by ADAMS, J.
“You think so, huh?” When I smiled, his expression changed. His hand shot out and grabbed my other arm, pinning them both behind me.
“Let go of me!” I yelled, more angry than scared. I struggled to free my arms but I couldn't get loose. His grip was solid.
“You know what I think?” he said, pressing me against him. “I think you need me to show you what a real cowboy can do for you.”
Then before I could turn my head his repulsive mouth was on mine. I continued to struggle, but I couldn't break free of his grip. I finally bit down hard on his bottom lip, instantly drawing blood. The action caught him off guard and his grip loosened just enough for me to send a knee to his groin. He instantly doubled over. I hit him on the head once for good measure.
“Don't ever touch me again!” I yelled, quickly taking off toward Hayden's house. I looked back only once and sighed with relief when he staggered back down to the bunkhouse. I couldn't believe he'd acted that way. I wiped the blood from my mouth and shook my head.
Arrogant little jerk!
When I reached the front porch, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, still stunned by what had just happened. No one had ever treated me that way before. I had known some bold men in Atlanta, but none were bold enough to attempt what Chris just did. I shuddered to think what Hayden would have done had he still been at the ranch. He would have beaten him senseless. At least Chris had had the sense to not push it further. Of course the good kneeing he received probably had something to do with that.
Pressing a palm against my forehead, I sighed and did my best to shake it off, then I faced the front door. Now that I had arrived, I was nervous about going in. I wasn't sure if my heart could handle it. Taking another deep breath, I pulled the key from my pocket and stuck it in the lock.
The worth of happiness isn't truly appreciated until it disappears, then reappears.
Eighteen
Standing in the living room of Hayden's home, I breathed in deeply the fresh scent of wood, pine, and leather. His scent, which normally mingled with the others, was absent. I missed his scent. I craved it.
I slowly walked down the hallway past a guest room and paused at the door of Hayden's bedroom before entering. Heaving an emotional sigh, I let my gaze travel around the room. This room was definitely Hayden. There were signs of him everywhere. From the faded brown western hat on the tall wooden bedpost, to the framed print of a cowboy on a bucking bronco, to the western decorative throw draped across the bottom of the beige down comforter set on the high king-size bed. He was everywhere.
I walked over to the dresser and picked up the bottle of Stetson cologne. He always wore it when we were together in the evenings. I smiled as I remembered him telling me that when he wasn't with me, there was no point in wearing it. It made me feel so special. I opened the bottle and lightly inhaled the scent, unprepared for the rush of emotion it brought. I quickly closed it and placed it back on the dresser. Then I remembered my main reason for coming in his room in the first place.
I walked over to the bed and picked up his pillow. Hugging it against me, I pressed my face into it and breathed in the scent that was his. It seeped into my senses and made me crave his gentle touch and loving caresses even more. I looked around the room a final time before taking the pillow and returning to the living room.
I knew that I should head back to David and Caroline's, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. Instead, I placed the pillow on the leather couch, took off my boots, and curled up, placing the pillow snugly beneath my head. I was so tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally exhausted as well. I was tired of missing Hayden, tired of being alone, and tired of trying not to lose hope in the face of the uncertainty I felt each day.
“I'm so tired, Hayden,” I whispered into the pillow. “I'm so tired.”
Slowly waking from a deep sleep, I unconsciously leaned into the warmth I felt against my face, relishing the comfort it gave. Sighing, I slowly opened my eyes.
“Hayden,” I breathed. Except for the moonlight shining through the curtains it was dark, but I would know his outline anywhere. He knelt before me, and I was immediately overwhelmed by his presence. Suddenly remembering where I was, I sat up and brushed the hair back from my face. “I'm sorry . . .” I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the raspy tone in my voice. “I know I shouldn't be here. I'll go.” When I tried to get up, he placed a gentle hand on my arm to stop me. At his touch, I heard the beat of my heart hammering in my ears.
