The Universe Between Us

by Jane C. Esther

  “I’m sorry I cut your night short. I feel a little bad.” Ana squeezed Jolie’s hand.

  “Don’t be. You’re allowed to have a crappy day. You’re only human, after all.”

  But I’m supposed to be better than that, Ana thought. She thought of the newspaper scrap she’d saved, hidden in a picture frame in the living room. The short article came out after the investigation into the MarsOne mission. It wasn’t accurate anymore, of course, not since the discovery of hacking in the outpost. It didn’t matter, though. The danger that she and the rest of the crew would face on their journey could not be overestimated. She had to be much more than human to overcome the threats of life on Mars.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jolie lifted her welding mask and examined the sculpture. She kept trying to attach the small red figurine to the base, but it just wasn’t perfect yet. She yawned and took off her leather gloves. Long days and passionate nights with Ana were starting to wear on her mind, if not her body.

  She’d been staring at the sculpture for so long, it had become a collection of its components, its meaning lost to her. This piece was a long time coming. After the accident, she’d been so depressed that her parents insisted she see a therapist. After a few weeks of saying nothing during her appointments, her therapist suggested she draw during their sessions. It turned out she had a natural talent for art. It spoke for her when she could not speak for herself, and landed her a scholarship at Singer.

  Resigned to finishing the work another day, she sat on a metal stool near the window. The day was fading with a burst of orange that illuminated the campus, casting long shadows behind the buildings. Sunsets here were beautiful, but nothing compared to home, if she could even call it that anymore. Nebraska had the best in the world, she was sure, and she’d spent many evenings on her back porch overlooking the fields watching the sky fade into brilliant hues of orange and red.

  She barely registered footsteps across the linoleum floor until they were right behind her.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Professor Anderson leaned her sinewy arms on the window sill and gazed out.

  “I was just thinking that. I used to watch the sunset every night back home.”

  Her professor turned back into the room. “This your latest?” She nodded at the sculpture Jolie had been working on.

  “Yeah. It’s not going well, though.”

  She smiled. “Mind telling me a little about it?”

  “It’s meant to show the aftermath of an accident I was in a few years ago,” Jolie said.

  “I love it. The way you twisted the metal into a sort of tornado is lovely.” She walked around to the other side of it and stooped to take a closer look. “Actually, I was hoping to find you in here. I’ve noticed how dedicated you’ve been lately, and I’d like you to be the featured artist in the Winter Art Show.”

  “Really?” Adrenaline pumped through Jolie’s body, a mixture of excitement and fear. “You think my work is good enough?” The Winter Art Show was not big or very prestigious, but the featured artist always garnered quite a bit of extra attention.

  Professor Anderson rolled up the sleeves of her black cotton shirt. “It’s very good. I have some people I think you should meet. One of them owns a sculpture gallery in Boston, and I think he’d be a big fan of your work.”

  “Wow, thank you.” Jolie was shocked at the suggestion a big city gallery owner might be interested. “That would be great.”

  “You earned it.” Professor Anderson smiled. “I’ll need you to fill the space, though. Do you think you’ll have enough ready?”

  “Definitely. I’ll make it happen. I have a bunch of sketches I’m working on, too. It’s a whole series of nudes and I think it would fit in with this well. A kind of before and after situation.” Jolie beamed with pride as they worked out the details of her part of the gallery. When her professor finally left, Jolie jumped up and down and did a little dance.

  “You look like you just won the lottery,” Ana said as she slipped into the room.

  “Hey. Guess you found the elusive art studio. You won’t guess what just happened to me.”

  Ana made her way over to Jolie and slipped her hands around her waist. “You better just tell me then.” Ana leaned in for a slow kiss that left Jolie smoldering.

  “I’m going to be featured in the Winter Art Show.” Jolie looked into Ana’s eyes and saw the pride she was looking for.

  “That’s great. I’m so happy for you. What does it mean?”

  “It means that I anchor the show. Most of the pieces will be mine. It could be a foot in the door for me. Lots of people come to the show, and there will even be a dealer there.”

