Equinox (Augarten Book 1)

by Charlie Godwyne

  Solomon blinked at me.

  I crashed and burned. "Sorry, I just—"

  "Yeah, sure."

  I froze. "Huh?"

  His bashful smile made butterflies dance in my stomach. "Hug me, Gabriel. Besides that time when the electricity went out, we're long overdue."

  At his invitation, I took the step between us and hugged him eagerly, my heart taking flight when he squeezed me right back. Solomon was a bit shorter than Florian, so he stood on his toes to hook his chin over my shoulder. My heart pounded as our chests pressed together, and I felt the familiar security of being near him. I had thought this sensation was associated with his exorcist cloak, which I had assumed had all kinds of protective magic woven into it. But it turned out this feeling was just Solomon, and I found myself grateful for that.

  Suddenly, all the emotions I had felt over the past months since meeting him rushed to the fore, and more than simple interest came to the foreground. A deep loyalty rushed through me, and an overwhelming gratitude for him being there for me all this time, ever since finding me at Augarten. He was right—this was long overdue. I had just been too timid to say it before. Maybe this was the magic of the Christmas market—or at least the mulled wine.

  The hug lasted forever, and yet I did not want it to end.

  We only pulled away when Solomon's legs started trembling, and he stepped back, sinking to his heels. "That was a hug for the three months we haven't been hugging."

  I laughed. "Yeah." Though I would do it again in a heartbeat.

  Solomon jolted and I yipped in surprise, following where he looked.

  Florian stood nearby watching us, a pleased smirk on his face. "Come on, you two. Let's take the tram to Schottentor and either go to the first district market or to Altes Allgemeine Krankenhaus."

  He led the way and we followed. I clapped Solomon on the shoulder and kept my hand there. For some reason I could not explain, I still wanted to be connected to him, but I did not know how to do it in a way that wouldn't be awkward. Solomon for his part smirked and did the same to me, then we laughed because we ended up looking like drinking buddies stumbling out of a bar. Something felt different, but it was such a good kind of different, I didn't question it.

  We caught the tram, and Florian decided we would hit both markets.

  Stepping out of the station at Schottentor, Florian linked his arm through mine, soothing me more than the rich mulled wine ever could. Solomon walked beside us, hands in his pockets, dropping behind when the cobblestone path got narrow and a horse carriage passed by. I knew I was spoiled, but I wished I could be connected to them both. Maybe it was the wine after all, because in that moment, my belly filled with gratitude for these two men—and the angel—for standing by me even without memories, for making me feel as if I belonged.

  Florian dragged me over to a network of two cabins and a full trailer overflowing with handwoven wicker baskets. "I'm buying you one of these, Gabriel. You're not a true Viennese unless you have a nice basket to carry your groceries home."

  I gawked at the enormous selection that nearly hid the ancient bearded man sitting on a stool in one of the cabins. Sure enough, he was the same grandfather figure on the poster for the shop, smoking a classy looking pipe. A master basket maker, it seemed.

  "I saw people with these at the Augarten festival."

  "Yes, indeed."

  Florian picked up one and held it out to me. A thick, pale weave, with a sturdy handle and lined with rich red cloth inside. I tried the handle and it held fast, but felt a bit bulky. Before I was even done handling the first basket, Solomon had one for me to try, and Florian was sifting back through the pile. A dozen baskets in, and Florian handed me a large one with a thin twisted handle that still held sturdy, unlined, though that could be added, no lids either, but that meant it could be filled to overflowing.

  I imagined carrying this around Augarten, hauling vegetables in it at work, maybe hitting a bakery and carrying a loaf of bread home to my apartment. Taking my things over to Florian's place to spend the night. It felt natural in my grip, and I sensed a connection that resonated up through my arm. I valued this one. We would work well together. I hugged it gently to my chest, wrapping my arms around it like it was piled high with something heavy.

  "I think we found a winner," Solomon said softly.

  "This would make a good Christmas present for you as well, Solomon," Florian said. "We'll hit the markets again before the season is over, I'm sure."

