Erectile Dysfunction- What Worked for us

by Jacob Clark

  - While many women find porn dirty or icky, most men are okay with it.

  - PORN IS ONE OF THE BEST TOOLS IN YOUR TOOLBOX. DON’T IGNORE IT.

  Of course, before you can use it, you wives are going to get past the ickiness of it all. (Our spell-check says that word doesn’t exist. That’s because we just made it up)

  Anyway, you get our point. If you wives (or girlfriends or significant others) can get past the stigma of using porn as a tool, it can usually help at least a little. And it can frequently help a lot.

  From Michelle:

  I’ll admit I was one of those women who thought pornography was a bit on the shady side. I think it’s because of the way society views it. Society tends to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude when it comes to pornography, placing it just below prostitution. It intentionally ignores the fact that society’s mayors, police chiefs, clergy and educators are mostly males, and as such, are just as likely as any other male to whack their wienie every once in a while.

  And let’s face it, the majority of them are watching some type of pornography while they’re tugging away on that little fella.

  I guess my biggest hang-up regarding pornography was that I viewed it as pointless. I mean, it did nothing for me. Or very little, anyway. I thought it was interesting to a degree. I mean, it showed me that all penises were not alike (or pussies, for that matter) and I saw some things I wanted to try with Jacob.

  But it didn’t turn me on.

  But then again, I’m not a man.

  I’ve known for quite some time that men are stimulated in different ways than women. They’re way more visual than we are.

  Women, on the other hand, are much more likely to be stimulated sexually by the written word. I guess that’s why I’ve always been more apt to get in the mood by reading a romance novel heavy on the erotica, while Jacob was more likely to be turned on by watching the cheerleaders at the football game.

  But I tried to keep an open mind because, by all accounts, pornography can be a very effective tool to correct ED.

  Going in, I asked Jacob what, in his view, pornography meant to the average male.

  “When you see that hot twenty year old blonde with the impossibly big tits sucking on that guy’s dick, do you wish it was you? Do you wish I looked like her? Do you wish you could trade me in on someone who looked like her?”

  He assured me that wasn’t the case. And he was sincere.

  “When men masturbate to porn, it’s merely a way to accomplish a mission,” he said. “It doesn’t mean I don’t still find you beautiful. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less than I ever did. And it certainly doesn’t mean I want the twenty year old blonde. God no!”

  That made me feel better.

  And for the record, I’ve never been opposed to the whole porn thing. I was just indifferent to it.

  But when we read from several reliable sources it could be used to aid in ED, I quickly became a fan.

  I should point out that we use it not as most men use porn. Most men go off to their bedroom when their wife isn’t around, turn on the porn, pull out that little sucker and abuse it until it squirts.

  That’s NOT how to use it effectively to help your ED.

  The correct way to use it is to have it on in the bedroom (on a television. A typical computer monitor isn’t large enough to see from the bed and is therefore worthless). It is an accompaniment to your lovemaking, not the main feature.

  In other words, it’s merely on in the background for you guys to watch while you and the wife are doing other things to give you an erection. Even after you’re hard and making love to your wife, an occasional glance can help keep you hard.

  Some things to remember, for both of you:

  Guys, although the porn is mainly for your benefit, it’s much nicer when your lady enjoys it too. Pick out some that has attractive men in it as well as attractive women. The best option is for the two of you to pick it out together.

  Also, guys, be discrete. Don’t make it obvious if you’re focusing a considerable amount of attention to the television while you’re getting aroused. It’s okay to do it. After all, that’s the whole purpose of even using the porn. Just don’t make it obvious. Watching discretely is acceptable. Yelling, “Look at the tits on that babe…” is not. Be respectful of your wife and her feelings.

  And always, always, always, focus your attention on your wife once you’re hard and ready to go. She’s the one who loves you. She’s the one who tolerates all your foolishness. She’s the one you want to please, not some bimbo on the TV screen.

  Ladies, keep an open mind. This is mostly for him, but if you watch it with an open mind you might enjoy it too. Most women aren’t turned on by visual porn, but then again a surprising number of them are. Insist on helping him pick it out so it’s something both of you might enjoy. You’ll find it a lot more palatable that way.

  Ladies, when you pick out the porn, try to go light on the storyline. A lot of modern porn has tried to get away from the wall-to-wall sex scenes in recent years and has actually included plotlines or storylines. It’s been done in an effort to lure more women customers.

  The thinking was that if they made the videos more entertaining, more like soap operas, women might be more apt to buy them and watch them. The sex was and always will be the primary focus. But it’s not always the only focus.

  At least for some porn movies

  The problem is, it’s not the storyline which “raises the sail” on your husband’s boat. So try to be a bit understanding if he wants more sex and less acting.

  From Jacob:

  Once we decided to include pornography in our toolbox, we set some guidelines.

  We ruled out internet porn outright for several reasons.

