Remember Me

by Roxanne Tully

  “Where are you going?” Matt asked as she grabbed what she needed from the bathroom.

  “I’m going to stay with Marcus,” she answered as she shoved the contents of her suitcase.

  “You don’t want to do that,” he warned. Something about the way he said it sounded haunting. As if it would be the last place she’d want to go.

  “Well, I can’t stay here,” she replied, flatly.

  “Yes, you can. You should stay here, you shouldn’t be anywhere but your home.”

  She shut her suitcase closed, angrily. “That’s what you told me weeks ago, and where did that get me? I still have no idea who I am, and I can’t remember a damn thing. You’ve been nothing but toxic to my mind.”

  “Don’t go to your brother’s. If you wake up tomorrow and remember, you’ll hate me even more than you do now, knowing I let you,” he paused, anguish in his eyes. “Trust me on this,” he added.

  She wasn’t sure why she should, but she did. But unless he gave her a reason, she wasn’t going to stay. She brushed past him at the doorway, before descending the stairs. She walked past the table with the house keys and decided against grabbing them. There was only one key she needed, and she had it. She barely pulled the door open before Matt shut it.

  “Liz, you can’t leave. Let me help you heal, let me help you remember. You’re not just leaving me, you’re taking my wife with you.”

  “You can’t keep me here,” she hesitated. “Besides, I’m sure if she wanted to see you, she would have been back by now.”

  Matt stared at her, his expression a mixture of pain and disappointment. He slowly released the door and backed away.

  * * *

  Liz’s driver pulled up on a narrow street, lined with mid-level apartment buildings. Marcus hadn’t invited her, but she texted him when she left and said she was on her way over. He had sounded hesitant for a moment but then gave her the address to give the cab driver.

  “Liz, I’m glad you’re here. Uh, come in. He stepped aside to let her into the small apartment. Although the size of the unit didn’t hit her senses as fast as the pine scent. It was an odd scent for the season, which made her scan the room further to locate its source. She had spotted it. A candle was lit on the wooden coffee table.

  “Thank you.” She left her bags on the hardwood floor, by the door. She b-lined for the candle and blew it out, then crossed the short distance to the double paned windows and opened one of them. Liz turned on the air conditioning that was affixed to the other. She picked up the candle, “Save this for Christmas.”

  He smiled and lifted her bags. “So, I started to clear out my room for you—”

  “No, please leave those by the door. I’m not staying.”

  He frowned. “But Matt called… he said you were…”

  “I know.” But she didn’t really know. She didn’t know why she came if she weren’t staying. But she needed to know why staying with Marcus was off-limits. Her only real family.

  Marcus froze and approached her where she stood in the living area. “Are you okay? Matt didn’t say much except to make sure you were safe.”

  “I had to leave.”

  He watched her thoughtfully, as if he’d truly missed her. A part of her was relieved to be with her brother. It wasn’t just the known fact. She genuinely felt the connection. Regardless of which, it wasn’t enough to ignore Matt’s warning.

  She sat down on his small yet comfortable black sofa. The rest of the furniture was simple, she observed, briefly scanning the room. None of which purchased with other pieces in mind. Red floor lamp by the window. A dresser that was also used as a television stand. A few open boxes scattered throughout the apartment.

  “What happened?” he asked, settling next to her.

  She wasn’t about to go into details that he most likely didn’t know and didn’t really concern him. But there was something she absolutely needed to ask him.

  “That’s kind of what I need to know, Marc. When you came by my place…you’ve never been there before, have you?

  “No,” he admitted without hesitation.

  She supposed she should have followed with ‘why not?’ but decided against it. She just nodded and stared at random carpet stains.

  “Your decor sucks by the way,” he added when she didn’t say anything

  She burst out laughing; it was so natural with him. “Clearly, I didn’t consult with you, when I no doubt should have,” she laughed again and wiped at a teary eye.

  “You’re welcome to stay here. For as looking as you need.”

