Shades of Honor

by Wendy Lindstrom

  A flicker of amusement flashed in the woman's eyes before it was quickly disguised. “We are nothing of the sort.”

  He rubbed his jaw. “Hmmmm...I recall being threatened by a frying pan once.”

  “You hush your mouth in front of these children!”

  William hawed until he swayed on his cane. “I forgot how easy it was to get you in a pucker, Aggie.”

  “Let me wrap these for you,” Mrs. Brown said, ignoring Evelyn’s father as she took Evelyn’s items to the counter.

  William hobbled over and joined them. “You’re blushing, Aggie.”

  Mrs. Brown pursed her lips. Her eyes sparkled and a dimple marked her cheek. “It’s stuffy in here. Maybe I just need some fresh air.”

  William drew himself up as if greatly honored. “Are you asking me to stroll the boardwalk with you?”

  Mrs. Brown caught her laugh behind her hand. “Not likely.”

  Evelyn took her package and exchanged a curious look with Radford. As if he sensed her unease, Radford pointed to a jar on the counter. “I'll take four licorice sticks, please,” he said, placing the necessary coins on the counter.

  “It’s been too long, Aggie,” her father said, then gave her a bold wink before Evelyn guided him from the store.

  Evelyn climbed in the back while Radford helped her father onto the wagon seat then set Rebecca between them. “You too old to enjoy a good chew, William?”

  “Hell, no. It’s been years since I had one of these,” her father said, sticking it in his mouth with a happy grin.

  “What’s going on with you and Agatha Brown?” Evelyn asked, but he didn’t answer. She scooted forward and opened her mouth to pursue the question, but Radford filled it with a licorice stick. He wagged his own piece of candy in front of her nose as though shaking a warning finger, then gave Evelyn a knowing wink.

  Lord, his eyes were disconcerting at such proximity. It was like coming nose to nose with a tiger. Evelyn felt her whole body flush and wasn't sure if her mouth watered from the candy or the vision in front of her.

  Radford handed a licorice to his daughter, but directed his question to Evelyn. “I hope she wasn’t any trouble.”

  The reminder of Rebecca walking away from the doll without a peep rent Evelyn's heart. Blast it all! She'd been too caught up in her father's escapade to ask the price of the doll.

  “Wait! I forgot something,” she said, vaulting from the wagon then rushing back to Brown and Shepherd’s.

  Chapter Seven

  Intrigued by the throaty, enchanting voice coming from the back of the livery, Radford stealthily crept toward the sound. He peered around the edge of a stall and saw Evelyn sitting on a small stool with her back to him, singing softly and poking at something in her lap. After a moment, she lifted her head and raised an open palm toward the stall in front of her.

  “Come here, Gus,” she cajoled, her voice so low and alluring that Radford had the sudden, insane urge to do as she bid.

  Jolted by the sensual tug of Evelyn’s voice, Radford clenched his fists. It was growing incredibly difficult to perceive Evelyn as a tomboy when he witnessed moments like this. She had a private softness to her manner, a natural grace that emphasized too clearly the woman she'd become in his absence. No wonder Rebecca was drawn to the woman in Evelyn. He certainly was.

  A snort from the stall regained Radford's attention and he stared in disbelief as Gus lowered his muzzle into Evelyn's palm. He had been certain the horse was ruined or would take months to rehabilitate, yet Gus was responding to Evelyn after only two weeks. What was it about Evelyn that had such allure? And why the hell did he have to notice?

  Radford watched from a distance as Evelyn slowly stood up. The horse shied when her hand neared his recent wound, but she continued the same methodical petting and crooning, running her palms along his sleek coat until he calmed.

  Imagining the soothing comfort of Evelyn's hands, roughened from work, yet gentle in her ministrations, made Radford envy the horse. How long had it been since he’d been touched with any affection? Five years now? Not since his affair with Rebecca’s mother, he was sure. Though it had been lust he shared with Olivia Jordon, that base emotion would be welcome right now. Her grand performances in bed had kept the loneliness from swallowing him during his dark nights. Olivia knew exactly how to use her smooth ivory hands to distract him. Too well, he thought dismally, knowing he had been one of many for the beautiful ballerina. She was an artist at making love, posturing seductively, dropping her lashes just enough to look breathless, powdering her skin to the sheen of polished pearls.

