Maybe This Life

by Grider, J. P.

  Rick’s only regret was that Lena had no memory of that past. He'd do what he could to jog that memory, but if he couldn’t, then he’d just have to work hard at getting her to fall in love with him…all over again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  That night, Lena felt wonderful. No longer burdened with Vince’s anger and elated with Rick’s affection, as soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell asleep. Never one fortunate enough to fall into a dreamless slumber, sometime during the night, Lena’s imagination turned on full-throttle.

  “Mom,” twenty-five year-old Emmie began. “Why have you been so down lately? Can I help?”

  “Oh Emmie, you do help, always. I’ve just been thinking about our life. Since your brothers and sisters have moved out of the house, I was wondering if we should take a trip somewhere.”

  “How can we though? I am in a wheelchair, you do not drive…and we have no money.”

  “Emmie, it is all right. I have enough saved up for a bus trip. I have always wanted to see the ocean. Are you up for it?”

  “I am, Mom. That sounds wonderful.”

  They took the bus down Route Nine until it reached Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Angelina pushed Emmie up the ramp onto the most exciting site she had ever seen. The long vertical strips of wood were nailed together to form the longest walkway Angelina had ever seen. And it formed the perfect platform for the beauty of God’s artwork. Angelina and Emmie stood along the two metal parallel bars that came between them and the blue-black body of water that rumbled before them.

  Angelina had longed to see the ocean water since she was thirteen years old. It was a bittersweet emotion. She was so happy to be experiencing the view with her youngest, most special child, Emmie, but her thoughts were of Richard and how different her life might have turned out had he not gone off to war. Automatically, Angelina’s hand went to her necklace. The gift from Richard that was now only half a locket. Angelina’s thoughts went back to the day she handed Richard the other half of her locket. The day he left for the war.

  And never returned.

  Had Richard survived, she would have run off with him after witnessing a murder on the way home from school, instead of into the arms of Timothy. A man, twice her age, who had promised to protect her. A man, who at thirty years old, thought it appropriate to rape a fifteen year-old…and get her pregnant. Then beat her, relentlessly.

  Had Richard survived, they would have followed their plans to marry, and her life would have been filled with joy…not sorrow. But he had not survived. And she married that vile man, who, after impregnating her seven times, had an affair and bore a love child during their marriage.

  Richard had not survived...and Angelina had...much to her chagrin.

  Lena awoke overwhelmed with sadness once again. Her dream, which began on a sweet note, turned heavy with woe. The true-to-life emotions in her night’s vision had hit her hard. Who was Angelina? Could it be her great-great-grandmother? A chill ran up Lena’s spine. She had an eerie feeling about it, but couldn’t put her finger on it.

  Mimi had spoken of her mother’s life, but never in detail. Hopefully, Lena’s imagination was just fabricating a story based on Mimi’s tales.

  But the locket. It was the one Lena wore every day. The locket she had been drawn to inexplicably since she found it in Mimi’s jewelry box as a child. Mimi never knew the story behind it. She only knew her mother wore it every day…without explanation…until the day she’d died.

  And who was Richard? She had dreamed of a Richard before. The photo in the locket too faded to recognize, could it be the same man? Could Nana have had a lover who went off to war and never returned?

  Still, why would Lena be dreaming about Nana’s life? And what did it have to do with Lena?

  **************

  Rick woke up on cloud nine. He had the best day of his life yesterday and couldn’t wait for more. Being so physically close to Lena, aroused an intensity in Rick’s emotions he hadn’t felt in a long-time. Maybe not ever in his thirty-seven years. With her, he was home. His love for Lena Giordano ran deep, and he hoped one day she'd feel it too.

  He readied himself for his weekly visit to see Andrew. Rick made it a point to see him every week without fail, because at ninety-nine years old, Andrew’s days were numbered. Andrew was important to Rick. So important that he hated to think just how little time he had left. Rick owed Andrew so much. When he had felt alienated and scared, Andrew had comforted him. When Rick fell apart, Andrew picked up the pieces and made Rick almost whole again. That was nearly twenty years ago.

