Tallulah Bankhead Slept Here

by Sam Lollar

  “No, ma’am, it’s Aaron.”

  “Ma’am yet. He really is cute. Larinda, you were right. Ma’am. I think you mean madam, though,” she said, chuckling. “So what did you have in mind?”

  What did I have in mind? I asked myself in horror. I’d never realized one had choices in that kind of place. I thought that one just entered and a woman came over and took him to a bedroom. “Um…” I stalled.

  Bob must have seen my discomfort. “The lad wants a really nice woman to help him on his first effort.”

  Turning six shades of red from embarrassment, all I could do was nod stupidly.

  “Oh, I know that,” Maxine said. “I just thought he’d have some idea of what kind of girl and what kind of action. I have fantasy rooms, one with a swing, one with restraints, one with whips, and others to boot. So what do you want?”

  “Just give him your basic missionary room,” Larinda said, jumping to my rescue. “Is Shirley still around?”

  “Nah, she found Mr. Right a few months back and settled down. I think she was knocked up, but at least the guy married her. Do you know Carmen? She’s a real cutie. Not much older than the boy here.”

  “What’s she look like? Does she speak English?” Scott asked. “We don’t want some horse-faced bloodhound popping his cherry tonight.” He was sounding more and more disgruntled, something I couldn’t figure out.

  By this time, I was in a total state of shock, numbly looking from speaker to speaker as they decided who to pair me up with. I felt like the whore here, waiting for any woman who happened by to use my services. I was startled from my brief mental wanderings by Larinda’s enthusiastic slap on my back.

  “Well, Aaron, we’ve decided on a girl for you. You’ll like this. She’s called Petrolina because she’s so hot. Get it? Petrolina. Now, don’t let her blow up on you. Blow you, maybe, but not blow up.” She laughed uproariously along with everyone else, although Scott was oddly quiet. Maxine left the room to get Petrolina.

  I was really dizzy from the wine and the small amount I had had to eat. Although I wasn’t nauseated, I did feel less than ideal. I would just as soon have called the whole thing off myself, but I knew it was too late for that. Or was I just experiencing a bit of stage fright? In a matter of minutes, Maxine returned with a busty woman at least ten years older than me, who probably was a great beauty at one time but looked tired and worn. She wore a flowing skirt with a very tight blouse open to below her sternum. Her boobs were in clear view.

  “Aaron, everyone, this is Petrolina. She speaks English, unlike some other girls we have here. Say something, Aaron.”

  “Um, hi Petrolina, how are you?”

  “I’m real good. Whatcha have in mind for tonight? Just the basics or something a little more involved?”

  “Just the basics,” Scott cut in. “Nothing fancy, nothing dangerous. Just the basics.”

  “Gotcha, doll. The missionary position it is.”

  She grabbed my hand and took me up the stairs to the back of the second floor into her lair. It was a really tasteless mix of gaudy fabrics and lots of gilded knickknacks everywhere. Monopolizing the whole room was, of course, the bed. It looked huge. I remember wondering how people could find each other once they got in it.

  “Calm down, honey. I haven’t lost anyone yet. That Petrolina name is just to get the men interested. My real name’s Rose. And I’m glad to meet you.”

  “Hi, Rose. I really have to admit that I’m very nervous. The wine I had at the burlesque house has gone to my head.”

  “Not to worry. I’ll do all the work. Why don’t you get undressed and get comfortable? Or would you like to watch me undress first? Though after watching all those babes at the burly-Q tonight, you’ve probably had your fill of watching women getting undressed.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll just lie down for a bit.”

  “Now, hon, I don’t want to rush you, but you’ve only got a half hour with me. We’d best get started.”

  She grabbed me by my belt and began undoing my pants. I was stunned, but I had to admit it sure was exciting. She got them open and then told me to take my shoes off so she could get the pants off altogether. In an instant, I was standing there in my underwear, feeling both titillated and foolish. She took off her blouse and her breasts were set free. Then off came the skirt, and I realized with some surprise that she had no underwear on whatsoever. She kept her heels on while she guided me to the bed. She backed me up to the edge of the bed and took down my underwear very slowly. To my surprise, I managed to get an erection, despite my nervousness and the wine. She felt my penis, and I entered a state of bliss. Finally we were both naked, and she made me lie down on the bed.

