Heart of Rockies 03 - More Than a Feeling

by Sara Richardson

  Of course they already liked her. She was the one who fed them sugar.

  “Are you guys married?” Neveah asked.

  “No.” Ruby answered quickly, still standing on the top step so that the water lapped at her ankles. “We’re not married.”

  “We’re just friends,” Sawyer said. Just friends. Was it possible to be just friends with Ruby when his body reacted to her this way?

  Trying to ignore her curves, he faced the class. They really had to get started. He needed a distraction. “How many of you know about the two most important floats you can learn to help you swim?”

  All four of the kids blinked at him.

  Okay. They’d have to start at square one. “The front float and the back float are the most important things you’ll learn tonight.” He hoped, anyway. “If you can float, you can learn how to swim. So first Miss Ruby and I will demonstrate the front float.”

  She gaped at him as if he’d just told a bunch of preteens the two of them were going to have sex. What was she so afraid of? Him touching her? Because it wouldn’t be all that safe for him, either, feeling her body underneath his hands, but if she helped him teach, it would take her mind off her fears. That’s why he wanted her to demonstrate. Yeah. Sure. It had nothing to do with touching her. That was his story and he would stick to it.

  “Come on, Miss Ruby.” He beckoned her down the stairs. “Everyone cheer for Miss Ruby,” Sawyer said with a grin.

  The kids clapped and whooped.

  “All right, Miss Ruby!” Brooklyn squealed.

  “Don’t be scared!” Neveah added.

  But the deeper she waded into the water, the wider those expressive green eyes got.

  “Hey,” he whispered, laying a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “I can’t put my face in the water,” she hissed close to his ear. “It makes me panic. I always gasp for a breath and inhale.”

  Hmmm. That would be bad. Couldn’t have her choking in front of the kids. “Change of plans, gang,” he yelled over the excited drone of voices. “We’re going to start with the back float instead.” Before she could find another excuse, Sawyer positioned Ruby in front of him and rested one hand high on her back while the other lingered as low as he could get away with. “Okay, Miss Ruby, all you have to do is lie down and relax. I’ll hold you up.”

  Her lips formed an O and a hiss of air escaped, but she started to lower her back toward the water.

  “Easy.” He prodded her lower and lower until she was lying on her back, his hands underneath her, holding her up.

  She stared into his eyes with a look of terror.

  “Good. This is perfect.” He looked up at the kids. “See how relaxed she is?” Yeah. Real relaxed. Underneath his hands her body felt like a two-by-four. “Because she knows there’s nothing to be afraid of. Even if I took my hands away, her body would float.”

  Ruby’s breaths were punchy now. And her face had paled.

  She’d trusted him to hold her up. It was a good start, but she obviously needed a break. He stood her up, keeping his hand firmly on her back as a silent reminder that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

  Even though her body trembled slightly, she wore a determined expression that proved she was stronger than she gave herself credit for.

  He could see it in the way her face steeled, in the way she held her breath, in the way she didn’t give up. Ruby James might be timid, but she was strong.

  And he wanted to find a way to help her believe it.

  Chapter Twelve

  God, this was so humiliating. She was more terrified of the water than a bunch of kids. Ruby took in her peers, who were happily bobbing up and down, watching with a determined mix of awe and excitement while Sawyer instructed on the mechanics of a good back float.

  Why hadn’t she simply agreed to watch from the bleachers? There was a whole cluster of women over there—most likely moms who were watching their kids swim and go down the slide. Of course, at the moment every single woman in the place seemed to be staring in Sawyer’s direction. The shirtless Sawyer Hawkins was obviously a main attraction.

  And yes, okay, sure. Sawyer happened to have a body that could rival an Olympic swimmer’s, the toned arms and chiseled pecs and dented abs. Smooth and tan, too, so the guy had apparently won the genetic lottery. But, really. Did they have to be so obvious about watching him? It made her feel like they were watching her, too, and that was the last thing she needed when she happened to be facing one of the biggest fears of her life. It wasn’t the water so much as the breathing thing. Whenever she couldn’t breathe, panic broke loose the same way it had when Derek’s hand would squeeze her neck and steal her ability to take a breath.

