Fire Down Below

by Andrea Simonne

  “Here you go.” He hands me a glass of what looks like green blood.

  I take a sip and, of course, it’s awful. It tastes exactly like what you’d expect juice made from lawn clippings would taste like. I put the glass down. Ben is suddenly in much better spirits then he was earlier.

  “I’m so glad I remembered this place,” he says cheerfully. He’s already downed half of his shot glass. “I haven’t had wheat grass in ages. This stuff is like rocket fuel. Wait until you see how amazing you feel after drinking it.”

  I nod, glancing around the shop we’re sitting in. The girl behind the counter keeps smiling over at Ben. When she notices me watching though she quickly looks away.

  I think about how awful I felt at my parent’s house earlier, everyone’s awkwardness about my being left alone at Christmas. I wonder if my parents are sad that I haven’t gotten married and that’s why my mom won’t stop talking about sperm donors. Maybe they’re afraid I’ll wind up a lonely old spinster, talking to the television all day, complaining about my bunions as I drink endless cups of coffee. I’ve never regretted the decisions I’ve made with my life before, but now I don’t know.

  Ben finishes the last dregs of juice and puts his glass down, motioning for me to finish mine.

  I study him, wondering what I’d do if he asked me to marry him again—would I say yes this time? Probably. Okay, I’d definitely say yes. I know we have our problems, but who knew that this is as good as a relationship gets? If only I’d known it back then. I could have married him and saved myself years of dating agony.

  “Are you okay?” Ben asks. “You look miserable and you’re not drinking your wheat grass.”

  “Would it be all right if I spent Christmas with you?”

  He pauses for a second. If I didn’t know better I’d say there’s a flash of guilt on his face, though I must be imagining it. “Of course, what’s up?”

  I tell him about my parent’s cruise to Greece.

  “Of course you can spend it with us. Actually my mom’s been bugging me to bring you over for dinner, so I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you with us for Christmas.”

  I nod silently. Ben’s mother. A bullet I’ve managed to dodge so far. I saw her once when we stopped by his parent’s house and I could tell the assessment was underway, checking me out from head to toe, trying to decide whether I measured up to her arbitrary standards. Surprisingly she wasn’t as rude as she used to be. I guess she’s toning it down in case I do wind up as her daughter-in-law. It could happen, because despite everything, Ben and I have been getting along a lot better since that camping trip last month when we finally cleared the air. We still have our arguments—obviously today is a good example of that—but we’re both really trying and more than ever I’m convinced that fate has brought us together again for a reason.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I have the perfect dress for my party. I found it in a small boutique in Fremont when I was doing some hardcore shopping one Saturday. The material is mostly silk and it’s a beautiful sapphire blue with black trim around the edges.

  My Jane Moon earrings look fabulous with it and I sigh regretfully as I lay a hand over my empty décolletage. The happy news is that the dress is a size four and it fits me like it was made for my body. All those mornings of drinking swamp juice and working out with Ben and the Sisters Grim have really paid off. I’m pretty darn skinny. I was even able to zip up a size two, but it was very tight, as in I wouldn’t be able to eat, drink, or sit down, tight. Not much fun in that.

  I miss junk food though and working out so hard every morning is exhausting. This is definitely not a natural weight for me, since I don’t think something natural would require so much work to maintain.

  Ben has been pleased though. Every time we get naked together he’s inspecting me, commenting on my new slenderness and how much he likes it. It’s nice to feel so desirable, though between staying skinny, hairless, and well groomed, it’s like another full time job.

  Ben gives me a wolf whistle when he arrives to pick me up.

  “Wow, you look hot...very hot.”

  “Thank you,” I say, smiling and batting my eyelashes. He tries to run his hands down my hips, but I slide out of his grasp. I’ve spent the last two hours getting ready and there’s no way I’m letting him muss me. “Don’t even think about it.”

  “I can think about it.”

  “Yeah, but that’s all you’re going to do.”