  Radford had greedily devoured every night of the ten months they'd spent together. Memories of their coupling stirred an ache deep within him, but it was the need to be held by someone that hurt more than the abstinence. It had been so painfully long since he'd felt the comfort of a woman's arms.

  Radford dragged his thoughts back to less painful ground as Evelyn sat down on her stool. Silently, he crossed the livery then knelt beside her, willing his hands not to touch the long, thick strand of hair that had come loose from her braid. He was lonely, that was all. That was why he was drawn to Evelyn. Her compassion touched everyone, and the wounded couldn’t help but respond.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  Evelyn let out a small yelp of surprise. “You have a bad habit of scaring me, Radford!”

  He smiled, thinking of the many times in the past four weeks he’d startled her just by being in the livery. She’d been used to working alone and still seemed surprised when he made a noise or appeared from around a corner, which was often now that they were actually getting some customers each day. Though Evelyn had been courteous, Radford could sense she was still uncomfortable with him.

  “What’s that for?” he asked, glancing at the material in her lap.

  “I’m sewing. I need something to do that won’t distract Gus, and this forces me to get my mending done.”

  “Does the singing help?”

  Evelyn wrinkled her nose. “It's awful, but it gets Gus used to my voice. It seems to soothe him.”

  She had a wonderful voice, but was delightfully modest. “Gus seems to be coming around.”

  “Oh, he is,” Evelyn said, her emerald eyes fairly dancing with excitement. “Yesterday, he took an apple right from my hand. Today he's going outside for a while.”

  When her smile reached her eyes, Radford was stunned by her beauty and had to struggle not to stare. “I don't think we'll get anything around Gus’s neck without undoing your progress,” he said, telling himself he needed to start spending his evenings helping Kyle on his house as he’d planned to do until he realized that Rebecca wouldn’t let him leave the house at night.

  “I'm not using anything to get Gus outside. If you want to help, open the gate when you see me leave the barn, but do it slowly so you don't frighten him.”

  Recognizing a perfect opportunity to put some distance between himself and Evelyn, Radford went outside to finish his chores.

  It was some minutes later when Evelyn placed her stool several feet outside the door. Baffled, Radford laid down the shovel he’d been using to dig up a tree root, then moved to the gate to await her signal. To his growing confusion, Evelyn sat down and went on sewing and singing as though sipping tea in a parlor with the queen herself. Several minutes later, Gus tentatively poked his nose out of the open doorway.

  Radford watched in amazement as the horse eventually moved into the sunshine. For every couple of steps the horse took toward her, Evelyn quietly moved the stool that distance away until, after several minutes, she was sitting in the middle of the paddock and Gus had followed her in through the open gate.

  Radford closed it gently behind the stallion and shook his head as he watched the horse wander over to the wheelbarrow full of hay and begin nibbling. Admiration for Evelyn's ingenuity gave way to more appreciative thoughts and he found himself studying her as she carried the stool to the edge of the paddock, striding with i
nherent grace despite her baggy clothing.

  There was nothing rusty or halting about Evelyn, nothing overdone or exaggerated. She reminded him of the willows that grew along the pond's edge, tall, lithe, and unadorned as they swayed with the wind, so unlike the fussy wildflowers that preened and flailed in the slightest breeze.

  She was the exact opposite of Olivia's bright, affected beauty. Where Rebecca’s mother had been seductive and hot, Evelyn was sleek and cool. Her cheeks were rosed by fresh air and sun, rather than rouged with the powders Olivia had used. Evelyn’s hair resembled midnight mink and Radford remembered how beautiful it looked unbound. Suddenly, he couldn’t remember what he had found so erotically appealing in Olivia's auburn locks.

  The contrasts between the women were intriguing, but it bothered Radford that he was becoming preoccupied with them. What did it matter that Evelyn exuded a natural beauty that Olivia never possessed? It wasn’t for him to notice. He shouldn’t be thinking about Evelyn at all.

