Erectile Dysfunction- What Worked for us

by Jacob Clark

  It’s one of only two things I learned during my stint in the United States Army (the first was the vocal cord thing).

  When I was at Fort Irwin, we went into the field several times a year.

  Going into the field is like a big camping trip, only it’s not fun.

  Since Fort Irwin was on the edge of the high desert, we had a problem with guys falling out from dehydration. Their bodies grew weak and they just passed out.

  To add to the problem, nobody took any real effort to make sure we drank enough. Keeping track of how much water every soldier drank would have been a nightmare.

  And to be honest, the amount they needed varied. For example, in the winter months we didn’t sweat and needed less.

  It the hot days of summer we sweated buckets and needed up to three times more water.

  Nobody ever died from it. At least not while I was there. We simply took those soldiers and found a shady spot to lie them in, then cooled them off by dousing them with water.

  Our lieutenant wouldn’t let them stand up until they drank two liters of water.

  Okay, I’m rambling again.

  Here’s the second thing I learned in the Army.

  Our first sergeant taught us to evaluate the degree of our hydration not by the amount of water we drank…

  … but by the color of our pee.

  You see, your pee should be clear. Every time you go, except for first thing in the morning. That’s because you’ve gone all night long without drinking.

  First thing in the morning it’s permissible for your urine to be yellow. But you should start tanking up on water and a limited amount of carbonated or caffeinated beverages right after that. So that the next time you urinate the stream is clear.

  And you should urinate at least five times a day. If you’re not, you’re not taking in enough fluid.

  Hey, that’s three things I learned, not two.

  God bless the United States Army.

  Erectile Dysfunction Tool Box Thus Far: 8 Items

  1. Frequent penis stimulation

  2. Pin stimulation to penis head

  3. Eat well. Diet is everything

  4. Enlist your doctor’s help

  5. A good selection of written erotica

  6. Play. Experiment. Find new things to love

  7. Water is our friend. Drink lots of it.

  8. Limit caffeine

  Chapter 9: A few words about all those items you’ve been adding to your toolbox

  And how they’re going to help you…

  Men are like snowflakes for two reasons. First, because they melt in the warm hands of the woman they love.

  But mostly because no two are alike.

  They all have their own tastes when it comes to food, fashion, women, and a myriad of other things.

  Bearing that in mind, it should come to no one’s surprise that what works with one man might not work with another.

  This is most notably true of medications. The reason your doctor might try you on several different medications before deciding on which one to treat you with is because some medications simply work better on some people than on others.

  Michelle found this out when she went in to be treated for gastritis.

  The first thing her doctor gave her was the most popular drug on the market. “It works well for most people,” her doctor told her.

  But it made Michelle even worse. The second medication seemed to help, but the dry mouth and sleepiness Michelle suffered as side effects made it not worth the benefits.

  The third medication was, as they say, the charm. She started taking it about two years ago and it’s worked wonders.

  Okay, why are we talking about Michelle’s gastritis instead of erectile dysfunction?

  Simply to drive home this point:

  The tools in our own personal toolbox, which solved our ED problem, might not work quite as well for you.

  That’s why you need to put as many things in your toolbox as possible. So that if you discard some of them outright, or you try some of them and find they don’t work for you, you still have other options.

  Also, and we cannot stress this enough, you must keep an open mind.

  Here’s why:

  Some of you may say, “I’m not going to try that particular option. It’s stupid. And I don’t think I’d like it.”

  Remember when your kid told you he didn’t want to play soccer because he thought it was stupid and he wouldn’t like it? And you talked him into signing up for a youth league anyway, with the promise that if he didn’t like it he could drop it after the first season?

  Remember when that same kid decided he loved it? And that he was a three year varsity player in high school and got an athletic scholarship to his college of choice?

  The same thing could happen to you. You could decide not to try something because it makes you feel uncomfortable or feel it’s beneath you.

  And you might find that not only do you like it after all. But that it’s the one item in your toolbox that works best for you.

  That’s why you must keep an open mind, and why we’ll keep preaching on that until the end of this book.

  It’s also why we’re going to pump as many tools into your toolbox as we can. Because some won’t work in your particular situation and will be discarded. Some will work well one night, but not at all the next night. (Don’t discard those).

  And some, we’re betting, will work for you.

  The more arrows in your quiver, the more likely you are to win the battle. The more wrenches in your garage, the more likely you are to fix your car.

  And the more tools in your ED toolbox, the more likely you are to conquer it.

  From Michelle:

  I’ve always been very open and upfront with my thoughts and actions. To be honest, it’s cost me an occasional friend. I’m the type of person who, if you have a booger hanging from your nose, will tell you you have a booger hanging from your nose.

  Many of your friends won’t mention it to you, either because it embarrasses them, or for fear it might embarrass you. So they won’t say anything, and will let you walk around the mall while people snicker at you behind your back.