  “I can’t wait to see what you have on underneath this dress.” He reaches out for me and doesn’t let me get away this time. “How about a sneak preview?”

  “No!” I slap his hands as he tries to peak down the front.

  He laughs. “All right, come on let’s go.”

  ***

  Deep down I have this terrible fear that no one is going to show up for my birthday. I know it’s one of those irrational fears everyone has on occasions like this, but nevertheless I’m relieved when we arrive at the restaurant and plenty of people are already there.

  One of the first people I see is my friend Anthony, who I’ve known since my twenties. We used to work together at Cafe Nin, slinging espresso when we were both struggling artists. He was one of the friends I partied with every weekend back then. When I went away to college in New York, he and his partner Thomas opened an art gallery in downtown Seattle. It’s a small space, but they’ve done well. He’s the friend I told Declan about who says he’d love to show a collection of my paintings, claiming I was always the one with the “real” talent. It’s an incredible offer, which I know I should take advantage of. We haven’t seen each other in a while and after hugging me and wishing me a happy birthday, his eyes pop out when he spots Ben.

  “It’s Ranger Rex!”

  I glance uneasily over at Ben who, luckily, is talking to a waiter and didn’t hear Anthony’s comment.

  “I know you’re dating him again,” he said. “But I had to see it to believe it!”

  I’d told Anthony about Ben in a recent email. They met once years ago during a single ill-fated evening where I took Ben out clubbing with a group of my friends. It wound up being a disaster as Ben spent the entire night with a disapproving scowl on his face. To be fair the whole club scene was not something Ben would ever enjoy and I should have known better. I guess I was hoping he’d loosen up and have some fun. For some reason Anthony got it into his head that night to call Ben, Ranger Rex. I can’t remember how it even started. We were all drinking and acting pretty silly, except for Ben, of course, and Anthony was teasing him a little, but Ben took it the wrong way and wound up leaving in a huff.

  “I can hardly believe it myself,” I say. “But we’ve been going out for a while now.”

  He gives Ben a once over. “Uh huh. I hope you know what you’re doing, girl. That man may be gorgeous, but he’s high maintenance.”

  “Ben’s really mellowed.”

  “Kate,” Ben says coming up to me, annoyed. “I thought you said they had a coat check service here.”

  “They do, don’t they?”

  “Not according to that waiter. I wouldn’t have worn my wool coat if I’d known that.”

  Anthony’s raises an eyebrow and I can sense the glance in my direction. Ben notices him and is obviously trying to place him.

  “Have we met?” Ben finally asks.

  “This is my friend Anthony. Don’t you remember that night we went out dancing years ago?”

  Ben nods, but it’s clear he doesn’t remember what I’m talking about, which I realize is for the best.

  Anthony looks at me and is obviously thinking the same thing. He announces he’s going to get a drink from the bar and leans in to kiss me on the cheek. “Let’s catch up more later,” he says quietly.

  I continue to do the rounds with everyone wishing me a happy birthday. There are a few other people I haven’t seen in a while and I chat with them a bit, letting them know how happy I am that they were able to make it. I introduce Ben to people and
, even though I know I shouldn’t feel this way, I’m glad to have a man by my side. I might be turning thirty-five, but at least I’m not alone. By the time I make my way over to Declan, Ben is involved in an avid conversation with one of my co-workers about their recent trip to the Alps, so I figure I’ll introduce the two of them later.

  Declan gives me a hug. “You look beautiful tonight. I can’t take my eyes off of you.”

  “Thanks,” I say, flustered. “You certainly know how to pay a girl a compliment.”

  He smiles. “It’s the truth. And did I also mention that you look very young for your age?”

  “No, not that—please!”

  “Okay.” He shrugs. “You’re an old hag.”

  “Whew, thank you.”

