Equinox (Augarten Book 1)

by Charlie Godwyne

  My chest ached with a longing I had not known I'd felt until Florian had called it to light. "I…"

  We all three fell silent. One of the horses chortled, and his buddy replied.

  "Maybe just let that sink in, you two," Florian said softly.

  Solomon and I both nodded. I for one was bereft of words. This was too much at once. I loved this carriage ride—and I wouldn't leave the people in the carriage with me for anything in the world—but a part of me wanted to sprint in any direction at all, just to expel this energy building up alongside my confusion.

  "I approve, by the way," Florian said.

  Solomon gasped and finally pulled his hands away, staring at Florian with wide eyes.

  Florian sat back against the carriage cushions and gave a shrug. "Only because it's you, Solomon. Gabriel knows better than to expect me to permit an open relationship."

  I nodded confirmation.

  Solomon's gaze flicked between the two of us. "How can you so easily approve?"

  "Because you're his best friend, and if you're demi, then this isn't a casual fling for you. Furthermore, Gabriel talks about you all the time. It's maddening. He is your fanboy of absolute devotion."

  I flushed.

  Solomon glanced at me before looking away, and I saw a fierce hope reflected in that moment.

  "Just promise you won't try to steal him from me."

  Solomon's nostrils flared. "I'm not that shallow. I will honor your trust in me."

  "And I wouldn't leave anyhow, Florian," I said, taking his hand.

  He gave me a half-smile and squeezed my hand.

  "How are you okay with this?" Solomon asked.

  Florian took a moment to deliberate. "I've learned some things after becoming a widower. Life is too short to be petty."

  Solomon pressed. "But still…"

  Florian scoffed. "Is this really incomprehensible to you? The local garden spirit regenerated my boyfriend with a tree."

  I couldn't help it—I giggled like a loon, laughter bubbling up and out of me before I could stop it. Florian and Solomon eyed me in question. I held my hands up. "What can I say? It's true."

  They both smiled back.

  "Thank you, Florian," Solomon said once I had calmed from my glee.

  Florian nodded. "You're welcome."

  Solomon moved in the following evening. I held the door open for him. "Is that really all you have?"

  Solomon lugged a heavy-looking duffel bag in and set it down in the middle of the floor. "I've sold everything I could to my roommates and coworkers and friends. Only kept the books that had sentimental value, and I didn't own that much to begin with. Vow of poverty, remember? At least I got a bit of cash for things."

  I still could not reconcile that his whole adult life fit into one bag. Though I guessed I wasn't one to argue, considering I'd had to completely build a life for myself from scratch. "You'll have part-time work with me come the planting season—that could discount our rent if nothing else. I bet Florian would let you take his trailer out. Plus, I qualified for state assistance, so I'm only paying two thirds of the rent anyway."

  Solomon faced me, dark bags under his tired but still gorgeous blue eyes. "Do you mind if I turn in early? It's been a long day."

  "Sure."

  Stopping in the bathroom, only now did I realize I only had one towel. "Florian and I always used the same towel—"

  "It's fine. I've at least got one of those."

  He showered and I straightened the bed so there would be room enough for the both of us. Brushed my teeth, decided to shower in the morning, and I was ready. Normally, we'd say our prayers, but somehow things felt different with Solomon coming to live with me. I desperately wanted him to sing the Latin mass like usual—it was the best way to fall asleep, if I couldn't be with Florian—but Solomon was technically no longer a priest, or on leave from his job at least. My request might be a burden on him now.

  The shower shut off, and Solomon appeared a couple of minutes later, his black curls the tamest I had ever seen them. "Thanks for the shower."

  "No need to thank me. You live here now. Which side of the bed do you want?"

  Solomon stopped in the middle of leaning down to his duffel. "I'm sleeping on the floor."

  "What? Just take the bed with me. It's not large, I know, but I won't kick you. I don't have another set of bedding, either."

  Solomon unzipped his duffel and rustled around. "I'm on the floor, Gabriel. End of story. I can't sleep in the bed with you while my feelings are like this."

