Maybe This Life

by Grider, J. P.

  Moisture welled up in Lena's big brown eyes, but she blinked them away. "If you'd never give up, why were you with that girl last night?"

  He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Because I was lonely."

  "You should have tried harder."

  "What?"

  "You heard me."

  "Tried harder?" Now he'd become incensed. "You kept pushing me away." At first, his voice raised, but quickly he softened it, so not to alarm Sam. "How much harder did you want me to try?"

  "You said you'd keep returning, right?"

  "And here I am. What more do you want?"

  "You wouldn't be here if I hadn't caught you last night."

  Close to losing it, he fisted his hands. "Ooh, you are incorrigible...for God's sake, Lena, I was on my knees a few moments ago. I don't know what it is you want me to do here."

  She gave him one of her stone-cold expressions, before her lips parted. "I want you to leave."

  "Uggh. Fine." He stood up and delicately handed over Sam. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small gold box, which he had wrapped in a red satin ribbon. Placing it on the wicker table next to Lena, he said, "This is for Sam. A keepsake." Then he turned and went toward his car.

  Rick knew he'd regret leaving and he knew it contradicted what he'd just declared to Lena, but God help him, he could not lose it in front of the baby. He wanted that little boy to love him like a father, and he'd be damned if he were going to yell in front of him. Maybe tomorrow she'd be calmer...and hopefully, more level-headed.

  *****************

  Shoot. She should have stopped herself before getting so carried away. Watching him hold her little boy, tugged at her heart so hard, she wanted to grab Rick and never let him go. Why she reacted the way she did, she couldn't say. Well, she could, but it wouldn't be a valid excuse. Jealousy. Plain and simple. It reared its ugly head and made her gruesome. Seeing Rick kissing that girl, tore at her insides, tearing piece by piece, the very thing that held her heart together. Rick's love. Not that she'd known that before, but when Lena stood gaping at another woman in a passionate embrace with Rick, she had crumbled. His love is what had kept her going all this time; a sub-conscious effort she hadn't been aware of. A love that journeyed a century, carrying her through an abusive life, is what kept her afloat. Somehow, deeply rooted inside the very depths of her soul, Lena knew Rick existed. Loving her. Waiting for her.

  Then... that kiss. When she'd witnessed it, she thought she'd lost him forever. Even though he'd all but thrown himself at her feet, Lena couldn't wipe the image of him kissing another woman from her mind. It drove her crazy.

  In the not-so-long-ago past, Lena could suppress her emotions, allowing no one to know her true feelings. Now she found it impossible to hide them. Walking away from Vince seemed to change something in her, and she's not convinced it was for the better. Poor Rick, receiving the brunt of her wrath. She could not wrap her head around why she'd built this wall around herself. It was natural, she knew, to be wary of entering a new relationship after leaving an abusive one, but she did not want to be apprehensive with Rick. He'd never hurt her. She knew it with every fiber of her being.

  Since Sammy's birth, her visions had stopped. If she were to be honest, after recalling her entire past life, the nightmares had slowly faded, until there was nothing left to remember. Lena surmised that her subconscious had been trying to divulge her story slowly, in order to heal. Once her past had entered her conscious mind, healing had been inevitable. No longer that poor little Angelina Mancini, beaten by her mother, Angelina Giordano had kind and respectful parents who encouraged her individuality. And no longer the Angelina who'd endured a loveless and abusive marriage, new millennia Angelina was able to walk away from her abuser and embrace what real love could be. These were different times and Lena, a different person. Her soul may have been shared with her predecessor, but she had evolved. Lena Giordano had grown from her past experiences.

  So why wouldn't she allow Rick access to her heart? Why couldn't she just hand over the key, so he could unlock the love she'd held prisoner inside of it. She kissed the little baby in her arms, "Sammy, what am I going to do?"

  With Sammy dozing in her arms, Lena picked up the ribbon-adorned box that Rick left for Sam. Curious, Lena slowly unraveled the bow and set the ribbon aside. She lifted the gold lid off the box, revealing a square of pressed white cotton. Placing the lid next to the red ribbon on the table, Lena turned up the corner of the cotton to uncover Rick's gift to Sam. Shaking as she lifted the keepsake out of the box, Lena could not believe her eyes. Every question she had. Every doubt in her mind. Melted away.

  She held up the keepsake, examining the fragile gold. Her heart clenched as she held in her hand, material proof that Richard and Angelina did indeed exist.

  The locket.

  The faded image of the girl in her dreams stared back at her in yellowed black and white.

  Lena's stomach fluttered. Her throat, constricted. With a trembling hand, she cupped the broken locket and carried Sam into the house. After placing him in his bassinet, Lena dropped to the couch and unclasped the chain that hung around her neck. Though the frail locket was old, the hinge still clicked in place next to its other half.

  A perfect match.

  The perfect symbol... of a love a century old.

