The Girlfriend's Secret

by Kyle Autumn

  “I got fired,” she admits. Then her head falls back down onto her arms.

  Relieved that it’s not something more serious, I release my tense grip on her leg. And my heart resumes its normally scheduled beating. I even feel comfortable seeming more intimate with her now that the girls know that something’s wrong, so I put my hand on her back and rub it in circles.

  “It’ll be okay, Patti. You’ll find another job,” I tell her, resting my head on her shoulder.

  “Yeah, I’m sure you will,” Shiree agrees. “You could probably come work for NatEx. We’re always hiring package handlers and drivers.”

  Patti lifts her head. “Do I look like a ‘package handler’?”

  The double entendre in the question almost makes me lose it, and I have to hide my face so the girls don’t see my reaction. Don’t laugh. They don’t mean that kind of package…

  “I don’t know,” Lyra says. “Do I look like a package handler?”

  “I don’t know what one looks like,” Shiree says. “Have you ever handled packages before? When was the last time you’ve handled a package?”

  Okay, that’s it. I can’t hold it back any longer. I burst into giggles against Patti’s shoulder, and if I’m not mistaken, her body starts shaking with laughter. I briefly wonder if it’s because she’s crying, but that’s laid to rest the second I look at her. Her lips are stretched into a smile, and she glances at me with a knowing gleam in her eye. The girls are laughing now too, doubled over in a giggling fit.

  “Oh my god!” Lyra says between gasping breaths. “We’re two kinds of package handlers, Shiree!”

  Shiree cackles louder than before. “Don’t make me laugh so hard! I’m gonna pee my pants!”

  I might do the same, and I don’t have the pregnant excuse. But, to me, Patti’s clearly not any kind of package handler, so it’s even funnier. But I let the laughter die down without saying anything. Shiree and Lyra know that Patti’s been with women before, yet they have no idea about me. And this isn’t the time or the place to say it. I’m not at all prepared, and the thoughts sober me as the other girls calm down too.

  Lyra speaks up first—after getting another chip with guac, of course. “So, what are you gonna do?”

  “Honestly, I have no idea,” Patti says. “It just happened two hours ago. And all I can think is that I won’t be able to afford my place anymore. If I can move somewhere cheaper, I can handle the rest until I find another job. Not knowing when that’ll be means I need to act fast.” She releases a deep breath. “And I just paid my fucking rent too.”

  “Can you get it back?” I ask her.

  She shakes her head. “I don’t think so. I have to give thirty days’ notice to move anyway, so I have to stay this month.”

  “What about those new apartments they just built?” Shiree offers. “Those are nice. I’ve driven by a few times. Even Chaz said he’d live there, and you know what that says.”

  Patti tilts her head at our friend. “That means either they’re super nice and I can’t afford to live there or he’s hit his fucking head.”

  Shiree throws a chip at Patti. “Hey! Be nice.” But she smiles at her too.

  My girlfriend sighs. “I don’t think they’re move-in ready anyway. The sign outside says their grand opening is in a couple of months.”

  “Oh!” Lyra exclaims around a mouthful of guac-covered chips. She chews and swallows. “What about my place? It’s small, affordable, and almost ready for you to move in. I’ll be out in about two weeks.”

  “You still haven’t fully moved out?” I question.

  When Blake and Lyra officially started dating after that night he stormed into Shiree’s house all caveman-style to claim his woman and his unborn child, he wanted her to move in right away. She partially agreed but kept her place just in case. It’s not like she actually stays there for any extended amount of time, so I’m not sure why she hasn’t given it up yet. But it’s not my business, so I’ve never asked. Until now.

  “Well, I mean, I don’t even live there anymore,” she answers. Then she eats another chip. “I’ve just been lazy about boxing everything up and moving it all out. And I refuse to allow someone else to do it. And I refuse to be messy and unorganized about it too. So it’s taken me a while. That’s all.”

  Patti wipes under her eyes. “Blake hasn’t demanded to help or hire movers?”

