Love & War

by Ashley Antoinette

  “I don’t know,” he said in a low tone of devastation. Earlier when she had met him he seemed so strong. He had the smooth confidence that only a real man could possess but this man who had shown up at her doorstep looked lost. It was like in a matter of hours something so drastic had occurred that it had sucked the life out of him. She knew that it wasn’t impossible, however. Life seemed to change as quickly as the blink of an eye and once pain settled into your bones it was hard to shake.

  “Come in,” YaYa offered as she stepped to the side.

  “I’m sorry, ma, it’s late. I shouldn’t have come here,” he said as he shook his head trying to shake the ominous feeling of sorrow that he felt.

  “Come on,” she said as she grabbed his hand. “You look like you could use a . . .” She paused when she noticed dark specks all over his hoodie. She had been in the game long enough to recognize blood as soon as she saw it. “Ethic, what happened tonight?”

  Ethic looked at her and she could tell that he was mentally debating whether she was trustworthy. Honestly the deadly look in his eyes made her not even want to know, but this man, this broken, beautiful, man who had helped her, now needed her help . . . even if all she had to offer was an ear to listen.

  “If I tell you something that I’m not supposed to tell anyone, will that make you trust me enough to tell me what’s on your mind?” she asked. The wine had her loose at the lips and the devastation that she felt over her interrupted nuptials caused her to look for companionship in Ethic. She was grateful that he had come back because she was afraid to be alone. When it was just her and four walls she was forced to think about Indie, about the bitch Parker, and the so-called baby they shared. Nope, Ethic’s distraction was much needed.

  “I don’t think your secret matches mine, gorgeous,” Ethic said with a slight smile.

  The way that he spoke to her wasn’t obnoxious. He had a way of delivering a compliment that was so genuine she couldn’t do anything but accept it. He wasn’t gaming her, but simply speaking his truth. He was giving it to her the way that he saw it and he didn’t filter himself for anyone. She appreciated his honesty.

  “You think I’m beautiful?” she asked.

  “I think you know you’re beautiful. I think it’s something you’ve heard your entire life,” Ethic replied. “I just think whatever happened today is making you doubt that.”

  A silence fell over the room and Ethic immediately regretted bringing up her wedding. He clasped his hands and said, “Okay, you share your secret and I’ll share mine.”

  “I think you killed someone today,” YaYa said. Ethic immediately tensed as he stood to his feet.

  “This isn’t a good idea. I was out of line coming here.” He started for the door but YaYa stopped him.

  She grabbed at his hoodie and continued, “You don’t have to tell me if you did or not. I just think that’s what happened. I can tell because you have the same look on your face that I had when I caught a body. There’s blood on your shirt,” she whispered. She unzipped the hoodie and helped him remove it as she stared in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

  Ethic closed his eyes and she stepped closer to him as she intertwined her hands with his.

  “Ethic . . .”

  He pressed his forehead against hers but he couldn’t look her in the eyes.

  “I promised myself that I wouldn’t be this person again. That I would never show my kids this side of me. That this kingpin shit . . . the game . . . the hustle . . . the life would never affect them. I slipped up tonight,” Ethic said.

  “It’s okay,” YaYa whispered. “Look at me.”

  Ethic opened his eyes and the vision of her concerned face mesmerized him. Her green eyes were hypnotizing and in that moment of weakness he felt her strength. They knew nothing of one another but what they felt was undeniable. They understood each other. “I murdered the nigga who murdered my son’s mother. I’ve waited a long time to put that play down and it didn’t fill the void like I thought it would,” he admitted.

  “Hate doesn’t fill the void where love used to be,” she said. “It doesn’t fit. I understand the need for revenge. For years I played that game but it will eat away at you if you allow it to. You killed him, he’s gone. He paid for what he did. Now you just have to let go.”

  Her voice soothed his weary soul and he placed a hand on the side of her face. She leaned into him instinctively as she gave him a genuine smile. “You’re going to make an amazing wife. He’s lucky,” Ethic whispered.

  She sadly looked down at her bare ring finger and replied, “This finger wouldn’t be empty right now if he felt that way. If a complete stranger can see it, why can’t he?” Damn, here go these fucking tears again, she thought as the burn of betrayal stung her eyes. She inhaled and blew out a sharp breath as she shook the feelings that were threatening to crumble her. She didn’t know this man standing in front of her and he clearly was dealing with his own demons tonight. She couldn’t let him witness her breakdown. “There’s blood spatter all on your clothes. You can use the bathroom to shower,” she offered. “I don’t think you should drive tonight and I already had a plan to get fucking faded,” she said with a chuckle. Laughing was the only thing she could do to keep from crying. “You’re halfway there already. I could use a drinking partner to get me that way. So stay. I don’t think either of us should be alone with our thoughts tonight.”

  “You always have sleepovers with dangerous men?” Ethic asked, curiously, as he wondered why he didn’t intimidate her.

  She smirked as she thought of her days of tricking hustlers out of their paper. Even Indie was no saint. In fact, she had a thing for danger. She had lived life on the edge for so long that even when she wasn’t trying, she attracted a certain breed of men. She saw nothing but gangster in Ethic and the type of experience that came with years in the game. He was a boss and she knew it . . . he knew she knew it, too.