  Ana’s hands caressed the growing gap between Jolie’s shirt and skirt waistband. “I’m actually done early at the biochem lab. Do you want to go celebrate?”

  “I don’t know if I want to go anywhere.” Jolie brought her lips to Ana’s.

  “Okay,” Ana said, confused. Jolie clarified her meaning by kissing Ana’s neck.

  “What if somebody sees us?” Ana’s voice was breathy, like she only half cared that another student or faculty member might walk through the door at any moment.

  Jolie dragged her into a dimly lit utility closet that held packages of clay, tubes of paint, and boxes of plaster. The chemical smell was overwhelming, but so familiar to Jolie that she didn’t mind. She pushed Ana against an old wooden ladder that leaned against the poorly organized shelves, and kissed her without restraint. Ana moaned as Jolie reached her arms around and unclasped her bra. She took her time looking at Ana’s soft, heaving chest, framed by her gorgeous shoulders and her waves of dark hair. “You’re so beautiful,” she said.

  Ana blushed under her appraisal, and Jolie watched goose bumps cover her skin. Jolie discarded her own shirt on top of a bucket. She needed to feel every inch of Ana against her.

  Jolie took a break from Ana’s lips. “I still can’t believe I get to do this to you.”

  Ana moaned and pulled her in again, gently biting her lower lip. A swell of emotion crashed through Jolie, and she felt something deeper than the amazing sex they’d been having. She needed all of Ana, right here, right now. She raked her fingernails across Ana’s firm stomach and followed the red marks with her tongue, kneeling on the linoleum floor. Ana looked down at her, acutely aware of what she was about to do, and the fact she was going to do it in a university utility closet. The fear of possible discovery flashed across her face, but only for a moment as Jolie pulled her jeans down, and her underwear with them. Jolie brought her tongue to Ana’s folds, kneading her thighs with her hands. She licked Ana a long time before she made her come, reveling in the control she felt at the moment Ana went over the edge.

  Mostly naked, Ana leaned back against the ladder, her skin glistening with sweat. Jolie loved looking at her in the calm after an orgasm. She was vulnerable and beautiful, and it was in these moments that Jolie realized she was falling hard.

  “I thought this was supposed to be your celebration, not mine,” said Ana.

  “Being able to do that to you is almost as satisfying as having you do it to me,” she said as she hugged Ana. “Will you come to my show?”

  “If I can possibly make it, I’ll be there.” She tucked Jolie’s hair behind her ears and held her face between her hands. “You’re pretty incredible, you know that?”

  In the unromantic LED light that shone from the ceiling, Jolie looked deep into Ana’s eyes, seeing her own joy reflected back. She didn’t think about what came out of her mouth next. “I love you.” She hadn’t planned on saying it, and was almost as surprised as Ana was to hear it. The silence afterward quickly became unbearable. She could see Ana struggle to find the right words. Jolie placed a hand on her chest and kissed her. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything.”

  Painfully, she moved away and put her shirt back on. As she watched Ana do the same, her stomach lurched and she thought she might throw up. The smell of the paint wasn’t hel
ping, and she suddenly rushed out the door. In the empty studio, she felt slightly better. She leaned against the window sill and looked out over the campus. She watched a couple walk hand in hand down the sidewalk, furious at their apparent happiness with each other. Why couldn’t it be that easy for her?

  She was in the middle of thinking how unfair it all was when Ana joined her. A tear ran down Jolie’s face, and then another. Her throat burned as she tried hard to hide her raw desperation, but it was no use. Ana scooped her into her arms and held her tightly.

  After a while, she was able to speak again, and it took even more time for her to find the right words. “I don’t want to lose you,” she said before she dissolved into another round of tears.

