The Girlfriend's Secret

by Kyle Autumn

  That’s all it takes for Patti to put her arms around me and bring me inside. She ushers me over to the couch, and we both sit. She keeps her arms in a tight circle around my shoulders, and I sob into her neck, letting the emotion of the past six weeks finally hit me. A deep inhale gives me the fix of her lemon scent I’ve been craving. And a soothing, relaxing feeling washes over me in her embrace.

  This is exactly what I’ve needed, what I’ve missed, this entire time.

  She places her lips on my temple and then rests her chin on the top of my head. “Did you have another panic attack?” she asks, going straight to the point.

  I shake my head, my tears spreading on the collar of her shirt.

  “Then what’s going on?”

  All I can do is shrug.

  She doesn’t like that answer, apparently, because she pulls away from me and holds me by my shoulders. “Zo, what’s going on?” she repeats, using my real name.

  Which snaps me out of it. I yank my sleeves down so I can wipe my eyes with them. When they’re dry enough, I scoot back on the couch and pinch the bridge of my nose.

  “I just don’t understand,” I tell her and then drop my hand to my lap. “How have we barely spoken in the last several weeks? Why are you avoiding me?”

  She huffs out a deep, long breath through her nose. “I’m not avoiding you—”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it,” I spit out at her.

  “Take it down a notch, will you?” She crosses her arms over her chest. “You’re not coming into my house and making a scene right now.”

  “Then what am I supposed to do? You haven’t called, texted, or come by. You’re missing events you’d normally attend. What do you want me to do?”

  She throws her arms out to her sides, sitting closer to the edge so as not to hit the couch. “I want you to stop living in fear!” she shouts. “And I want to stop living there too!”

  I gulp and bring my hand to my chest as if I’ve been physically wounded. Because it certainly feels like I have. My heart aches; this was my fault. Just like I suspected. But the conformation hurts deep down to my bones.

  But wait. “Why are you living there too?” I ask her. “What are you afraid of?”

  Her sigh is long and deep. Then she crumples against the back of the couch, totally defeated. “Everything you’re afraid of,” she simply says, her eyes closed.

  My breath catches in my throat. “What? Since when?”

  “Since the Friday dinner the night I took you to the emergency room,” she admits. Then she opens her eyes. “I had a talk with your dad that scared me straight.”

  My eyes go wide as hers fly open. When her gaze meets mine, I almost burst out laughing.

  “Not literally, mind you.” She gives me a small smirk.

  I can’t help but give her one back. The mood has officially been lightened, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

  “Okay…” I say, stretching the word out to gather my thoughts. “So, why didn’t you talk to me? Why was avoiding me the better option?”

  “Like I said,” she tells me, her palms on her thighs as she sits up, “I wasn’t avoiding you. It was just easier if we didn’t see each other as much.”

  “Sounds an awful lot like avoiding me,” I mumble, but it’s in a teasing tone.

  She rolls her eyes, her lips slightly turned up. “Tomato, tomahto.” She laughs lightly before going back to all business. “Seriously, Zed. Your panic attacks and anxiety were bad. You had to be rushed to the fucking emergency room over this shit. So, to me, it was easier to not have that talk and just let things…simmer.”

  “Well, they’re boiling now.” I reach out to cover one of her hands with one of mine.

  When our fingers touch, I’m reminded of exactly why I came here tonight. This small, simple touch tells me everything I need to know about why we’re supposed to be together. We’re electric. We’re on fire. We’re so right no matter who thinks we’re wrong. No matter who I can’t bring myself to tell about us.

  She links our fingers together. “I’m sorry. I got scared. That’s all.”

  “Scared of what?” I ask, squeezing her hand. “And why is it okay for you to run away when you’re scared but I have to face it?”

  “I know,” she huffs out on a deep exhale, slumping forward. “I’m a hypocrite. But I didn’t know what else to do. And I didn’t have my best friend to talk it over with.”

  “You always have me,” I softly remind her.

