Healing the Doctor’s Heart

by Kirk, Cindy

  “It’s not him, Mitz. It’s Joel.”

  Mitzi’s eyes widened in surprise. “I thought things were good between you two.”

  “I’ve come to the conclusion that continuing to see him was a mistake.” Kate glanced down at the picture she’d pulled out this morning. The one Chloe had wanted her to show her dad.

  “But you’re only dating him. You’re not sleeping with him. Or has that changed?”

  “That hasn’t changed.” Kate slouched back against the cushion. “Sometimes I think it’d be easier if we were and I could tell myself it’s just sex.”

  “I don’t under—”

  “Yesterday I overheard Chloe tell Joel she loved me and wished I was her mom.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. Oh.” Kate expelled a ragged breath. “I know what I want, Mitzi. I want it all, but I can’t have it. Soon I won’t have any of it.”

  Mitzi leaned over and peered into Kate’s cup. “What are you drinking?”

  Kate couldn’t even manage a smile. When Mitzi set down her cup and took her hand, she couldn’t hide her tears.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” Mitzi said softly.

  “I can’t be Joel’s friend anymore, Mitzi. It’s too hard. I love him. I know he cares for me, but caring isn’t enough. That’s why I started dating again. But when I was out with Benedict, all I could think of was how I wished I was with Joel.”

  “Then maybe you should just… see only Joel.”

  “Don’t you understand? Even if he were willing to fall in love again, it couldn’t be with me. There can never be anything between us.”

  “Because he doesn’t know that you’re Chloe’s birth mother.”

  Kate nodded. “How could two people build a life together with such a lie between them?”

  Mitzi lifted the mug but didn’t drink. “Then I guess there’s only one solution to your problem.”

  “And that is?”

  “You’re going to have to tell him, Kate. Come clean and tell him you’re Chloe’s mother.”

  * * *

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go for a run with me?” Mitzi stood by the open door, making one last appeal.

  Kate shook her head. “I’m going to take a shower. By the time you get back, I’ll be perfectly presentable.”

  “Then I’m taking you to lunch,” Mitzi said. “I don’t want any argument. We’ll check out that new Mexican place on the highway.”

  “You won’t get any argument from me.”

  Kate rose from the sofa as soon as Mitzi left to put her cup in the dishwasher, too restless to sit any longer. On her way back to the living room she heard the front door open. Trust Mitzi not to take no for an answer. “I don’t care how nice it is out there. If you keep badgering me, I’m not going—”

  Her breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t her temporary roommate who stood in the foyer but Joel.

  “Mitzi told me to let myself in.” His eyes widened. Apparently she looked worse than she realized. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” She gestured to a chair. “Please, make yourself at home.”

  He had her at a definite disadvantage. He’d obviously come from church. Every hair on his head was in place and instead of attire more suitable for a second-rate yoga studio, he wore dark brown dress pants and a cream-colored dress shirt that put her faded tee to shame.

  His gaze searched hers. “Chloe and I missed you at church.”

  “Yeah, well, I had a late night.” Despite drinking a glass of warm milk at midnight, it had been close to three before she’d fallen asleep.

  A muscle in Joel’s jaw jumped. “Sounds like things went well with Benedict.”

  “Benedict?” Kate’s sluggish brain didn’t immediately make the connection. Then it hit her. He thought she’d been up late carousing with the doctor. She almost laughed. “He had me home by eleven. I just had trouble falling asleep. Too many things on my mind.”

  Joel looked pleased. “Eleven, eh?”

  Kate picked at a thread on her fraying shirt. “I’ve been thinking we should have a talk.”

  His eyes turned watchful. The smile slipped from his lips. “Sounds ominous.”

  “Not really.” She glanced at the clock. “Do you have to leave soon?”

  “Oh, you mean to pick up Chloe?” He shook his head. “She’s going home with Sarabeth after Sunday school.”

