the poltus and the halwa. She saw Nisha and smiled. “No wonder Diwa agreed to the marriage. There are very few in the village who can match your beauty. I hope my son takes a wife like you.”

  Nisha blushed and smiled. She decided to keep smiling at everyone and everything that was said even if it required an effort.

  “I see you have a new necklace. It’s beautiful.”

  “It’s from Aama.”

  Parvati glanced at Nisha and felt proud. She thanked Devta that her decision was right.

  Ria came in a while later. She wore a kameez and a bright hooded jacket.

  “So you are next in line,” Jayshree said.

  Ria kept silent and simply smiled at her aunt. She liked her but was afraid of her wise words.

  It was afternoon when Lamaji came. It was not necessary for him to come but Parvati insisted Shevak call him. She gave him a cushion to sit on and offered food to him. He chanted a few hymns for peace and blessed the couple. There was no ritual; rather there was no custom for rituals in such announcements. Instead, there was just a casual get-together. Diwakar looked a bit different in the traditional jacket and topi. Jayshree smiled at him and he blushed. He left the room following Lamaji.

  The relatives, hardly a dozen of them, came soon afterward. Among them were Shevak’s three brothers, their wives and children, his colleague Mahajan, Balbir, and neighbor Balkishen. Everyone praised Nisha for her looks and blessed her. The women sat in the room singing songs while the men sat outside in the courtyard. Shevak took out a bottle of liquor and served everyone while Diwakar passed out almonds. Ria chatted with the girls, telling them about the city. The boys sat in one corner exchanging songs and images from each other’s mobile phones.

  After everyone left, the family gathered for a dinner of meat and rice. “You don’t have to wait on us tonight, Nisha. I will serve,” Parvati said.

  “I will eat later, Aama. I am not hungry,” Diwakar said.

  Nisha sat down next to Ria and had dinner. The three of them ate silently and Ria and Nisha left the room. Shevak lit a bidi and Parvati arranged two plates for herself and her son.

  She looked at Diwakar. She remembered his childhood days and smiled. Her son was grown up now and would soon enter the man’s world. She was thankful he respected family values. She prayed to God in her mind to bless the couple and to ensure peace and happiness.

  In the other room, Ria packed her things and placed them in one corner. She folded her jeans with special care and placed them in her bag. She looked at Nisha standing at the window.

  “I am leaving this room for both of you. It’s a big sacrifice,” she said.

  “If you want to, you can stay,” Nisha said without turning from the window.

  “I knew you wouldn’t mind, but my brother would beat me up,” she said and left the room.

  Nisha sat on the bed and tried her best to comprehend the uncertainty ahead. At one point she felt confident she would be able to handle being with Diwakar. She was already familiar with his dreams. But again she felt scared that her mind would take over her body and he would realize she was pretending. She felt uneasy and drank a full glass of water.

  Diwakar came in, looked at Nisha, and smiled. He closed the door and placed a few logs in the bukhari. He switched off the light and sat next to the fire on a sheepskin and placed another next to him. After a while, Nisha came and joined him. Both sat silently next to the fire.

  Diwakar had been watching her for the last few days. He had a feeling something was wrong and she was disturbed. Maybe it was the marriage or maybe it was something else. Maybe she needed time. He was not sure. He decided to wait, as there was no rush. He had all the time in the world.

  Nisha was confused. This was not what she expected. He was young and aggressive, and that was what she knew. She had failed to notice he was sensitive also. Maybe she had never understood him properly except for his infatuation. Or maybe the infatuation was too young to mature into love and desire. Or maybe he was sad for some reason or preoccupied. She never expected him to understand her state of mind. She assumed he was too young. But she was wrong.

  Diwakar looked at the beautiful woman seated next to him. Her face glowed from the fire and the green and gold beads glistened in the dark, adding a touch of mystery. In his mind, he knew he desired her, he desired her intensely, but it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t her body, it was her company he desired. It was desire in an innocent state, untouched and pure, and he revered every moment of her presence in his consciousness. He just wanted to sit there, be at her side, and watch her sitting next to the fire in total silence. To him, life and love was made up of such simple things. And somehow he knew if he made any impulsive move everything would be lost. It was best not to rush things, not to say anything. The inevitable would happen with time.