  “Of course he has,” Lyra says, smiling. “It’s too bad for him that I’m the one who wears the pants.”

  Everyone laughs, though it’s not as much as before. Then the waiter tries again, and even though we didn’t look at menus, we know exactly what they offer and exactly what we want. I order first, and as everyone else tells him what food they want, I get to thinking. By the time they’re done, I think I have it all worked out.

  “Move in with me,” I tell Patti once the waiter is gone.

  It’s crazy, and she might turn me down, but at least it’s out on the table. It’s not an unusual offer to make a friend—a best friend—who’s down on their luck. And, this way, we won’t have to worry about cars in the driveway or making up excuses as to why we drove somewhere together. Plus, I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level, even if no one else even knows we’re in it.

  She swings her gaze at me. “What?” she asks, one eyebrow raised.

  “Move in with me,” I repeat, dead serious. “I have the extra room in my house, and it’d get my parents off my back. Surely I’d be ‘safe’ if I lived with someone else. Then I won’t have to get that pet they keep asking about. And we could just split utilities.”

  “Zo to the rescue!” Shiree exclaims, clapping her hands in front of her, a chip in her hand.

  Lyra’s nodding a lot, her eyes wide as she grins her approval and chews on some more chips. Even I decide to eat some chips now. For emphasis on my suggestion, I take a single bite of one and smile at her.

  “Uh…” While fully facing me, she looks out of the corners of her eyes at our two friends and then flicks her gaze back to me. Then, with that one eyebrow still up, she asks, “Are you sure about that?”

  I widen my smile. “One hundred percent sure. It’s what best friends do.” To punctuate that, I wink.

  Her head jerks back in surprise and she blinks at me a few times, but I think it starts to set in. She shakes her head, takes a deep breath, and drops her shoulders. “Okay, then. You’d be saving my life.”

  “Aww, yay!” Lyra says before taking a sip of her water. “I love our group so much!”

  “I do too!” Shiree reaches forward and hugs Lyra. “We’re all so awesome.”

  Patti and I shrug and join in on the hugging. When she embraces me, though, she whispers in my ear so no one else can hear her.

  “You swear you’re ready for this?”

  All I do is nod.

  Then she squeezes me tighter. “I love you so much,” she says before she sniffles in my ear.

  “I love you too, Patti,” I tell her.

  The girls won’t think that’s abnormal after everything that just went down, but I honestly don’t care. Everyone should know how much I love this woman. And, one day, everyone will. Soon. I swear.

  ***

  Patti

  “God, you’re so good at that, woman.” I release a deep, relaxed exhale as a pulsing orgasm grips my insides and the hot water of the shower beats down on my side. With my back against the wall and my girlfriend’s tongue between my legs, I look down and almost come again from the sight alone.

  She kisses her way up my torso and boxes me in against the shower all. “Someone lets me get a lot of practice time in.” She winks at me.

  My gut reaction response is to launch forward and kiss her. When I probe with my tongue, she opens right up and tangles hers with mine. I slide my hands down the sides of her slick, wet body, grip her hips, and slam her against me. Then I bend down and pull one of her nipples into my mouth.

  “Hello? Patti?”

  I pop my mouth off her
and she almost falls backwards out of the shower at the sound of her mother’s voice behind my bathroom door. Luckily, my quick reflexes kick in and I grab her by the waist and pull her to me before she tumbles. What the fuck? Her parents are supposed to be here later to help me pack. We decided at last week’s Friday dinner that we’d have it here at my place on my last night in the apartment. But they’re early as fuck. And they apparently let themselves in.

  I bring a finger to my lips. “Hey, Ma! I’ll be out in just a second.”

  “Okay!” her mom shouts. “Where’s Zo? I saw her car outside, but I don’t see her anywhere in here.”

  “Oh! She’s, uh, in the shower!” I tell her.

  Zo’s eyes are shooting dagger-shaped questions at me. “What the hell?” she mouths.

  “Oh, I thought you were in the shower,” her mom says.

  “No. I already took one. I’m just getting dressed while she showers. She just jumped in.”