  She shook her head. “Matt didn’t want me coming here.” She watched him, “Can you imagine that?”

  He looked down. “I can Liz. You wouldn’t want to be here, with me.”

  Fear struck her heart. And it didn’t take long for her to figure out why she cared to the point where her heart would break. Had she done something awful to yet another person in her life?

  “Why?” She tried to keep it together, but her throat threatened tears

  He laughed nervously and stood. “I wish I knew.” He threw his arms up in the air casually. Then after a short moment, he swallowed and looked at her. “I’m lying actually. I do know.”

  Chills ran up Liz’s arms as a sudden and rapid vision passed through her.

  Marcus standing across her in a large near empty house. All that surrounded them were boxes and various furniture pieces.

  Somehow it reminded Liz of the storage room.

  No one was saying anything. The vision was frozen, but she can feel the anger coming from her. The blazing in her chest was all too clear.

  She didn’t share the vision with Marcus, partly because she didn’t want to interrupt his train of thought. But if she were to guess; the look on Marcus’ face was what sparked the image...or dare she call it...memory.

  His hands shook. “Our parents, Liz, were wonderful people. And they loved us to no end. More than they loved themselves. See, I always knew that. And so did you,” he added quickly. “But see you never took advantage of it. After I graduated a few years ago, I moved back in with mom and dad. No biggie, right? Lots of people do that before they get a job and try to make it on their own.

  It didn’t sound like anything terrible to Liz.

  But see, mom and dad had plans to move to Florida. It was their dream after their kids were grown up. But I stopped them from moving on with their retirement plans when I told them I was moving back in.

  Liz frowned. Suddenly feeling a heaviness in her chest.

  “I knew they had dreams but knowing how they’d do anything for us, I took advantage.” He took a breath. “Every time you visited for the holidays, you’d berate me for it. I guess I never understood what one or two more years would be.”

  Liz agreed it was a little selfish of him, but not something she would hold against him forever.

  He looked at her tentatively, as if he were about to say something that made it all make sense. “Less than two years after I moved back in, they went to this party...”

  “The day they crashed,” Liz whispered, her eyes and mind in an absolute haze.

  His breath was hard and shaky. “Needless to say, your slight resentment of me, flourished into full on hatred and blame.”

  “That’s not true.” Liz cried.

  “Liz?”

  What the hell was that?

  Those weren’t the words on her tongue. Yet they were the ones that escaped. The ones that felt true to her heart. But there was anger behind them. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why? Not in that fleeting moment where it seemed someone else was speaking for her.

  Liz shook her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream at you like that…”

  Marcus either ignored her apology or didn’t seem to hear it. He turned his head for a mere second as if hesitating. Then went on. “We were already rocky, you and me because of my holding them back. I mean I knew. Heck, after the initial shock, it was all I could think about.”

>   “I don’t hate you...”

  “It’s my fault Lizzy, you and I always knew it.”

  “No, you don’t understand. I don’t hate you. I can feel it, Marcus. Whenever you’re around, I feel happy, safe, I know you’re family. I feel most connected to you. I’m sorry about what happened to us. I can’t tell you why it did, but I am sorry.”

  He kept his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, well there’s nothing you can do, can you.”

  Liz frowned.

  “Sorry, truth is, Liz—”

  “Yes please, more truths.” She was starting to regret insisting that she could handle it.

  “A part of me was excited to finally see my sister, regardless of circumstances. I’ve missed you so much.” His eyes watered and he swallowed. “I guess I’ll never learn. I’ll always be selfish, Liz. I was so happy to have you back in my life, I didn’t want you to get your memory back,” he shrugged, his hands still in his pocket. “I’ll take my big sister any time, anyway, and any day.” He approached her, pulled his hands out of his pocket and placed them on her shoulders. “And I’m not going to apologize for it.”