  Moments passed and after a while they looked at each other. While Diwakar saw a trace of a pain in her eyes, Nisha for the first time noticed compassion. There were no words exchanged yet much was spoken between them. Nisha moved close to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Diwakar put an arm around her and both sat silently gazing at the fire.

  Chapter 19

  Nisha woke to the sound of music. But the music was not in the room. It came from outside. She noticed she had two blankets on her instead of one. She assumed he must have awakened much earlier and left silently without disturbing her. And then she remembered last night. They had both slept after he pushed the last log in the fire. He didn’t touch her once. He simply smiled and was soon asleep.

  She still felt disturbed but the uncertainty and aversion had lessened. She remembered his eyes and the softness they reflected. Was her mind betraying her? Was he the predator watching his prey now that he knew there was no escape for her? She was confused. But somehow she felt thankful. His warmth was overpowering and even though he barely touched her, it seemed as if he was holding her in an intense embrace. But there was no sense of violation. She remembered that for a moment she floated away from the pain, the distress, and the reality into a different world never visited before. This was strange and new to her and somehow that world, a forbidden territory, haunted her.

  She remembered Pravin and the first night after marriage. She remembered the intense lovemaking and the flames that had danced around them. She remembered the sweat, the animal passion, and her total surrender that night. And night after night after that. She thought that was love, desire in its wildest form, free of any pretense and inhibition. But then what was it she had experienced last night? What about the warmth, affection, and compassion that touched her to the very core? What was this other world that managed to erase her pain if only for a fleeting moment? Was it this she had been searching for all along? Or was it the sense of belonging she missed with Pravin? She didn’t know.

  Nisha thought she could never be as free with Diwakar as she was with his brother. But then she realized it was up to her to keep both of them happy and satisfied. It was up to her to earn their respect, love, and gratefulness. It did not matter if she was happy, sad, or uncomfortable. The only thing that mattered was that both of them should know how loyal she was to them and to the family. Men did not want to see how happy their women were; they want to see how devoted they were. Maybe she would have to pretend. She didn’t know and once again felt confused and unsettled.

  For the rest of the day she tried to stay away from her thoughts and concentrate on housework. After all, she thought, there is more to life than analyzing the wisdom of love, and compr
ehending what the future has in store for me. She would attend to ploughing the fields, planting the seeds, waiting for the monsoon, harvesting the buckwheat, grinding it, and making pancakes.

  Parvati watched Nisha while she helped her but could not make out anything. Sometimes she seemed a bit lost, sometimes sad, while sometimes her usual jovial self. They fed the cows, made oil from apricots, spun wool, and cooked. Diwakar was out clearing snow at the other house and spent time with his friends. Ria spent the day with Lila, who came to their house to see her photos and share her plans for the future.

  It was evening and the setting sun painted the silvery puffs of clouds with bright orange from behind the western peaks. The mountains had regained their texture as the snow skidded off the granite surfaces in the sun. Nisha stood on the balcony and glanced around. She looked at the pines that stood dark, silhouetted against the red sky, which slowly turned pink, then violet, and finally gray before surrendering to the deep blue of the night. She watched the valley, which still remained a white canvas. She knew the white cover also held the promise of a colorful landscape with blossoms, harvests, and wildflowers. She knew that the river would soon wake up from its slumber, turn into a blue-green torrent, and roar down the gorges. The finches, wagtails, and bulbuls would return and fill the valley with their chatter. The peaks would turn green and brown. The wild roses would bloom with pride. The poplars would swing with the wind, showing their silvery undersides. The village folk would sing happy songs. And, suddenly, she longed for the fire, to sit next to Diwakar again and just cherish the moment.

  Nisha had dinner with Parvati and, after cleaning the plates, went to her room. She saw him seated next to the fire, his face glowing in the light of the burning embers. A song played on his mobile at a low volume but she could make out the words.

  Below the clear blue sky,

  with the sun shining bright,

  let’s ride away, my love,

  let me be your knight...