Maybe This Life

by Grider, J. P.

  While musing over his dilemma, he hadn't realized Lena had been talking. "I'm sorry, Lena, my mind was wandering. What did you just say?"

  "I said, I had this odd dream last night. I think...I was dreaming about my Nana, Angelina, when she was a teenager or something. But she was with this boy Richard. According to Mimi, her father's name was Timothy. She never heard her mother mention anyone named Richard."

  "Hmm." Rick's heart hammered beneath his chest again. Maybe she would remember. "Maybe she had a boyfriend or something before she got married. It happens." Rick hoped Lena didn't notice his unsteady breathing, brought on by her flicker of a memory, even though she hadn't quite figured it to be a recollection from her own past.

  Lena smirked. "I know it happens, but how would I know that?" Lena shrugged. "I don't know. I do always have crazy dreams. I'm probably just making it up in my head." Lena hesitated. "It's just..." But she ended her thought prematurely, leaving Rick to wonder hopelessly what she had wanted to say.

  He was eager though to find out. If his intuition was correct, at this moment, it may not be too early to tell her. "What, Lena? It's just, what?"

  "Hmm," mumbled a baffled Lena.

  "You said, it's just. It's just, what?"

  "Oh." she chuckled. "It's just that I knew Richard. I don't know how, but I knew him. I just can't figure out from where."

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Rick’s heart stopped. She remembered. Maybe not consciously, but some part of her…deep inside…felt the connection. It took every ounce of resolve to keep his secret to himself and not blurt it out. He wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear the truth. Maybe not. This was a fragile situation and Lena, a fragile soul.

  But he couldn’t let the subject totally drop. “Your dreams seem like they’re trying to tell you something.” Rick stumbled on what to say next. “I don’t know…maybe…dig deeper into them.”

  “Dig deeper?” Lena gasped, “Some of them are nightmares…I’d just rather they go away.”

  “Oh, Lena,” a regretful Rick started. “I’m so sorry. You were talking about last night’s dream. I hadn’t realized you were having nightmares.”

  “That’s okay. I may not have mentioned them to you.” Lena cast her eyes downward.

  Sighing, Rick moved closer to Lena and placed his hand on her leg. “What’s scaring you about your nightmares?”

  Lena kept her eyes down, but her foot tapped repeatedly on the ground, alluding to her anxiety.

  “It’s okay. If you don’t want to talk about it…” Rick stood, taking Lena’s hand. “Let’s walk.” He led them towards the edge of the lake, then circled it while they strolled hand in hand.

  “Have you heard from Vince?” A curious Rick needed to know.

  “No,” she whispered.

  “That’s a good thing, right?”

  “I guess.” A soft whimper escaped Lena’s lips.

  Concerned, yet afraid of her response, Rick asked anyway, “You miss him?"

  “I don't know.”

  “Okay, I’ll drop the subject.” Rick's disheartened heart dropped into his stomach.

  Silence filled the air for a minute before Lena looked up at Rick. “I feel sorry for him.”

  Rick thought she had more to say, but she averted her eyes downward as they continued to walk. He felt a heaviness in his chest when he thought of the heartbreak he seemed to hear in her words.

  The twosome had been so engrossed in their own thoughts that they hadn’t realized how far they’d walked. They had entered a clearing on the opposite side of the lake. In the clearing, another stone-covered bench surrounded by overgrown berry trees and shrubs circled around them.

  “Lena, we’ve reached the other side of the lake. I think we’re late getting back to work,” Rick noted.

  “Oh no, I hope Dan won’t be mad.” Lena worried.

  “I can talk with him if you’d…”

  But before Rick could complete his sentence, Lena jumped in, “No!...No, thank-you. I’ll just tell him I lost track of time. Please don’t let him know I was with you,” she pleaded.

  So Lena would be facing him, Rick took her other hand in his. “Lena, I won’t say anything. But…we’re not doing anything wrong. Why wouldn’t you want Dan to know we had lunch together?”

  Lena breathed, “I guess I just feel guilty.”

  “For what?” Rick wondered.