  Funny how you didn’t realize the way trauma stored itself up in your subconscious.

  “Good job, Brooklyn.” Sawyer braced his hands under the young girl as she stuck out her belly and struggled to stay afloat. “You’ve got it! You’re floating!”

  Brooklyn sprung to her feet, giggling and squealing. “I did it! I can’t believe it! I’m swimming!”

  “You’re a natural,” Sawyer informed her, tousling her hair. That one small gesture of tenderness melted away some of the fear that had walled off Ruby’s heart. He was so good with them. Encouraging and positive, but also challenging them to try their best. It was like he knew exactly what they needed to hear. And her, too. He knew when she needed him to touch her, to ground her against the trembling fear that rose up when she thought about going under. Somehow Sawyer helped her stave off the panic. He made her want to let go of the fear…

  “Hey, gang. Great job on those back floats. Now we’re gonna move on to front floats.”

  Crap. That meant face in the water. Ruby’s stomach pulled tight. Maybe he wouldn’t pick on her this time. Maybe he’d let her sit on the stairs and observe…

  “In order to do a front float, you need to put your face in the water.” Sawyer looked right at her and she knew she couldn’t escape him fast enough.

  “Miss Ruby and I will show you how it’s done,” he said, swimming close to where she sat on the stairs. Under the surface of the water his hand found hers, squeezing it in a silent you can do this.

  She wasn’t so sure.

  He tugged her to her feet, so that she stood directly across from him, their faces a foot apart. “On the count of three, we’re going under,” he said to her, then glanced at the kids. “And you guys can count and see how long we hold our breaths. We’ll have a little competition.”

  A murmur of excitement went up from the kids, but Ruby started to hyperventilate.

  “You can do this,” Sawyer murmured so only she could hear. “We’ll do it together.” He squeezed her hand harder. “Take a deep breath, Ruby.”

  She sucked in a lungful of air, but there was no way it was enough.

  “One, two, three.” Sawyer pulled her under, still holding her hand. She suspended her chest, squeezed her eyes shut.

  Her butt hit the ground and panic broke free. She couldn’t breathe. Her lungs burned just like they did when Derek had his fingers laced around her neck. She’d squirm and try to fight him off, sure she was going to die.

  God, she was going to die if she didn’t get air…

  She tried to let go of Sawyer, to get away, but his free hand cupped her cheek, both calming and firm. The strength of his touch stilled the chaos in her mind. You’re not going to die, his touch assured her. Because I’m with you. And he was safe…

  She opened her eyes, the chlorine stinging like crazy, and saw him smile at her. His eyes connected with hers and held her there, submerged under the water, heart beating hard with the courage he was offering her. Through the murky water, Sawyer looked straight into her, grounded and sure. He would never hurt her. She believed him. No matter how badly her lungs ached, she would believe him.

  Bubbles rose from her lips. Her lungs continued to shrink, but Sawyer squeezed her hand, zapping his e
nergy into her weak body. When the ache in her lungs threatened to collapse her chest, she shot him her best pleading expression and he nodded.

  He broke the surface first, pulling her up after him.

  Her mouth opened and she drank in enough air to fill a hot-air balloon. Her lungs heaved in a pleasant exertion.

  The kids cheered.

  “Twenty seconds! Twenty seconds!” they chanted, as if somehow they sensed what an incredible accomplishment that was for her.

  “Wow,” she gasped, their elation baiting a smile. Twenty seconds and she hadn’t panicked, she hadn’t felt the need to inhale a gallon of water.

  “See?” Sawyer said, raising his brows at her, and if the man was tempting before, now he was downright enticing. “No problem.”

  Except there was a problem. Despite the damp cold of the pool, her body radiated this tantalizing warmth that only intensified when she looked at him. What he had done for her just now planted a connection in the rocky soil of her heart, rooting itself deep. How could she risk letting it grow?