  I contend friends like that aren’t truly your friends at all.

  Jacob and I had a theory when we were working our “Ed” project.

  (Yes, we actually gave our project a human name, so we could say, at a cocktail party, “We should consider that for Ed” and people wouldn’t necessarily know what we were talking about)

  Our theory was that many of our friends might also be silently suffering from the same issues we were, as many of them are our same age or older.

  Men are hard headed and stubborn, and intensely proud. They’re very unlikely to admit to their friends they’re having erectile problems.

  Too many of them view it as a loss of their manhood, a reduction of their virility.

  They’re big dummies.

  If they spoke of it frankly with their friends, and found out which of their friends were also suffering, and traded ideas like women exchange recipes, there’d be no reason for us to have to write this book.

  But most men can’t bring themselves to do that.

  So I took the initiative, and I’d encourage you ladies to do the same.

  I brought up the subject first with my best friend Stacy over an afternoon lunch. I didn’t want to put her on the defensive, or imply her own husband was having problems with intimacy. And at the same time, I knew she was one of those women who loves it when someone shares secrets with her.

  She’s very good at keeping secrets too. Which is why I started with her.

  By the way, Stacy isn’t her real name. She gave me permission to use this in the book, provided I didn’t use her real name. She was concerned that it might embarrass her husband Tom (not his real name either)

  Anyway, as I said I was very careful in the way I approached the subject.

  I said, “If I tell you something extremely personal, can
you keep it a secret?”

  As I suspected, she gave me her rapt attention and said, “Sure!”

  Me: We’re having problems in the bedroom lately. Jacob’s having problems getting hard and staying that way

  Stacy: Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry to hear that. What are you doing for it?

  Me: He went to see Paul, his doctor, last week. Paul gave him some ideas, and we’ve been doing a lot of research on the internet.

  Stacy: Did his doctor prescribe some medication?

  Me: He offered, but we decided we want to use that as a last resort. He told Jacob there are a lot of other methods which might work for us that don’t involve medication.

  Stacy: Have you tried ice cubes and warming oils?

  Me (somewhat taken aback): Pardon me?

  Stacy: I’m telling you this only because I know I can trust you to keep it to yourself. But Tom has problems too sometimes.

  Me: Do tell…

  Stacy: Sometimes when he’s having trouble getting hard I’ll get up and go to the kitchen and get an ice cube. I’ll put it in my mouth and go down on him. Something about the combination of my warm mouth and the coldness from the ice cube seems to turn him on just enough to make him hard.

  Me: I never thought of that. We’ll have to add that to our toolbox.

  Stacy: It doesn’t always work. But it frequently does. You might also try warming oils.

  Me: Tell me more.

  Stacy: There are several brands on the market. K-Y has a good one. That’s the one we use. But if you don’t like that one there are several others. They’re available at drug stores and are on the shelf so you don’t have to ask for them. Also, I think Walmart carries them as well.

  Me: We’ve never used them. Are they specifically made for ED?

  Stacy: No. Actually, they’re sexual lubricants, for women who have lubrication issues. But they actually warm up in your hands, and on your husband’s penis, and in Tom’s case actually acts as a stimulant. He enjoys the warmth of it, and sometimes all it takes is me playing with him with the oil on my hands to make him hard.

  Me: Sold! We’ll try it.

  Stacy: Of course, it doesn’t work for all men. I have another friend from my old job whose husband was having the same problem, and I suggested it. She said he also enjoyed the warmth, but didn’t get hard from it. In other words, it doesn’t work on all peni.

  Me: Peni?

  Stacy: Sure. Peni. If the plural of cactus is cacti, then isn’t the plural of penis peni?

  Me: Okay, now you’re just plain nuts.

  Stacy: Possibly. But try those two things and see if they work.

  We did indeed try those two things. The ice cube did nothing for Jacob at all. He didn’t like the sensation of the cold on his dick. He said dicks were supposed to seek out warm places, not cold ones.

  Good point, and different strokes for different folks.

  The warming oils had mixed results for us. We got a bottle of the K-Y version at our local Walmart, off the shelf without having to talk to a pharmacist.

  It worked wonderfully well the first time we tried it. Jacob laid back as I massaged his dick with the oil, his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He obviously enjoyed it. He was hard in a couple of minutes and we made love. I must say it was very enjoyable to me as well.

  The second time we tried it, nothing. The third time it worked again.

  And that brings up another point. What works one night might not work another night. Never ever ever (did I mention never) throw away one of the items in your toolbox because it didn’t work or because you’re too squeamish to try it. On another night you might be more open-minded and ready to try new things, or you might have better luck with something which failed you before.

  We’re adding both these items to your toolbox. Just because the ice cube method didn’t work for us doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t work for you.