  “I’ve had one or two in my lifetime,” she replied, smiling. “But none of them seem quite like you. You’re the king of an empire somewhere. The difference is you don’t seem to want to be.” She turned and said, “You can use the spare bath. There are towels inside. An extra robe is hanging in there as well. If you bag your clothes I can call the concierge to have it dry cleaned by the morning.”

  “Thank you,” he said sincerely.

  “Thank you for coming back,” she said. “I don’t know what made you come here when you could have gone anywhere else, but that knock at the door saved me from a long night of feeling sorry for myself.”

  Ethic emerged from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, still wet as beads of water dripped down his sculpted chest and abs. YaYa was frozen as she admired him. He was a beautiful specimen of a man but the fact that he wasn’t overly arrogant as he stood before her made her smile.

  “You think those abs and arms, and chest, and God that face is going to seduce me?” she asked playfully. “This is something straight out of a romance novel.” She laughed. “That game is played.”

  He chuckled heartily at her wit and the sparkle in her eye. “I’m glad this amuses you. There was no robe,” he said.

  “Follow me, there is one in the master bath,” she replied. On the way she grabbed the glasses of wine that she had poured and handed him one.

  “Wine isn’t going to nurse those emotional wounds, ma,” he said jokingly. “We’re looking to forget our problems for the night, not heighten them. We need something heavier.”

  She sipped her glass as she handed him the plush hotel robe. She turned around so that he could slip out of the towel. When she turned back around she smiled. “You look like you feel better,” she said.

  “Good company does that to you,” he answered. He walked up to her and removed the glass from her hand then grabbed her wrist as he led her out to the bar. He had purchased the penthouse suite, which came with its own fully stocked center. “Have a seat, beautiful. I’m going to be your bartender for the night. Now if you want to for
get about your disaster of a wedding . . .”

  She cut her eyes at him and pointed her finger. “Hey, no jokes. It’s too soon!”

  He laughed and she admired the handsome features of his face. Ethic wasn’t perfect. In fact, the scars on his face had left one side slightly ugly. She recognized them as burns because she too had similar marks from the house fire that she and Leah had been trapped in. What should have been considered a flaw, however, she found completely endearing.

  He poured her a shot of Patrón.

  “Tequila?” she asked doubtfully.

  “I thought you were a big girl,” he challenged.

  She rolled her eyes and then took the shot, grimacing as it burned on the way down. He immediately poured her another. She hit that off too.

  He followed suit and then leaned over the bar, letting his elbows rest atop it. They stared at one another silently. What should have been an awkward beat was really an appreciated connection that they shared. YaYa hadn’t felt this comfortable with anyone in a very long time. Even Indie hadn’t penetrated her soul in this way lately. Although she loved him, she sometimes felt as if the things that they had been through together had left a sour aftertaste in their relationship. They had hurt one another so many times that their love while still true, had been diluted some. Ethic didn’t know her past, therefore he couldn’t judge. She had never hurt him; therefore he didn’t hate any piece of her. Most importantly he had never betrayed her, so she held not even the slightest resentment toward him. All she felt for him was affection . . . new, uncomplicated affection. She was slowly determining that he was a good man with a fucked-up past and that was the exact story of her life.

  She reached out to touch his face and he tensed slightly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m not trying to be rude. Can I ask what happened?”

  He exhaled, releasing the tension from his chest. “That’s a long story,” he said.

  She rounded the bar and stood in front of him. “We have all night. I want to know who you are,” she said.

  Ethic poured himself a real drink this time, pulling a bottle of Louis off the shelf and dropping a few ice cubes in a glass.

  “I used to supply an old friend of mine and his daughter Raven fell in love with a bad guy. She was young, he was older and he saw her as a come-up. The nigga manipulated Raven to get close to her father’s empire. My friend was murdered and eventually Raven was murdered too. A bomb was placed under a vehicle I was riding in. It should have killed me, but it didn’t. Some people say I was lucky, but I was left many scars . . . The ones you can see aren’t even the worst. It’s the shit that plays over in my head that hurt the most,” he admitted. He had given her the short version of the story but it was still the most that he had ever shared with anyone. “The nigga I murked tonight was responsible for Raven’s murder.”

  “I’m sorry,” YaYa said as she frowned in concern.

  “It’s okay, it was a long time ago, ma,” Ethic said.

  “Then why do I still see the love you have for her in your eyes?”she asked.

  He chuckled as he shook his head. “You didn’t know Raven. She wasn’t the type of woman that you forget,” he whispered nostalgically. She could tell that he was lost in his thoughts and a part of her was jealous. What had happened to her and Indie? Why didn’t she see that look of love in his eyes when he looked at her? It had been there in the beginning but somewhere along the way it had disappeared and she hadn’t even noticed.

  “You’re an amazing man, every part of you, even the gangster part that you’re ashamed to show,” she said.

  “I haven’t met anyone that was this easy to talk to in a very long time,” Ethic replied.

  “I was just thinking the same thing about you,” she said honestly.

