Under the surface

by Jaye Cox

  I have been struggling over how I feel about Dex. I know I like him, but I also know I don’t think us being together would be a great idea, and he has a kid. Everything about us being together screams, run Ruby, run. Yet here I sit, imagining what it would be like to actually be in a serious relationship with him. Maybe I’m losing my mind or being around Ty has made me go soft. I’m pulled from my daze when the customer Dex was working on approaches the desk. He pays and he and Dex do that manly hand shake, shoulder bump hug. “I wanted to ask you a favour.” Dex says, leaning over the desk.

  “Sure, what do you need?” I ask.

  “Could you watch Harlow tonight?” he says. I’m taken aback and not sure what to think; I mean she is a cool kid. But really, me and little kids don’t generally mix well. What if I forgot to feed her, or left her behind. I’m the wrong person to ask to babysit.

  “Shit, I was kidding. I just wanted to see your face.” He teases.

  “You asshole, I was freaking out. I wouldn’t know the first thing about looking after a kid.”

  “You live with Jash; and Harlow is a lot more self-sufficient than him, so you would be fine. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you would come help me with something tomorrow.” He seems reluctant to tell me what he wants me to come do with, him but the look on his face says it serious, so I agree I would come with him. He says he will pick me up tomorrow and we will go together.

  Our chat is interrupted by the sound of the door and in walks Oliver, holding a bunch of flowers. “Jackass.” Dex mutters under his breath and walks away.

  “Hi.” Oliver says, standing at the reception desk and hands me the flowers. “These are for you.”

  “Hey, what’s this for?” I ask, flattered he would bring me flowers. Maybe Ty isn’t the only one with a flower obsession.

  “I wanted to see if you wanted to come for a late lunch at my place and check out some new CD’s I have to listen too, see if any of them are the new talent of the week?”

  “I would love too,” I say, looking around to see if Dex is still here. “I just need to let Big Moe or Dex know I’m leaving.”

  “Sure, meet you outside,” he says.

  Big Moe is not around and he has probably just left without telling anyone; he does that often, so I go find Dex sitting at his station, sketching away. “Hey, I’m taking off.” I say, but he doesn’t pay me any attention at first so I turn to walk away.

  “Do you like him?” He queries.

  “He is a friend Dex, and friends do this weird thing where they go places together and enjoy each other’s company.”

  “The only thing he is enjoying is trying to get into your pants.” He snaps at me. I can’t believe him.

  “So he is doing the same thing as what you do then? I will see you tonight at Tommy’s party and hopefully you will have gotten over yourself by then.” I say before walking away. If I didn’t know better I would say he was jealous; but why, when he has made it clear all he wants for us is a no strings attached relationship? At first that was enough for me, but with everything Ty has said; I have since realised that it’s just not enough. So maybe Oliver is a good distraction from all these confusing feelings I am having towards Dex and I. See, now I’m even thinking about there being an US.

  Oliver is waiting outside and it’s nice to see he didn’t bring his limo, even though the car he has today is just as impressive. I wonder how much he earns to be able to drive something so nice.

  “Did you want to come with me and I will drop you back here later?” he asks.

  “Sure, but what should I do with my flowers, they might die?” I question.

  “If they die, I will buy you some more,” he says, followed by a laugh. Maybe he can help me get over Dex after all, because nothing good can come from Dex and I being together.

  Ten years has gone into making sure I don’t have feelings for a man, and it had to be him that made me question everything. As I’m getting into Oliver’s car, I see Dex come speeding up on his motor bike and swerves towards Oliver making him jump out of the way. He must have decided to leave early also.

  “What’s his deal?” Oliver asks.

  “That’s just Dex waking up on the wrong side of the bed, he’s harmless.”

  “He is acting like a jealous boyfriend.”

  “Well he is far from my boyfriend! I would have a better chance of having a relationship with Jash.”

  “He’s the big guy?” He questions me.

  “Yep,” I say.

  We chat the whole way to his place, the hotel he lives in is impressive really. He drives down into an underground garage, we get out and take the elevator to the top floor. I ask if he actually lives here or if he is just staying here, because I have never known anyone to actually live in a hotel before, let alone somewhere as posh as this place. Oliver orders some food from the restaurant downstairs, and goes to locate a bottle of wine.