“Don't leave.” His voice quivered with emotion. “Please, baby, don't ever leave me.”
I swallowed hard against the tears of joy in my throat, but I couldn't stop the sob that escaped. I couldn't believe he was there, that he wanted me to stay. It was too good to be true.
I pressed my hand to his cheek and caressed it as his tears wet my palm. Feeling his hands move to my waist, I took his face between my hands and our mouths instantly fused together. He pressed me tightly to him. His kisses were hot and fevered, and the sensation sent my mind and heart into emotional overload. We drank of each other, desperately trying to quench our thirst but unable to. The same words tumbled through my head over and over.
I love you. I love you. I love you. Please don't ever leave me again. Please don't. I need you, I need you . . .
He heaved a raspy sigh as his moist kisses traveled down my neck, just above the opening of my shirt and I suddenly felt as if I was on fire. He could have asked me for anything at the moment and I would have freely given it. I wouldn't have been strong enough to resist.
“Promise me you won't leave me,” he whispered against my lips. “Promise me, baby. I won't lose you. I can't.”
“You won't,” I whispered back. “I promise. I won't ever leave you.”
His arms immediately tightened around me and I felt my very soul being drawn into his. My entire being was trapped in the blissful, intoxicating world of his love, a world I never wished to escape.
After another moment of mutual feeding upon fevered kisses, he released my lips, pressed his face against my shoulder and cried. I leaned back against the couch and held him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and sobbed. My heart ached for him, yet I was filled with joy at the same time. I still couldn't believe he was really there, that I was really wrapped in his arms.
After a long while, he raised up and pressed his forehead to mine. I relished the feel of his warm breath on my face and dried the tears still falling down his.
“I've been so stupid, Raine. I've been so stupid about everything.” He drew back a little. “Please let me explain.”
“You don't have . . .”
He pressed a finger to my lips, then replaced it with his mouth and I couldn't resist tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling him closer. “Yes I do,” he finally said, breathless. “And baby, please don't kiss me again until I say this or I won't be able to think.” I smiled and nodded, thrilled that I still had the same effect on him.
“The day you said you would be mine, I felt like the most blessed man in the world, and when you agreed to marry me, my world was perfect. But then I started worrying that my love wouldn't be enough to keep you here, that it wouldn't be enough to make you happy and you would get tired of life here.”
His voice was full of pain as he poured his soul out to me and I wanted so badly to take it all away. I realized now that I hadn't been suffering alone while we were apart.
He sighed deeply. “You know, I actually managed to convince myself that I was just being foolish until you got that call from the agency. I kind of lost it after that. I was so afraid of losing you, I couldn't think rationally. I couldn't think, period. I knew I was hurting you, but I couldn't see past my own fear.” He paused and I could hear the tears filling his voice again.
“Please forgive me, Raine. Forgive me for being so awful to you, for not trusting you and your love for me.” He caressed my face. “Please forgive me for leaving, for being such a coward, for everything.”
&nb
sp; I smiled and pressed my hand into his hair. Oh, how I had missed doing that! “I do forgive you, Hayden,” I whispered before touching my lips lightly to his. “I'm just so glad you came back, and that you still love me.”
“Baby, I'll always love you. I'll love you forever.” He then fully captured my mouth with his again and favored me with another warm kiss.
I was again drowning in a delirium of overwhelming passion as he scattered hot kisses all over my face and hungrily took my mouth again. It was as if we were both trying to make up for loss time. I couldn't hold him close enough, couldn't kiss him enough. I had been deprived of his kiss, his touch, and his warmth for too long, and I couldn't seem to satisfy my hunger for him. Everything inside me ached to be completely his. I needed him with a painful intensity that made my whole being ache.
I finally pressed my face to his shoulder. “I've missed you so much,” I said, shedding tears of happiness and gratitude.
“I've missed you, too,” he murmured into my hair, holding me close. “You're all I could think about. When Caroline said she didn't know where you went, I thought you had left and I almost lost it.”