  “I know,” Ana said. “I know.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Ana crawled out of bed quietly, tucking the blanket around Jolie as she slept. She picked up a T-shirt from the floor and pulled it over her head. Safely in her lab, she turned on the light and locked the door in case Jolie happened to wake up. Pulling a screen from the drawer, she connected to the secure portal. She hadn’t showered since the utility closet workout Jolie had given her, and she hadn’t been able to sleep either. She wasn’t sure exactly what had come over her when Jolie declared her feelings. Everything had happened so fast, and even though she felt the same way, if she said it aloud, it meant she had gone against Martine’s strict orders not to fall in love. The timing was disastrous, just as the mission was ramping up. She had explained the unclassified parts to Jolie after they returned home, and the gesture was enough to make temporary peace between them.

  “Commander Mitchell?” Udeme’s image appeared on the screen. Ana didn’t have the energy to use her bracelet and the usual holographic meeting space, so she opted for the less intrusive version. “Nice to see you, Ana. How are you?”

  “I’m exhausted,” she said. “How are you?” She relaxed in her chair, tilting the screen toward her so she wouldn’t have to hold it.

  “I’m up,” Udeme said. “Just another morning. Waiting on Captain Legrand to arrive.”

  Carlos yawned. “I was sleeping.”

  Liv smiled, surrounded by brightness. “Me too, but you can see it’s practically daytime here anyway. Who cares when I sleep?”

  Ana chuckled. “I forgot that you’re on 24 hour daylight right now.”

  “Trust me, I haven’t. The sleeping pills only do so much, and I’m groggy the next day.”

  There was a murmur of sympathy from the crew, and Martine’s image popped up on the screen.

  “Captain Legrand, welcome. So, business we need to attend to? I’m tired.” Carlos seemed impatient to move the meeting along. Ana didn’t blame him. She’d give anything to be beside Jolie’s warm body instead of in the laboratory, pretending to the rest of the crew that she was still gung ho about the mission.

  As second in command, Ana ran the check-in meetings. “First order,” she said, looking at her notes on the wall screen. “Kyoko’s cancer drug.”

  “Indeed, I have developed a new therapy for cancer treatment. This one can detect and target anything more than 100 cells within the body…”

  Ana was aware that Kyoko continued to speak, but her mind drifted. Tomorrow was Wednesday, and Jolie would be gone almost all day at Singer. Ana was looking forward to the separation, especially after the rocky and emotional night they’d had. Maybe she’d go talk to her colleagues in the Biochem Department to take her mind off of things. After all, she’d missed the last two departmental meetings because she was otherwise occupied with Jolie.

  “Ana? Earth to Ana?” Martine snickered at her joke. “I would tell you to stop daydreaming, but it’s probably closer to actual dreaming. I have an update for the structures. I’ve designed them to have five percent more surface area for windows, which will increase the passive heating by three degrees per day. That will save a very small amount of energy in the short term, and a whole lot over the course of five years.”

  Ana straightened up. “That’s great news. Any other business?”

  “Someone’s in a hurry to get back to sleep,” Luke said with a casual smile. “I’ll just sign off with a note that everything’s ready for the training month. Looking forward to seeing you lot in a few months’ time.”

  “Thanks, everyone. Have a good night, or day.” Ana signed off, put the screen away, and quickly snuck back into the room. Jolie had rolled over so that she took up most of the sleeping space, which was not difficult to do, since it was designed for one person. She gently nudged her over and slipped in beside her.

  * * *

  Ana woke with a start to a bright room, banging her head on the lip of the bed pod.

  “Damn it.” She breathed heavily, slowing her racing heart. Jolie was no longer next to her, and she wondered how long she’d been alone. She lay back down, hoping that Jolie would reappear, but there wasn’t a sound in the house.

  The dream that she’d been having only moments ago left her with a clenched stomach, and as she closed her eyes, pieces of it began to reappear in her mind. She’d been alone, isolated in a tiny house she sensed was in the middle of a vacant and deserted place. She was lying in her bed, but was afraid to fall asleep because she knew that if she did, everything would change by the time she woke up. She tossed and turned to elude the exhaustion, yet felt herself slipping away. There was nothing she could do. She’d jerked awake just as she had surrendered to sleep in the dream. Her forehead was drenched in sweat. She breathed deeply to calm her racing heart. She needed Jolie to calm her down, kiss her forehead, and make her some coffee.