  That gave me pause. What feelings? Couldn't we work this out?

  Folding up his jacket as a pillow, Solomon lay down and turned away from me. I could not believe this turn of events. "At least take my blanket."

  No reply.

  I hopped off the bed and whipped my blanket open, settling it on him. Neither of us spoke a word.

  I climbed back into bed, and Solomon curled up in a ball, pulling the blanket tight around him.

  Solomon gave a frustrated sigh. "This smells like you."

  "Is…that okay? Do I stink?"

  "You don't stink, but Gabriel, you don't get it. I'm attracted to you. That's why I left my job. I have feelings for you, and they're strong enough that Ian warned me I was on the verge of breaking my vows as a priest."

  "But…Florian said this was okay, right? You're my best friend, Solomon. I don't mind if we sleep in the same bed."

  He shook his head, rustling the lumpy jacket beneath him that was surely uncomfortable. "I'll never sleep if I'm in the bed with you. I won't be able to stop thinking about touching you."

  "You can touch me. Florian will tell you—I'm a huge cuddle bug. I'll take anything you're willing to give to me."

  "That's not what I mean, Gabriel. I want…I want to touch you as if you were my lover."

  My heart picked up its pace. How was I supposed to sleep now, knowing that?

  I struggled to find the words I needed, because in truth, after that game-changing conversation going home from the Christmas market, my heart still hadn't caught up with everything we had discussed. I loved Solomon, to be sure, but I had always known that since he was a priest, I needed to keep the affection I felt for him platonic. Whereas with Florian, things had run wild from the very beginning. We had slept together just the third or fourth time of having ever met. Florian was vibrant air and fire, whereas what I felt for Solomon was cool earth and solid stone.

  "Even still," I insisted. "I admit, I'm not there yet, where you are on these feelings. We need to talk about it more. But even still, you're welcome to join me up here if the floor gets too uncomfortable tonight. Just forgive me if I unknowingly cuddle you in my sleep, thinking you're Florian."

  It took a long moment for him to reply. "Okay. Thanks."

  I settled back down. "Goodnight."

  "Goodnight."

  As usual, Florian woke up before me to get ready for work, rustling around while I dozed. Then as always, he would hug me tight and kiss me awake with promises of hot espresso and breakfast once I made it downstairs. But this time, as his weight sunk down on the bed next to me, the warm embrace did not come. Instead, calloused fingertips brushed my hair from my forehead, timid, as if unsure. They lingered in my hair, then settled on my shoulder.

  "Gabriel."

  I flinched awake and twisted away from the wall. Solomon sat next to me on my bed at Augarten, his eyes filled with an emotion I could not read.

  "Sorry to startle you," he said softly. "I'm heading to a job interview. I didn't want you to wake up to me gone."

  I'd forgotten he was even here. "An interview already?"

  He gave a half-hearted shrug. "It's just dishwashing at a restaurant in Naschmarkt."

  I pushed myself up and, before I could second guess myself, wrapped him in a hug and laid my head on the back of his shoulder. Solomon stiffened with a gasp, but a moment later, his arms were around me, surrounding me in that familiar security I always felt with him.

&
nbsp; "Good luck," I said around a yawn.

  He chuckled, his voice husky. "What a sendoff. I'm a lucky man."

  He took my words from my heart. Two brilliant, amazing men in my life, one a lover, and the other my best friend, who might even become a lover as well. Not only them, but also an angel to guide me. I still could not believe I was worthy of such wonderful people in my life, could not believe that I was dealt a hand filled with so many blessings.

  "Solomon…"

  "Yes?"

  I stayed hugging him, the words easier to say when we weren't looking at each other face to face. "Are you saying you want to make love with me?"

  This change had swept me up so suddenly, I was still trying to wrap my mind around it. Surely Solomon had been thinking about it for weeks, to make such a huge life change, and he had said that Ian had helped him come to this decision. I'd always known Solomon was handsome, but seeing as he was a priest, I had not allowed my thoughts to continue past that observation, and instead focused my feelings toward him into our friendship. Now that Solomon had left the priesthood, I did not know what I should be feeling.

