The Bellator Saga: The First Trilogy (Dissident, Conscience, and Sojourn)

by Cecilia London

  “Now,” she whispered.

  “Now,” he growled back at her, and started moving faster. She pressed her fingernails into his shoulders. His name was the only word she managed to choke out. He would make this part last too, up until the point where she was begging him to stop. She thrust herself against him, tightening her muscles as he moved within her. That was the one physical trick she had in her repertoire that seemed to drive him over the edge whether he liked it or not.

  “You really aren’t playing fair tonight.” Jack buried his face in her hair as he came inside her, shuddering a few times before withdrawing. It took him a minute before he was able to speak again.

  “You are…wow,” he said.

  Caroline rolled over on her side, admiring his physique as he got up from the bed, trying to ignore the red streaks on his shoulders. Streaks she’d just made with her nails. “I’m what?”

  “Hold on a minute.” Jack tossed the condom in the wastebasket before laying back down and pulling her into his arms. “Need a second to clear my head.”

  “I’m sorry,” Caroline said. “I left marks on your back.”

  “Fine with me. That’s a huge turn on.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “That’s not possible.” He smiled lazily at her. “You must have really been into it if you scratched me up.”

  She wiped the sweat from his brow. “It was good.”

  “We’re good,” Jack corrected.

  Caroline idly ran her fingers along his abdominal muscles. His six pack was damn close to being an eight pack. How sexy. He was tight, with a strong core. Which was handy for many, many things. “I’m not kidding,” she said. “You’re good at what you do.”

  “Really?”

  “You must know that you are.” She kissed his neck. “And you have such a perfect body. Makes me feel guilty sometimes. Especially when I’m marking it up.”

  “Why would you feel guilty? For objectifying me?” Jack grinned. “You can do that any time you want. You should probably know that I do it with you all the time.”

  “No,” Caroline said. “But look at me. I’ve got all these stretch marks, a few pounds here and there I don’t need, saggy boobs-”

  “Stop,” Jack said. “You’re beautiful. Your body is incredible.”

  “I’m far from that. Need to spend more time at the gym.” She flexed. “My arms aren’t bad, though.”

  Jack laughed. “Those are really damn sexy. I like a woman with guns.”

  “I could probably beat you at arm wrestling. I beat Tom once.”

  He squeezed her bicep. “That’s impressive.”

  “He was heavily intoxicated at the time. But it still counts.”

  Jack pulled her closer to him. “Have you always felt self-conscious about the way you look?”

  “I think it’s impossible for any woman not to feel a little insecure sometimes. We’re programmed to judge ourselves from birth.”

  He kissed her forehead. “Sweetheart, you’re a real woman. You’ve had two kids. You’re not fake or manufactured or fixed or any of those other things that women do to themselves that they think make them appealing to men.”

  “Then why did you date women like that?”

  “Because I’m an idiot.”

  Caroline smiled. “I wouldn’t say that.”

  “You are gorgeous. Body and soul, inside and out.” Jack let his hands drift across her breasts and down her torso. “And I adore your boobs. And your hips. And your curves. And everything else about you.”

  “We are good together, aren’t we?”

  “I’d like to think so. I’ve certainly never felt this kind of connection with anyone before.”

  “It’s a little overwhelming at times. I don’t know what to do with it.”

  “Enjoy it,” Jack said. “It’s that easy.”

  “Not for me.”

  “You need to get over some of your unnecessary fears, Caroline. Just because you allow yourself to enjoy things doesn’t mean you’re taking them for granted.”

  She sighed. He’d given her this speech before and she suspected he’d do it again. “I know. Do you think we’ll get sick of this? It’s all so new. What if we get bored?”

  “You make me feel good. It’s not just about the sex. It’s more than that. Why would I get bored?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Were you planning on getting bored?”

  With the way she felt when he touched her? “No.”

  Jack brushed her hair out of her face. “You don’t have to worry about that ever happening. Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”

  “Yes,” Caroline said. “But I always have a good time with you. Can we do it again tomorrow?”