  “Oh. That’s…strange. But okay. We brought Chinese. I’ll get it set up in the kitchen.”

  “Thanks, Ma! I’ll be out in a minute.”

  All the color from Zo’s face drains, and she looks like she might faint now. In fact, she goes slightly limp in my arms like her knees almost gave out. But I’m still holding her, so I keep her upright as much as I can and grab the bar on the wall to keep us both standing. It takes a few moments, but she finally snaps out of…whatever that was.

  “Are you okay?” I whisper loud enough to be heard over the water. “What was that?”

  “I’m fine,” she says, shaking her head. “You should go though.” She backs out of my arms and stands beneath the spray. “Dry off and get out there with them.”

  “Okay,” I say hesitantly. But I pull the curtain back and get out of the shower like she asked me to.

  With her parents here, I don’t have much of a choice but to keep up appearances. We already almost got caught. We don’t need for them to find out before we’re ready to tell them, and now just isn’t the time. Though it never feels like the time, but now’s not the time to think about that, either.

  As fast as I can, I dry off, dress, and dash out of my bathroom. I head toward the kitchen, and when I round the corner, her mom and her dad are making plates of food for all four of us. They even bought water bottles for us too. The scent of the brown sauce they smother the veggies in helps relax me because I’m starving. But, when they pin me with their gazes, I nearly freeze up again.

  I hate keeping secrets from them. And we won’t have to forever. For now, though, we are, and the adrenaline from having almost gotten caught is still running through my veins. Which mixes with guilt and fear and makes me feel awful. They aren’t my parents. They don’t have to be here for me in any capacity. But they have been for as long as I want to remember.

  Every time we get together like this, I feel as though I’ll be throwing their kindness right in their faces when we tell them we’re together. Neither of us wants to break their hearts or destroy them. Yet we both fear that’ll happen. At this point, we’re both being selfish by keeping to ourselves. It’s been easier to deal with by not telling anyone. And it’s only going to get easier now that we’ll be living together. I have no idea what we’re going to do.

  “Does Zo shower here often?” her dad asks as he sits at my kitchen table, a plastic fork in hand.

  Mine have since been packed up, so I’m glad they remembered utensils.

  “No,” I straight-up lie. “We were both just trying to clean up before dinner with you guys. Packing is sweaty business.”

  “It certainly can be,” her mom says before taking a bite of rice and vegetables. “It doesn’t seem like you have much left, which is good.”

  “Very good,” I tell her. Then I sit at the table in front of my plate. “We’ve worked hard this past week, but we tried to keep up with it all month. Between trying to find a job and that, I’ve stayed busy.”

  The truth is that all of the important stuff has been at Zo’s since the day after that Thirsty Thursday dinner when she offered to move me in. I’ve spent most of my time there while looking for a job, so packing didn’t happen much until this past week. The big stuff I don’t need at her house—the couch, the loveseat, this kitchen table—will be in storage until I sell them.

  “No luck on the job front?” Her dad looks at me from across the table.

  “Not yet. But I’ve put a lot of résumés out there. It’ll happen soon.” I smile this time, finally having told the truth for once in this conversation.

  “We’ll keep praying for you, dear,” her mom offers, a genuine smile on her lips.

  Which sticks the dagger in a little farther.

  Finally, Zo emerges from the bathroom. Her hair is wrapped up in a towel, but she’s dressed and looking somewhat normal.

  “There you are, Zoeybell.” Her dad gets up to hug her.

  Rather stiffly, she returns the embrace.

  “Everything okay?” he asks quietly.

  She nods. “Yep. Just didn’t want to be all sweaty when you got here.” Then she freezes and looks at me as if to confirm that that’s the lie I’ve already told them.

  I press my mouth into a thin line, raise and lower my eyebrows, and give her a small nod. I can see her relief, but I don’t think her parents catch it. Her mom’s busy eating and her dad was taking his seat again when it happened. All clear. For now.