  Erectile Dysfunction Tool Box Thus Far: 10 Items

  1. Frequent penis stimulation

  2. Pin stimulation to penis head

  3. Eat well. Diet is everything

  4. Enlist your doctor’s help

  5. A good selection of written erotica

  6. Play. Experiment. Find new things to love

  7. Water is our friend. Drink lots of it.

  8. Limit caffeine

  9. Ice can be nice

  10. Try warming oils as a stimulant

  Chapter 10: Pay attention, this one’s important.

  Don’t overlook the power of a visual stimulant

  Mention the word “pornography” to anyone, and you’ll typically get a strong response.

  Although it’s certainly more accepted now than it once was, especially on the internet, women as a whole still tend to view it as dirty.

  Men as a whole, though, are either indifferent to it or love it. Many men would never get on their computers, except to search for porn.

  In our particular situation, we chose to look upon it as a possible means to help fix our ED problem. And in that regard, it helped us at least as much as anything else we tried.

  Those people who study such things have known for years that women are more stimulated by the erotic word. Men are more stimulated by visual erotica.

  The same studiers of such things never could really agree on why, although the prevailing theory is a time factor. When women read erotica they aren’t in a hurry. They like to cozy up to a good book and read it at length. Not necessarily to masturbate, although some of them do. But mostly to visualize themselves in the story and to escape the realities of their hum-drum sex life for a time.

  Most men, on the other hand, use visual porn as a masturbation tool. Sometimes they envision themselves as the man in the video rolling around in bed with a beautiful woman. More often than not, though, they merely use that beautiful woman and her actions as a way to stimulate themselves and obtain an erection. That, in turn, enables them to masturbate while watching her.

  For men, porn is simply a means to an end. And while a woman can read a good erotica book for hours, men generally want to get the deed done and get it over with. It’s a matter of expediency.

  Our own personal theory: this explains why men’s tastes in porn are different than women’s. Women, when they shop for porn, are looking for something with a storyline. Something that provides a bit of entertainment between the sex sessions. Something that makes it a bit more like the erotica books they prefer.

  Men, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about the plot of the movie. In fact, for most of them, the only plot is the actors and actresses crawling into bed and knocking their knees together.

  The effect (or possible effect) on your ED problem, though, is something not in dispute.

  Studies have shown that even at an advanced age (men over 60), visual porn can stimulate a man more than erotica, more than physical stimulation alone, more even than some of the ED medication.

  But… and here’s the rub… you have to know how to use it.

  Guys, if you leave your wife waiting in the bedroom while you run off to another room to watch porn and make yourself hard, you’re likely to lose that erection shortly after you return to your wife.

  That’s not good. For one thing, it defeats the purpose of even having the porn. For another, it’s very likely to reinforce any feelings of inadequacy your wife may have. In the back of her mind she may worry that she’s not as attractive or exciting as that much-younger woman on the TV or computer screen. And that will certainly do nothing to help your ED problem.

  We recommend moving the porn into the bedroom with you. To play on your television in the background during foreplay, and continuing all the way through your lovemaking session.

  Michelle has discussed this with enough of her friends to get the sense the wives would be more opposed to this than their husbands. And to be sure, it is rather disconcerting for a wife to watch her husband gain an erection while watching younger women have sex. Especially when she herself was un
able to help him maintain an erection a few minutes before.

  We understand that. We get it. It’s a big psychological barrier for women to invite other women into the bedroom to help stimulate their husbands.

  But here’s where the whole “open mind” thing comes in.

  If the wife can overcome that hurdle, visual porn can be one of, if not the, most effective tool in your toolbox.

  And remember, ladies, he doesn’t get hard because he’d prefer to make love to the woman on the screen than you. He gets hard because, well, men are wired differently when it comes to sex. For millions of years, sex for women was merely a means to procreate, to further the species. It was a key ticket to pregnancy and childbirth. The orgasm was merely a reward to encourage women to have sex. Whether you believe in evolution or in a greater power, that much is not in dispute.

  Men, however, don’t get pregnant or have babies. For men, the only real purpose for having sex is to feel good. And as such, he’s generally more apt to want to get it started and get it done. That’s why he’s aroused much more quickly than women, And it’s also why he’s stimulated by things which don’t always stimulate the woman.

  Whether you like it or not, for the vast majority of men, pornography is stimulating to some degree.

  And for a lot of men who have erectile dysfunction it is the only thing which works.

  Studies have shown that watching pornography while stimulating the penis is the most effective way of obtaining an erection for almost ninety percent of men. And it’s the second most effective method for men suffering from moderate ED, after medicinal means (which we’ll talk about soon)

  So, then, let’s recap.

  - Playing with the penis, either by its owner or by proxy (wife), makes the penis hard

  - Nearly all men have used porn to masturbate at some point in their lives

  - Many married men still use porn to masturbate occasionally, mostly for reasons of expediency