  Chapter 39

  MATT

  “Well can you tell me if she called another car after you dropped her off?” The cab driver on the other line was most unhelpful. “Okay. Right. Thank you.” He hung up and threw the phone onto the sofa. After he’d gotten off the phone with Marcus nearly twenty minutes ago, who told him Liz wouldn’t be staying with him and had no other information to offer, Matt had been frantic in his search for her. His brother-in-law showed little care in Matt’s frustration, but gave him enough courtesy to call him with this very frustrating fact; Liz took off.

  His next call was going to be his parents. But that would mean a demanded explanation of what happened. Followed by countless calls from his mother until Liz was found. He breathed out a heavy breath and ran a hand over his face, for the tenth time that hour. He needed a drink.

  He sat, helpless on the couch with his whiskey on the rocks and tried to remember Liz the way she was. He was surprised at how easy it was to remember her. Her honest smiles and her ‘humor you’ ones. Her compassion and bravery. Her defensiveness and reason.

  Reason. The thought triggered a memory for him. Once not too long ago, he sat in the den in the middle of the night, an hour after he’d walked out on Liz. Beating his brains out trying to figure out her reason. She listed quite a few that night. All of which were perfectly understandable. He took another long sip and chuckled at the vision of the man berating a woman who fought with everything she had to keep him. He shook his head and stood to pace around the living room. Something he should probably get used to since he wouldn’t be getting much sleep. He needed to be honest with himself before he went after her. Besides the obvious, there was something else that was bothering him. Something else she wasn’t telling him, he was sure of it.

  It wasn’t until his third glass, which he’d given up on adding the rocks to, did he come to recognize what that might have been. It was without a doubt the fact that it was her decision…and hers alone…to keep this from him. Sure, she’d confessed to her being the blame for keeping the secret, but it went further than that. She fully intended to take it to her grave. And possibly made Ben oblige. He’d figured it out between the brief encounters he’d had with both Ben and Megan since. Both of whom had urged her to come clean. And of course, there was Liz’s memory of Ben’s words.

  And while on the subject of honesty, he was starting to understand the root of his anger with her secret; The fact that she lived it.

  It angered him that the woman he loved had to live a lie that tortured her throughout their marriage. Not to mention, a spark that he set off. He rubbed his temples again. Lizzy would hate it if she knew he were taking the blame for her actions. And he wasn’t. But it wasn’t something he could ignore either.

  Given the chance, he’d make it all up to her. Because, yeah, he was kidding himself before. There wouldn’t be a soul in the world that would keep him from being with her.

  Chapter 40

  LIZ

  “Thank you for coming for me.” Liz peeled her eyes off the rainy road in the spacious and clean black SUV.

  “Anything for you.” Ben’s expression was hard and his tone indifferent, contrary to what he’d just proclaimed.

  “Just don’t take me home.”

  “Somehow, I doubt that’s where you were headed,” he replied flatly.

  “Thanks.” Was all she was going to say. She’d leave it up to him where they’d go. She guessed to his house so she could confide in Megan. Heaven knew she wasn’t about to talk to him. Nonetheless, it was still him she called. Something she was probably going to regret and couldn’t explain. She buried her head in her hands for a second then shot him an apologetic look. “I shouldn’t have called you.”

  Still, he refused to look at her. Which could be understood. If the wave of thunder didn’t give away that you need to watch the road intensely, then the relentless waterfall over his windshield probably should. “Well, you did.”

  “Ben?” She hoped it came out as annoyed as she felt.

  “Look, I’m sorry Liz. I’m just…sure you have questions that I’m not really prepared to answer,” he barked. But the frustration seemed to be more at himself than at her. Somehow, she understood that much.

  “How did you guess?”

  He snickered and his expression softened. But it didn’t last long. “Please tell me Matt told you.”

  Her chest ached again at the mention of his name. She shook her head. “I was paid a visit from Clyde.”

  Ben glanced at her in shock. “Son of a bitch.” Ben hit the steering wheel and then immediately apologized for losing it.