  “Do you have beer?” I blurt out. I know the whole wine thing is to possibly impress me, but that shit gives me headaches.

  “Actually, I do.” He says, putting the wine back and getting out two beers. The food arrives shortly and Oliver puts on the new band he has been following for a few weeks; they are pretty good and have a Green Day vibe about them. He has a heap of others he has to listen to and we slowly start to get through the pile. Most sound okay, but they’re nothing special. The last one we have to listen to sounds like someone is seriously strangling a cat, but it has been a really fun afternoon.

  “I’m glad I met you.” Oliver says, and I turn to look at him. I really do enjoy his company. I see he is going to kiss me and maybe I can move past all these conflicting feelings I have for Dex. Oliver is fun to be around and clearly has a different a woman on his arm every weekend. He leans in and his lips touch mine, they are soft and smooth. God damn it I pull away, there was no spark; nada, zilch nothing at all. Dammit, I can only think the chemistry is not there because Dex’s kisses have a certain roughness - his kisses are more…manly.

  “I’m so sorry.” I apologize, getting up and running for the door. I have managed to now ruin a good friendship with Oliver by giving him false hope. It’s nice to see the Ruby Ty knows is still in me; the one that sucks men in and runs away just as fast.

  Except this time, I just want to run to Dex and tell him it’s him I want, but I know he doesn’t want me. Ty has been the only one who has truly ever cared for me. When I get downstairs I realize I came here with Oliver and it’s way too far to walk home, but my pride won’t let me go back.

  “Ruby, wait! I’m sorry.” Oliver says, slowly catching up to me. I stop and turn to face him.

  “Nothing to be sorry about, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

  “I know you and that Dex guy have a thing, but I really do like you and would have kicked myself if I didn’t at least give it a try.”

  “We really don’t have anything - but it’s complicated and not fair of me to drag you into it. He doesn’t want more than to spend the night with me; and I should be happy about that, but I’m not. Now here I am, pouring my heart out like a whiny little bitch.” I say, sitting on the side of the road.

  Oliver sits beside me and I swear he almost cringes, like sitting on the curb is beneath him. “He is an idiot and should fight like hell for a girl like you. You’re pretty extraordinary and I won’t give up hope that one day you will give up on him, and then give me a chance. For now though, I’m a very good friend. “I’m happy to be your friend, and promise to keep my lips to myself for the foreseeable future.”

  “Friends I can do, but could you take me home? I have a party to get to, and maybe you would like to come as my friend?”

  “I would love to.” He says, helping me up from the ground and we start walking back to the hotel.

  “Did I tell you it’s a dress up party?” I say putting a big smile on my face, like that would somehow persuade him to come to a tacky dress up party.

  “I actually have the perfect costume.” He says.


  When we’re back up in his room, I wait while he gets dressed. Once he is done, he comes out and does a spin, unfortunately I have no clue what he is supposed to be. “I think you’re confused, because that is a suit and not a costume.” I voice my concern.

  “Um hello, I’m Christian Grey. Girls usually eat this shit up.” He pouts in return.

  “Who the fuck is Christian Grey?” I ask.

  “Fifty Shades of Grey?” He says, like that’s really supposed to make me clue in on to who it is. He tells me to wait until we get there and that all the females will know who he is. On the way back to my place he googles the Fifty Shades of Grey books and shows me, and fine, maybe his tie looks like the one on the cover but really, will that be enough for people to know who he is? I’m not convinced, but we will see.

  Oliver makes himself comfortable on the couch while I go shower. Jash must already be at the pub, Dex invited him to come and he was dressing up as the hulk. Romeo is good at picking a woman’s size, because the clothes fit perfectly and so do the shoes. Not many people can pull off a black leather suit; but if I say so myself, I do look hot. I add the black mask and cat ears, adding a final touch of red lipstick and presto, I’m cat woman. As I exit I flick off the bedroom light, Oliver is patiently waiting for me on the couch flicking between channels on the TV. He must see my reflection in the television and turns to look at me. “Holy shit, that’s one hell of a costume! Let’s get going because even though I know we’re friends that just isn’t fair to mankind.” He complains.

