Dead in the Water

by Chrystal Vaughan

  December 16, 2013

  I feel almost normal. I haven’t had any troubles lately, and Jesse and I are inseparable. I go with him a lot to the beach while he takes pictures and it's so nice to feel like I belong to someone, especially someone as wonderful as Jesse. I finally told him I loved him, too, the other day when we were at the beach. He kissed me and held me close for a while. Then, he asked if I was going to go dress shopping with Beth and I said I guess so.

  He said, “Why, do you have a date?” all innocently.

  I felt really stupid right about then. I mean, he hadn’t even asked me, I just assumed…and then he started laughing, so I had to tackle him in the sand. He kissed me and I growled, “Not so fast, buddy,” and bit him less than gently on the lip. Being about a foot taller and way stronger, naturally he was easily able to flip me on my back and hold me down to kiss me at his leisure. Finally, he stopped for a moment to let me get my breath.

  “Oh, beautiful and desirable, Evalyn Dunbar, will you please do me the eternal honor of accompanying me to the Brookings High School Winter Formal?”

  “I’ll think about it!”

  “Maybe a good tickling will change your attitude!”

  “Oh god, Jess, please no! I’ll go, I’ll go!”

  He tickled the crap out of me anyway, smugly sure that I was absolutely going to the dance with him; that jerk. Of course, I’m gonna.

  Jesse

  Having Eva back at school, and openly his girl in public where everyone could see was one of the most satisfying and happiest experiences of Jesse's life so far. After he had seen Eva have one of her spirit-writing episodes, he made the conscious decision to do whatever it took to help her get rid of it. He had felt that it was a gift, before he saw it for himself. Now he knew better. If they couldn't make it stop, they'd need to figure out a way to deal with it. He resolved to be there for the rest of her episodes of spirit writing, so that it wouldn't freak him out anymore and so he could be supportive. He was ashamed of his cowardice when he'd seen it the first time and hoped she never found out. It wasn't that he'd doubted he loved her. He didn't. It was just so freaky, like a horror movie. He tried to cut himself some slack and blame it on shock, but his guilt made him lavish her with attention and gifts.

  She seemed to really enjoy hanging on his arm in the hallways and he swore he saw her stick her tongue out at Natasha one day when he dropped her off at her Economics class. He loved picking her up in the mornings and stopping for coffee, then driving to school with her by his side. He always made sure to open her doors for her and drop kisses on her forehead when teachers were looking, and kisses of the more scorching hot kind when they weren't. He was glad his friends were nice to her too. His buddy, Eric, had been his best friend since the beginning of high school, and he and his girlfriend, Beth, were the most welcoming of Eva, out of all of Jesse's friends.

  "Dude, I'm just glad to see you with a girl. I thought you were going into a monastery or some shit," was Eric's only comment about Jesse's new love life.

  Natasha was a little bit bitchier about it. One day in chemistry she said, "I guess Jesse just needed to be the prettiest one in the relationship."

  Jesse was pissed. He knew her life was hard, but talking shit about his girl was going too far. He'd gone through too much self-doubt and guilt, lost too much time, and loved Eva far too much to let some skank say mean shit about her that wasn't true. He loudly proclaimed that he'd loved Eva for years and he'd only hung out with Natasha, because she made him look better by comparison. That pretty much broke things with Natasha; she stopped speaking to him after that, but honestly, he didn't even notice she was gone. His eyes were filled with the sight of Eva.