  “That’s not what I meant.” Her torso twists so she’s facing me, and she readjusts our hands so she has a better grip. “You haven’t been yourself lately. You’ve been anxious, sad, even jealous. Those aren’t normal Zed traits. And I’m not saying I don’t like them. I’ve loved you through a lot worse. But…” She hesitates, takes a breath. “But you have to be comfortable with who you are and who we are together before I can risk telling your parents with you.”

  When her words hit me, I gasp and my free hand flies to my mouth. She’s totally right. In the middle of all of this, even though I knew it, I didn’t realize that she’d be just as scared to lose my parents too. Of course I know how much they mean to her, but like an idiot, I didn’t put it together that she’d end up with no one if things don’t go well with my parents and we don’t work out.

  “Oh my,” I breathe out around my fingers. “I’ve been such an idiot.”

  “You haven’t,” she reassures me. “This whole thing has been difficult to navigate, but I won’t do it until you’re completely in. You’ve had one foot in, but you have to—”

  “Jump.” I drop my hand so she’ll understand me this time. “Jump. I’ll jump in. I’m ready.”

  She’s already shaking her head though. “You’ve said similar things before, Zed. Forgive me if I’m not ready to believe you.”

  Again, she’s right. Absolutely right. No matter how hard I wish she weren’t, I can’t change it. It’s in the past. But I can make the future different. And we can start right now.

  “So let’s do this.” I straighten my spine. “We’ll make up, because I’ve heard make-up sex is pretty good.”

  That cracks a smile on her lips. Which teases my own out too. Then I take a deep breath and prepare to drop this bomb.

  “And then we can call an emergency Thirsty Thursday group meeting for tonight and tell Shiree and Lyra about us.”

  The moment the words are all out of my mouth, we both react. My heart starts pounding a mile a minute, and sweat makes my underarms tingle. But her reaction is the clear winner. That crack of a smile threatens to turn into a full-blown, beaming, mile-wide grin. She holds it back, but it’s obvious she has to force it away.

  “You’re sure?” she questions, keeping her features neutral. And rightfully so.

  I nod vigorously, ignoring the panic building in me. “I want to prove to you that I mean it.”

  She runs her free hand through her hair, taking a moment to process this. Then she shrugs while staring at the floor. “I mean, okay.” She faces me, the hint of a smile on her lips. “If you’re sure.”

  “I am.” I scoot closer to her, tightening my hold on her hand.

  And, this time, the only response I get is her lips on mine for the first time in far, far too long.

  ***

  Patti

  “Oh my god!” she shouts just before my name leaves her lips. “You have to stop. You’re gonna kill me.” She’s panting, out of breath, but completely satisfied.

  I kiss her inner thigh. Then her hipbone. Then near her belly button. My tongue comes out and traces a path up her torso and over the swell of one breast as I crawl my way up to her. I switch directions, circle one nipple, and then suck on the other, all the while keeping my gaze on hers.

  She’s in a happy, euphoric daze. Her eyelids are heavy, and they droop closed. Her red hair is fanned out over my pillow, right where it belongs. A gentle, soft smile curves her full lips, and I grin too because I put it there. So I kiss those lips just be
cause I can.

  “Goodness gracious, woman,” she says, a slight gravelly tone to her voice. Her lips brush mine as she speaks. “I lost count after four, but my downstairs can’t handle any more.”

  I plant kisses down her neck. “Good.” Kiss. “That’s the idea.” Another kiss. This one on her collarbone.

  She lazily wraps her arms around my neck, which prevents me from going any farther down her body. “Is it ever your turn?”

  I whip my head up to look her in her eyes. “Woman. Eating your pussy is my turn. God, I love it.”

  Her giggle warms me from the inside out. I love it so much when she’s real with me. When she lets her guard down and doesn’t worry about everything so damn much. That’s when she’s my favorite Zo. When she’s my Zed.

  “Seriously though. What time is it?” she asks. “It’s gonna be too late to call Shiree and Lyra soon.”

  “I don’t know.” I bring my knees up so I can kneel in a straddle around her hips. Then I reach over to my nightstand and grab my phone. “Holy hell. It’s after one already. Officially Saturday.”

  Her eyes widen as she grips my waist. “Geez!” she exclaims, sliding her hands up my body to my boobs. She squeezes and massages them, and my eyes drift closed at the pleasure of her hands on me.