  Turning away to break the path of his thoughts, Radford sighed in relief when he spied Rebecca. “There you are,” he said, watching her walk out the back door of the barn, trailing a stick in the dirt behind her. She stopped and swirled it in the soil Radford had dug up from around the stump. “What are you doing, sprite?”

  She shrugged. “Making pictures.”

  Radford grinned as she moved away, then he went back to digging the tree stump. From time to time, he would look for Rebecca, who was wandering nearby, drawing in the dirt or trailing her stick along the side of the barn. As the afternoon wore on, Radford grew hot and impatient with the stubborn stump and turned his attention to hacking it from its dogmatic grip on the earth.

  o0o

  Evelyn was in the livery brushing her prized Thoroughbred when she heard a loud bang and Rebecca’s scream.

  She flew out the back door, her heart bursting with fear as she saw Radford leap the paddock fence.

  “Dear God,” she whispered, spying Rebecca lying on the ground beside the overturned wheelbarrow. Gus pranced at the other side of the paddock, snorting and pawing the worn grass.

  Evelyn ducked between the rails and ran to Radford, falling to her knees beside Rebecca. “What happened?” she asked, her chest pounding with fear.

  Radford didn’t spare her a glance as he reached for his daughter. He cupped Rebecca’s face in his palms then gasped in relief when her eyes opened. “Thank God,” he whispered.

  Rebecca blinked again, then scrambled to her knees, clawing at Radford until she was held tightly in his arms. “That horse k-kicked me,” she said, bursting into tears.

  The breath rushed from Evelyn’s lungs as she glanced at Gus, who was certainly agitated enough to kick anyone. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know,” Radford answered, his voice trembling. He eased Rebecca away and checked her face and body for injuries. “Where did he kick you?”

  Rebecca pointed to the overturned wheelbarrow and mound of hay beside it. “He kicked that and it fell on me,” she wailed. Seeing that Rebecca was only frightened and not seriously injured, Evelyn sagged back on her knees, her eyes meeting Radford’s. “What was she doing in the paddock?”

  “I said, I don’t know!” Radford snapped. With shaking hands, he set Rebecca away from him. “What were you doing out here, Rebecca?”

  She hiccupped and pointed to her stick lying a few feet away. “I was gonna t-train him.”

  “What?” Radford asked, his expression baffled.

  Evelyn glanced at the stick in sudden understanding. For the last several days, Rebecca had watched with avid curiosity as Evelyn trained her yearling. Apparently, she was trying to imitate Evelyn’s actions, just as Agatha Brown had warned she would do. “I think Rebecca was using her stick as a riding crop. She must have spooked Gus.”

  Radford’s gaze shot from Evelyn to Rebecca, whose tears were still rolling down her cheeks. “Did you touch that horse?” he asked, pointing to Gus who had backed to the far side of the paddock, his eyes still white with fear.

  Rebecca nodded. “I was gonna train him.”

  Radford’s nostrils flared and his voice came out hard. “I thought I told you to stay away from the horses.”

  “I wanted to train—”

  “I don’t care what you wanted to do! Do you realize that horse could have killed you?” he shouted.

  Rebecca’s eyes widened and she shrank back.

  He gave her a firm shake. “Do you understand that?”

  Rebecca’s chin quivered and her eyes flooded, tears flowing down her cheeks like a river. She nodded in jerky movements.

  “Don’t you ever do that again, young lady!”

  Evelyn clenched her fists. “You’re scaring her, Radford.”

  Radford’s angry gaze swung to Evelyn. “I sure as hell hope so. It might save her life.”

  “Being afraid won’t save her from anything. She needs to be taught what can hurt her.”

  “That’s what I’m doing.”

  “No you’re not. You’re making her fear your actions if she disobeys you. That doesn’t satisfy her curiosity about Gus.”

  “To hell with her curiosity. Look where it got her today.” He turned Rebecca toward Evelyn.

  Rebecca’s cheek was brush-burned and her clothes were covered with hay fragments, her tiny interlocked fingers were stained with dirt and tears. Her pathetic sobbing wrenched Evelyn’s heart and fired an anger deep within her.