  Suzy comes over and hands me a glass of wine, telling me it’s my duty to drink since she’s not allowed to. She’s starting to show a bit from her pregnancy, though it’s only noticeable to those of us who know her. I’ve had friends who are totally bloated and get acne during their pregnancies, but Suzy appears to be one of the lucky ones because I’ve never seen her look better. She’s in the pink of health and even the whites of her eyes are glowing. I ask her if she’s heard from Lauren yet, since she went to pick up the desserts for the party.

  “Lauren just called and said she should be here in a few minutes. I guess there’s an event going on at Seattle Center and the traffic is really backed up.”

  “Oh, here’s my cousin Paul,” Declan says, motioning to a tall rangy guy dressed in a white shirt and black blazer walking towards us. “Let me introduce you guys.”

  One look at him and my mouth falls open in shock. He has dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin, and he looks exactly like John Cusack. It’s crazy. They could be twins. I’ve never seen someone resemble a movie star so close in real life and I feel disoriented as if I’m looking at the real thing. When he’s finally standing in front of us and Declan makes the introductions, both Suzy and I are staring at him with such amazement you’d think he was the eighth wonder of the world. I know we’re both thinking the same thing—Lauren is going to freak. We all shake hands and say hello. Paul thanks me for allowing him to come along with Declan to my birthday.

  “Of course,” I say. “I’m glad you could come. You know, you look just like John Cusack.”

  He grins. “I hear it all the time.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Suzy say, looking him up and down with approval. “I think you’re even better looking.”

  “It’s true.” I nod in agreement.

  Declan laughs. “All right, let’s not exaggerate. His head is swollen enough as it is. His family will never forgive me if I allow the situation to get worse.”

  Paul punches him playfully in the arm. “Don’t listen to him. He’s only jealous because I’ve still got hair.”

  Declan scoffs. “Like I give a shite.”

  “You’re married?” I ask, disappointed.

  “No, I’m not married,” Paul says, taking a sip from his glass of whiskey.

  “You’re single then?” Suzy asks hopefully. “No girlfriend?”

  “I’m a free agent, as they say. Why do you ask?”

  Before Suzy can reply, her phone buzzes. “It’s Lauren,” she says glancing at the caller before answering. From what I can gather Lauren is out in the parking lot and needs help carrying all the desserts inside.

  “I’ll help,” Declan offers.

  Luke has come over and is standing beside Suzy, asking her if everything’s okay. I’d seen him talking to Nina earlier and had said a brief hello to both of them. He’s dressed in a dark blue suit that, knowing Suzy, is probably Armani or Yves Saint-Laurent. I’m ashamed to admit that I feel a pang of jealousy when I see the way he looks at her. It’s obvious that he’s deeply in love. Has a man ever looked at me like that, I wonder? The sad truth is I can’t remember anyone who ever has. Not even Ben.

  “Everything’s fine,” Suzy says. “Would you two mind going out and helping Lauren carry everything inside? She’s parked out front in a white Acura. I’m going to go get someone from the kitchen staff to help too. I’ll meet you out there.”

  The three of them leave together and I stay and talk to Paul a bit more. It turns out he teaches economics at Trinity College in Dublin and is on a short sabbatical. As he tells me about some of the local tourist sites he’s visited so far, I notice he’s distracted by something at the side kitchen door. I look over to find that he’s staring at Lauren as she walks into the dining room alongside Suzy and Declan.

  I wave to her and when she comes over we give each other a big hug.

  “Happy Birthday!” she tells me. “I’m glad I finally made it through all the traffic. Talk about crazy! There were two stalled cars and then apparently one of the tow trucks broke down too, so they had to call in a second tow… truck….” She suddenly notices Paul standing beside me. For a long moment neither of them speaks. They stare at each other and I have this odd sensation that I’m witnessing something important. I’m about to introduce Paul to Lauren, when he puts his hand out to her.

  “I’m Paul.”

  “Lauren,” she says softly, taking his hand.

  I glance over at Suzy who grins at me with raised eyebrows. When I look at Declan he’s not smiling at all, but is studying me.