  The two stayed up for hours, laughing as their conversation lasted until dawn. YaYa didn’t even realize that she had fallen asleep until she woke up, nestled inside his tight grip. At first she panicked, thinking that something had happened between them, but when she realized that she was fully clothed she exhaled in relief. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his strong arms around her as her back pressed into his chest. She hadn’t felt this secure ever. Even with Indie there was always some kind of fear in her heart, but in this moment she felt completely sheltered. She knew that time was fleeting, however. In real life, her world was in chaos. The temporary bubble that she had dwelled in the night before was about to be popped. Ethic stirred behind her and she turned around to face him.

  “Good morning,” she greeted.

  “Good morning,” he replied. A knock at the door caused her to rise as she went to answer it. “It’s the concierge with your clothes!” she announced. She grabbed the clothes and rushed back into the room.

  “I guess that’s my exit cue,” he said as he stood to his feet.

  “Unfortunately so,” she replied. “I’ll give you a moment to dress.” As she went into the living room an anxious pit formed in her stomach. It was like a great date was coming to a close. She desperately wanted to see Ethic again. They just clicked. It was like they were kindred spirits and a part of her was sad that it was time to say good-bye. He emerged from the room and she smiled. “Good as new. I have to thank you again . . . for rescuing me yesterday.”

  Ethic nodded his head and looked at her as if he wanted to say something but instead he held his tongue. “Good-bye, YaYa,” he said. She felt a pain in her chest as if cupid had tried to pull an arrow from her heart. It sounded so final and she was filled with disappointment because she knew that it was. They were strangers and once he walked out of the door she would never hear from him again.

  “It feels like I know you. Like I shouldn’t be letting you just walk out the door,” she admitted.

  “You have a life to get back to, a man that is wondering where you are. If I could take you away from it all I would, but your home is here. Your heart is here, it’s just in pieces right now,” he said. He walked up on her and planted a kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes and savored the moment of intimacy. “I hope everything works out for you, ma.”

  “Good-bye, Ethic,” she whispered. As soon as he walked out of the door she let her body fall to the couch. She laid her head back on the cushions and reached for her phone. It was time for her to check back in with reality, whether she wanted to or not. If she didn’t there was a new bitch in town by the name of Parker who was just waiting to take her place.

  Chapter 9

  Indie’s thoughts raced as he sat in the driveway to his parents’ home. It was the first time that he had ever felt as if he didn’t belong. He was all over the place. He had no idea where YaYa was and Parker’s revelation had put him in a precarious position. He couldn’t help but ask himself the inevitable question. If Parker hadn’t been run out of town, would he have been preparing to marry her instead of Disaya? To know that his mother had orchestrated the entire thing only made it that much worse. He hadn’t even been able to face her. While he had been blowing up YaYa’s phone, Elaine had been calling his nonstop. Her persistence was an admission of her guilt. Disappointment, anger, resentment . . . He wasn’t used to aiming those emotions at the woman who had birthed him but he couldn’t contain them, not when something so big had been at stake. “I have a son,” he whispered. That fact would surely change his life forever and he couldn’t help but wonder how Parker’s presence would impact YaYa. She’s going to leave me, he thought in despair. Indie was truly stuck between a rock and a hard place. Not only was Parker telling him that they shared a child, she was asking him to come back to her. She wanted him and once upon a time she had been all he wanted. It was only the greatness of YaYa’s presence that made him forget about Parker. Before that, Indie had been miserable without her. Now that Parker was back, whom would he choose? His past or his future?

  Indie opened the car door and used his key to enter the beautiful home. He had built it for his parents from the ground up. It had been a token of his appreciation for
them . . . a symbol of love. When he was getting money he always thought that his parents were the only people in the world he could trust, especially his mother, but now he questioned that. The woman who he thought would never lie to him had omitted the most important truth. It was time for her to lay her cards on the table. The smell of food filled the air and he followed his nose to the kitchen. Elaine stood making a huge Southern breakfast, a Sunday tradition in her household. Skylar sat at her feet, coloring in a children’s book happily. His father sat, completely distracted by the New York Times that he was eyeing intently. He and his new wife were supposed to be sitting at the table, enjoying their first official family breakfast before departing for their honeymoon. He couldn’t believe how quickly life had gone south.

  He stood back silently, leaning against the wall as he watched his mother move around the kitchen like an expert chef. He had so much respect for her, so much love. Before yesterday he never would have imagined that she would betray him.

  “Good morning,” he said, making his presence known. The sound of his voice caused Elaine to freeze but she kept her back turned to him.

  His father glanced up from his paper. “How’s it going, son?” he asked.

  “Not so good, Pops,” Indie replied.

  Elaine cleared her throat. “Bill, could you take Skylar in the other room? Indie and I have some things to talk about,” she said.

  Bill had never been the one to intervene in their mother-and-son disagreements and he wasn’t going to start now. He stood to his feet and scooped up his grandchild, but before exiting the room he stopped in front of Indie. “Take it easy on her. She may meddle and she may cross the line sometimes, but she loves you and she would do anything to make sure that you are okay.”