  “Well…I…well, I just broke up with Vince…and now…” she dropped her head. “Now I like you.” Rick watched her shoulders tighten. Maybe she felt uncomfortable admitting her attraction.

  With his hands still clutching Lena’s hands, Rick tugged her gently toward him. Now inches apart, he peered into her brown eyes. “I like you, too.” He watched a modest Lena blush and look down at the ground. With his fingertips, Rick tilted her chin back up. “Lena. It’s okay to like someone else. Vince wasn’t all that nice to you anyway.”

  Lena let out the breath that evidently she was holding.

  “No one has to know yet. When you’re ready...you can say something. But…I’d hate to not be able to spend time with you…unless.” Rick subconsciously softened his voice. “You aren’t ready to be in another relationship.”

  Lena hesitated. “I’m not sure.”

  Rick kissed her on the forehead. “Let’s be friends for now then.”

  Relief immediately displayed in Lena’s eyes and posture. “Yes. Being friends is okay.”

  “Well,” Rick continued. “Would it be all right to invite my friend to my house this weekend,…for lunch, let’s say?

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.” But he couldn’t help himself; he leaned in and hugged her. And to his surprise, she let him. Her head fell just below his chin and her cheek rested in the hollow of his chest. The frantic beating of his heart was now probably apparent to Lena as she pressed against him. He could not slow down its pace though; he had waited years and years for this moment. This point in time where he’d be holding, in his own two arms, the love of his life.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Forty-five White Lake Road was a haven within itself. Fruit trees and a long gravel road prepared the way to a renovated old auburn-hued barn. Outlining the barn, were the most diverse multi-colored flowers and plants Lena had ever seen. Violet, yellow, orange, and red bordered the plush verdant lawn that stretched for acres and acres across the property. To the rear of the barn sat a small white farm-house adorned with a wrap-around front porch. Lena noticed that even further across the property stood a horse stable. If she wasn't mistaken, there were two horses inside.

  Lena’s nerves were ferociously firing as she pulled into the driveway next to the house. Rick, dressed in faded blue jeans, sage t-shirt and saddle-colored work boots, was outside watering flowers that hung in window boxes along the porch’s railing.

  Who was this guy? Lena wondered.

  “Lena.” Rick beamed, as he jumped down the stairs and raced toward his guest, giving Lena no time to wonder about him any longer. Only halfway out of her car by the time he’d reached her, Rick's open arms and illuminating smile were a welcome more appropriate for a friend who’d been gone for months than a coworker he’d just seen the day before.

  But Lena relished in the warmth of Rick’s hearty hug. It was fierce, yet tender. Exciting, yet safe. Refreshing, yet achingly familiar. His embrace was a complete sentence in a one-word exclamation.

  “Lena. Come on. Let me show you my house.” He led her through the large oak door.

  “Oh…kaay.”

  “You can put your purse down inside.” The wooden screen door slammed shut, but Rick left the oak door open. “Want somethin’ to drink?” Rick asked, already opening the refrigerator.

  “Oh. No, thank you.”

  “All right.” He took a beer out, shut the door with his foot, grabbed the bottle opener off the fridge, and opened the beer, all in one smooth beautiful movement.

  “C’mon, I’ll take you through the house.” Lena trie
d to concentrate on Rick’s description of each room while she followed him, but all she could focus on was how cute he looked from behind. How the pockets of his Levi’s cupped his muscular back side. Stop it, Lena, she commanded. Rick was describing something to her, but she’d only caught every other word. “Hmm,” she mumbled, hoping he couldn’t tell. Not that she wasn’t interested in his house, but the warm fuzzies coursing through her body were entirely distracting. He was too darn sexy, and seeing him in his home environment was causing an uncharacteristic lustful reaction.

  The house wasn’t too large, so the tour took only a few minutes.

  “Wanna see outside?” Lena heard Rick say. Her skin felt flush, and she hoped he couldn’t see through to what she had been thinking.

  “Sure,” Lena tried to calm her fervor. “Can I have a glass of water first?