  Solomon scoffed. "Please don't get me a present."

  Florian giggled. "You're my boyfriend's best friend. A nice basket doesn't compare to what you have done for me by extension of Gabriel."

  I glanced up to find Florian leaning against Solomon's side, trying to read his expression. They were almost hugging, sort of. "When did you two get close?"

  Florian turned away, resting his cheek on Solomon's shoulder, while my friend spoke softly. "Back when you disappeared. Ian came to me, thinking he'd found you, but Florian and Ian can't be in the same room, so I was the go-between. It must have been then."

  Florian nodded.

  Guilt splashed through me, even though I knew it was nothing I could have helped. "Because of the Michael thing, right?"

  "Yes," Florian answered, his voice subdued. "Michael doesn't approve of whatever is going on with you, not that he'll tell me what that is. But Ian is especially on his black list, it seems, because he insists on helping you. For slightly different reasons, it seems, the Welsh gods I pray to do not want you praying to them. At least not this time around. They told me what Augarten is doing with you is against the rules, or something like that. Unnatural."

  My stomach clenched. This state of affairs made me feel terrible, but even still, I'd trade all of it for Ian any day. No regrets, not a second thought. I was so infinitely glad Ian had chosen me, too.

  I met Solomon's gaze. "Are you cut off from Michael as well then?"

  He cocked his chin up in defiance. "I am a Catholic. There are so many saints and angels I can pray to, they'd fill an encyclopedia big enough to prop open the doors of Saint Stephen's."

  That made me smile, my chest tingling at his unusual show of strength.

  He smirked back. "Now take your boyfriend off my hands. I'll go get us a round of punch."

  Florian cackled good-naturedly, but did not move to disengage himself from Solomon. I stepped forward and gently guided him into my arms, touching eyes with Solomon a moment.

  Florian tucked into my chest, and I bemoaned our height difference because it meant I couldn't see his face. I rested my chin on the top of his head, and we stood there as the minutes silently ticked by, the resplendent joy of the season crackling around us like a warm fire in the hearth. The hour of the last mass of the evening must have come, because a cathedral right next to us tolled, kicking off a magnificent ricochet of bells between not one, but two other cathedrals just in this central square.

  With nothing but cobblestones and not a patch of grass in sight, the clanging of the bells was overpowering, as if they were attempting to dictate the beating of my own heart. I held Florian through it all, cut off from the divine voices who might help me, but sheltered in the warm embrace of the man in my arms, and the gentle wings of one single angel who, for a reason I could not devise, had sworn to see me through this struggle until the end.

  Solomon returned with our punch, and I found I wanted bratwurst, so we drank in line and ordered food. The small stage was currently unoccupied, so Solomon and Florian jumped up and I stood in front of them, for once our heights unbalanced in the other direction. Florian had a stack of rye slices that came with his bratwurst that he shared with us. "Talked to my friend James today. He calls every couple of months."

  I furrowed my brows. "Have I met him?"

  Florian shook his head. "We worked together back in Paris. You'll get to meet Klaus, though. He kind of adopted me back then, but he and his wife visit Vienna over Christmas usually. Anyway, it got me thinking o
f how I want to expand operations at the shop."

  Solomon checked me with a glance, but he must have seen the same confusion mirrored on my face. "Didn't know you were thinking of expanding."

  Florian handed the rest of his food off to me and kicked one leg up onto the stage, leaning back on his hands. "James and I ran a shop in Paris, just the two of us. We'd talked back then about owning a shop between us, but he had a young daughter to support and wanted to stay close as she grew up. Now she's heading off to college, and he's willing to move to Vienna. So it's got me thinking."

  I didn't like the idea of this James intruding upon our lives, and a part of me simply wanted to fill any labor needs Florian might have myself, to keep our circle nice and small. But I was kidding myself—between harvest season and training with Mr. Buchinger, I was totally exhausted. I had only enough energy at the end of the day for meditation with Ian, then collapsing in bed with a book that saw maybe a couple of pages turn each evening. Unless I was at Florian's place, then I could be convinced to engage in some lovemaking, guaranteed.