  Lakeview Care Center was always busiest on Sunday afternoons. Rick routinely contemplated visiting Andrew some other day of the week, but Sundays just always seemed most appropriate. There were fewer activities scheduled for the residents, since most were busy with their visiting relatives, and Rick was usually tied up with work during the week.

  Andrew’s eyes were closed when Rick walked in. All too aware of Andrew’s fragility, Rick approached him slowly and quietly, grazing his forearm tenderly to let him know he was there. Though his eyelashes fluttered meagerly, Rick knew Andrew was cognizant of his presence.

  “Hey, Andy.”

  Andrew’s eyes darted beneath their lids.

  “Hey buddy, I went on a date with Angie. Remember I told you about her? She’s Lena now.” Rick paused, waiting for any movement at all from Andrew. “She doesn’t remember me, but…that’s ok…as long as I can get her to fall in love with me again.” A tear fell from Rick’s eye. It landed on Andrew’s hand. “Sorry about that, buddy.” Rick wiped it off. “Andrew, I owe you…you helped me, guy. Because of you, I don’t think I’m crazy anymore. Well…maybe a little...but not like pschitzo or anything.”

  Rick closed his eyes and rested his forehead on Andrew’s arm. He welcomed the memory of August 16, 1992:

  Seventeen-year-old Rick was sick to his stomach, the acids churning, making him want to puke. The images in his head were overwhelming. No longer could Rick decipher reality from make-believe. The doctors wanted to put him in the psych ward at Chilton Memorial, and his mother agreed. That was two weeks earlier. Since then, Rick had been hiding out at one friend or another’s, pleading for their confidentiality.

  He approached the building on Grand Street in Paterson. It was still a storefront but no longer a market. A television repair shop now stood in its place…the upstairs apartment now painted blue, instead of white. The windows and doors had also been replaced. But it was definitely John’s Mercantile – his father’s store – the store he left at age seventeen years-old, the exact age he was now, yet seventy-five years ago.

  Rick felt uneasy. Probably no one inside had ever even heard of him, yet the call to be here was undeniable. A bell rang when Rick opened the glass door.

  “Can I help you, young man?” A heavy-set man in denim asked.

  “Um, sure.” Rick trembled. “I…uh…was wondering if you’ve ever heard of a man named Andrew Grossi? He used to live here a long time ago.”

  “Sure. Andy. He’s still here. Lives upstairs. Friendly old man.”

  Rick’s stomach swirled anxiously about. Had his visions been correct? Andrew Grossi really existed? “He…he...still lives here?”

  “Still owns the place. He’s my landlord.”

  “Really?” Rick felt his heart swell as a lump formed in his throat. He wanted to cry.

  “How do you know him?”

  How did he know him? “Actually, I…uh...don’t. My…grandmother told me stories about him. She’s not here anymore, but…I always think about him.”

  “Ah. Let me give him a call. Maybe he’ll come down.” The man picked up a phone behind the counter. “What was your grandmother’s name, son?”

  “Oh…I don’t want you to call him down. He must be so old…”

  “Nonsense. He may be seventy-nine, but he’s sprite as a sixty year-old I tell you.” He motioned that the phone was ringing. “Her name?” he whispered, while covering the mouthpiece o
f the receiver.

  “Angelina…Angelina Maria Mancini.” Rick hoped Andrew would have known her. He would have been only four years-old when Richard died, but he was sure Andrew had grown up to know Angie.

  The television man hung up the phone. “Andy said he thinks he knows who you are talking about. He’ll be right down.”

  Rick nodded and fumbled with the change in his pocket.

  “So, you from around here?” the man asked.

  “No. Pompton Lakes.”

  “Aah, nice area.”

  “Mmm hmm," Rick responded, too nervous to hold a conversation with the rotund man behind the counter. Meeting Andrew Grossi would confirm whether Rick’s memories were real or fabricated. Whether Rick was stable-minded…or on the brink of mental illness.

  The moment of truth had arrived. In from the back door walked a small old man dressed in dark shorts and a white golf shirt.

  “Andy,” the T.V. man announced. “How are ya, guy?”

  “I’m good, guy, you?

  “Can’t complain.”