  “Your turn, gang.” He grinned a challenge to the kids. “Try to beat twenty seconds.”

  Another burst of excitement buzzed around her.

  “Ready. Set. Go!” Sawyer clicked the stopwatch that hung around his neck as four little heads dove under the surface.

  He stared into her eyes again, in that perceptive, tender way of his, like he might reach up to touch her cheek, but Ruby backed away from him. She never should’ve come. Elsie was wrong. Spending time with Sawyer wouldn’t make things better. It would only make things worse for both of them.

  One by one the kids came up for air. Sawyer congratulated each one of them with a hearty high five, then turned back to her. “Front float time,” he announced, beckoning her over.

  The kids waited, their eyes wide, and she couldn’t let them down. At the prospect of Sawyer’s hands on her again, her body hummed all high notes, hands tingling, face flushing. Somehow, with Sawyer holding on to her, she didn’t fear the water as much, but she definitely feared him. She feared how he made her feel, how he made her let go, how he made her forget her secrets.

  “You can do this,” he whispered, holding his palms up on the water’s surface.

  She didn’t doubt it, not with him helping her, but she did doubt her ability to hold on to reality when those hands molded to her body.

  With great hesitation, she eased herself down until his hands supported her upper stomach and lower hips. Her insides rippled as much as the water. Gasping in a breath, she submerged her face, focusing on the feel of Sawyer’s steady hands underneath her. Heat radiated from the places he touched her, strengthening the beat of her heart, and it was too hard to fight the way she wanted him. So she gave in, letting her body rest in his hands, closing her eyes tightly to savor the feeling of being guarded and protected and…held.

  Muffled cheers tempted another smile.

  Sawyer slowly pulled his hands away from her, and, as shocking as it was, her body really did float. For the first time in her life, she felt completely weightless. It could’ve been ten seconds or a year, she wasn’t sure, but then Sawyer’s hands slipped back underneath her, one of them grazing her breast in a way that made her jump. She jerked up her head to stare at him, trying to look offended, but losing the battle against a smile.

  “Sorry,” he mouthed, and his face did appear slightly red.

  She tried not to laugh as he stood her up.

  “I didn’t mean to,” he whispered over another round of cheering. “Seriously. Not that I wouldn’t want to or anything, but…” He trailed off like he wasn’t sure exactly how to finish that sentence.

  For both of their sakes, it was probably best if he didn’t.

  “You did it!” Brooklyn swung her arms around Ruby’s neck.

  Laughing, feeling lighter than she had in years, she pulled the girl in for a hug.

  “She was amazing,” Sawyer agreed, smoothing his hand down her hair in a way that made Ruby dizzy with the desire to fall into his arms so his hands would be on her body again.

  She released Brooklyn and gazed up into Sawyer’s tranquil blue eyes, trying to tell him everything she felt.

  Eyes focused on hers, he inched closer to her…

  “What’s next?” Javon interrupted. It was the most enthusiasm she’d heard in him since she’d offered him a cinnamon roll.

  The rest of the kids crowded them in.

  “Oh.” Sawyer’s face went blank, like he’d forgotten what they were supposed to be doing. She knew the feeling. It was hard to focus on anything else when Sawyer was around, when he was touching her. It was so intense, the connection that drew them together. But they couldn’t be together. Ever.

  “Why don’t we split them up into two groups?” Ruby suggested after a hearty throat clearing. “You can help half of them with the front float and I’ll help the other half.”

  That way she wouldn’t be so close to him. She wouldn’t long for something she couldn’t have. Spending time with Sawyer tempted her to forget what she was running from.

  And she couldn’t afford to forget.

  * * *

  After the lesson had ended and Bryce had herded all the kids outside, Ruby busied herself with retrieving the diving rings that Javon and Wyatt had launched around the shallow end of the pool. When she got back to the stairs, Sawyer was waiting at the top with her towel.

  Impossible to avoid him now.

  Droplets of water glistened on his skin, running down his defined upper body, and she could see why all those moms in the bleachers had been so distracted by Officer Hawkins in a swimsuit.