  “Okay, well…” This was it. The perfect opportunity. The confession stood poised on the tip of Kate’s tongue but she couldn’t get the words out. How do you say “I’m the woman who gave up Chloe. I’ve been lying to you both for over two years”? There certainly weren’t any etiquette books that dealt with this situation. At least none that Kate had ever seen.

  “Hey, is this the picture Chloe couldn’t stop talking about?” Joel picked up the photo from the coffee table and held it up. The smile on his face vanished.

  Perhaps a confession wasn’t going to be necessary after all.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Joel stared down at the picture in his hand. It was an older-style photograph. A thin dark-haired girl dressed in a pink skating outfit stared back at him. Chloe was right. If he didn’t know this was Kate, he’d think it was his daughter.

  How was it possible that they looked so much alike? A cold chill washed over him as the memories began flooding back. The baby’s parents are both medical students, the attorney had said. The father wanted no contact. The mother requested regular reports on the child.

  Although Kate was from Pittsburgh, she’d been a medical student at UC Irvine around the time Chloe was born. Just down the road from the hospital in Laguna Hills.

  He lifted his gaze from the photograph. “You’re Chloe’s mother.”

  For a second Joel thought Kate might deny it. Thought he was crazy for even suggesting it. Then she nodded.

  His blood turned to ice. “You used me to get to Chloe.”

  “No, it wasn’t like that.”

  He clenched his fists and counted to ten. It wasn’t like that. Yeah, right. As if he’d believe anything she said now. Not after she’d looked him in the eye for almost two years and lied every time she pretended to be his friend. He narrowed his gaze. “You knew she was your daughter, yet you didn’t say a word.”

  When Kate clasped her hands together, they were trembling. He couldn’t summon up an ounce of sympathy for her distress.

  “When I signed those adoption papers I promised to stay out of your life.”

  “That’s right. And you went back on your word. You came here. You became a part of her life.” Joel raked a hand through his hair. How had he not seen it? Chloe had Kate’s eyes. Her hair. He’d been stupid. No, gullible. Sucked in by a sweet smile and even sweeter lies.

  Joel fought to rein in his anger. At her. At him. At the whole situation. “How did you find us? Those records were supposed to have remained sealed until Chloe was eighteen.”

  Kate shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. “I hired a detective. Amy had let slip some clues to your whereabouts in the letters she’d sent over the years. That’s how he located you.”

  “So much for your promise to stay out of her life.”

  “What did you expect me to do?” She straightened and her hazel eyes flashed. “The reports had stopped. Suddenly. Without warning. After eight years of regular letters and pictures, I got nothing. I was out of my mind with worry, imagining something had happened to her. I had to know she was okay.”

  Joel refused to get sidetracked or let her heap the blame for this mess on him.

  “Moving to Jackson Hole wasn’t a coincidence,” he said in a flat tone. “You came here with a purpose. You came here to insinuate yourself into her life. You decided the best way to get to her was through me.”

  “No.” Kate leaped to her feet. “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re darn right I don’t understand.”

  Kate was willing to admit she’d made mistakes. Still, she wasn’t the only one
who’d broken their word. “Did you ever consider that if you’d sent the reports you promised, I wouldn’t have had to come looking for her?”

  “I was a little busy.” His eyes were cold as steel, his tone heavy with sarcasm. “My wife had died, I was in the middle of planning a major move and I had a little girl who needed me.”

  Kate wasn’t about to let him dismiss the months of needless pain he’d caused her. She hadn’t slept a full night until the detective had finally located Chloe and told her she was okay.

  “I lived for those reports.” She met his gaze head on. “I haven’t received one in over two years.”

  Something flickered in Joel’s eyes. “Time may have gotten away from me, but that doesn’t excuse you lying to me. To Chloe. To everyone.”

  Kate exhaled a ragged breath. It hadn’t taken her long to realize that moving to Jackson had been a mistake. “When I came here I planned to keep my distance. I didn’t know I’d end up with Chloe as one of my patients. Nor did I know that the community was so small and tight-knit. Aside from being her doctor, I never imagined we’d end up with the same group of friends.”