  “You have a beautiful body,” she said and brushed her hands over my naked body. “I rarely get to have sex with an attractive man.” She encouraged me to feel hers as well. I was surprised at the weight of her breasts. I never thought breasts had any weight, but hers were heavy. She placed my hand between her legs and told me to touch anywhere I wanted, which I did. What an erotic feeling that was. She continued to stroke my erection, which really felt good.

  Eventually, the foreplay came to an end and she placed a condom on me. With a surprising degree of eagerness, I mounted her and continued to a most satisfying climax. Afterward I was exhausted, but she was already taking the condom off and tossing it in the trash.

  “Well, stud, how was that?”

  “Great. Just great,” I said feebly. “I just want to go to sleep now.”

  “That is so typical. But you don’t have time for that here. Come on, get your clothes back on. Your half hour is almost up.”

  She went into the bathroom and emerged after a few minutes in a large bathrobe, her hair redone. I, on the other hand, was struggling to get my pants on, and then couldn’t get my pullover over my head. She rushed over and with a mighty yank, pulled it down to cover my body.

  “Get your shoes on. Maxine doesn’t like us going over our half hour.”

  As quickly as I could, I put on my shoes and followed her out the door. She practically shoved me down the stairs into the lounge, as she went back to her room. I didn’t realize what a mess I was until everyone burst out laughing.

  “Wow, it looks like Aaron got some tail after all,” Bob said.

  Larinda and Bob came over and started rearranging my hair and tucking my shirt in all around, generally making me presentable for public view. Scott was surprisingly silent. As Bob and Larinda were finishing with me, and I was saying my good-byes to Maxine, Scott abruptly jumped up and said, “Well, time to go. Hurry up.”

  The drive back was quiet, as I sat in a reverie reliving every moment of the evening. I had sex with a woman. I felt like I had just climbed Mount Everest. Scott decided to drive, despite Bob’s protests, and he remained glued to the steering wheel of the Lincoln, eyes straight ahead. He never once looked in my direction. I learned later Bob and Larinda had noted this behavior as well but said nothing at the time. We got back to the motel about one in the morning. Scott parked the Lincoln, Larinda and Bob went into the lobby, and I was walking to my room when Scott caught up with me. He had tears streaming down his face. “I really didn’t think you’d go through with it, Aaron. You’ve surprised me more than I can say.” He turned to go to his room. When he looked back at me, his tears were still flowing.

  Wow. I didn’t know what to think. Why was Scott so upset? He actually sounded disappointed I had succeeded in my sexual attempt. By then, however, I was really exhausted: the lack of food, the wine, and the sexual foray all took their toll, and I fell asleep without even taking my clothes off.

  For the next several days, I didn’t see Scott at all. Bob informed me he had gone back to Chicago with his friend Otto for a few days. I was surprised at how morose I was after four days with him gone. What is this? I asked myself. You’ve screwed a woman, why are you moping around because Scott’s gone? Snap out of it. But my admonitions did no good. I was in a real funk that everyo
ne soon noticed. I went to dine with Mrs. Schuster and Miss LuLu one evening, and only played with my food as the ladies engaged in idle chitchat. Finally Mrs. Schuster asked me why I was so blue.

  “Does it have anything to do with the other night, Aaron?” Both she and Miss LuLu waited for my response.

  I thought over what my answer should be. “I’m not sure. At the risk of sounding rude, I thought the other night was one of the best in my life. So I don’t know why I’m so sad.”

  “Do you miss Scott?” Miss LuLu asked. “He’s been gone for several days now. And you two have always spent a lot of time together. Maybe you just miss the companionship.”