  Richard and Angelina, together again. This time, maybe they had a chance to see their love through. Lena wouldn't waste another moment contemplating this. Tonight, she would make things right.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Lena slipped into The Tavern trying to remain unseen, not sure yet if she wanted Rick to see her. Her body trembled with anticipation, excited to see Rick but afraid he'd reject her. After all, how many times will a man be asked to leave, before he's just not interested anymore? But fear would not hinder Lena any longer. She had a purpose for being here tonight. Lena needed to make things right and finally declare her love to Rick.

  The three-foot stool up on stage held the most wonderful man she had ever known. Half-sitting on the stool, with one foot on the floor and one foot on the rung, Rick strummed the guitar laying across his lap. In the middle of a familiar song, Rick's deep velvet voice reached beyond her ears and to her soul. Closing her eyes, Lena let the sound enter her veins and spread like warm honey throughout her body. Never did she want someone so much. The easy grin on his face in between verses was sexy and inviting, and she didn't know how she could have even turned him away in the first place. As his fingers titillated the strings and coaxed the chords into fluid music, Lena felt the walls of her heart melt with every note.

  His song ended and Rick, ready to begin his next riff, caught Lena standing at the back of the bar. A smile ear to ear spread across his face, leaving Lena with a mix of gratitude and a ripple of ripe anticipation. Immediately, Rick stopped playing and gazed at the woman who stood behind the crowd. All eyes turned to see what could cause Rick Murphy to halt his performance. Tempted to leave, Lena stood strong, holding her gaze upon his. She swallowed the lump that sat in her throat and managed a tight smile.

  Not taking his eyes off Lena, Rick reached for his microphone. "Ladies and Gentleman, I'd like to play you a song I wrote." Rick hesitated, clearly anxious himself. "I've never sang this in public before." He seemed to swallow a lump that caught in his own throat, while his gaze never left Lena. "I wrote this for the only woman I've ever loved. I hope you like it."

  After blending a few melodic chords on his guitar, Rick began to sing.

  I've traveled far, I've traveled long

  To find just where I might belong

  I've searched the sky

  I've searched the ground,

  Feeling lost, never to be found

  Then right where I saw you, standing alone

  I saw my life, I saw my home.

  In your brown eyes, I saw my heart

  In my heart, I held your soul

  Sometimes you find what you're looking for,

  If you'
re lucky enough,

  She'll be at your front door.

  Sometimes she may be harder to find,

  But in the end,

  It was worth my time.

  I'm asking now and I'm asking forever

  To trust my heart,

  'Cause we belong together.

  So take that leap, babe, be with me,

  Trust in my love,

  See how great we can be.

  Sometimes you find what you're looking for,

  If you're lucky enough,

  She'll be at your front door.

  Sometimes she may be harder to find,

  But in the end,

  It was worth my time.

  I'm asking now and I'm asking forever

  To trust my heart,

  'Cause we belong....together.

  Her heart pounded, her breath wavered. Rick wrote that song for her; Lena knew it. How on Earth, could she have doubted his love?

  Rick finished the song but left his fingers to parade the guitar. Slowly, his rhythmic short turned into a conflux of notes that sounded like a familiar song. A song about being in love forever and always, but what was he doing? She grabbed hold of her no longer broken locket and brought it to her lips. Rick continued to sing the lyrics when he stood from his stool. Walking through the crowd, inching closer to the back of the room, Rick's voice grew larger. He began the next verse of the song, flowing forth words about making vows and wearing white as he reached Lena. While lifting a hand off his guitar, he sang a cappella. Rick held out his hand for Lena to take. As he recited more of the lyrics, he led her to a nearby table. Sitting her down, still reciting the song, Rick's foot deliberately kicked out a chair, so he could sit. "Marry me," he sang. "Please.” He stopped singing, set the guitar and microphone down, and took Lena's hands. Dropping down to one knee, he looked up into her eyes. "Lena, let's cut all the crap. Marry me. Right now, say yes."

  Blocked by another knot in her throat, Lena couldn't speak.

  "Please, Lena. I know you love me. I love you, I love Sam. We can be a family. Please, say yes." His eyes watered while they pleaded for her assent. He took hold of the locket in her hand and kissed it himself. "Proof, Lena. You wanted proof."

  The crowd stood silent, awaiting, along with Rick, Lena's response.

  Taking a deep breath, she found the courage to open her mouth, though she wasn't sure her voice could be heard. "Rick," she whispered. "Yes…I'll marry you."

  Rick beamed.

  The crowd cheered.

  Lena leaned in closer, so only Rick could hear her, "But can we go on a few more dates first? Like where I'm not throwing up or anything?" She giggled.

  Laughing, Rick picked her up and spun her around. "Whatever you want, babe. Whatever you want."

  Then, putting her back down on the floor, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed Lena with all the passion that a man who had waited a century to do so, could possibly do.