  He crossed his arms. “And our affair?”

  “We shared the same goal. To scratch an itch that wouldn’t go away,” Kate retorted, even as her heart cried out against such a simplistic explanation. Even though they’d probably both vehemently deny it, their affair had been about much more than sexual hunger.

  “You said you liked me. I got the feeling you might even love me. Was that a lie, too?”

  Kate’s head was spinning. It felt as if the second she answered one question he popped out another. She wished he’d slow down. Give her a chance to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. But the set to his jaw and the look in his eyes said he wanted answers. Now.

  “Of course I liked you,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. “That doesn’t mean I ever thought you’d be a good partner for me.”

  “Because of the lie.”

  “Because I never stood a chance of measuring up to Saint Amy.” Kate lifted her chin. “I grew up in the shadow of my sister. I could never be with a man who thought I was second-best.”

  “Well, we don’t have to worry about that. I like my women honest.”

  At that moment Kate hated him. Hated his arrogant judgment. Hated him for making her feel as though her mother had been right all along.

  “Where do we go from here?” Kate said finally.

  “With the truth. I’ll tell Chloe that you’re her birth mother. There’s bound to be fallout, but I’ll deal with it.”

  “I can be there—”

  “No.” His hand cut a sharp swath through the air. “You’ve already done quite enough.”

  Before she could say another word, he was on his feet and out the door.

  Kate sank back into the sofa. “Well, that went well,” she muttered, then promptly burst into tears.

  * * *

  Joel hadn’t even made it to the curb when he realized he’d let his anger make an important decision. Telling Chloe that Kate was her mother needed to be handled with kid gloves. She was sure to have a lot of questions. Questions only Kate could answer.

  He turned on his heel and headed back to the townhouse, opening the door without knocking. She still sat on the sofa, her head in her hands.

  “Kate.”

  She looked up, her lashes wet with tears.

  Hardening his heart, Joel crossed the room and dropped into the chair he’d vacated only minutes earlier. “I’ve decided we need to tell Chloe together.”

  She simply stared.

  “She may have questions that I can’t answer.”

  “Like, ‘Why did my mom give me up?’”

  “Yeah, like that,” he said absently as he imagined the shock on Chloe’s face, the tears and questions that were sure to follow. “I want to make sure she understands that she wasn’t a throwaway, that she was very much wanted.”

  “A throwaway?” Kate’s voice rose. Anger snapped in her eyes. “You have no idea how hard—”

  “Seven o’clock. My house.” Joel wasn’t interested in any more explanations, any more excuses. She could give those to Chloe. And they better be good.

  Kate gestured toward the door with her head. “Show yourself out.”

  Joel gave a curt nod. He covered the distance to the door in several long strides, then turned. “If you’re not there, I’ll tell her myself.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  He saw the pain beneath her lifted chin and stoic features. For a second he longed to sit on the sofa and pull her close. Comfort her. Assure her that all would be okay.

  The realization that he still harbored feelings for her made him slam the door behind him with extra force.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Joel rubbed the bridge of his nose as Chloe continued to prattle on about nothing and everything. She hadn’t stopped talking since he’d picked her up just before supper. When she’d heard Kate would be stopping by, she’d gotten even more excited.

  Chloe’s obvious fondness for her biological mother made him realize it would be hard to banish Kate from his daughter’s life. Not without harming Chloe in the process.

  The doorbell rang. Chloe jumped up. “I’ll get it.”

  Joel glanced at the clock. Right on time. Reluctantly he pulled to his feet as Kate entered the room.

  Although he still wore the jeans and the long-sleeved black T-shirt he’d changed into after church, he expected Kate to show up in a dress and heels. He’d noticed she tended to dress up when she was nervous. Once again she surprised him.

  While she wasn’t as casually dressed as she’d been that morning, the leggings and cashmere red sweater was definitely a notch below her normal style. Even her shoes were different. Not a trace of heel on the simple black shoes that reminded him of Chloe’s dance ones.