  “Schedule permitting.” Jack looked over at the clock on the nightstand. “We’d better get some sleep. I’ll have to make the walk of shame back to my room before anyone else gets up.”

  She pulled him closer to her. My, wasn’t she getting possessive. “I wish you didn’t have to.”

  “I think it’s what’s best for now.”

  “Maybe I spoke too soon about us being discreet.”

  “No, you were right,” Jack said. “We are here as representatives of the American government. We’re not on vacation. We don’t want anyone to make assumptions. And I certainly don’t want you to be judged by any members of our traveling party for being involved with me.”

  “What about what they would think of you?”

  “That doesn’t bother me.”

  “I’m not sure I care anymore,” she said. “They’re going to find out eventually. I just wish you didn’t have to go.”

  “I know,” Jack whispered, bringing his arm around her. “We’ll figure it out soon enough, okay? Don’t waste your energy on it.”

  “I like falling asleep like this,” Caroline murmured, stroking his chest hair.

  He pulled a sheet over them. “Me too.”

  * * * * *

  Jack was pressed up against her back, his arm wrapped possessively around her waist, just below her ribcage. Caroline stirred and he kissed the back of her neck.

  “It’s late,” he whispered. “I need to go back to my room.”

  “Don’t leave,” she said softly.

  “I have to,” he said. “We have a big day ahead of us.”

  “Stay here with me. All night.”

  “I will, sweetheart. One night when we’re here, I promise. But we have to be careful. Right?”

  “Right.”

  “I had a wonderful time with you.” He smoothed her hair back. “It’s not easy for me to leave. You have no idea how badly I want to stay.”

  “Then stay.”

  “I have to go. Boundaries, sweetheart. Your reputation is worth more to me than a few hours of cuddle time. May I take you to breakfast in a few hours?”

  Caroline shifted in the sheets. “Huh?”

  Jack smoothly slipped out of the bed. “It’s three in the morning.” He slid his hand down her exposed leg. “Don’t get up. I’ll show myself out.”

  She rolled over, rubbing her eyes. He was sitting in the chair in the corner putting his clothes back on. “Are you sure you can’t stay?”

  He smiled at her. “Go back to sleep, Caroline.”

  “I don’t like this. I think my rules were a bad idea.”

  “It won’t always be this way. You’ll get through it.” He picked up his jacket and tie and crossed the room, sitting on the bed again. “Please get some rest.”

  “I won’t be able to sleep if you’re not here.”

  Jack kissed her forehead. “That’s a lovely sentiment, but you’ll be fine. Meet me in the lobby at eight?”

  “I will,” she whispered.

  “I want to stay,” he said. “But we’re being discreet, like we agreed. Okay?”

  Caroline closed her eyes, wondering why she’d even demanded that requirement for their relationship. Maybe things needed to change. And maybe they needed to have that di
scussion when they were both awake.

  “Okay,” she said.

  Jack pulled the sheet over her torso, kissing her cheek. “Sleep well, sweet Caroline. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  She heard the click of the lock and knew that he was gone. She rolled over onto his pillow, inhaling his cologne, damning herself for being so flipping paranoid, wishing that he was still there.

  * * * * *

  Caroline slammed the shot glass down on the table and leaned her head on her hand. “How many was that?”

  Bob laughed. “One too many for you, I think.”

  “I’m fine.” She wasn’t about to admit that she was far beyond her limit. “Let’s keep going.”

  “No,” he said. “I think you’re done.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Probably time for someone to take you upstairs.”

  “I’m fine,” Caroline repeated. She and Bob were the only ones at their table. She’d imprudently chosen to engage in a drinking contest with the Speaker along with Senators Grimes and Wagner, before the two other men begged off and returned to their rooms. She lost track of how many drinks she consumed but was aware enough of her surroundings to see Jen grinning at her from across the bar.

  “Jenny and Eric are still here,” she mumbled.