  Epilogue

  Five Years Later

  “Emmie! There’s a pigeon! Right there.” Lena enthusiastically pointed out the bird to her three-year old. Watching her daughter run through the sand chasing the pigeons couldn’t be more satisfying. She’d named her Emmie, after Nana’s MS-stricken youngest daughter, Lena’s great-great aunt, who essentially was her own daughter during her life as Angelina Mancini.

  On April 30, 2014, exactly nine months after Lena and Rick got married, Emmie Kate Murphy was born. The first time Lena held her newborn baby girl in her arms, she knew exactly what her name would be, and it was that much more gratifying to see her daughter running around effortlessly. Lena knew, deep in her soul, that Emmie, just like herself, now had a turn at a second chance at life.

  Lena was burying her feet in the sand, while Emmie made the beach at Seaside Heights her own little playground. In front of her, Rick and Sam were playing Frisbee on the cool spring beach. Life couldn’t be better for Angelina Maria Giordano Murphy. She had a wonderfully loving husband, two beautiful, healthy children, a summer home in Seaside Heights, New Jersey, and she was now helping students make music videos at Tagg Holland's music camp. Her cousin Mara had introduced her to her famous rock star boyfriend Tagg Holland, and he invited Lena to join his team at Camp Holland. She had finally found fulfillment in her life and peace in her heart. And Rick loved to point out that he had been right – the two of them were meant to be together. Not that her heart ever doubted it. It just took her mind a while to play catch-up. Her relationship with Vince had really thrown her for a loop, but he was safe in a mental institution for now. And Lena felt strong enough to face him if she ever had to. She'd cross that bridge when she got to it.

  Presently, Lena could not be happier. She'd come to terms with her connection to her Nana and realized that their lives had paralleled one another's, but Lena was given the chance to make a change and take a different path than her great-great-grandmother. And though Rick's introduction into her life was the catalyst to her new journey, it was Lena, essentially, who had paved her new road and developed into a strong, self-assured woman.

  "Hey, honey, why don't you come play with us?" Rick called from the ocean's edge.

  "Okay," she answered. "Emmie, baby, let's go play with Daddy and Sammy."

  "Nammie. Yay," little Emmie yelled, as she ran to her big brother.

  As Lena enjoyed the playfulness of her enchanted family frolicking in the seaside's spring air, she couldn’t help but be comforted by her own thoughts and her own certainty about life. Like her favorite carousel, eternally revolving to the music of the human spirit, life would never truly end. We would always exist. Whether souls were indeed recycled, or our loved ones carried on inside the souls of each one of us... life was eternal. If we were one of the unfortunate souls who'd experienced unbearable pain here on Earth, maybe there was the chance that God would send us down again, in the hope that we could learn from that pain– and learning, like the life of a soul, was never-ending.

  The End

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you so much to my beautiful step-daughter Melissa Rappaport for your wonderful editing. Your keen perception and fabulous insight helped to tell a better story.

  A big thank you to my baby brother Carmen Pellegrino for your help in catching all the mistakes I missed. I appreciate you taking the time to read my manuscript.

  Thank you also to author Stefan Ellery for your wonderful help in editing and proofreading my manuscript. I can't thank you enough.

  Thank you to my writing buddies, authors Kathleen Ball, Amber Dane, Jessica Musso and Stefan Ellery. I'm so glad we are going through this writing business together. You help me stay sane and on track. Your friendship is invaluable.

  My love, gratitude and appreciation to my biggest fan, my mother Leanne. Thank you so much for your love, your nurturing and being the first to ever read my stories. You are the best cheerleader ever! I love you.

  To my dad Jules, thank you for being my biggest inspiration. Thank you for teaching me, through your own example, to follow through on my goals and dreams...and to never give up. I love you.

  And the biggest thank you of all goes to my husband, Johnny and my children, Matt, Sarah, Mary-Elizabeth and Christina. Thank you for your love, your support, and your beautiful smiles. I appreciate you all putting up with the many hours I spend writing and editing. I couldn't follow my dreams without your undying support. I love you!

  About the Author

  J.P. Grider (1966 - ) born in Paterson, New Jersey as Julianne Pellegrino was raised in Haledon, New Jersey, the oldest of six siblings. Her love of writing started early in her childhood when she started writing poetry in-between homework assignments. As part of a school work-program as a Journalism major in High School, Grider worked as a freelance reporter for a local newspaper, writing feature stories about exceptional high-school classmates. She studied Television Production and Film Writing at Seton Hall University in South Orange, New Jersey where she graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Comm
unications.

  Two of J.P. Grider's novels have won awards in the Textnovel Writing Contest, with her recently published, Unplugged (A Portrait of a Rock Star) reaching Semi-finalist position. Maybe This Life is J.P.'s second novel to be published.

  Communicate with J.P. Grider on line at the following links:

  http://www.jpgrider.com/

  http://www.jpgrider.com/jps-blog.html

  http://www.facebook.com/JPGrider

  https://twitter.com/JPGrider1

  https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JPGrider