  Sheesh. Joel stifled a groan. He must be more on edge than he realized to be so focused on Kate’s footwear. “Thanks for coming.”

  “Thanks for inviting me.”

  Polite strangers. Just like goddamn polite strangers. Still, that’s what he wanted. Distance between him and Kate. Between Kate and his daughter.

  Chloe smiled at them both and pointed to the sofa. “Dr. Kate, you sit there. Dad, you sit next to her. That way if you want to kiss, you can.”

  Joel and Kate exchanged glances.

  “Kiss?” Kate finally choked out.

  “Like Sarabeth’s parents do, ’cept when they’re fighting. Then they yell.” Even though they were the only three in the room, Chloe lowered her voice. “Sarabeth hopes they kiss a lot more. She’d like to have a baby brother or sister.”

  Beside him, Kate inhaled sharply.

  “Uh, Chloe,” he began. “You know that—”

  “Chloe, honey.” Kate’s voice remained gentle and soft. “Your dad and I have something important to discuss with you.”

  Joy flashed across the little girl’s face. She shrieked.

  “You’re getting married.” Chloe jumped up and down, her voice trembling with excitement. “That’s it, isn’t it? Sarabeth said you’d probably ask me if it was okay. It’s okay. I’d like it a lot.”

  “I’m not marrying Dr. Kate.” Joel spoke in a firm tone that left no room for misunderstanding.

  When Chloe’s face crumpled, he decided he should have been a little less forceful. He certainly didn’t want to make his child cry before they’d even gotten started.

  “Then what?” The little girl’s eyes, now anxious, flitted from him to Kate.

  “Remember when your mom and I told you how we’d wanted a baby for so long and couldn’t have one?” Just saying the words brought a knot to Joel’s stomach. They’d been devastated when Amy’s doctor had told her it wouldn’t be safe for her to get pregnant.

  “But you went to California and got me,” Chloe said triumphantly, her face brightening. The adoption story was one of her favorites.

  “That’s right.” Joel started to s
weat. Where did he go from here? “I became your dad, and Mommy, your mother. But you had another mother. The one who gave birth to you.”

  The child nodded, though puzzlement now filled her eyes. She obviously sensed something was up.

  “Chloe.” Kate leaned forward, her hand wrapping around the small slender fingers that were so like her own. “I’m the woman who gave birth to you.”

  Joel noticed she didn’t call herself Chloe’s mother, though, he grudgingly admitted, she had the right.

  Chloe’s eyes widened. She immediately turned to her father. “Is that true?”

  He nodded.

  “That’s why we look alike,” Kate said.

  The child was silent for a long moment. “Why did you do it?” Chloe pulled her hand away and sat back. “Mom said you gave me to her and Dad because you loved me. But if you loved me, how could you give me away? Was it because I’m ugly?”

  The child’s bottom lip began to tremble.

  “You’re not ugly, princess,” Joel said. “You look just like…your mother. She’s the most beautiful woman in Jackson Hole.”

  While Joel was speaking, Kate moved to the oversize chair where Chloe sat and slipped in beside her.

  “I was in school when I got pregnant with you. My boyfriend wasn’t ready to be a dad, so he wasn’t going to be any help.” Kate paused for a long moment. “I wanted you to have both a mother and a father. I wanted you to have more than I could give you.”

  “I don’t need a lot of things,” Chloe said.

  “But you wouldn’t have had your dad and your mom. While I never knew your mom, I think she was a special lady.”

  Chloe nodded. Two fat tears slipped down her cheeks.

  “And your dad is an okay guy.” Kate’s tone turned light and teasing. “Even if he can’t skate worth a darn.”

  Joel expelled the breath he’d been holding when Chloe smiled through her tears.

  “I love you, Chloe. I loved you when you were a tiny baby growing inside me. I loved you when you were born. I never stopped loving you. I never will.”