  Solomon turned and tucked his face in the juncture between my neck and collar. "Not if you aren't willing, Gabriel. But…yes. I have such desires, toward only you. I think that's why I'm demi—this wasn't an issue for me whatsoever, until we met."

  "But what about Florian?"

  "…Florian has been gracious to allow us to go on a date, if you would like, of course."

  "Are you going to sleep on the floor until we go on our date?"

  He chuckled. "Yes. Sleeping in a bed with you would be torture for me."

  That hurt. "Am I that bad?"

  He pulled back, grabbed my forearms and squeezed, meeting my eyes. "Gabriel, no. You're so handsome I can't think of anything else when I'm near you."

  My breath stuttered to a stop. To see those icy blue eyes gazing at me when he said such words…"Shouldn't we just give it a try then? Let's go over to Florian's place and try it out."

  He furrowed his brow. "Try what?"

  I bit my bottom lip. "You know, making love."

  He seemed a bit hurt. "What about just the two of us?"

  This conversation should scare me, but instead I was rolling with it, as if my subconscious had already decided, and my conscious mind just hadn't been aware of it. All of this felt completely natural with Solomon, even though we had never discussed it before, and I had never let myself mentally acknowledge such things. "It's not off the table, but Solomon, we should include Florian. With the three of us, we can figure out what our foundation is, since I was with Florian first. I don't want to feel like I have two separate relationships. I want this to be the three of us."

  Not meeting my gaze, he released me and pushed to standing. "We've got the cart before the horse anyhow. Let's go out on Friday. That'll give you the week to think about it."

  I missed his warmth, so suddenly gone. "Okay, but I'm going to borrow pillows from Florian and build a wall on this bed so you can sleep up here with me."

  He scoffed. "Are we children at a sleepover?"

  I smirked. "A wall of pillows seems like a good compromise, right? You can be up here with me, but we won't touch each other." Even though we both clearly wanted to touch each other.

  Solomon patted me on the shoulder. "Whatever you say. I'll see you later."

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The next day, I fainted at work, waking to Maria and Andrea huddled over me and wafting vinegar under my nose right in the middle of the garden. Not only that, but I kept fainting, once even at Mr. Buchinger's where I fell and nearly hit the counter. Despite Florian and Mrs. Buchinger keeping me well fed with plenty of protein and more prescribed rest than I was used to, the spells continued without cause, and Ian did not know what was going on. I increasingly felt as if I might disappear at any moment, like a bubble about to burst, or as if I were being pulled apart at the seams.

  Augarten claimed it was to no fault of her tree and refused any other assistance. As arranged, Florian worried over me every other night at his place, and on the nights between, Solomon slept next to me in the bed and woke the instant I opened my eyes. I kept pushing through each day, determined to be normal, eager to build on my relationships both personally and professionally. After all, what other choice did I have?

  That week, Solomon started washing dishes at a café in Naschmarkt and helping Florian when he got busy. I kept sleeping over at Florian's and returning to my room every other night to be inside the protective wards, but when I did, Solomon insisted on sleeping with a wall of pillows in the bed with me. Back when we were just best friends, I would not have thought a thing about sharing a bed. I still didn't, but understood why Solomon might, now that I knew he harbored some kind of feelings for me, feelings that Florian had picked up on while I had remained in the dark.

  I still could not believe that my best friend felt that way about me and I had not noticed at all.

  One suspicion I was too shy to confirm was that the reason it felt like the feelings between us hadn't changed one bit was because they actually hadn't. Beneath the current of our consciousness, our bond had always been like this. We just had not known it, until Florian had told us the truth.