  The lean silver-haired older man turned his attention toward Rick. “So, Son, how do you know Angelina Mancini? You’re kinda young there, aren’t you? I heard she passed years ago. Was she your great-grandmother or something?”

  “Uh, no, Sir.” Rick took a nervous swallow, “She was…” Rick didn’t even know how to begin. “It’s a long story. Is there somewhere we can talk?”

  The nurse interrupted Rick’s trip back in time. “Sorry, Mr. Murphy, I need to check his vitals. I’ll only be a minute. You can stay.”

  “No, I think I should be going.” Rick stood from his seat. “Has he been sleeping a lot?” he asked the nurse.

  Her facial expression solemn, she answered, “Yes…it will not be long, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

  Rick left the nursing home deflated. For the past twenty years, Andrew had been a mainstay in Rick’s life. Now it was coming to an end. He hated to bear it. Andrew would be missed. But it was probably time he moved on.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lena parked her electric-green Ford Focus under the maple tree that sat in the right corner of Mimi's front yard. Mimi's red-brick Dutch Colonial was always a haven for Lena – a place to enjoy all the sugary treats Lena's own mom would never allow growing up. Mimi would let Lena indulge in a jar full of marshmallow Fluff or even a Fluffer-Nutter sandwich for lunch. Though Mimi now lived with her younger sister Rose, twenty-five year old Lena still felt like an adolescent schoolgirl sneaking treats behind her mother's back when she visited Mimi's home.

  True to a usual visit with Mimi, there were yummy cakes in the glass-covered pedestal cake plate and cookies in the old Mickey Mouse cookie jar. Mimi put on a kettle of water and placed two honey-vanilla tea bags in two pink rose covered tea cups. After some small talk and treat gathering, Mimi and Lena brought their refreshments into the Florida room in the back of the house.

  "So, dear, what can I help you with?" Mimi's gentle voice was a hug out loud. Lena could feel the warmth and compassion in every word Mimi spoke.

  "Oh Mimi, I've been so...confused, I guess you could say." Lena slid sideways on the couch so that she was now sitting on her left foot and holding her tea on her lap. "You know that I have such a crazy imagination."

  Mimi nodded, along with letting out a slight snicker in agreement.

  Lena chuckled along with her. "Well, anyway...my dreams have been kind of crazy lately also. I keep having these dreams about the same girl. Angelina, like Nana's name."

  Mimi smiled at the sound of her mother's name. "And like your name, dear...don't forget."

  Lena blushed. "I know, Mimi. It's just...this girl wasn't me. I...actually think it was Nana."

  Mimi nodded.

  "The girl looked like pictures you have of her."

  A smiling Mimi asked, "Has Nana been on your mind lately?"

  Lena sat quietly, elbow against the back cushion, her head resting on her hand. She thought about her conversation with Rick – the black and white cookie conversation. "I guess so."

  "Well then, it's quite natural then," Mimi reassured, "to dream about someone you're thinking of."

  "I guess so," Lena repeated. "But...there was this other...person. In my dream. A boy. A guy named Richard."

  Mimi jutted her chin and shook her head.

  "Nana didn't know a Richard?" Lena asked.

  "Not that I know of dear."

  Lena grabbed hold of her locket just then, brought it to her lips, and kissed it. She had no idea why an old thin piece of gold meant so much to her, but suddenly, she needed answers. "Mimi?"

  "Yes, dear?"

  "Tell me about this locket?" Lena asked quietly.

  Mimi laughed. "Oh, dear, I wish I could. The only thing I know about it is that your Nana, my mother, wore it every single day of her life. Broken and all."

  "She never told you where she got it?"

  Mimi shook her head. "No."

  "Do you know why she wore it?"

  "No...why? What is this? Why do you need to know about the locket all of a sudden?"

  "Why did you keep it? I mean...it was in your jewelry box when I found it."

  "Yes, dear," Mimi blurted. "It obviously was important to my mother. She'd had it on the day she'd died. I thought better of leaving it on her when they were to close her casket. I mean...it's not like her soul stays in there with her, right?"

  "No." Lena shook her head. "No, I guess not."