  “We’re never going to leave this bed if you keep doing that,” I practically moan.

  She counters with, “We’re never going to leave this weird funk if we don’t at least try to call them.”

  “Is that really a bad thing? Staying here, naked and warm? Hmm?” I finally peek at her with one eye.

  One eyebrow is up, and she’s looking at me like Seriously?

  “Okay, okay,” I say, getting ready to pull Shiree’s number up.

  Then the weirdest thing happens. My phone starts ringing in my hand. We both jump, and I almost drop my phone on the bed. Luckily, I keep my hold of it. When I see who it is, my eyes go wide and I gasp.

  “It’s Shiree!” I whisper-yell at Zo like Shiree can hear me even though I haven’t answered the phone.

  “Oh my goodness! It’s like a sign or something!” Zo quietly shrieks.

  When I just stare at Zo with my wide-eyed stare, she wiggles around to get me to snap out of it.

  “Answer the phone!” she whisper-shouts, giving me a duh look.

  Snap out of it, I do. And then I push the button to answer the phone. “Hello?” I hope I sounded normal.

  “Hey,” Shiree says, not sounding like herself. “I’m glad you’re awake. Can you come to my house, like, now? It’s kind of an emergency in a Lyra-and-I-desperately-need-our-friends kind of way.”

  I raise my eyebrows and stare at a spot on the wall. “Yeah, sure. I’ll call Zo, and if she’s up, we’ll be there shortly.”

  “Okay, great. Thanks.”

  “Is everything okay?” I ask.

  “Well…” She hesitates a little too long, but I wait it out. “I just found out I’m pregnant, actually.”

  “Oh wow. That’s…awesome.” It came out awkwardly, but I was caught off guard, so…

  “Yeah, thanks. We’ll see you when you get here, okay?” Then she hangs up before I can reply.

  I drop my phone into my other hand and gaze at it without actually noticing it. Because this is yet another time where Zo and I can’t come clean about our relationship. Not when it sounds like our friends are going through a hard time. Not when they need us for emotional support.

  Except that we need them too. Holding Zo up by myself was getting difficult, though I’ll do it if I have to. Now that I’ve left my pity party for one behind. Now that Zo’s feeling more confident about being open about us. There’s still a risk, but we have to start somewhere, and I thought tonight was the night. Apparently not.

  “So?” Zo asks, breaking me from my thoughts. “We’re going over there?”

  “Yeah,” I say absentmindedly. Then I shake my head to snap back into this conversation. “But it sounds like they need us right now.”

  “Oh.” She scoots up the bed and out from under me. Leaning back on the headboard, she wraps her arms around her bent legs. “So we shouldn’t tell them? Is that what you’re saying?” she asks, her chin on her knees.

  I shrug. “We’ll feel it out when we get there, I guess. But we should get dressed now.”

  “Okay.” Slowly, she gets up from the bed.