  “Maybe…” Inside I knew exactly why I missed him. I missed the attention he showed me, and I missed the tension that existed between us. I missed not knowing if he was going to make another pass at me or take me to some other exciting evening on the town. But what mostly made me sad was how upset he was after our return from the whorehouse, and that he never told me anything of his plans to go to Chicago. I felt like I had lost something. But what? Boy, was I confused.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The Very Dirty Brown Jaguar

  Scott was gone a few more days, and the fall semester at the university had started. I took a full course load and stayed on at the motel. It just seemed like home. We were into the third week of the semester when I ran into Miss LuLu again in the lobby as I was returning from class.

  “Hi, dahling,” she said, kissing my cheek. “Are you terribly busy right now?”

  “No, ma’am, I don’t start work for an hour. What can I do for you?”

  “Oh, dear. Bob?” She called out to him behind the front desk. “Can I borrow Aaron for a few hours?”

  “Sure, I suppose so. We don’t seem to be too busy around here.”

  “Good, then I want you to come with me.”

  We left the lobby, and she led me over to the Mercedes. Her Mustang was nowhere to be seen. We got in, and she began making small talk. As I was pulling onto Mesa Street, I asked her where she wanted to go.

  “Oh, my. I’m afraid I don’t know. But how about taking another drive in the country like we did that time? That was so lovely. And I promise not to get you drunk again.”

  “Okay, sounds good to me. Anytime I can get out of doing work, I’m happy.”

  “I’ll bet. Now that you’re back in school, I’m sure you must feel overwhelmed.”

  “You can say that again.”

  We continued with small talk, me telling her about my classes and the people I was in contact with on campus. I told her about a very bizarre history professor who acted strangely when he was lecturing.

  “That comes with the territory, I think. Don’t all professorial types have some behavioral quirk or other that everyone else can’t stand?”

  “Yeah, I suppose so, but this one seems to be always rearranging himself, if you know what I mean.”

  “Oh, I see. Right there in front of the class?”

  “Yes indeed. And we’re in a huge auditorium. There are over four hundred of us in the class, so everyone sees what he’s doing. He doesn’t even have a podium to stand behind. There he is in front of God and everyone, tugging on himself with no sense of propriety whatever.”

  “My, my. Well, I’d suggest staying away from him. He sounds like a truckload of bad news.”

  “I intend to, but since the class is so large, he has us scheduled to visit him outside of class to get to know us. I’m scheduled for next week. God, I hope he doesn’t continue to adjust himself while I’m there.”

  We continued our uneventful drive out into the country. “Is there anything in particular you want to do, Miss LuLu?”

  “Hmm? Oh, no, dahling. Just keep driving.”

  So we drove and drove. She finally brightened and said, “You know, everyone has been telling me about the new Transmountain Drive. Do you think we could drive there?” This was a new road that had been carved through the mountains to connect the west side of town with the northeast side.

  “I’m not sure where it is, but I don’t think it’s opened yet. We can try, though. All they can do is make us turn around.”

  “No, never mind. Oh, shit. I’m no good at this game of subterfuge.”

  I was somewhat surprised to hear her cuss since she did it so rarely. “Miss LuLu, what’s going on?”

  “I wasn’t supposed to say anything about this just yet, but I was supposed to feel you out about Scott. He’s been back in town for a few days now, and he’s afraid to see you.”

  “What? Why on earth is he afraid to see me? That man is really too damn weird. First he acts like my best buddy, then he turns ice cold on me, and now he’s afraid to see me at all. Is there anything wrong with him that I should know about?”

  “No, dear. Nothing really wrong at all. He has these really mixed feelings about you, that’s all. And from what Dollie tells me, he is very distraught about your success in that house of ill repute.”

  “Distraught? How come? It was his idea to do it. His and Larinda’s. And Bob’s, of course. Why is he upset that we did it, uh, I did it, then?”

  “Sweets, I don’t know. I was just asked to keep you occupied for a few hours. I think Scott wanted to go to the motel to pick up a few things.”

  “Where’s he staying? With Otto?”

  “I imagine so.”