  Rick grinned. “Of course.” He reached in the refrigerator and took out a bottle of Poland Spring. “Here you go,” he said, simultaneously opening it and handing it to her.

  After drinking her water, she placed it on the table. “Thank you.”

  “No problem, let’s go outside.” He led her to the stables. “This is Ellie,” Rick noted, pointing to a cream-colored beautiful mare, “And this here is Cal.” A beautiful black horse lifted his nose as Rick petted it. “They’re my best friends,” he said proudly. “Have you ever ridden one?”

  “A horse?” Lena gasped her answer, causing Rick’s hearty chuckle. “No. Never.”

  “Well, maybe one day I’ll show you how to ride.”

  Lena only nodded, afraid if she’d said yes out loud, he might actually show her how to ride. She did not want to get on top of a horse that was taller than she was.

  “How ‘bout a motorcycle?”

  “How ‘bout a motorcycle what?”

  “Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle?”

  What was he crazy? They’re even more dangerous than a horse. “Um. No.” She wondered why he was laughing again.

  “Wanna go for a ride?”

  “What? On a motorcycle? I don’t think so.”

  "It's a lot of fun."

  Lena didn't have the heart to let him down. "All right." She sighed.

  "You don't have to, sweetie, I'm not forcing you. I just think...you'll like it, is all."

  A timid Lena nodded her head and spoke under her breath, "I'll try."

  "What was that? I didn't hear," he joked.

  "I'll try it," she said louder.

  "Great."

  Holding Rick so close on the back of motorcycle felt dangerously familiar. Almost as if she knew she belonged with him. But it was too soon. Much too early in their relationship to feel this safe. And though Lena should have been elated, she became suddenly disquieted. She closed her eyes, let the sixty-miles-per-hour wind whip at her, and kept the side of her head pressed against Rick's back. Content where she was, but confused with her feelings, how could she be falling so hard...so fast?

  He took her for a ride through Sparta and ended up in Warwick, New York, where finally he drove her up Barret Road. Stopping at its very highest point, the view was breathtaking. Rick pulled the bike onto the verdant open field that sat atop the unobstructed view of the serene Warwick Valley. It caught Lena's breath to see such beauty.

  "You like it?" asked a satisfied Rick.

  "It's magnificent."

  Rick took Lena's helmet from her hands and hung it on his bike. "I come up here to unwind. The owner is a friend of mine...well, a friend of my dad's."

  "The owner?..Of what?" Wondered Lena, out loud.

  "The property. He owns it all. Bob owns this entire farm...even the run-down shacks on the side of the road. There's cattle too." Rick laughed.

  "Wow. It's amazing here. Even the air is more fresh."

  "Yeah," Rick boasted. "I'd love to build up here, but...the property's not for sale."

  "You're property is just as nice."

  "Thank you, but I do wish I had this view," Rick mused with a sigh.

  Lena wished she could just kiss him. She knew he wanted to the other day in the park, and now she wished he'd make a move today. Up here on the mountain, her heart raced, wanting so badly to be in his arms. But her heart spoke a foreign language that her head didn't know how to translate yet. She knew it'd be wrong, her broken engagement, barely cool. Though she had been the one who had ended it with Vince, it was Lena who'd been hurt. Physically and mentally. Her self-esteem had been attacked, and she needed to fight her way back to a healthy well-being. Falling right into the arms of another guy would not help her to heal.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  As much as Rick felt he knew Lena, his anxiety betrayed him…his usual self-composure lost, whenever he'd come close to her. She was intoxicating. Her mere presence had him fumbling like a nervous freshman starting quarterback. But he tried sobering himself with a couple of deep breaths. He must have been good at masking his feelings, because it didn't seem that Lena noticed. Considering the amount of times she'd fiddled with her locket, Rick could be sure she was just as nervous.

  "Come 'ere," Rick said, simultaneously tugging Lena's hand to lead them to an old log laying on its side. He turned to face her as they sat. Lena's eyes turned into little crescents when she smiled, and Rick couldn't help himself…he leaned in and pressed his lips on her forehead, leaving them there for a brief tender moment.