  Goose bumps bristled her skin as she crept out of the pool, but they had nothing to do with a chill and everything to do with the way he watched her, his gaze working down her body.

  When she stood across from him, a nervous energy swirled through her and weakened her legs.

  “So what’d you think of the class?” Sawyer wrapped the towel around her shoulders, his fingers brushing her skin.

  “Um. It was great.” Fighting a serious swoon, she tore her gaze away from his chest and focused on wrapping the towel tighter. “The kids had so much fun.” Because of him. Once they’d all mastered their floats, Sawyer had played Marco Polo with them. It was amazing to see how they opened up to him, how they’d laughed, especially Brooklyn. She’d attached herself to Sawyer most of the night. “You’re great with the kids. Really.” Seeing them relax like that had made her heart so full.

  He reached up to push a lock of hair off his forehead, slicking it back. “You had fun, too?” he prompted with that tempting grin of his.

  She relented with a sigh. “I’m glad I stayed. Even if it was slightly humiliating.” At least the kids hadn’t seemed to pick up on her fear, but still…

  “You were brave.” His hand lifted to her face and he touched her cheek, sending her heart spiraling out of control again.

  Because of him. He’d made her brave. But now she was scared. She knew he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. She saw it in the way he looked at her, felt it in the way he touched her.

  And she was losing the will to fight it.

  “You’re shivering,” he said, sweeping a hand down her arm. “Here.” He shoved an ASPEN POLICE sweatshirt into her hands. “They’re closing so we don’t have time to change. But you can wear this home. It’ll keep you warm.”

  That wouldn’t be the only thing keeping her warm. Because when Sawyer was nearby, her body turned up the thermostat. To keep up appearances, she pulled the sweatshirt over her head while he pulled on a faded green t-shirt. They both wrapped towels around their waists, slipped on their flip-flops, and then he led her out into the parking lot and walked her to her car.

  “I’m glad you came.” His voice was low…

  “Me too,” she managed to say through an infatuated sigh. “Thank you.” For showing her she could do more than she believed she could. For not thinking she was ridiculous to be so afraid of t
he water.

  The dim moonlight shadowed his face, but she felt him searching for her eyes.

  “Do you remember when you kissed me?” he asked with a slight tease.

  A warm rush of desire pooled low in her belly. “Um. Yes.” She definitely remembered that. Feeling his solid chest against hers, his hands cradling her cheeks. Not like she’d forget that anytime soon.

  “I didn’t kiss you back properly,” he murmured, his face lowering closer.

  “You didn’t?” she whispered, feeling his breath mingling with hers. Somehow the darkness made his eyes even more beautiful. They were clear and glistening, deep enough to get lost in.

  One corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk as he slowly shook his head, his lips inches from hers.

  Anticipation gripped her body in that tantalizing hum. It’d been so long since she’d felt it, so long since her chest threatened to burst open this way…

  She wanted his mouth on hers, his hands on her body. She wanted to lose herself in him.

  He took his time touching his lips to hers, so slow and sensual that her legs threatened to give and she had to lean her back against the car. This time his hands didn’t move for her face. Instead he worked them up her sides and underneath the sweatshirt, pressing her against his solid strength as his mouth opened to hers. The seductive rhythm of his tongue took her over, quieting every hesitation, conquering her last line of defense. She gripped his shoulders and pulled him over her, until his body pinned hers to the car.

  He smiled against her lips as he kissed her again, his fingers fused to the bare skin of her stomach. She let her head fall back so she could breathe, so she could clear the stars out of her eyes, and Sawyer took it as an invitation to trace his lips down her neck. She ran her hands through his hair, which was still damp. And gorgeous. So thick and soft.

  Sawyer’s arms slipped around her, holding her as his lips found hers again.

  Oh, god, this was so much more than a kiss. So much deeper. So much more dangerous…

  “Come back to the ranch with me,” he murmured. “After I deliver ice cream to the kids, we can open a bottle of wine…”