Love & War

by Ashley Antoinette

  Indie nodded and kissed Skylar’s forehead; then Bill walked out of the room.

  Elaine turned finally to face him as she dried her hands on the kitchen towel. “I guess Parker told you,” she said.

  “How could you, Ma?” he asked.

  “You weren’t ready to be a father. You had your entire life ahead of you. You were headed to college. A baby would have thrown you off track,” Elaine reasoned.

  “I was only headed to college because of Parker. Before her I was full blown in the streets. You know that. I don’t have to remind you. I was running with Nanzi and his crew until I met P. It was her that made me apply to school. I only had my head in the books because that was the kind of guy she liked. She was going away to school and if I didn’t too, I was going to lose her. She was a good girl, why would you run her off? We could have been—”

  “You couldn’t have been anything, Indie!” Elaine said. “She was pregnant at seventeen. I wasn’t about to let her destroy your entire future. I paid that girl to get an abortion. Gave her good money to leave town and never look back. It might not have been right, but it was a decision that I made for my child. I had no way of knowing that she never went through with her end of things. You think I would allow any grandchild of mine to be out in the world and not know me?”

  “I don’t know what I think about you anymore,” Indie said. “And just so you know, Ma, Parker not being around was the reason I dropped out of college. I wanted to be that type of man because it was her type. Without her there with me, it was all for nothing. It was because of your meddling that I went back to the streets and here I am ten years later and I’m still in them. You know what she did, Ma?”

  Elaine’s silence caused him to proceed.

  “She’s a college professor,” he said. “Imagine what I could have been if I had stayed with her. She was a good girl. She didn’t deserve what you did to her.”

  “What you became isn’t enough for you? I did what I thought was best,” Elaine said, holding firm, despite the conflict that was tearing her apart on the inside.

  Indie pushed his finger down on the table as he spoke his next words with emphasis. “You were wrong.” He stood up abruptly and walked out of the kitchen before he cut into her with disrespect. He had tried his hardest to stop his sharp words from cutting her. He had never felt the fire he had burning inside of his chest—not toward his mother; she was usually the one to calm him—but the things that she had done had altered the fabric of his life drastically. She had ultimately set him up in a three-way triangle with YaYa and Parker. Both of them deserved his love, both of them he loved dearly, and one of them was going to end up hurt all because of Elaine. He grabbed Skylar and her belongings.

  “Everything okay?” his father asked as he walked Indie to the door.

  “Help me out here, old man,” Indie said. “What do I do?”

  “You do what’s right,” Bill replied.

  Indie nodded his head as he guided Skylar out the door. His head was so clouded that he couldn’t decipher right from wrong. Whose interest should he have had at heart? YaYa’s? Parker’s? Maybe his own?

  No matter whom he chose or what he did, none of it seemed right. In fact, nothing had ever felt so wrong.

  “Mommy!” Skylar yelled as she rushed into Disaya’s arms as soon as they walked through the door.

  The sound of her daughter’s voice was like music to her ears and she bent down to pick her up. She lifted the little girl over her head and smothered her with kisses. “Mommy missed you, Sky!” she said jovially. Her daughter’s tiny arms squeezed her so tight that they immediately made her feel loved. She never even looked at Indie, although she felt him standing there, staring at her. He didn’t deserve her attention.

  “YaYa, can we talk?” he asked.

  “Nope,” she said, ornery as she walked right passed him with Sky still in her arms. “You want to watch a movie with Mommy, baby?”

  “Yay! Movie time!” Skylar shouted happily. Indie knew this routine. Whenever YaYa only spoke to their daughter she was pissed beyond measure. Her blatant disregard for his presence was understandable and he exercised patience as he followed her up to their bedroom.

  “YaYa?” he repeated.