  Mostly because downloading internet porn sites is undisputedly the number one way to put viruses and malware on your computer. And since both of us make our living using our computers, that wouldn’t be good.

  Also, the logistics of using porn from the internet is difficult.

  For example, the movies you download from a porn site are typically in MP-4 format. They can be played on a computer, but not on a television set. And as Michelle mentioned earlier, a tiny computer monitor halfway across the room is not conducive for our needs.

  In other words, if I can’t even see it without my glasses (and I always take my glasses off for sex) then why even bother?

  The solution, for us, was a visit to the local “Adult Store.”

  By the way, they’re called “Novelty Stores” in some cities. But whatever it’s called, your city has them. And if you feel squeamish about going into them, don’t be. The stigma of frequenting such places went away years ago. These days you’re more likely to see someone you know from church or work than seeing a seedy guy in a trench coat.

  Most adult stores will allow you to rent the movies before you actually purchase them. We recommend you do that, since it’s sometimes hard to tell from the box whether it’ll meet your needs. Rental fees are typically five to seven dollars for a forty-eight hour period. A typical video sells from $59 to $89, depending on the quality and content.

  Before Michelle and I went in we agreed on the process we’d use.

  Since the whole purpose of the thing was to help me get and maintain an erection, we focused on things I liked. Pretty girls doing sexy things to their guys and vice versa.

  At the same time, we recognized that it should be pleasing to Michelle too. So we gave her “veto authority.”

  I agreed that if she didn’t think she’d find the video pleasing, she could shoot it down for any reason. It was the least I could do to appease her. After all, it’s a big thing for a woman to accept that her husband is getting turned on by watching other women.

  Initially I selected seven videos to rent and take home. Some had storylines and some didn’t. Some were just ninety minutes of raw, unadulterated sex.

  She shot down three of them. One, she said, just looked too “trashy,�
�� whatever that meant. She shot down one because all the men on the back cover were ugly and unappealing. The third one se didn’t like because the main actress looked too much like a girl I was dating when Michelle and I first met. I didn’t even realize it until she pointed it out, and I haven’t seen the woman in thirty years, but okay. A deal was a deal.

  We rented the four and watched them over the course of two nights.

  We took two of them back and purchased the other two.

  From Michelle:

  Remember, these are a tool for you to use in conjunction with other tools. The porn is not a means unto itself to achieve an erection.

  And we don’t always use the porn, either. One of the most important things you can do to get that erection on a regular basis is to use a variety of things. If you use the same methods every time, they’ll become humdrum and routine and will stop working.

  I’d say we use the porn roughly half the time.

  When we do use it, we put the DVD in and play it in the background, on the 42 inch television in the corner of our bedroom.

  Jacob can see it while we play, but I typically have my back to it while I’m doing some of the other things we already talked about.

  I think it’s the combination of several different stimuli which make this method effective. They build on one another.

  My gently sucking on his penis and massaging his balls might not by itself make him hard.

  By my doing that while he’s watching the porn on TV might do the trick.

  While he’s watching it, I’ll try several of the other methods until we find one that works.

  About eighty five to ninety percent of the time we’re successful in getting him hard. When it works, we typically tune out the TV and make love like we always have.

  The other ten to fifteen percent, the times we can’t get him hard, we do other things instead. One thing I love about Jacob is he never leaves me high and dry. He’s always said he enjoys giving me an orgasm as much as having one himself, and he’s proved it time and time again.

  There have been several times when we’ve started out with him watching the women on the video, trying to get hard. And then we’ve ended up with him going down on me while I watched the men on the video.

  Turnabout, as they say, is fair play.

  From Jacob:

  A couple of final notes before we let this one go:

  You’ll have to decide what to do about the sound. The actresses in these kinds of films are paid to scream loudly during their sex scenes. The screaming may be offensive to some, since they frequently have what we used to call “potty mouth” when our kids were small.

  Or, the sound may be a distraction when you’re trying to do other stuff.

  For me personally, the sound is a bit of a turn-on and helps me stay erect when Michelle and I are making love, even when I can’t see the screen because I’m busy doing other things.

  It may, therefore, be a bit of a turn-on for some of you guys as well.

  We leave the sound on both during foreplay, (when we’re working on making my little friend hard) and leave it on while we’re making love. But we keep it at a relatively low volume, so that it enhances the session without overpowering it.

  Think background music, but it’s not music…

  If that doesn’t work for you, simply mute the sound, but leave the TV on as a visual assist for your guy.

  Also, we’ve found that after a few months of using the same videos over and over again they lose some of its effect.

  No, I don’t know why. I mean, I certainly haven’t tired of seeing Michelle’s body for all these years. But I’ve tired of seeing the same bodies time and time again on the television.

  Perhaps it’s because I’m not madly and deeply in love with the actresses on the screen, as I am with Michelle.