Pulling back slightly, I caressed his beard. “I would have waited forever for you, Hayden.” I swallowed against the emotion in my throat. “Don't you know you mean everything to me?”
He sighed and again tightened his embrace. Burying my face in the hollow of his neck, I pressed several kisses there and he moaned softly. I could feel his pulse racing. He was warm, he smelled so good, and his arms were so safe.
After a moment, he released me and moved to the end of the couch to turn on the lamp. Then he knelt in front of me again, letting his eyes travel the length of me, his gaze as soft and warm as a caress.
“What's this?” he asked, fingering the smear of blood on my shirt. I hadn't even noticed it until that moment.
“It's nothing,” I said, looking away.
“Raine.” The tone of his voice instantly commanded my attention. “Where did this come from?”
I sighed, knowing there was no way of skirting around the answer. I knew I couldn't lie to him. “Well, Chris sort of made me an offer that I refused, despite his attempt to convince me otherwise.”
Hayden instantly took my shoulders in his hands and his eyes narrowed. “What did he do to you?”
I put a calming hand on his chest, startled by the mad thumping of his heart. “He just said some things and . . .”
“And what?”
I heard the rising anger in his voice and I felt his muscles go tense. I again hesitated.
“What did he do?” he asked again in a voice that demanded the truth.
“He pinned my arms behind me and . . . he kissed me.” When Hayden stood up and swore, I reached for his hands and squeezed them tightly and hurried on. “I bit his lip and he loosened his grip enough for me to knee him good and get away.”
“That lousy little . . . He roughly ran a hand back through his hair and swore again. “Son of a . . . I'll kill him! I swear I will!”
“Hayden, no!” I said, standing and taking his face in my hands. He squeezed his eyes shut and I felt his whole body trembling with rage. “Hayden, look at me,” I continued softly. “I'm all right. Everything is okay.”
I continued to caress his face. “I'm all right,” I repeated over and over again, trying to calm him down. After another moment he took a deep breath and finally opened his eyes, looking down at the blood on my shirt again. “You must've bitten him pretty hard.” A slight smile touched his lips.
“I did.” I knew he was still upset, but at least he was calmer.
Taking his hands in mine, I sat back down and he knelt in front of me again and softly caressed my face, brushing a thumb across my lips. “I hate the thought of anybody else touching you,” he growled. “I don't want anybody else touching you.”
“No one else will,” I whispered as I leaned forward and kissed his lips.
He pulled me tightly against him and deepened the kiss so much, it was almost as if he was trying to erase both Chris' kiss and his touch from my memory. He didn't realize he had already done that without even trying. All it took was him just being there when I had awakened.
He drew back and pressed his hand into my hair. “I miss doing this,” he whispered. “When I touch you, it feels like home.” His eyes roamed over my face. “You're so beautiful.”
I looked into his eyes and smiled. “So are you.”
“You know, I promised God that if He would just let you still be here when I got back, I would never hurt you again, and I intend to keep that promise.” Tears again filled my eyes as he gazed at me intently. “Let's get married tomorrow, Raine. The blood tests and everything have been done. We could get Reverend Collier out here and just do it.” When I smiled, he again ran a thumb over my trembling lips. “I don't want to wait any longer to make you mine, Raine. Completely mine.”
“I don't want to wait either,” I finally managed to say. “But,” I added with a grin, “since it's two o'clock in the morning, I think we should give Caroline at least one more day to be prepared, don't you?”
I laughed as he groaned and pressed his face to my neck. “I guess we should. She's probably already gonna have my hide as it is for leaving in the first place. I guess I owe her that much.” When I nodded in agreement, he sobered and a hint of sadness again entered his eyes. “Raine, I . . .”
I pressed my fingers over his lips. “You're here now. Nothing else matters.”
He took my face in his hands. “I promise I'll make you happy, baby.”