  She sighed as she turned to him. He could see the myriad of emotions just from the look that sorrowed her face. Her sadness couldn’t be hidden, no matter what kind of front she put on. She was trying to mask her misery with anger, but he had always had the ability to stare into her soul. He could feel the ache that replaced the beat of her heart. He could feel the lump that lodged in her throat. He shared her pain, but she doubted him all the same. She didn’t know whose team he was on. Hers or Parkers? YaYa knew that this wasn’t a conversation that she could avoid and she placed her child on her feet. “Go to your room, baby,” she instructed. They both waited until Skylar was out of earshot before they spoke. “What can you possibly have to say to me, Indie? You embarrassed me! A bitch stormed in during our wedding claiming to have your child and you told me to give you a minute?”

  “I didn’t know what to do,” he admitted.

  “You didn’t know what to do?” she scoffed in disbelief. “You should have kicked the bitch out. Instead you left me hanging, standing there in front of hundreds of guests while your dirty laundry played out for every-fucking-body to see!” She was shouting, she was so angry but Indie kept a cool head because he knew that it was justified. She was entitled to feel this way. To argue with her would only infuriate her more.

  “Where did this girl even come from? I’ve been with you for years, holding you down, loving you, giving you every piece of me. Has she been in the background all this time?” YaYa asked, coming unraveled as the thought of Indie being unfaithful ran rampant in her mind.

  Overwhelmed with grief she couldn’t stop herself from bawling as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Seeing her so torn, so broken, ate away at Indie. He had put this hurt on her heart. No matter how unintentional this all was, it still unnerved him that she was burdened so heavily.

  “No, ma. I’ve never cheated on you,” he said. “You’re my everything, YaYa. I need you to believe that.”

  She shook her head as she looked up at him, tears drenching her face, eyes red. Worry lines creased her forehead. “I don’t know what to believe. All I know is that this hurts. She has your son?”

  “She says she does,” Indie admitted.

  “And you believe her?” YaYa asked.

  Indie hesitated before answering. There was no breaking this news lightly. He knew how serious he and Parker used to be, but he decided to spare the details. Telling YaYa that Parker was his first love would only make things worse. “I’m not sure,” he lied. “If the kid is mine—”

  “I know,” she interrupted. “You don’t have to tell me that. You’ll be there. The question is will you still be here?” she asked. Before he could respond she got up and walked away, dismal and completely lost because she no longer knew what her future held.

  Chapter 10

  Parker’s skin felt like silk as the bubbles from the steaming bath she was submerged in covered her body. The scent of vanilla filled the air and she sunk even deeper as the warmth slowly melted the tension away. Moving back to New York had seemed like the right thing to do. For years she had missed home, missed Indie, but now that she was here so many complications stood in her way. She had never expected Indie to have so many attachments. Even if he decided to give up his current life to reunite with her, she knew that it would not be a simple transition. He came with baggage now. Another child and that child’s mother . . . There was guaranteed to be drama. Parker loved Indie, but she wasn’t beat for the bullshit. Even thinking about it caused a mini-headache to commence. She cursed herself for not coming back earlier. Had she found the courage to admit the truth years ago, perhaps Indie would have never found a new love. She remembered how intense their love affair used to be. After she had become his girl there was never a time that you would see
Indie without seeing her. They became quick friends and faster lovers. It was a whirlwind courtship and she held on to the memories like they were a valuable keepsake, tucking them away in her mental under lock and key. She remembered it all as if it was only yesterday....

  Click-Clack!

  The sound of a shotgun being cocked caused Parker to jump out of her sleep. She was immediately greeted by the barrel of a gun. “You scream and I pull this trigger. You got me?”

  Two men in ski masks stood before her. “Please . . .”

  “Shut up and lead me to the safe,” one of the men ordered.

  Fear paralyzed Parker as she stared death in the face. “You do what you’re told and I won’t pop your melon,” he said.

  “In the office,” the other one spoke.

  Her eyes shot to the clock above their heads. It was 2:00 a.m. Big Jim was still tucked away in one of the rooms recovering from his romp in the sheets with one of the local working girls. Little did the burglars know, he was the only one who could open the safe. They had no wins with Parker. She backpedaled slowly as the two hooded figures eased her into the office and drew the blinds.