  Anyway, the same thing may or may not happen to you, guys.

  If it does, plan on refreshing your porn every few months.

  Not all adult stores offer trade-in credit, but the one we go to does. In fact, that’s one of the reasons we go there. When we trade in a video we’re tired of we get a thirty percent credit back on it.

  If your store doesn’t offer return credit, you might try some of your other guy friends to see if they’d be willing to trade.

  You’d be surprised how many of your guy friends have impressive collections of porn.

  What? You thought you were the only one who masturbated ferociously when you were a kid, and who still does so occasionally?

  Au contraire, my friend. Au contraire.

  That’s French for “on the contrary.”

  Or, in other terms you may understand: No way, Jose.

  Most men masturbate. Even the people you work with, your neighbors, your clergy. Your boss, although that visual may be too much for you to think of.

  And while it might be just a bit disturbing to think of your minister masturbating, he likely does, and probably did a lot when he was younger.

  Of course, if you’re too shy to brooch the subject and ask your friends if they have any porn to trade (we can certainly understand why you wouldn’t want to ask your minister), your adult store isn’t far away.

  And if you don’t have an adult store close by, you can order adult DVDs off the internet.

  Just don’t download videos on your computer. It’ll almost guarantee your computer becomes infected with viruses.

  Erectile Dysfunction Tool Box Thus Far: 11 Items

  1. Frequent penis stimulation

  2. Pin stimulation to penis head

  3. Eat well. Diet is everything

  4. Enlist your doctor’s help

  5. A good selection of written erotica

  6. Play. Experiment. Find new things to love

  7. Water is our friend. Drink lots of it.

  8. Limit caffeine

  9. Ice can be nice

  10. Try warming oils as a stimulant

  11. Porn as a visual mood setter

  Chapter 10: Using Viagra and Cialis to supplement your efforts

  And some tips on how best to use them.

  Many doctors are quick to prescribe Cialis and Viagra and send their patients on their happy way.

  Many patients walk out of their doctors’ offices with big smiles on their faces, thinking their problems are permanently solved.

  They are great medications, both of them. Although they use two different methods to help with your ED, they’re both quite affective for most men. But just like every other medication, they do have side effects. Before taking them, therefore, you must listen to your doctor’s warnings, or to what they say in their commercials.

  We should also say that the companies which make these two medications are on the up and up. They’re honest with you from the beginning about possible side effects and don’t try to hide them, as many other products tend to do.

  You know which ones we’re talking about. The commercials which start out by screaming,

  COME TO OUR CAR DEALERSHIP. WE’LL GIVE YOU FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS OFF ON THIS PARTICULAR MODEL!

  And then, in tiny words they flash briefly at the bottom of the screen, in a color meant to blend into the background to make it even more difficult to read, it explains further:

  There is no way, no how, we’re gonna give you anything off of this model or any other. We’ll pretend to, but what we’ll actually do is jack up your interest rate so you pay more than the five thousand dollars, and at the same time we’ll reduce what we give you for your trade in. Because we consider you a sucker and we are always looking for new ways to fleece you. And oh, by the way, we had only one left in that particular model and it’s long gone. But here’s a better model you can’t really afford but which gives us a higher commission…

  The commercials for Viagra and Cialis are, on the other hand, totally legitimate. They don’t try to deceive you by underplaying the possible side effects. They lay them out so you can make an informed decision as to whether their products are righ
t for you.

  But it’s still very important stuff, and you need to listen and consider it. Just as you would for any other medication.

  Now, having said that, we have nothing against either Viagra or Cialis. They are great things, which help many men across every country in the world. And there are certain side effects and risks with virtually every prescription drug. So we’re not advocating against them. We’re simply making the same recommendation we’d make if you were considering any other drug. Make sure you consider the possible side effects.

  From Jacob:

  Paul, my doctor and one of my best friends, ran a battery of tests on me before agreeing to let me try Viagra. He wanted to make sure my heart was strong enough to handle it, and also considered whether the increased sexual activity would be too hard on my old body.

  I assured him I was in good shape for a man of my age.

  He gave me a “side eye” and said “being able to lift a bottle of beer from the bar to your mouth several times in the same hour does not mean you’re in shape.”

  I reminded him that I play golf at least two mornings a week. And that I occasionally finish before the sun sets.

  He said, “You gotta do better than that.”

  I told him he was just pissed off because I beat him in bowling last weekend. And then I reminded him I walk a mile or so with Michelle every day.

  He still wasn’t impressed.

  But he finally relented after he made me pee into a bottle, donate what seemed like a gallon of my blood and put me on a treadmill.

  Then he asked what my sexual habits were.

  Me: Well, I don’t fuck goats, if that’s what you’re asking.

  Him: Are you sure?

  Me: Well, there was that one time when I was in college. But I was lonely back then. And she was a very pretty goat.