  “Not for long,” Bob said. “They’re holding hands and giving each other goofy looks. I assume that’s about as romantic as they get.”

  “Where’s Jack?” Caroline asked.

  Every time Caroline tried to discuss Jack with him, he changed the subject. She hoped to get him to be straight with her once he wasn’t sober but her plan hadn’t worked.

  “Over there with Ellen,” he said gruffly.

  She gazed at another booth further away. There was an empty bottle of wine on the table between Jack and Ellen, who tipped a glass full of yellowish liquid in her direction before nudging Jack and pointing at Caroline.

  “Shit,” she said. “They’re drinking Moscato. I missed out.”

  “You didn’t enjoy all the hard liquor?” Bob asked.

  “I prefer wine.”

  “You’ll be fine. I think.” Bob threw back another shot and winced. “I may stop now, too.”

  Caroline leaned down even further on her elbow. “Yeah, perfectly fine.” She felt a hand on her shoulder.

  “Are you okay, Caroline?” Jack asked.

  “I’m really good.” She lifted her head up and tried not to giggle.

  Jack glared at Bob. “How much did you give her to drink?”

  “I didn’t force it down her throat,” Bob said sharply.

  Jack tipped Caroline’s chin up. “How much did you have, sweetheart?”

  Caroline racked her brain, which didn’t do much except make her head hurt. “I don’t remember.”

  “I’m going to get you back to your bed before you pass out.” Jack turned to Bob. “Nice leadership, Mr. Speaker.”

  Bob put the top back on one of the bottles. “Fuck you, McIntyre.”

  Jack started to take Caroline’s hand. “Come on. Your night is over.”

  Bob stood up and pushed Jack away from the table. “I’ll take her back to her room. Your services aren’t necessary.”

  “Robert, lay off.” Ellen’s voice, although lazy and relaxed, was laced with warning. Caroline hadn’t even realized she was there. She put both hands on the table, the conversation of the others starting to fade in her growing haze.

  “I’ll take her upstairs,” Bob repeated.

  “Normally I’d agree, seeing as you made her this way,” Jack retorted. “But she’s my responsibility tonight.”

  “I’m not anyone’s property,” Caroline said to them. They both looked at her in surprise. “Well, I’m not.”

  “They know that.” Ellen put her hand on Caroline’s back. “You can ream them out for their paternalism tomorrow. But you’re definitely not going up to your room alone.”

  “I’m taking Caroline upstairs,” Jack said to Bob.

  “This isn’t your problem, John.” Bob pushed Jack back from the table, practically spitting out his name. They moved further away from Caroline and Ellen, and appeared to be exchanging words. Caroline couldn’t tell.

  Ellen put her half empty glass of wine on the table next to Caroline. “How much did you have to drink?” she asked.

  “I lost count after ten. Ooh, can I have some Moscato?”

  Ellen moved the glass out of her reach. “No more for you.”

  “You’re being paternalistic too.”

  “Maternalistic,” Ellen corrected. “Damn it, you really are drunk if you can’t even keep your feminist lingo straight.”

  “Am not.” Caroline slowly stood up. She swayed into the table, resting her hands on the wood as her elbows buckled.

  Ellen steadied her. “Shit. Can you even walk?” she asked.

  Caroline turned around, leaning back against her chair. “Sure.” She glanced over Ellen’s shoulder. Bob and Jack were having a heated conversation in the corner of the bar. “Go make Bob stop yelling at Jack.”

  Ellen didn’t look very happy about the task Caroline had assigned her. “I’ll do my best. I had the pleasure of splitting a couple of bottles of wine with Jack, in case you hadn’t noticed. He’s completely smitten with you.”

  “I don’t think Bob likes him very much.”

  “Bob needs to stop acting like an ass. He gets ornery when he’s been drinking.”

  “No shit.” Caroline was tempted to sit down again but if she did that she probably wouldn’t be able to get back up. “So you’ll allow Jack to take me back to my room?”

  Ellen laughed. “I don’t see why not. Do you need me to hold you up, or can you hang tight while I go get your suitor?”