  “Please don’t kill me. I’m seventeen. I’m a senior at—”

  “Didn’t I tell you to shut the fuck up?” masked man number one shouted as he hit her with the barrel of the gun. The force of the blow was so powerful that it sent her flying to the ground in distress.

  “Agh!” she cried as she grabbed her face. As she pulled her shaky hand away from her brow she saw blood flowing between her fingers. She felt it as it trickled down the side of her face.

  “Yo, bro, chill the fuck out!” the second man spoke up for the first time as he grabbed the violent thug by the arm, forcefully. “You know the deal. We here for the money. In and out.” Her internal alarm sounded off as soon as she heard his voice. I know him, she thought in disbelief. Oh my God. That’s that guy . . . Indie.

  She immediately turned her attention to him. “Please I just work here, I don’t have access to anything other than the front desk money and most guests pay with a card.”

  “Yo, this bitch is lying,” the unknown masked man spit aggressively as he yanked her from the floor. “Where’s the fucking safe?”

  Indie stood watch at the door while his brother, Nanzi, handled the heist inside of the office.

  Parker shook as terror seized her. Her mind drew a blank. Being slapped out of her sleep by a robbery had paralyzed her. She couldn’t form a sentence to cooperate if she wanted to. She knew the deal. She had come up around stick up kids her entire life. Once they got what they wanted from her they were going to kill her. She didn’t want to die but she knew that her breaths were fleeting. Every second that past were the last moments of her life. They say that your entire life flashes before your eyes but as she looked down the barrel of her gun, she didn’t see her past. All Parker could see was the times she hadn’t lived yet. She saw her future, everything that she had not had the chance to do. The places she hadn’t seen.

  “Please don’t kill me,” she pleaded.

  Whop!

  Parker’s jaw felt like it cracked in half as the man brought his gun across her face full force. She saw nothing but white as pain blinded her. It was so tremendous that it felt like a thunderstorm had erupted in her brain.

  “Yo, man! Fuck are you doing? I said don’t hurt her. We here for the money. Stay focused,” the lookout stated as he stepped inside the office and pulled her attacker off of her. Recognition flashed in Parker’s eyes as a face flashed in her mind. She knew that voice.

  Oh my God. It’s the kid Indie.

  She immediately grasped at his arm, clinging to him for dear life. “Please, please don’t hurt me.” With the two intruders inside the office there was no one on watch to see Big Jim easing into the office with his shotgun aimed.

  Click-Clack!

  “You motherfuckers tryin’a rob me?” Big Jim shouted as he pulled the trigger. Big Jim put a buckshot in the shoulder of Indie’s accomplice.

  On instinct Indie turned and put a bullet between the fat white man’s eyes.

  “Aghh!” Parker screamed as she watched his body drop to his knees before falling face first into the ground. Blood poured out of him and pooled around his body as it began to leak in her direction. Indie turned the gun in her direction but when he saw the fear in her eyes he lowered it. Instead of firing, he rushed to his brother’s side and helped him off of the floor. Blood leaked everywhere as Nanzi screamed in agony.

  Sirens rang out in the distance. “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Indie stated.

  “Fuck that safe, bro, let’s go!” Indie stated as he tried to pull his brother toward the door.

  “Nigga, we didn’t just catch a body for nothing,” Nanzi shouted. He grabbed Indie’s gun from his hand and aimed it at Parker. “Bitch, open that fucking safe before I blow your top the fuck off.”

  Parker scrambled to the desk and pulled out the drawer, frantically. She didn’t know the combination but Big Jim was as predictable as the weather. Her hands shook so badly that she could barely turn the dial to the correct numbers. She tried his birthday to no avail.

  “Bitch, don’t play with me!”

  She felt the steel on the back of her head. “Agh . . . I’m not! I’m not!” she hollered while sobbing as she tried his home address.

