If I Return

by Bennett, Sawyer

  For instance, he doesn’t merely know that I’m pursuing my Master’s degree. He knows I have a deep and abiding passion to help people. He knows I eventually want to get into counseling, focusing my specialty on drug and alcohol addiction. He knows I get this passion for this line of work because of volunteer work I’ve done in a local rehab home back in Florida. He knows this, because he prodded me with questions all night about it, wanting to know the specifics of my chosen career path. He even asked me where I thought I saw myself ten years from now, and what I hoped would be my greatest accomplishment at that time. I mean, who asks those kinds of questions?

  Certainly not a guy that is trying to get in my pants. Which makes me realize that Jack probably doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend. And that’s okay... I get it. I’m just average, studious, serious Hope Camden. What temptation could I provide for a man like Jack Freeman—gorgeous military stud and helicopter pilot?

  As the night starts to wind down, we get pulled off the couch by some of Jack’s friends. I thought he was just here as a guest of Carson’s, much like I’m Audrey’s guest, but in fact, Jack, Carson, and Landon are best friends and grew up together. Jack is actually in the wedding party. Which is why he gets up, with seeming reluctance, when Carson wants to pull him away to talk to some friends.

  I stand up as well, setting my empty wineglass down. “Well, it’s been great talking to you but I think I’ll head to bed.”

  I glance over at the bar and see Audrey is still going full tilt. She’s actually chugging a beer right now while several people egg her on. Glancing back to Jack, I see he’s torn. I can tell he doesn’t want me to go, but he glances over at Carson, who is waiting for him by a group of friends.

  “Okay. It was really nice talking to you, too. I hope we get to see each other some more this week.”

  I smile at him. “Yeah... me too.”

  Turning away from Jack, I walk to the elevator. I’m suddenly feeling very depressed and lonely, something that never has plagued me before. Being around Jack and talking to him so effortlessly made me happier than I could have imagined. It’s only now, as I’m walking away from him, that I realize I don’t want this night to ever end. But, unfortunately, Jack has obligations and those don’t include me.

  Pushing the elevator button, I’m rewarded with the doors immediately opening. I push the button to the fifth floor and the doors start to close. Suddenly, an arm is jammed in between the closing doors and they are pushed back. Jack is standing there.

  “I thought I’d walk you to your room… if that’s okay with you.”

  It’s such a gallant offer, that I’m completely stunned into silence. He steps in and the doors start to close. As the elevator rises, I’m suddenly hit with an overwhelming urge to tap into the carefree spirit that Audrey insists is buried within me. I don’t question the logic of these thoughts, and if alcohol is fueling them in any way, I open my heart to the liquid courage and let it take over.

  I’m about to step outside of the proverbial box.

  Pushing away from the elevator wall I had been leaning against, I walk up to Jack, bringing my body close into his. Looking into his face, I see his nostrils flare and unbidden desire leap into his eyes. It’s all the encouragement I need before I smooth my hands up over his chest, winding them behind his neck. My fingers graze over the stubble of his short haircut. I’m pleased when his arms wrap around my waist to draw me in closer. I waste no further time before pulling his head down to me, until our lips meet softly.

  Despite the fact my inhibitions are lowered, despite the fact I boldly put myself in Jack’s arms, and despite the fact that his eyes were heated as our lips moved toward one another, the kiss is surprisingly sweet. It’s nothing more than a gentle meeting of our lips. Our mouths are slightly parted as we move against one another, tilting our heads first to one side, and then another as we explore.

  Even though the kiss is soft and sweet, I still feel a warmth spreading through my body. It causes me to want more... to experience Jack on the next level. Tentatively, my tongue pushes forward into his mouth and at first he stills. I can feel his fingers flex into my lower back, and I push my tongue in just a little farther, taking a swipe at his.

  He answers me with a groan and then he’s gripping my head, holding me in place so his tongue can take charge.

  And I let him.

  Letting go, for once in my life, I let Jack have his way with my mouth. He deepens the kiss and I can’t help the sigh that escapes me. He eats it up, pleading for more by the insistent way his lips move against mine.

  Even though we seem to both be drowning in the kiss, I find myself wanting to submerge further into him. Desire floods my senses and my body moves without thinking. I push myself closer to him, our bodies connecting. My breasts mash into chest and I can feel his hardness against my stomach. I push closer yet, wanting—no, needing—the contact.