  We decided to go on our date that Saturday, because it was a light workday for all of us, and Solomon was taking a temporary break from attending mass on Ian's recommendation. After finishing up the work Mr. Buchinger had left me to do over the weekend, I walked to the Schöner Himmel and helped Florian close down the shop. I flipped the chairs onto the tabletops, swept and mopped the floor while Florian cleaned the kitchen and broke down the espresso machine. We had a leisurely lunch of sliced meats from the butcher, his leftovers from the week, and the breads from the case that Florian had not sold.

  The bell on the door tinkled, and Solomon walked in with a bouquet of roses.

  Florian jumped up and walked over. "Look at you."

  Solomon glanced across the shop to me, his expression bashful. "I bought them from Mrs. Bradley's shop down the street."

  Florian beckoned me over. "Gabriel, come accept these. Where are your manners?"

  I leapt up. "What? They're for me?"

  My boyfriend scoffed. "Do you think they're for me?"

  "I had thought some of them could maybe brighten up the shop," Solomon said softly.

  Florian beamed at that. "I'll go find a vase."

  We split the dozen by nine and three, resolving to give the trio to the statue of the Holy Mother on the bridge over to the canal.

  After we finished separating the stems, Florian touched my hand. "Come with me a minute?"

  I met his eyes. "Sure."

  He led me to the kitchen and, to my surprise, closed the door behind us. I'd never seen the kitchen door closed.

  "What's wrong, babe?" I asked, scanning him with concern.

  He stepped to me, cupped the back of my neck, and gently pulled me down to kiss him. I wrapped my arms around the small of his back while he trailed his fingers through my hair, then down my neck and shoulders. I hummed in pleasure, spoiled rotten and completely content.

  "What was that for?" I asked when he broke the kiss and cupped my cheeks in his hands.

  Florian's eyes betrayed an insecurity he was normally so skilled at masking with his typical calm confidence. "Come back home to me tonight, after? Surely you won't want to sleep together in the same apartment after your first date. That's pretty intense, right? Solomon won't want to—"

  "Sure," I interrupted him, so astounded at his babbling I didn't have time to process that he had called his apartment my home. "You know I still love you, right? Solomon respects what we have together."

  He locked eyes with me for a long moment, searching for my conviction, then finally let out a long breath and nodded. "Okay. Go have fun. I'll see you later."

  I kissed him on the forehead, on his third eye center, the same place Ian had touched him years ago and which seemed to always put
him at ease. "See you soon."

  I waited for Florian to open the door and lead the way back out. Solomon stood in the middle of the shop, tugging on the sleeve of his button-up dress shirt and looking anxious.

  "Take good care of him, Solomon," Florian said with a bravado in his voice I knew he didn't feel.

  Solomon nodded. "I'll have him back before midnight. So he doesn't turn into a pumpkin."

  I laughed. "Is that how that works?"

  Solomon and I sauntered toward the canal, taking our time. On the bridge, he offered the three roses to the Holy Mother statue and prayed for a moment while I stood by respectfully. When he finished, he smiled at me, finally calm, and I took his hand.

  We moseyed around, then grabbed quick bakery sandwiches—since Solomon hadn't eaten, and I was never against a second lunch—and bottles of tea with honey and carried them to the canal. We settled down a ways from the Holy Mother bridge and farther into the trees wherein I had reappeared some weeks ago. Solomon seemed antsy again, so we ate like starving men, to give us something to do.

  I polished off my sandwich and popped open the lid of my tea. Solomon stared at half of his sandwich. "You're not going to eat, Solomon?"

  He refused to look at me. "I'm a bit too nervous—my stomach's in knots."

  Well, shit. "Half a sandwich will at least keep you from falling over. What do you want to do now?"

  He handed the other half to me, and I tucked it down in a couple of bites. Solomon didn't have trouble with his tea.

  "We could go for a walk somewhere," I suggested. "How about the park at Pöltzleinsdorf? Or do you want to go hike at Grinzing? We could hit a museum too. Florian told me there's one full of globes."

  Solomon finished his tea and stared at it, contemplating something. "I'd rather just chill here, if that's alright with you."

  "Sure, that's fine." Though I wasn't sure just sitting here and letting him get more and more anxious was the best idea.