  “Man, come on!” Indie screamed.

  “Indie, please!” she screamed, desperately.

  “This bitch knows your voice?” Nanzi shouted.

  Finally Parker opened the safe and as Nanzi’s finger wrapped around the trigger Indie snatched the gun. “Get the shit out the safe and let’s go.”

  “Man, don’t be stupid! This bitch knows you by name!”

  “I won’t say anything. Please I swear!” Parker promised as tears and snot made an emotional disaster on her face.

  “You heard her. Let’s dip,” Indie decided.

  Nanzi nabbed the contents of the safe and shook his head as he spat. “You’re lucky.”

  The two raced out of the hotel and hopped into the awaiting car before speeding into the night.

  Parker curled up into a ball as she buried her head into her knees, crying hysterically. By the time the police burst on to the scene Indie was long gone, but the ramifications of the robbery had left Parker in mental pieces.

  Parker’s world moved in slow motion as she answered the detective’s questions. The dead bodies were still on the floor at her feet and she was in a state of shock as she tried to recall the night’s events. The police grilled with repetition trying to see if she was in on the take, but her answers were always the same. She knew the street code; despite the fact that she didn’t believe in it, she still followed suit. By the time they were done with their interrogations they were more frustrated than the high school witness. When they allowed her to leave she didn’t look back. With her hands stuffed in her pockets she kept her head low as she headed home. She just wanted to put as much distance between herself and the hotel as possible. The sound of the gunshots kept ringing out in her head. She was terrified. The chill in her bones had nothing to do with the winter cold; it came from the horrific double murder she had just witnessed. She was so distracted by her thoughts that she never saw Indie pull alongside her.

  He tapped his horn twice and when she saw his face she took off running down the block.

  “Fuck!” he shouted as he sped up after her, cutting her off at the next cross street. He threw the car in park and then hopped out. They were only a few blocks from the crime scene and the last thing he needed was to draw unnecessary attention to himself. “Get in the car, I’m not going to hurt you,” he reasoned. She backpedaled as he approached her.

  “I didn’t say shit to them, I didn’t. I swear to God. Please just let me go home,” Parker pleaded frantically, a mixture of fear and confusion dancing in her wide eyes. Indie held out his hands to show her he meant no harm. He had never seen a person fear him the way that she did. He fel
t a tug of guilt pull at his heart as he realized that what he and his brother did had traumatized her.

  “Whoa, whoa, ma, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you,” he said. She turned to run but Indie quickly grabbed her arm. “Listen to me. If I was going to hurt you I would have done it already, right? I’m not going to hurt you. Trust me. I promise.”

  She stopped struggling when she saw the look in his eyes. She believed him when he said that he wouldn’t hurt her, but that still didn’t make her compliant. She snatched her arm away and said, “Stay away from me!” She rushed away from Indie, her feet moving in a slight jog as she tucked her head and stuffed her hands in her pocket. She just wanted as much distance between them as possible.

  Going home was like walking into a brothel. It wasn’t that she looked down on her mother or sisters. It was just that she wanted so much more. She wanted to be seen for more than her ass and her thighs or the curves of her hips. While her sisters had taken every lesson from their mother to heart, Parker knew that to view her body as an asset was the same as selling her soul. Assets could be bought and sold, they had a monetary value. Parker knew the power of her blooming womanhood at an early age. It wasn’t the “P” that made great men kneel at the feet of greater women; it was the minds of those great women. She knew that beauty without brains was pointless but because she was the youngest of her clan, her voice was inaudible, her reasoning ignored. The smell of Mary Jane was strong as she made her way to her room. This place was almost worse than a hotel. More men ran in and out of this spot than they did the professional establishment. She knew that she wouldn’t be there long. It wasn’t enough room here for her. It was a house full of grown women who rarely worked; too many periods and not enough peace. Parker wasn’t beat for the bullshit. She was the youngest one in the bunch but despite this she was the wisest.