  “Jesus, I’ve said it before, but I think this is the strangest situation I’ve ever been in. If the job and living arrangements and the car weren’t so great, I’d have been gone like a shot, I’ll tell you.”

  “Oh, dahling, I hope you don’t mean that. Surely you don’t think all of us are strange.”

  “Well, as a matter of fact, I do. You, for instance. Why are you here in El Paso for so long? What happened to Hollywood? What happened to your being a movie star?”

  *

  “Well, Granddad, what did she say?”

  “Nothing, as I remember; she just had a smug little smile and turned away from me for a moment. Then she started on about Scott and me again.”

  *

  As I decided to head back to the motel, she answered my question rather quietly. “Sweetheart, I haven’t been in a movie in an awfully long time. I really do know many of the noteworthy actresses of that era very well. Actors, too, of course. I was a friend of Marilyn’s before her death and still frequently get together with some of the older stars, like Ida Lu…and…oh, now I’m just dropping names. I had a good time in the Hollywood scene, but that doesn’t exist anymore. I am also a very good friend of a friend of Dollie’s. She and I had never met before I came down here, at least not in person. We spoke on the phone a few times. When our mutual friend told me about this new motel venture in the wilds of West Texas, it just sounded too charming. I was antsy to get away after my last romance, and El Paso seemed like an excellent hideaway. Dollie graciously rented me a room for six months, and that’s why I’m still here.”

  “I like my fantasy of you better, though. But of course, it’s none of my business anyway. I’m just nosy. You must lead a fascinating life.”

  “It’s been all right, but then, I’m just as confused as the rest of ’em out there. What am I going to do with myself? I don’t want to go back to Hollywood and end up getting entangled with the same kind of man I’d had so many times before. You see, just like Scott, I don’t know what I want to do with my life.” She paused, and then she asked, “Are you heading back to the motel? You scamp. We’re supposed to stay away for three hours, and it’s not even been two. You’re going to get me into a lot of trouble, you know.”

  “It’s all right. I’ll just tell everyone I got tired of driving.”

  We drove back in silence. Finally we got back to the motel, and sure enough, there was Scott’s Jaguar. I hadn’t seen it for a couple of weeks, and it was really a dirty mess. I assumed Scott and Otto had driven it to Chicago.

  Since I was already dressed in my bellman’s outfit, I had only to go to the lobby and
get to work. I pulled out my list of rooms to check for television theft and was on my way. I was working as usual, not paying much attention to what was going on around me, when I turned the corner and walked right into Scott.

  “What are you doing here?” he practically yelled at me.

  “Uh, I was checking for televisions,” I said quietly.

  “Or were you just checking up on me?” He sounded very defensive.

  “Checking up on you? Why would I do that? I didn’t even know you were back until today.”

  “I’m sure you know very well why.”

  “Actually I don’t, but I have to check on the TVs, so if you’ll excuse me…” I said as I turned to leave, in a huff.

  “No, I don’t excuse you. You get in here. I want to talk to you.”

  Oh, nuts, I thought. Why on earth is he so mad? I wish I had stayed out another hour with Miss LuLu after all.

  He grabbed my arm and all but pulled me into his room. It still looked the same, but I noticed some magazines similar to the ones I had seen at Otto’s place. In fact, I saw a lot of them lying around. “Sit down,” he commanded. As every possible seating space was occupied with magazines or books, or some other item, I had to ask him where. “Oh, just throw that stuff on the floor.” I proceeded to do that, taking care to check out the covers of the magazines: all very well-built young men in nothing but posing straps. All very desirable. I sat down.

  “Now, what’s going on with you?” he asked me.

  “With me? What’s going on with you?” I demanded.

  “Nothing’s going on with me. Well, everything’s going on with me, and it’s all your fault.”

  “Why? Why are you so angry with me? What have I done?”

  “Don’t try to soften me up, goddamn it. I’m mad as hell. And you know why. Don’t be coy with me.”

  Shaking my head in bewilderment, I said, “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t seen you in over two weeks. What is your problem?”

  “Oh, just get out of here. Maybe you should pack up and get another job somewhere.”