  But she was as alone as she’d felt when she was asleep, and it struck her that soon, this would be her normal. No Jolie to wake up to, go to bed with, or kiss anytime she wanted. Her heart sank as she remembered why she’d frozen at Jolie’s words. I love you. It was because she couldn’t give that much of herself up, even though in her heart, she knew she already had. Ana rose from the bed and a note fell to the floor. Jolie must have slipped it next to her on the bed before she left.

  A,

  I had to get to class and I didn’t want to wake you—I know you were in the lab last night working. I made you some breakfast. I guess I’ll see you tonight when I get home. It’s going to be a long day!

  XO, J

  Ana clutched the note to her chest and smiled. She was hopeless. Today would be a good day to bury herself in the lab at Singer, the ultimate distraction of pipettes and microscopes. She got up and ate breakfast, and was about to walk out the door when Martine called.

  “Ana. How’s everything going with Jolie? You seemed far away last night.”

  Ana sighed and spoke to Martine’s projected image. “Can you blame me? It was the middle of the night.”

  “You’re usually sharper, even in the middle of the night.” Martine raised an eyebrow. Ana could tell she wasn’t really upset, just making sure Ana stayed on track.

  “To tell you the truth, things are going really well. I haven’t exactly been getting a lot of sleep.” Ana felt her cheeks redden.

  “Okay, that’s good to hear. Just make sure you can leave it behind when we go to training.” She heard something behind those words. Martine knew how far in she was. She had to. They’d known each other for years. Ana wanted this conversation to be over as soon as possible.

  “Not a problem, Captain.”

  “Call me if you need any advice, okay? I just want what’s best for all of us.”

  Ana nodded, praying it would be easy to untangle intentions and consequences when the time came. “I’ve got to run over to the University. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  “Bye.”

  Ana threw her head back against the door frame. “Fuck.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Hey, you almost ready?” The loud voice came from the kitchen, where Ana was busy making midnight snacks for the meteor shower.

  Jolie put her drawing pencils down and checked the time. “Sorry, I didn’t realize i
t got so late.” She tucked the half-finished sketch of Ana in the desk drawer.

  “Grab a coat. It’s cold out,” Ana yelled.

  Jolie leaned toward the hallway and said, “Okay. I’ll be out soon.”

  “Hey, cutie.” Ana appeared in the doorway. “Don’t like yelling at you.”

  Jolie pulled a sweatshirt over her head. “That’s very sweet of you.”

  Ana raised her eyebrows. “Nice sweatshirt. Where’d you get it?”

  Jolie looked down at the ISS Trainee sweatshirt she’d slowly taken from Ana’s wardrobe. “I’m sorry, it’s just so comfortable. I’ll give it back, I swear.” She stood on her toes and kissed Ana on the lips.

  “I don’t believe you, but that did help make your case.”

  Jolie ran her fingers over the blue button-up that Ana had put on this morning for some meeting. “Is this what you’re wearing?”

  “No, I think I’ll need something warmer.”

  “I’ll keep you warm. Plus, if you wear this, I can guarantee you’ll get lucky.” She kissed Ana’s scrunched nose.

  “I already am lucky.” Ana blushed deeply and wrapped her arms around Jolie’s waist. “Anyway, I don’t think Nova will appreciate me getting lucky anytime soon. She should be here in—”

  They both froze as they heard the front door shut and a tentative, “Hello?” come from the main room.

  Jolie pressed her hand to Ana’s chest. “Good timing. Get changed and I’ll show Nova around.”

  Ana pecked her on the cheek and disappeared into her room.

  “Anybody here?” The voice was moving closer, at the end of the hallway.

  “Coming,” Jolie shouted. She peered into the hallway and broke into a fit of laughter. Nova had on the puffiest coat she’d ever seen, a hat, gloves, and a rolled sleeping bag tucked under her arm.

  Nova narrowed her eyes and huffed. “What? I’m just prepared, that’s all.”