  Lunch was pretty cool, because all his friends and their girls were super-awesome to Eva. He was a little surprised when Beth started singling Eva out for girl time. She had been one of Natasha's friends but apparently didn't like her bitchiness either. She'd been bad-mouthing both Eva and him to Beth and Eric, and they both told her to take a hike. Jesse was glad when Beth invited Eva to go dress shopping. He knew Eva was more of a tomboy. He grinned at Eric, knowing Beth would have a hard time divorcing Eva from her hoodie sweatshirts and jeans. Then he saw Natasha hanging out at the emo kids' table with that Justin Perkins kid and frowned. The way Natasha made friends with guys was to sleep with them. He knew, because she'd tried it with him and he'd turned her down. Even though she wasn't his friend anymore, he didn't think she should be hanging out with that kid. She had enough problems as it was. He had heard some things about him at Eric's house, from Eric's dad, who was a cop. He and Eric shared another look, and Eric nodded slightly. He'd tell his old man about Natasha's new best friend. It was part of a case of child abuse the old man was trying to put together against Natasha's family and this would be another nail in the coffin for her fucked up parents.

  Jesse was getting used to having Eva in his life pretty fast. Her episode was never far from his mind, but she didn't have any for such a long time he sort of hoped they were gone for good. He took her to the beach almost every day after school, watching her play in the waves if it was nice or walk along next to them, barefoot in the sand, if it was not.

  His passion was photography; he took endless photos of her next to the sparkling water. One particularly nice day, he walked next to her, holding her hand, his camera dangling from the other hand.

  She stopped and put her small hand on his chest, looking up into his face with solemnity. "I love you, Jesse," she said with such serious intent he couldn't help but smile, both at her expression and her words. He kissed her and drew her close, listening to her heart beating against him.

  Finally, they broke apart and continued their walk. They started talking about the Winter Formal, and Jesse was interested in the color dress she might pick so he could get a matching corsage. He teased her a little, then asked her formally to the dance with him. She teased him back, and they ended up wrestling and making out in the sand.

  Eva

  December 20, 2013

  Since I decided to give Jesse another chance in my life, everything has gotten better and better. The episodes of spirit writing have decreased, which is awesome by me. And our parents have started hanging out again, since their kids are together all the time at one house or the other. It’s nice to see the parental units having fun, playing board games and drinking wine like they used to when we were little kids.

  I went shopping with Beth! I found the most beautiful dress at her dad’s shop. She said it makes my black hair and blue eyes “dazzle” the eye. LOL! She, being of blond and blue-eyed stock, was naturally a knockout, but it was nice of her to say those things. Her dress is pink and she got pink satin pumps a shade darker to go with her dress. It’s a sort of Grecian style, one shoulder bare and the other covered, and fits her curves really well. If she weren’t so nice to me, I’d be super-jealous. Ok, I’m super-jealous anyway. But she’s not as much of a bimbo as that bitch, Natasha. I wonder why she ever hung out with her? Who knows, at least she isn’t trying to steal Jesse; Beth dates Eric Carlson, one of the football players who hangs out with Jesse, whose dad is a deputy in town and whose mom died, when we were little kids, of breast cancer. Poor Eric. Him and Beth are really good together, though, he treats her really well and she seems crazy about him.

  MY dress is the best one, I think. It’s a pale shimmery blue number, off the shoulder, with a flaring skirt and tight bodice that has stays in it. That makes me look like I have boobs and gives the illusion of a butt. I got the same shade of blue on my little pumps, and some new makeup and hair accessories. Beth promised she would do my hair and makeup for the dance too. It’s on Sunday, so I’ll be sure to write down every moment when I get back!

  December 22, 2013

  Tonight was magical. I know that’s a cliché but it’s so fitting. I’m completely exhausted and my feet hurt, but I couldn’t be happier. Beth came over super early and did my hair and makeup, and then did hers too. She left right before it
was time for Eric to come by with the limo so he could pick her up in it. Jesse showed up at eight, and he looked so freaking handsome in his black tux, freshly shaved and his hair all disarrayed charmingly in that way I love. It made my heart literally hurt in my chest to see how beautiful he was.

  I came downstairs carefully, not that I’m super clumsy, but I could just see falling all the way downstairs and landing in a crumpled heap at Jesse’s feet. I had no plans to end up in the hospital tonight, like that stupid girl in the Twilight books. Anyway, the look on his face when he saw me made me feel indescribable, like I was valuable to him, that I mattered, and normal, like a normal girl with a normal handsome boyfriend.