  "Anyway," Mimi continued. "It was a tiny thing and...it couldn't hurt any to keep it. Besides, you've really taken a liking to it."

  Yeah. But why, Lena thought, why does this broken locket mean so much to her?

  Monday morning, all Lena could think about was Nana, Richard...and Rick. Why Rick? What did he have to do with all of this? It didn't make sense. Maybe Lena's imagination fabricated the stories in her head. It would not be so far-fetched for Lena to do so. She was spending more and more time with Rick. They'd spoken about her Nana. She'd mentioned her locket to him, she was sure. Lena probably just melded everything together. Making up stories in that imaginative mind of hers. She chuckled to herself and put her mind on her PR work.

  Anxious to see Rick once lunchtime rolled around, she practically raced to Sunnybank Park…knowing full well he'd be there waiting for her.

  Chapter Twenty

  Rick's heart thundered beneath his chest when Lena's Ford Focus made its way down the gravel slope. Sheer excitement took over just thinking about her. Since Saturday's drive to Sugar Loaf, aside from his concern for Andrew, Rick's mind was adrift with thoughts of Lena. Thoughts of holding her, kissing her, loving her.

  When she pulled next to the Jeep, Rick opened her car door, and by hand, drew her out of the car and led her to the stone seat that overlooked Sunnybank Park and its cozy lake.

  Still embracing her hand while they settled on the bench, Rick apprised Lena of the wonderful time he'd had on Saturday.

  "I had a nice time as well. Thank you so much for taking me there," she said, showing a most radiant smile.

  "Anytime," Rick thought, as he said it aloud, feeling his heart rate picking up speed again.

  "Did you go see your uncle yesterday?" Lena's knee jostled, while her genteel face betrayed her obvious anxiety.

  Rick thought to himself that she too must be smitten, as he was. This put a smile on his face. He felt it spread from ear to ear.

  "Does that smile mean you went to see him?" Lena interrupted his silent rejoicing.

  "Oh." Rick shook his head. "No, it does not. My smile was merely a response to your beautiful face." Oh, geez, he sounded like a fruitcake. He noticed Lena blush. "Actually, I did go to see him." His smile disappeared. "My uncle...is not doing too well. They told me to prepare myself for the inevitable."

  "Oh, Rick, I'm so sorry." Lena expressed her apologies by lovingly tweaking Rick's hand.

  "Don't be. He lived a long full life...and until recently, he had all his faculties. Mental and physical.
It just makes me sad. We'd gotten so close over the years..."

  After an uncomfortable moment of silence, Rick sighed, "So... enough of Andrew. What did you do yesterday?" Rick nudged Lena's shoulder with his own, sending an electric chill through his extremities.

  Lena nudged him back. "I visited my great-grandmother. She made me lunch."

  "Sounds sweet."

  Lena bit her lower lip, unaware that her endearing habit was making it hard for Rick to focus. That and the fact that her fingers were caressing his palm, his stomach burned with desire. "She told me about my Nana's locket."

  The locket. That prompted Rick's attention. "The locket you wear around your neck?"

  Lena's head shot up. "How did you know it was this locket?" Her hands subconsciously cupped the locket around her neck.

  Rick was sure Lena mentioned it the day they picnicked. "You'd mentioned it once."

  Lena exhaled a sigh of relief. "Oh. Well...anyway. I just wanted to know more about where it came from."

  Rick's interest was really piqued now. "So...where did it come from?"

  "Mimi wasn't sure. She only knew that her mother wore it every day of her life...even in the end." Lena sighed. "She also said Nana always held it in her hand close to her heart." Lena smiled, aware that she still had her locket clutched in her palm. "Like I always do."

  Rick chuckled. "I like when you do that."

  Lena blushed.

  Rick contemplated telling Lena the secret that only he...and Andrew... knew. But it was too soon. He didn't think she could hear the truth right now.

  As far as Lena was concerned, she'd only met Rick when she began working with him. She had no idea the part Rick had already been playing in her life...long before she started working at the cable company.

  Rick decided it'd be best to wait a bit longer. Instead, he would ask her out on another date.