  "You are so beautiful," his thoughts slipped out, causing a soft pink glow on Lena's already childlike grin.

  She bowed her head in chagrin and whispered, "Thank you."

  "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," Rick apologized half-heartedly, because he had meant what he said. Lena may not like compliments, but Rick knew she needed to hear them.

  "That's okay," a still blushing Lena replied.

  "Listen to that."

  "To what?" Lena asked.

  "Exactly. It's so quiet up here, you can almost sense what life was like a hundred years ago. No car engines polluting the silence. No electrical wires humming. It's as if time stood still up on this mountain."

  Lena snickered as she turned her attention to Rick's Harley.

  "Okay. Well, you have to get up and down this road some way...and you didn't want to take my horses." Just then, an SUV drove down Barret Road, negating Rick's claim that time stood still.

  Another snicker escaped Lena.

  "Yeah, yeah. I get it...but...sometimes...it just feels like time...at least trickled by, up here. The road is barely paved and if you just take a look around, you can appreciate what God intended when He created..." But Rick trailed off, afraid of alienating Lena with his corny recollections of another time.

  "I get it," she uttered softly. "I'm sorry I laughed. It just seemed funny...that car zipping by while you were rambling on about...well...the non-existence of technology." She chuckled again.

  Rick nudged her with his elbow.

  "But, really," she continued. "It does feel..." Lena's eyes tipped up to the left, probably in search of a word. "Untouched...by time."

  A sense of contentment overcame Rick. Untouched by time was exactly the way he had felt about his love for the woman sitting next to him. As if the past ninety-five years had not gone by, Rick still loved this girl... now called Lena.

  "Is that why you like it up here?" Her sweet voice echoing through space sent him back in time...to that fateful day in 1917.

  "Angie, sweetheart, I have to go," Richard hated saying goodbye to her. The starless night mirrored his mood. Departing for the war in the morning meant leaving behind his beloved Angelina.

  "Let us run away, Richard. You cannot leave me here." She looked down at her lap, while fumbling with her locket. "Please...not with her."

  He knew she was referring to the monster she called Mother. "Oh, Angie, if it were in my power to stay, you know I would. We just cannot run though. What kind of life would that be for us? And what kind of man would I be?'

  Angie put her head on Richard's shoulder and sighed. "That's one of the r
easons I love you so much, you know? You always do the right thing....as much as I dislike it."

  He took one last drag from his cigarette, tossed it, wrapped his arm around Angie, and pulled her close, now embracing her with both arms. Kissing her on top of her head, he tried to suppress his own tears. "I will be back before you know it, Angelina. I promise." Though he tried his best to reassure Angie, his heart sunk, knowing he should have never made a promise he could not guarantee he could keep.

  Angie lifted her head and took off her locket. "I want you to have this," she said, as she began pulling at the heart.

  "But that is yours. Why..." Then he saw what she had intended. Angie had broken the heart locket in two.

  "I put this in it last night." Richard noticed the small photograph of Angelina pressed inside the heart. "Now we will both have each other's heart," she commented, while slipping the broken heart onto a chain she pulled out of her skirt pocket. "I took this from mother's box. She will never notice."

  Richard allowed her to slip the locket around his neck.

  Angelina looked up at him with moist eyes. "Please return, Richard. Promise?"

  Her words cut into his heart, piercing its center with the truth. Though he did not yet know his fate, the heaviness that weighed on his chest was not a good indication. "Promise," he whispered, choking back his tears, saying a silent prayer that he would, indeed, return and keep his promise to his Angie.

  "Rick." Somewhere in the distance he heard his name.

  "Rick." His thigh felt warm. "Rick, are you okay?" Lena asked, her hand gently squeezing his thigh.

  "Oh...my goodness, Lena. I'm so sorry. I...I spaced out there for a minute." What an ass. Couldn't he have flashed back in time when he was alone, rather than while he was on a date with Lena. "I am so sorry."

  "Oh, it's fine. I just...you looked like you were in another world...at first, I thought you were just enjoying the view, but...but then you looked kind of...sad."