  Florian glanced between us. "You two made such a killing with the bike trailer that day the electricity was out, it's made me wonder if hiring an intern might be worth it after all. I just hate to spread the cash across a random part-timer when someone in my inner circle could work twice as hard and let me pay them with leftover food from the shop."

  I chuckled. Florian the entrepreneur, as ruthless as ever. "Maybe the intern at Anne and Sarah's might have a friend she could vouch for."

  "Milly? Yeah, maybe."

  "When's he planning to move out here?" Solomon asked.

  Florian tilted his head in thought. "Not for a while yet. His daughter's still in her last year of high school, but in a year, I'll need to have an idea of what I want to do." He glanced at me, but I could not read the message in his eyes. "Ever since inheriting the shop, I'd decided to work until the day I die. But that was as a widower, who wasn't having much luck finding a partner a second time around. But with Gabriel…"

  My chest clenched and yearned for him, but Florian avoided me in favor of Solomon, for once a bit insecure.

  "Being with Gabriel makes me wish I had someone to hold the shop down for me while we took the chance to spend more time together. Maybe take a vacation to the coast somewhere, see the ocean. Or just relax, enjoy each other, instead of working all the time. Plus…my mother's eighty. I see her often enough now that I'm back in Vienna, but eventually, I'll want to be available should she need more help from me."

  I swallowed, twisted by conflicting emotions and catching the insinuation Florian had tried to hide. I could disappear at any moment, because a nature spirit had grown me from one of her trees, and I was already a man with no memories. Sometimes I wondered if I was even truly alive—just what on Earth and all of heaven was going on with me? It was only through Ian's constant support that I summoned the strength to carry onward despite all this uncertainty. Not just support from Ian, but from Florian and Solomon as well.

  "I'll take the mugs back," I said softly and collected our cups and trash from the food.

  By the time I got back with our deposit, Florian was dozing against Solomon's shoulder. The colorful Christmas lights danced across his sleepy face, making him look otherworldly, like a magical wood nymph from A Midsummer Night's Dream.

  "Let's go. Shall we take the tram? That'll get us home faster."

  Florian roused a bit. "Grab a carriage. There's no need to rush. We have all night."

  I jogged over to the strip at the entrance to the market where the police and horse carriages stood. Finding a driver, I asked how far he could get us with the money I had left. He said he'd take it and deliver us straight to the second district. I then jogged back into the crowds to find Florian and Solomon, because of course neither Florian nor I carried phones, unlike the hip people around us.

  Solomon hopped into the carriage first and I lifted Florian up to him. We bundled under a blanket. Florian heaved a tired sigh and stretched out across our laps.

  I smiled softly at him. "You can sleep if you like."

  Florian hummed in pleasure when I maneuvered him against my thighs. "This has all been so romantic. I want to stay awake and experience this with you."

  "I'm not going anywhere."

  He soon fell asleep to the clop-clopping of the horses' hooves. I watched the city roll by, holding him close. Solomon scratched his head in an awkward gesture, clearly trying to work up the courage for something. The horses seemed to be chatting, a conversation of puffs and chortles.

  A loaded silence descended between us, and I waited to see what Solomon was summoning the will to say. The carriage driver was smoking and listening to something in his headphones, occasionally muttering to the horses.

  "Listen, Gabriel…" Solomon trailed off.

  My heart picked up its pace in trepidation. "Yeah?"

  Was he going to say we couldn't be friends anymore? That his job had transferred him to somewhere else? That he would be leaving Vienna? Losing Solomon would hurt me deeply. It would be comparable to Florian going away. I resisted the urge to cuddle Florian closer, lest I wake him.

  Solomon huffed and jammed a hand through his hair, then settled his hands back down on Florian's legs wrapped in blankets. Florian's breaths came shallow in sleep.

  "Ian has been helping me through something lately," he began. "Remember my mentioning being demi that day we took Florian's bike to Schwedenplatz and sold espresso from the trailer?"

  "Yes." I tried to recall the exact details. "You don't have sexual attraction unless you're in love with someone, but then once you are, you can desire sex, but just with them."