  “Okay, let’s go before you get a hard on.”

  “Too late for that,” he laughs, walking out the door. When we get to Paulie’s, I can see everyone in our usual seat. There is Jash, who has literally dyed his skin green, and has on a torn white shirt a few sizes too small. Ty and Tommy are the blues brothers, Ty texted me this morning and told me about his costume. Rayne is Captain Jack Sparrow, Romeo is Magic Mike, and Sam and Morris are a Doctor and Slutty nurse. There are a few other people I don’t recognize, like the playboy bunny standing between Ty and Tommy. I can’t see Dex, but he did say he was coming as James Bond. Walking in, Oliver and I turn a few heads, we head over to the group and Jash is first to see me.

  “Fuck! That is one hell of a costume Ruby.” Jash says.

  “Thanks.” I say, looking around to see if I can see Dex anywhere. Oliver has gone to get us drinks and has been stopped by a group of women, so maybe they do know he’s that Christian guy.

  “He isn’t here yet, sis.” Ty says, coming up behind me.

  “Who isn’t here yet?” Romeo says coming to stand next to us. “You look amazing by the way.”

  “Thanks, you’re very talented, and I wasn’t looking for anyone.” I say, giving Ty the evil eye.

  “Sure you weren’t.” Ty says.

  Oliver is still chatting with the girls who stopped him. I see Dex walk in, and he looks sexy in the black tux – he sure makes a good James Bond. When he spots me from across the room, he stops dead in his tracks and I see a small smile form on his lips before he points to me, then to himself and then to the hallway that leads around to the bathrooms. I nod showing I understand what he means. Romeo and Ty are talking to a bunch of girls, so they don’t even notice I’ve disappeared. I look around for Dex but cannot see him anywhere, so I begin to walk into the hallway when a hand grabs me and pulls me into the corner.

  “I knew you would look hot; but holy hell, I will be like granite watching you wear this all night.” He says, pulling me back against his body with one hand around my waist. As he leans in and kisses my neck, my body succumbs and melts back into his. Ah, it feels so nice to be in held in his arms. “We need to…” Dex doesn’t get to finish what he is saying before we hear laughing coming toward us.

  “We better get back out there before anyone notices you’re missing.” He says, as Sam and the girl in the playboy bunny outfit come our way. Sam is the first to see us and she gives me her best Sam death stare.

  “Good luck dealing with that, but she’s not my problem.” I say to Dex before walking off and smile at Sam as I walk past. I’m not getting involved in the drama that’s going on between them over his wife.

  I go back over to where everyone is sitting and take a seat. Oliver decides it time to rub it in that everyone besides me knows he came as Christian Grey, and all the girls are going crazy. Dex comes back and sits beside me, he seems like he is in a good mood, so Sam must have not been her usual bitchy self.

  “What’s he doing here?” Dex questions me, looking over at Oliver.

  “I invited him to come. Why, are you jealous?”

  “Maybe,” is all he says.

  “I’ll be back; I need something really strong to be able to deal with all the men here tonight.”

  “Here, it’s on me.” Dex says handing me his wallet, “grab me whatever you’re having.”

  Taking his wallet, I go and order us some beers and a couple of shots. I tell Tim to surprise me when he asks what shots I want. When he comes back with all the drinks on a tray, I open his wallet and my heart sinks a little further inside itself. There is a picture of his wife taking a picture of herself in the mirror, and Dex is in the background sitting on the bed. The look in his eyes speaks volumes, how do you compete with true love - a love so strong it still bonds them even through death? I take out a fifty and shut his wallet and throw it down on the tray, I need shots and I need them now, I tell Tim to keep the change and take the drinks back over to Dex, who is actually talking to Oliver. They both see me walking back over and it’s like the animosity between them is back again. I’m just about back at the table when a guy walks up behind me and fully grabs my ass. Men like that - they just don’t get the memo. Before I even put my tray down Dex and Oliver are at my side.