  Caroline flattened her palms onto the table and reoriented herself. “I’m okay.”

  It seemed like an eternity before she felt Jack’s hand on her shoulder. “Time to get you to bed,” he said.

  Caroline put her arm around him and patted his cheek. “You’re a good boy,” she slurred, planting a wet kiss on his lips before lowering her hand to squeeze his ass.

  Jack chuckled. “Oh, Caroline. Graduating to full on PDA, are we?”

  “You’re cute. You can return the favor if you’d like.”

  He wiped his lips. “You taste like a whiskey still. And you’re completely wasted.”

  “Am not.” Caroline swayed into him.

  He grabbed her purse and slung it over his shoulder. She was going to have to remember to make fun of him for that in the morning.

  “Come on,” he said gently. “Let’s get you upstairs before you pass out.”

  “I missed you tonight. Did you tell Ellen all our secrets?”

  “No.” Jack guided her toward the elevator. “She told me a few of yours.”

  “Liar.”

  “Only the flattering stuff. She’s a fine woman.”

  Caroline leaned into his neck. “Your cologne smells nice.”

  “I’d compliment your perfume but it’s been destroyed by the booze.”

  “I’m tired. I think I drank too much.”

  Jack chuckled again. “What was that about not being completely wasted?”

  “I don’t…what were we talking about?”

  He kept an arm wrapped securely around her hips and pressed the button for the elevator. “Stop worrying about it. Give it a few minutes and we’ll be upstairs.”

  “Okay.” She stumbled into the car, her head starting to spin. “But I’ll let you do most of the walking. I don’t remember where I’m supposed to go.”

  “Just hold on to me,” Jack said.

  “Always,” Caroline whispered, and the elevator started to move. She hoped she could stay upright until they made it to her room.

  * * * * *

  Jack helped Caroline shuffle into her suite and toward the bedroom. She wasn’t sure how they’d gotten there or how long it had taken but at least her head wasn’t spinning anymore.

 
He shook his head as she caught herself on the doorframe and almost fell back into his arms. “Oh, sweetheart. Don’t ever try to drink Robert Allen under the table. I assumed you would have figured that out years ago.”

  “I could have handled more,” Caroline said.

  Jack turned her around and rubbed her shoulders as she leaned back into him. “We’re lucky we don’t have to take you to the hospital.”

  “They have really good socialized medicine here.”

  He laughed. “Caroline, save your speeches on the advantages of single payer for another time.”

  “Fine. And then I’ll win the argument.” He started to unzip her dress and she smiled. “About time you got around to that, big guy.”

  “This doesn’t appear to be comfortable sleepwear,” he said. “Although it did look fantastic on you.”

  “You could have spent more time with me tonight and gotten more closely acquainted with it.”

  “I know. But you needed to catch up with the rest of the delegation. And I wanted to get to know Ellen better.”

  “I don’t like being away from you. Maybe we need to stop sneaking around.”

  “Sweetheart, be careful. You don’t want to confess all your drunken feelings.”

  She tipped her head back and rubbed her cheek against his. “I’m not afraid to tell you anything.”

  “I realize that,” Jack slid the dress off her shoulders. “But I’d much rather you tell me all those important things when you’re sober. And awake,” he added.

  The dress fell to the floor and Caroline spun around inelegantly, grabbing his shirt. “I am going to fuck your brains out.”

  “You’ll be lucky to make it to the bed before you collapse.”

  “I want to give you everything,” she whispered. “Everything you want.”

  Jack kissed her cheek. “You already have. But you’re drunk. Lay down.”

  “Oh, good,” Caroline said. “You can fuck my brains out instead.”

  “Nope,” he said. “I’ll keep you company but there will be no sex tonight.”

  She made a face. “But I’m your girlfriend.”

  “Yes, you are. But there are some things I don’t do. Sleeping with a woman who’s barely able to stand up is one of them.”

  “I give you all my consent. Double consent, even.”