  Burning with indignation for Rebecca, Evelyn glared at Radford. “You have only yourself to blame for being blind. Even I could see the curiosity brimming in Rebecca’s face every time she looked at the horses. You can’t keep her wrapped in cotton, Radford. She’s a healthy little girl, who’s curious about the world she lives in.”

  His lip curled. “She’s a little girl who needs her father to protect her.”

  Radford’s voice was cold, condescending. Pride kept Evelyn’s gaze pinned to his. They stared at each other in frigid silence. Rebecca’s soft crying and Gus’s agitated pawing mingled with the distant sounds of the lumber mill.

  Was he so wrong to want to protect his daughter? Radford wondered. Isn’t that what a father was supposed to do?

  Evelyn stood and brushed the dirt off her knees. “You protect her then, Radford, but don’t ask me to ignore Rebecca when I know I can help her. She deserves to be a carefree little girl. And she needs a doll!”

  “She had one. She gave it to her nanny’s baby when they moved away.”

  Radford saw the momentary flicker of surprise in Evelyn’s eyes before they became cool again. “Do you think that maybe she regrets giving away her baby doll?”

  “I bought her one to replace it, but she pushed it under her bed and never played with it.” Radford sighed and shoved his hair back with a shaky hand. “I think it’s best if you leave this alone, Evelyn. You don’t understand what Rebecca’s been through.”

  Her shoulders stiffened. “Maybe not, but I understand little girls who are frightened and alone and just want someone to love.”

  “Rebecca doesn’t want a damned doll!”

  “Fine!” Evelyn shouted. “But she needs to feel safe in the world around her, not just on her blanket or with her hand tucked in yours. She was trying to venture out on her own today and got hurt because she isn’t prepared. Until you recognize that, you’re imprisoning her and cheating her out of her childhood.”

  Radford was not going to feel guilty for caring enough to protect his child. He’d failed to do that once and Rebecca had suffered because of it. “I’m trying to see that she survives her childhood, Evelyn.”

  Her head jerked up, eyes snapping. “Animals survive, Radford. People live. Little girls laugh and explore!”

  Radford’s teeth clenched as he caught Rebecca in his arms and stood up. “What makes you an authority?”

  Evelyn’s face drained of color and her lips thinned. “Experience,” she said quietly. “Being motherless.”

  Radford didn’t ha
ve the breath to stop Evelyn when she strode away. Instead, he cupped the back of Rebecca’s head and pulled her to his shoulder. She buried her face and shuddered. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He stroked her back. “Daddy’s sorry.”

  “I was gonna train that h-horse,” Rebecca cried into Radford’s neck.

  “I know, sprite.”

  “I was gonna give him an apple, too.”

  Radford’s gaze swept the paddock. Beside the wheelbarrow lay Rebecca’s withered, half-eaten apple. She must have carried it in her pocket since lunch, saving it for Gus. She’d seen Evelyn feed them to the horses. She’d seen Evelyn guide the yearling with her riding crop. God only knows what other potentially dangerous things she’d seen Evelyn do.

  Rebecca lifted her head and scrubbed her eyes with grubby fists. She blinked and looked at him. “Don’t be mad no more, Daddy.”

  “I’m not. I was just scared.”

  “Is that how come you yelled at me?”

  “Yeah,” he said, his throat thick with regret. Guilt swept through him. He had never yelled at Rebecca. Never.

  Rebecca was all he had, the only good thing left in his life, his only reason for facing each day. Maybe Evelyn was right. Maybe he was blind. Or maybe he was just selfish.

  Without Rebecca, he had nothing. But what did she have? What was Rebecca getting from him?

  Chapter Eight

  When her father stumped into the kitchen the next morning, Evelyn stood up and poured his coffee. “Do you think Radford will be going back to the mill soon?”

  He kissed her cheek and took the thick mug she offered. “He’ll go back when he feels he can.”

  “It’s been four weeks already.”

  He paused, lips on the rim of his cup, eyebrow lifted. Slowly, he lowered the mug. “It may be four more.”

  “Why?” Her outburst made him grimace, but he settled himself at the kitchen table without comment. Evelyn knelt beside his chair and took his hand. “Papa, I don’t want him here. Kyle can help me. Or he can hire another man.”