  This kiss... this amazing kiss. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It’s full of passion and fire. I realize that my prior kisses have been lukewarm at best. Energy courses through me at the thought of what else I’ve been missing. The shy introvert is gone and I can feel my inner sex kitten awakening.

  And I’m ready... ready to let her prowl because the passion that flows between us has firmly shut boring Hope Camden away.

  The sound of the elevator doors opening jolts my senses, and I pull away from Jack. We are both breathing heavy and a thrill shoots through me when I see his eyes have darkened to the color of nickel.

  “This your floor?” Jack asks.

  “Yes.” My voice is raspy, because I’m parched for more of Jack.

  He reaches down for my hand and leads me out of the elevator. “Which way?”

  I’m at a crossroads. Jack is a gentleman, I can tell. His intent right now is to walk me to my room, perhaps give me another kiss to say goodnight, but he won’t press me further. I just know it.

  I can take the easy path. The path that Hope Camden would normally take. I could accept that goodnight kiss, enter my bedroom, and call it a night. But I know I’ll be frustrated and left wanting. Or I can take the path my sister has suggested. To let loose and have fun. To make this a memorable time with an apparently memorable man. I can be someone totally different, and I can do it with impunity, because Jack doesn’t know me and I don’t know him... not really.

  Jack is watching me, his eyebrows raised.

  “I don’t want to go to my room,” I tell him.

  He doesn’t respond but his body stiffens slightly and his eyes turn a shade darker.

  “Where do you want to go?” His words are deliberate and careful, but there is a tinge of hope in them.

  Funny... hope.

  “I want to go to your room.”

  Releasing my hand, Jack lifts it to my face and cups it. His eyes search mine. “Maybe we shouldn’t. We’ve both had several drinks. I don’t want there to be any regrets—”

  I shake my head, stopping his words. “No. I won’t have any regrets. And I’m not drunk. Buzzed? Yes, but not drunk. I know what I’m doing.”

  He looks doubtful. Raising his other hand to my face, he holds me so that he can peer into my eyes. “Hope... you don’t seem like a one-night stand kind of girl.”

  “I’m not. Not usually. But I really want this.”

  He’s silent, digesting what I’m saying. Then I realize that I must sound like a complete slut to be coming on to him this way. I take a step back, and his hands drop from me.

  “Does that make you think less of me?” I ask softly.

  He steps toward me and pulls me to him. “No, I don’t think less of you. I’m just... I want you. Don’t doubt that. I just don’t want you to wake up tomorrow and be sorry for this.”

  “I told you... I won’t. I want to experience. I want to live in the now. I want you to... to... fuck me.”

  Jack’s hands grip my arms at those words, and a harsh breath escapes his mouth. “Jesus, Hope. I don’t know i
f I can say no to that. I’m not sure any man could. Last chance before I cart you off to my room.”

  The heat in Jack’s eyes is about ready to send me up in flames. I’ve never been looked at like that before, not by James, not by any man. The feeling is heady and I’m renewed with confidence.

  “I’m not changing my mind.”

  Jack walks back to the elevator, which is still conveniently waiting for us. His hand is gripping mine as we stand side by side for the short ride down to his room on the second floor. We don’t talk, and I can feel tension radiating off him. I sneak a sidelong glance at him and he pops his lower jaw back and forth. His eyes are hard as they stare at the elevator doors.

  Now I’m nervous. Is Jack mad? Is he having second thoughts?

  The doors open, Jack pulls me out, and I practically have to jog to keep up with him. We reach his door and he opens it, pushing me in before him. I walk a few steps and turn to face him, and then he’s on me.

  Both of his hands reach to my head, holding me in place while his mouth attacks mine. I cannot help the moan that comes out, not just from the onslaught of his kiss, but by the fact that he is completely turned on by me. Instant relief washes through me that he’s not mad, replaced almost immediately but the strongest surge of desire that I’ve ever felt in my life. I swear... my womb almost turns inside out from the tidal wave of lust coursing through me.

  Jack walks me backward until my knees hit the bed and we both go falling to its softness. Jack is hard and pulsing, and I know this because his erection is pushed up against me, right between my legs. My hips flex upward, rubbing against him. His hips push back against me, creating friction between my legs that has me gasping out loud.

  All the while, Jack makes short work of possessing my mouth. His kiss is hard, then soft. He strokes my tongue with his, and then nibbles on my bottom lip.