“I know,” I said before his kiss again melted through my insides like warm molasses.
Hayden was home. He was mine. And the world was right again.
Later on that morning, I stood by and watched Hayden physically pick Chris up and toss him out of the bunkhouse along with his personal belongings. He told him to get off the property and never come back. The rest of the hands stood close by as backup for Hayden. Not that he needed it. They considered themselves family, and I was a part of that family. The next day, it would be official.
Nothing improves the silence like the sound of a lover's pledge!
Nineteen
I wore a teary smile as I stood with my hand in Hayden's beneath a white linen gazebo that had been set up on the side of David and Caroline's home. Vases of white roses surrounded us, their scent filling the air and adding an extra sweetness to the occasion.
I wore a white, silky wedding dress that I'd bought off the rack and Hayden wore a new dark blue suit. We were surrounded by the people closest to us as we exchanged vows and pledged our love to each other.
The moment Hayden and I exchanged the beautifully etched gold bands and were pronounced husband and wife, I knew true happiness for the first time in my life. In that moment, I became his, he became mine, and our lives were instantly merged.
Tears of joy slipped down my cheeks as he took me in his arms and kissed me whispering, “I love you, baby,” as our lips parted. He pressed a hand to my face, brushing a tear away. “And I'm all yours, Mrs. McKade.”
I nodded, unable to speak at the moment, but I was sure he knew what was in my heart.
David and Caroline showered us with hugs and congratulations. Tom and the rest of the men shook Hayden's hand and slapped him on the back heartily. They each hugged me and pressed a kiss to my cheek. Hayden told them to enjoy it because they would never get to kiss me again and they all laughed.
After having some cake and punch, Hayden quickly swept me up in his arms, said thanks to Reverend Collier and everyone else, and carried me out to the truck. Before we drove off, he called out the window, “We'll see ya'll in two days. If anybody knocks on our door before then, you're dead.”
I laughed as the guys hooted and yelled wise cracks, some of which, would have caused me to blush had my skin tone been lighter. As we drove off, I waved to Caroline, returning her teary smile with one of my own. Then I turned to my new husband and smiled, war
med by the complete love I saw in his eyes.
When we reached the house, Hayden carried me in and locked the door. He took my hand and we walked back to the bedroom. Standing next to the bed, Hayden stood for a moment, silently gazing down at me and I could almost read his thoughts as easily as I could read the love and desire in his eyes.
“I can't believe I really have you,” he finally said. “I can't believe you're mine.”
I reached up to touch his beard, but my fingers settled on his lips instead. “I can't either.”
“I have ached to have you for so long, to be with you like this.”
“I have wanted you, too. More than you know.”
He continued to gaze down at me quietly for a another minute before turning and pulling back the covers.
I looked up at him in nervous anticipation and I sensed that he was a little nervous too. I smiled and turned my back to him, lifting my hair for him to undo the buttons on my dress. I felt tingly with each button he undid.
“Raine,” he breathed into my hair, taking my shoulders in his gentle hands and turning me to face him. “It's been a long time for me.” His voice was low and raspy.
I took one of his hands in mine and kissed it. “That is the best wedding present you could ever give me.” I pressed my hand against his chest and felt the pounding of his heart. “You are the love of my life, Hayden McKade. And you will be the last man I ever give myself fully to. I am completely yours.”
He smiled at me tearfully. When he spoke again, I could hear the deep emotion in his voice. “Woman, you completely own me, heart, mind, body, and soul. And you always will.”
There were no more words between us. Staring into each other's eyes, we undressed, slipped beneath the cool covers, and we loved.
Never in my life could I have ever guessed that love, passion, and ecstasy could produce an experience that was so fulfilling, so unearthly that it literally gave me the sense of being lifted to a higher plain. I never dreamed a body could experience them all at once. But I did, with his every touch, his every kiss, and his every softly whispered word. When we finally became one, I reached an even higher plain, a plain that I never knew existed.