  “Again—not born yesterday,” Liz insisted.

  Ben continued to mumble under his breath. “I’m sorry, Liz. It shouldn’t have happened that way.” He glanced at her again, his brows narrowed. “You okay?”

  She shrugged at this point. Refusing to think about it anymore. Meanwhile questions were in fact stewing in her chest, waiting to be asked, and if she didn’t get them in order soon, they’d be spilling out in no particular—or coherent—order. She turned to the window to focus on the sound of the torrential rain.

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Maybe some other time,” she muttered.

  “That’s what got you into this mess,” he joked.

  She laughed under her breath but kept her focus on the road. “I love him.” She couldn’t explain why that was all that came out.

  “You have no idea how much, Liz.”

  “I don’t want to lose him.”

  “I can promise you, you never will.” Ben spoke almost instantly. She just glared at him. The man seemed to have an answer to everything.

  “Sorry—we’ve had this conversation once or twice —I know my lines.”

  She watched him thoughtfully. “So we have.”

  He caught her stare and then pulled the steering wheel midway to the right, glancing behind him for a fraction of a second. It took her a moment to realize he was pulling over to the shoulder in the middle of the highway. After he’d put the car in park, he turned to her. His eyes were just as thoughtful, but held a level of certainty that she lacked.

  “I’m glad you called me Liz. I’ve missed you. You’ll probably burst out in hysterics if you happen to get your memory back mid-sentence when I say this, but don’t think too far into it. You and I may have had a night together, but it was nothing—for either of us,” he paused for a breath. “The truth is—I cared about you very much even then. Who you were, and what you’ve done for my brother. I really thought you were it for him and we may as well all fall in love with you now.” he paused. “After he left…I was just as angry, and…got my emotions mixed up.” He reached for her hand. “We’re close…but we’re in no way romantically connected.” He pulled back, a playful smirk on his face. He pulled up his collar dramatically. “Sorry to disappoint you,
kid.”

  She did laugh, as he’d predicted. “Thank you for setting me straight, Romeo.” She laughed again and wiped away a tear, as Ben put the car back in drive and eased back into traffic.

  Less than an hour later, Ben pulled up to his garage. Unlike her and Matt, Ben and Megan lived in a small house by the beach, closer to where the Owen’s lived, Matt’s parents. The rain finally slowed to a drizzle and it started to approach the early evening. She was grateful for Meg not being much of a talker. After she made Liz some tea, she sat with her in the kitchen and just listened. Megan was good at that. And she wasn’t fooling anyone. Behind her cold exterior, there was a woman who did care for her family—and cared for Liz as a friend.

  “I don’t know whether you’re the confidant type, but you’re all I have.”

  Megan shrugged and her lips curved. “You’re kind of all I have too.” She pulled on a white bakery box on the kitchen island. “And don’t worry about Matt,” she started to say with a mouth full of cannoli, “he’ll be keeping his distance for a few days.”

  Liz frowned.

  “He called while Ben was picking you up, wondering if we’d heard from you.” She stopped to watch Liz. “I told him you’d be safe here with us.”

  I was safe with him too.

  “Thank you.” Liz fell into an absent daze, thinking about Matt for longer than she’d planned to let herself. Then she noticed something about Megan’s lavender sweater.

  “Hey, when are you going to give me back that sweater?”

  Megan jerked her head back and lowered her chin, “This sweater?”

  “Of course, that sweater, you didn’t think I’d recognize it? You borrowed it last summer because Ben is always blasting the AC in here. And you said—”

  “This is the perfect summer color…” they both said in unison. Only Megan’s words were more mumbled.

  “Liz…you remember that?”

  Liz considered the odd question for only a fraction of a second. Until it wasn’t odd anymore.

  And she couldn’t answer it.

  She could barely find coherent words much less figure out how she’d remembered the menial fact. She continued to stare at her sister-in-law, hoping for something else, anything else, regardless of its significance.