  A beat of pause. "Yeah, that'll work."

  A stupid grin stretched across my face. "I've got your back, Solomon. Don't you worry about me."

  He glanced in my direction and then seemed to smile despite himself and shook his head. "Hear me out, okay?"

  "Okay." I shut my trap and listened.

  Solomon's expression grew solemn. "This had never happened to me before, so I had not even known I was demi. It had never occurred to me—my celibacy vows were just simply that easy. I didn't see why other priests struggled with it."

  I nodded.

  "When…when this started coming up, Ian approached me. He challenged me to figure out what was going on, and fast. He claimed that if I mentally violated my vows with my own desires, that that had rippling consequences, even if I did not act on them."

  I grimaced. "Just for your thoughts? That seems overly harsh."

  Who on Earth had never had thoughts they weren't proud of? Surely the gods did not expect such perfection from humans. That reminded me of the Catholic concept of scrupulosity, of focusing too much on every sin, even the tiny ones, to the extent that it became an exercise of the ego.

  Solomon shook his head. "I'm glad he pushed me. He was right—I had indeed been on the verge of mentally breaking my vows, even if I fully planned to stay in my position and continue going through the motions because I was afraid of change. Sure enough, when I approached the Holy Mother about it, she urged me to face what I was dodging, and to do things properly while I still had the chance. With that…"

  His voice cracked and he took a couple of deep breaths. I longed to reach for his hand, but I did not know the reason for his heartache.

  "Gabriel, I have left the priesthood."

  That took a moment to sink in. I turned to him in shock. "What? But wasn't becoming an exorcist your big goal?"

  Solomon's eyes looked just as frightened as I felt. "Yes, that's right. I'm a bit lost, to be honest. Well, I'm 'found' in some areas of my life, but lost in all the others. My life had been on a single trajectory, but now I'm unemployed and will have to leave my apartment by the end of next week."

  This was a lot to take in at once, but one thing was completely clear.

  "You can move in with me, of course. You can live with me, and while you search for jobs, I bet Andrea will let
you help out at Augarten and consider it a contribution toward the rent."

  That would be a relief for me—between Augarten and Mr. Buchinger, I was in a near-constant state of exhaustion. How I longed to have even just one day off each week, to lounge around Florian's shop and read a book.

  Solomon clenched his jaw and turned away. "I can't do that, Gabriel. It's not fair to Florian."

  "What?" I floundered. "Why?"

  Florian groaned. Solomon and I froze. He pushed to sit up and settled in the space between us, scrubbing at his eyes.

  "How much of that did you hear?" Solomon whispered in evident horror.

  "Everything after the first time you said my name in close range while I was sleeping," Florian replied.

  Solomon's mouth hung open.

  Florian sighed and turned to me. "I'm okay with you living with Solomon. It doesn’t change that you're committed to me."

  I blinked. "Of course that wouldn't change." What was he talking about?

  Florian sat back and glanced at Solomon. "Now the question is what Solomon wants, now that he is done with his vows and is on the market for the first time."

  I furrowed my brows. "Am I missing something?"

  Florian glared at Solomon for a long moment while Solomon did a great impression of a fish out of water.

  Then my boyfriend patted my thigh, giving me a soft smile. "Yes, you've been missing something. If I'm not mistaken, Solomon wants to go on a date with you, Gabriel."

  Solomon hid his face in his hands, refusing to look at either of us.

  I stared at my best friend. "What?"

  "Is this correct, Solomon?" Florian asked.

  After a moment, Solomon nodded.

  I shrugged. "Sure. You've never been on a date before, right, Solomon? Let's go have a good time, and that way you can say you've at least been on a couple of dates before you jump into a relationship with someone."

  Solomon did not reply.

  "Nope. That's not what I mean," Florian said. "Solomon is demi, as you explained to me with his permission, which means that if he wants to go on a date with you, Gabriel, then that means he wants you to consider him as a candidate for a genuine partner, that there are significant feelings behind this that have built up to these decisions."