  “You know,” her dad continues, “your mom and I were talking on the way here about how you probably won’t need to get that dog anymore. Not with Patti in your house.”

  “No,” she agrees while he chuckles at his joke. Then she sits at the table. “Patti will keep me safe, I’m sure.” There’s barely any emotion behind her words, but I believe she thinks that anyway.

  For as long as I possibly can, I’ll try my hardest. Though his comment does make me wonder if there’s a chance he’ll think I’m a suitable person for his daughter to spend her life with. If he thinks she’ll be safer at home with me than she’d be alone, that’s a good sign, right?

  “Until you settle down yourself, Patti. When might that be, you think?” he asks, gathering food on his fork.

  Zo starts coughing, and she bangs a fist on her chest to calm her body down. Then she takes a sip from the bottle of water in front of her.

  “Well,” I start, trying not to laugh, “I think I’ll look for a job first. I’m no good to anyone if I’m broke. So I’m really thankful that Zo’s taking me in for a while.”

  Her dad’s all smiles. But then the rug is pulled right out from under that idea when her mom speaks up.

  “But, honey,” she says to her daughter, concern lacing her voice, “aren’t you worried people will think you’re…” Widening her eyes, she waves a finger between the two of us. “You know.”

  Zo blinks at her. Several times. I think she knows what her mom is hinting at, but she’s not wrong for wanting to gauge her thoughts on this. I, on the other hand, know exactly where she’s going with it. Which is why I can barely breathe right now.

  “Think we’re what, Mom?”

  “You know,” she repeats, pushing her food around on her plate and staring at her fork like it’s really interesting. Then she lowers her voice like the neighbors might hear. “Lesbians.”

  Zo drops her fork to her plate and rests her forearms on my table. After taking a slow, even breath, she says, “Would that really be so bad?”

  “Careful with your tone, Zoeybell,” her dad warns. “Don’t be rude to your mother, please.”

  “I’m not being rude,” she explains. “I’m just asking. Would it really be that bad if people thought Patti and I were together? It’s the twenty-first century, and you love Patti. What’s the problem with it?”

  “You know exactly what the problem is.” Her mom puts her fork down. “Two women don’t belong in bed together.”

  “What about in love, Mom?” she presses while I’m frozen in my chair. “Can two women be together if they’re in
love?”

  Her mom’s mouth opens and shuts a couple of times before she clamps her lips together. “I’m not having this pointless discussion with you. You know the difference between right and wrong, and that’s all there is to it.” She throws her napkin on my table and stands up. “Enjoy the rest of your dinner.”

  As she leaves the room, her dad looks between the two of us. His gaze is half questioning, half knowing. Under his stare, I want to confess my truth. But I won’t do that to Zo, and I hope she won’t do that to me right now, either. Yet it seems like we might have nothing to tell now.

  He gets up and places his fingertips on my kitchen table. With a resigned expression on his face, he says, “I’m sorry we won’t be much help tonight. I should take your mother home.” Then he comes around the table and puts his hands on Zo’s shoulders, bending to kiss her on her temple. “Love you, Zoeybell.” He even does the same to me. “You too, Patti. Goodnight.”

  The slam of the door behind her parents jolts her, and she squeezes her eyes shut. I want to comfort her, so I reach a hand out to touch hers. She just almost told her parents about us, and while I’m relieved she didn’t tell them like that, it’s still a secret we have to keep. A secret that we’ve now confirmed will destroy her family. But, instead of accepting my comfort, she rips her hand away from me.

  “Don’t,” she says quietly. “I just… I can’t…” Her hands fly up, palms out, before the tears start.

  Again, I attempt to touch her, extending my hand to her shoulder, but again, she pulls away. So I take my hand back and put them both in my lap. Then she gets up and rushes out of the kitchen.

  When I find her, she’s curled up on my bed. All I have left in this room is my mattress and my dresser. It reminds me that we’re about to move in together. To live together as more than roommates. It’s yet another way we are solidifying our relationship. Another way we are moving forward and securing ourselves in this. And, after the way her dad reacted, I have more hope than I did before.