  “Keep your hands to yourself.” Dex growls.

  “Or what?” the drunk guy smirks.

  “Or I will show you,” Oliver says.

  “Stay out of this.” Dex says to Oliver. They argue between themselves and I have had enough. “Seriously? Shut up, I can defend myself.” I say, kneeing the drunk in the nuts. I pick up two shots and down them one after the other. I walk away, not even bothering to grab Dex’s wallet that’s sitting on the tray next to the drinks. As I’m walking away, the both say wait or something along those lines.

  “No, back the fuck off, both of you. I just need to be left alone - I will be back soon.”

  Walking outside I head towards Big Moe’s, it’s only a few streets over and I have the urge to sketch before I explode. Every time I’m near Dex, my heart beats so fast and I get butterflies in my stomach. I know now after seeing that photo, how much he actually loved her. And I know can’t compete with the memory of an angel; then I have Oliver, and he is a great guy and all, but could I use him to get over Dex? Shit, I couldn’t do that now even If I wanted to. I’m in over my head with Dex and I need to figure what I should do. I need to figure that out pretty damn fast before I drive myself crazy thinking about it all.

  I stomp to the shop; pissed off, mad and slightly upset at myself that I’ve buried all my feeling for years, and suddenly they all want to surface now. I have this bloody amazing guy who I could have a no strings, fun relationship with. Actually I have two guys, and I would usually jump at that but NO, all these fucking feelings and all I want is HIM. Stupid me, I thought I would just tell him tomorrow when we were hanging out, but of course I had to see that photo in his wallet. The love he still has for his wife, and just because she died, doesn’t mean his love for her has died.

  I don’t have any of my sketch pads here, so I go sit at Dex’s station and find one of his. I open it to a clean page and draw, I don’t even know what I’m drawing at first - just putting lead to the paper and by the time I have finished the outline, it’s clearly a picture of Harlow and Dex bending down. It’s the exact same moment that broke me at the party. He fucking broke down all of my walls, or maybe he fixed me, but I didn’t want to be fixed -things we
re fine, I was fine.

  Hearing the front door chime I yell out we’re closed¸ but I don’t hear anyone leave; so I get up to see if it’s one of the guys playing a prank on me. Because it wouldn’t be the first time they have tried to sneak in and then jump out to scare me. As I walk around the corner I freeze, my heart beats so fast I can hear it thumping through my ears and, my legs are like blocks of cement; I need to run. I want to be brave and yell, but my throat closes over. I feel the bile sitting deep in my throat.

  “Did you really think moving here would keep me away, Rubz?” David says, leaning against the front desk. “You are mine, and I plan to take back what’s mine.”

  No, no, no, no, no Ruby you cannot let yourself be a victim again, you are tough, all you have to do is move dammit.

  David stands next to me and runs a hand up my arm. “I have missed you and this body, fuck you look hot in this tight leather suit,” he laughs, not a happy or something funny laugh, but a sick twisted enjoyment; he is getting his kicks from tormenting me. He pulls me roughly into his body and he still smells the same as he always did – disgusting. And I can feel the bile in my throat rise again, the need to get it out is coming, but I still can’t move. I close my eyes and I try to hold my breath but it doesn’t help. “This will be the first of many encounters Rubz, you just wait and see. I have been watching you and your precious Ty, and Razor; it’s very unfortunate for you he is locked up and can’t save you this time. But we need to change your living situation, because you wouldn’t want anything bad happening to that guy now, would you?” He threatens.

  Cringing, I open my eyes. They seem to be the only body part that will function amongst the fear and that’s when I see Dex standing there - just fucking watching us. Why isn’t he helping me, why is he just standing there, doing nothing?

  Ruby has been awhile so I volunteer to go and find her; everyone has a smart ass remark to add; “Get together already” and “Will you two just fuck already” I’m genuinely worried. I have texted her and Jash has tried calling, but he thinks her phone must be on silent and she will be here any minute. Even so, I would feel better if I went and checked. Ty wanted to come, but I told him it was all my fault and I need to be the one to go. It’s been weeks now since I reluctantly agreed to just being friends, and this is what friends do, isn’t it?