  It might be an asshole thing to think, but I hope it’s disappointment from not being able to tell our secret that’s causing her reluctance. Though I’m sure there’s some relief mixed in there too. And I’m sure because, even though I shouldn’t, I feel both too.

  ~~~

  Wow. They’re both pregnant. That’s…a shock. Though not really in Shiree’s case. Zo and I both knew that Lyra had been seeing Blake, but we had no idea that her bouts with a stomach bug would turn out to be a baby. Holy shit.

  The even bigger shock is when Blake bursts through the front door. Holy shit again. He has this blazing look in his eyes, like he’s a man possessed. Possessed by his woman. He’s come here to stake his claim, but he’s hurt too. There’s no doubt about that. But the whole scene is super uncomfortable to witness, so Zo and I stare and pick at our suddenly fascinating nails while it plays out.

  Once Blake and Lyra have left, Chaz starts to make small talk.

  “How are you two? I haven’t seen you in a while, though Shiree’s updated me on anything major.”

  “Has she now?” I say, knowing full well she doesn’t know the half of it.

  Zo clears her throat to cover for me though. “Everything’s fine. It’s been a long day for me, but everything’s fine.”

  “Good, good,” he says. “It’s been a crazy evening here too, so if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to head to bed.” He kisses his wife on her temple and squeezes her around her shoulders. “It was great to see you two. Get home safe.”

  “Thanks,” Zo replies.

  I just lift my hand in a half-assed wave. I shouldn’t be irritated with them, or with anyone else here, but it must be nice to be so open with love and uncaring of who sees you do it. They get to storm through doors for their women and kiss them openly. I, on the other hand, can’t even hold Zo’s hand right now or look at her in an I-like-her-as-more-than-a-friend way. Otherwise, word might spread and we might disappoint the people we love the most. God forbid…

  “Ready to go?” I ask Zo, slapping a hand on her thigh. I expect her to squirm out of it, but to my surprise, she doesn’t.

  Instead, she covers my hand with hers. And my heart nearly leaps out of my chest.

  “Yep.” She turns her attention to Shiree. “As long as you’re okay?”

  “Oh, I’m fine.” She dismisses us with a wave. “I should go to bed too. Thank you so much for coming,” she tells us as we rise from the couch. She gives us both a hug and then sees us to the door.

  “See you Thursday,” Zo says as we step outside.

  As I head toward the car and throw a wave over my shoulder, she takes my hand in hers, linking our fingers while Shiree says, “Bye!” through her open front door. While Shiree can see. It takes everything I have in me not to freeze from shock. Somehow, by a miracle, the only reaction I have is to look at Zo while we continue to walk to the car.

  She’s staring at the ground, but she’s smiling. No, smirking. It’s a sexy smirk designed to let me know how free she feels in this moment. And I now understand why men get those urges to beat on their chests when they’re feeling proud of themselves.

  My frustration over not telling them tonight melts away even though Shiree likely thinks nothing of it. Because my woman’s holding my hand for the world to see, an action she took all on her own. And that’s a great place for us to start.

  Chapter 13

  Zo

  Thirsty Thursday has turned into dinner now that half of our group is pregnant. The restaurant we meet at is right next door to the bar we used to go to, so the distance is the same. But the dinner hour is much earlier
than the bar hour, so I have to drive straight from work to make it on time. Usually, Patti will text me when she’s on her way, because she does the same thing. Today, however, I haven’t heard from her since four.

  It’s six fifteen when I open the restaurant doors. I’m fifteen minutes late, but Patti must be even more late. I didn’t see her car in the parking lot, but it’s not like I looked that hard. I could have missed it, though I did notice Lyra’s and Shiree’s cars.

  Because we’ve been coming in every Thursday for the past two months, we’ve started being sat at the same table. So I make my way to our usual spot. Shiree and Lyra already have an appetizer and drinks, though I’m not surprised. It’s not even that I’m late—they’re eating for two. When I sit down on the empty side of the booth, Lyra points a chip at me.

  “There you are,” she says. “Where’s Patti?” She dunks a chip in the bowl of guacamole in the middle of the table.

  I shrug, setting my purse next to me on the booth seat. “I don’t know.” I reach into my purse and retrieve my phone, but I have no missed calls or messages from her. So I shrug again. “I still haven’t heard from her, but I’m sure she’ll be here.”

  “Good,” Shiree responds, scooping some guacamole onto her chip too. “I know it’s only been a week, but I love you guys.” She rests a hand on her growing belly. “And I don’t know how many more of these Lyra and I are going to get, so we need to promise to always be here, okay?” Unshed tears pool in her eyes.

  Lyra puts her hand on Shiree’s shoulder, her eyes shining too. “Don’t start crying. I’ll start crying if you cry, and there’s nothing to cry about.”

  “Oh, there might be,” Patti says as she plops down next to me in a huff. She folds her arms on the table and lets her head fall onto them.

  “What happened?” the other two ask at the same time.

  What do I do? I secretly try to comfort my secret girlfriend by resting my hand on her thigh and squeezing it.

  The waiter comes by to take our order, but Shiree and Lyra shoo him away, take a couple of chips to munch on, and wait for Patti to answer them. When she finally raises her head, her mascara is smeared in the corners of her eyes and tear tracks stain her cheeks. My heart stutters and then stops, broken in two for my love.