  Usually I wonder how I deserved him but not tonight. His expression told me I deserved him and he was happy to deserve me. My parents naturally interfered with their exclamations and photos and insisting on having us pose a million times! Eric and Beth showed up with the limo, and got to have their picture taken too. We had fun making googly faces when the parents weren’t looking.

  Finally we got to leave. The limo driver was really patient, LOL. We picked up two other couples that I know of, but don’t know well, you know? Dayna Bishop and her boyfriend Michael Sooner, and Jason North and his girlfriend from out of town, Jessica something. They seemed nice; Michael and Jason, of course, are two of Jesse’s other football friends. I like Eric and Beth better, but it was cheaper to have more people in the limo. I was kinda sad to see it drive off after it dropped us off, but Jesse and the guys had all parked their cars at school so we could go our separate ways. I think some of them wanted to be alone later, if you know what I mean.

  The gym looked really awesome; the decorating committee did a great job! It was a Winter Under the Sea theme, which is so wrong considering we live by the ocean and we’re not eighty, but it worked, somehow. The magic of Winter Formal, I guess. There were icicles and frozen waves, and fish and mermaids in blocks of ice, and a giant freaking disco ball, I kid you not. Jesse and I danced all night, literally, only stopping to use the restroom and grab refreshments. Sometimes, during a slow song, we just clung to each other and barely swayed from side to side. People danced over to us and talked to us, like Beth and Eric, which was cool. They stayed by us most of the night. One time, we danced by them and Beth said, "You guys look like the sun and the moon, glowing with different lights but complementing each other really well." It was one of the nicest things I've ever heard.

  We all got a good laugh at Natasha showing up with that strange looking Jeremy kid. Not that I have anything against him, if he wants to punch holes in his face that’s really not my business. And I was once labeled a goth/emo kid, so I wasn’t about to cast stones at him, though that's all changed for me once Jesse and I started dating.

  His date, however, looked like she had shopped at Whores R Us. Natasha was wearing a black leather sheath dress, to a dance! Everything was black, of course, and she had on these hooker boots that went up her very short dress to god knows where. But she made it a point to bend over now and then and flash the room; clearly she forgot to put on her leather thong. Jesse and Eric both made sounds of disgust which was nice of them considering they are, after all, teenage boys getting a free peek at girl parts. That was the only bad part of the night though.

  Jesse brought me home by one after we had coffee with Eric and Beth at Denny’s, and kissed me sweetly at the door. It was the perfect evening.

  Jesse

  When he saw her coming down those stairs, Jesse Williams knew that he would do anything, anything at all, to make Eva Dunbar his forever. Yes, they were young. Yes, they had a long way to go. But Jesse believed in true love and soulmates and the bolt of longing, love, and even pain in his chest was a tangible ache. He put his hand to his heart and vowed to remember that moment for as long as he lived. His eyes sparkled with emotion as he watched her every move.

  The night of the Winter Formal was a blast. When Jesse picked Eva up for the dance, the sight of her coming down her stairs in that blue, shimmery, off-the-shoulder dress literally took his breath away. He finally knew how that felt, having read it in books but never experiencing it for himself. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. And she was all his.

  Apparently Natasha had shown up at the dance all decked out in leather and flashing the place. Eric said he saw her but averted his eyes so he didn't piss Beth off. Jesse never even saw her. He had eyes only for Eva.

  It was tempting—God, so tempting—to consummate their relationship on the night of the formal dance. But Jesse knew that Eva was the one. He planned to spend the rest of his life making love to her and wanted to do it right, the first time, every time. So he kissed her chastely on her porch steps and watched as she went inside, making his lonely way home but cherishing every moment of the evening, savoring it like chocolate, long into the night.

  Eva

  December 26, 2013

  Christmas was amazing! Jesse bought me a diamond necklace in the shape of a heart! I’m never taking it off. I got him a new stereo for his Jeep, complete with installation and new speakers and woofers and thingies that go with stereos. I dunno, but it was my dad’s idea so I ran with it.