  I don’t have much time to think about it though because I notice my parents have arrived. I go over and give them a big hug, taking them around the room and introducing them to everyone. When I glance back at Declan he’s still watching me and when I smile at him this time he smiles back.

  The wine is flowing and everyone is in great spirits as one of the waiters comes over and tells us they’re ready to serve appetizers. They bring out large platters of baked brie, crusty bread, along with some spinach and mushroom quiches. There’s plenty of food and everybody digs in.

  At some point Nina, Suzy’s older sister comes over and wishes me a happy birthday. I haven’t seen her in a while and she’s as gorgeous as I remember. Straight blonde hair with porcelain skin and a mouth full of perfect white teeth. She’s one of those people who look glamorous even if she’s wearing sweat pants, no make-up, and has her hair pulled back in a ponytail. In fact, I’ve seen her like that and she looks amazing. If I woke her up in the middle of the night and shined a flashlight in her exhausted face she’d still look amazing.

  I feel Ben staring at her as she takes the chair next to me and I can hardly blame him. I don’t even feel jealous. I’m sure if I were a guy I’d be staring too. What’s funny is, according to Suzy, she doesn’t date much. Apparently she’s picky about men and is so busy with work that it doesn’t leave her much time for a social life. We talk a bit about Suzy’s pregnancy and upcoming nuptials. Nina’s phone chirps twice during our conversation. She shakes her head smiling at whatever text she’s reading.

  “So, I wanted to ask you something.” She leans in close, enveloping me in an expensive perfume that reminds me of jasmine tea. “Who is that guy you were speaking with earlier?”

  “Which one?”

  “Over there in the dark suit. He’s bald, very handsome.”

  “Declan?” I glance at him. He’s talking to my mom. She’s laughing at something he just said.

  Nina nods. “Yes, that’s him. How well do you know him?”

  “He’s one of my best friends.”

  “Is he?” She looks at me in surprise. “Could you introduce me?

  “Sure...,” I say, a strange prickle of worry developing in my stomach. “Why do you want to meet him?”

  “I recognize him. There was an article about him and his business partner in the Seattle Times recently. He’s from Ireland, right?”

  I relax a little, realizing she’s just interested in Declan because of work. “Yeah, he’s Irish. Sure, I can introduce you if you want me to.”

  “His company is doing really well for a start-up. They’ve been getting quite a bit of notice. What’s he like as a person?”

  “H
e’s a great guy. Declan is totally down to earth.”

  “Is he single?”

  “Yes,” I nod, swallowing a bite of quiche. “He’s single.”

  “He’s quite attractive.” She winks at me conspiratorially. “What kind of women does he usually go for?”

  “Oh...all kinds, I guess.” I stare at Nina’s perfect face and I have this sudden desire to stick my fork in her eye. Which is absurd. Why shouldn’t she be interested in Declan? To be honest Declan would probably like her too. He likes smart women. Unlike some men, I’ve noticed he’s not intimidated by a woman who has a good mind. And Nina is certainly bright. Though I have to admit the thought of them going out together is making me nauseous. But then I remember that Declan likes brunettes. I don’t think I’ve seen him date a blonde the whole time I’ve known him, so he probably wouldn’t be interested in her after all.

  I let my breath out in relief. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want Declan to meet someone nice and be happy, because of course I do. It’s just that Nina is not the right woman for him.

  ***

  The food is delicious and there’s enough variety on the menu to please everyone. Even Ben hasn’t found anything to complain about, since I made sure there were some super healthy offerings. During the meal I find myself glancing over at Declan regularly. He keeps looking at me too and we both smile whenever our eyes meet. I have to admit that Nina is right. He looks really handsome. I seldom see him in a suit and he wears it with surprising ease.

  After dinner and before dessert, Lauren announces that it’s time for the birthday girl to open her gifts. I’d told Suzy and Lauren to specify in the invitation that I didn’t want people to bring me any presents, that having them come to my party was enough, but they both rejected this idea completely. “People are going to bring you gifts no matter what you say, so you might as well be gracious about it.”