  Dad and Mom both helped me make the appointment and Dad drove me down there to pay for it with my summer pet-sitting money. I can’t drive yet because my parents were worried that I’d have an “episode” while driving, so I don’t have a ‘real’ job like Jesse’s gig fishing during the summer. It’s ridiculous. A girl needs to be able to lavish her guy with gifts!

  December 28, 2013

  Horrible day. Found this in my notebook:

  And I'm pretty sure that slut, whore, Natasha has been putting those nasty notes in my locker. I'm so sick of her shit!

  December 29, 2013

  When Jesse got here today with my coffee, I was still in bed. My parents were out doing parent stuff. I have no idea where they went. I was sleeping when they left. He didn’t get an answer so he just used the hide a key and let himself in. I guess I looked pretty bad because he sat the coffee on the desk and came to the bed and grabbed me up, blankets and all. He hugged me pretty tight and stroked my hair down my back, which I liked. I relaxed a little bit and sank into him. He makes everything better.

  “What’s wrong, baby?”

  “I’m just bummed. I was starting to feel like a real girl.” I lifted my head and gave him a small smile. He kissed the corner of my mouth absently and tucked me back against him, holding my head.

  “What do you mean? Is there another…thing in your notebook?”

  “Yeah. There hasn’t been one in a while. I guess I was just hoping it was gone, you know?”

  “I know. Don’t be scared. I’m here for you, you know that, don’t you?”

  I sighed with exasperation. “I’m not scared of it, Jess, I just hate it! I just want to be like everyone else, like you, or Beth, or even that hateful bitch, Natasha, with her perfect teeth and her perfect boobs and her perfect life.”

  “Natasha is not perfect, Eva. And her life is pretty far from perfect.”

  “Oh, and how do you know that?” I could feel my eyes narrowing and voice getting snippier but I couldn’t stop myself.

  “We were kind of friends; at least, we hung out with the same people, but they picked you over her. And so did I. There was really no contest, don’t you see? Doesn't that make you feel a bit sorry for her? Everyone gets tired of Natasha after a while.”

  I sighed again. I was not going to fight with the guy I love about some horrible girl we go to school with. Looming on the horizon was an even bigger fight that I wasn’t looking forward to. In less than a year, Jesse was going to graduate. I still had a year of high school. I was pretty sure I was going to lose him and never recover from it. I pushed off from his chest and reached for my coffee on the computer desk, opening the lid to my laptop so it could fire up, its dinosaur-like insides.

  “Is that your newest notebook on the bed?”

  “Yep. You wanna look at
it? It’s the same one again. I’m ready for a different channel.”

  “You shouldn’t joke about it, Eva. It worries me; why doesn’t it scare you?”

  “Because I’ve dealt with it my whole life, Jess. Since I was one and could hold a crayon. I have had a long time to get used to it.”

  He didn’t say anything else but picked up my notebook, which I had doodled a picture of the Grim Reaper on the front of. He made no comment but arched a perfect golden eyebrow at me. I giggled and handed him his coffee. I turned to my laptop and started typing; I had a creative writing paper due in Clausen’s class when we got back from Christmas break and I wanted to surprise the old, turkey buzzard by handing mine in first. It’s a glorious tale of true love, and a golden knight in shiny armor, and a dark witch who casts a love spell on him, only to have the spell be reversed and backfire on her. The only stipulation was that we had to use an original piece of art to base our story on. I was firing up the Internet to do a search for famous works of art as inspiration, when I heard Jesse say a very bad word very loudly.

  “What?”

  “Eva, this is freaking creepy. The same thing has been using you to write for months. Have you ever just asked any of these things what they want?”

  “I told you, honey, I can’t do that,” I said, really frustrated. He’s asked me this already. I’ve tried to explain that when this happens, I’m not here. Like my body is here, and obviously my hands are here, but I’m not in control. I have no memory of these things happening, let alone any presence of mind to like be asking questions.