  When he slips his hand under my sweater, my body goes quiet. He trails his fingers up my ribs, softly yet with purpose. When his hand finally cups my bare breast—yes, I couldn’t wear a bra with this off-the-shoulder sweater—my skin tingles and I can feel my nipple tighten against his palm.

  Jack lifts his head from mine and gazes into my eyes. “God, Hope... I’ve imagined kissing you like this since I first saw you this afternoon outside the Inn.”

  My eyes soften and I get gooey inside. “Really?”

  “Yes, really. You’re so fucking pretty; I thought an angel fell into my arms. And now... here you are in my arms again.”

  His words melt me because they are genuine. He has no need to say them, because let’s face it... I’m a sure bet for him right now. But his tone is filled with wonder and appreciation, and I know that he’s telling me the truth. That inner sex kitten that wanted to break free now wants to stretch like a full-grown cat that has just had the most delicious bowl of cream.

  Jack removes his hand from beneath my sweater but before I can bemoan the loss of his heat, he reaches up to the neckline and slowly drags it down until my breast is bared to his eyes. He just looks down at me for several long moments, and then he pulls his gaze back up to mine.

  “You’re perfect.”

  Lowering his mouth, he lays a gentle kiss on the upper swell of my chest. My hands go up to cup the back of his head, and I hold him there while he lightly peppers me with kisses. Then he moves lower and flicks his tongue over my nipple. The sensation is exquisite and a thousand points of light dance before my eyes.

  “Do you like that?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I breathe out before sucking in a lungful of oxygen. Because I’m breathless. Jack makes me breathless.

  His mouth returns, and he gently sucks at me, then he licks. Finally, he pulls back slightly and blows lightly over my nipple. I didn’t think it was possible for it to get any harder but it does.

  Jack pushes back from me and stands. He pulls his sweater over his head, revealing inch after inch of hard flesh. His chest is chiseled and his abs are ripped. I half expected him to have tattoos, because that’s what I think of when I unwillingly stereotype someone in the military, but his skin is smooth and blemish free.

  I know I’m just staring, but I can’t help it. I’ve only seen men like him on TV, usually on some ridiculous fitness infomercial promising me a toned and tight body for the low, low price of $99.95. My eyes travel down and take in, with appreciation, the erection that is pushing hard against his jeans. I wantonly want to curl my hand around it.

  Somewhere, in the back of my head, the tiniest thought starts to take root. Am I doing something terribly irresponsible?

  But then I look to Jack, and I see how he’s looking at me... as if I’m the sexiest woman on the planet, and I realize that I am being true to myself. I’m not throwing myself at some random guy. I’m giving myself to Jack, and in return, I’m going to be getting something, too. I’m getting liberation from my uptight self.

  “I need to see more of you, Hope.”

  Jack steps up to the bed and proceeds to divest me of all my clothes. I sit up slightly to help him remove my sweater and the cool air against my skin makes me shiver. Jack removes my boots and socks, and, before he unzips my jeans, he places his hand between my legs and softly cups me.

  “So warm,” he murmurs.

  When he peels my jeans off me, I lay before him in my full, naked glory. He just stares at me, running his eyes back and forth from my head to my feet. He seems mesmerized... enchanted by me.

  And I don’t feel the slightest bit conscious. In fact, I stretch slightly, thrusting my breasts out, which causes him to growl low in his throat.

  “I believe you have some clothes that need removing,” I comment.

  That seems to spur Jack back into motion. He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and takes a condom out. He looks at me a bit sheepishly for having one so handy and I give him a sly grin. Tossing it on the bedside table, he makes short work of removing everything from the waist down.

  Then he’s standing before me fantastically naked. I’m slightly shy and don’t want to look at him so brazenly, but my eyes are drawn to the hardness that is standing at full attention for my viewing pleasure. I’m shocked when Jack brings his hand to himself and strokes his length, causing a pleasurable cramp to settle in between my legs. I’ve never seen a man touch himself like that and it’s incredibly wicked and devastatingly sexy.

  Jack releases himself and kneels at the end of the bed, crawling his way up my body. Then he covers me and starts kissing me again. Except this time, there’s more heat, more insistence. Our teeth clash a few times and his hands start moving over me. Lifting his body up slightly, his hand moves down between my legs. He moves one finger over me gently, and even I can feel how slick I am against him.

  I expect him to put a finger in me but he doesn’t. He just continues to run his finger over me... in that exact spot that is filled with nerve endings that are firing like crazy at this moment. He goes faster, harder, and my hips are gyrating against him. I peak quickly and, before I know it, I’m crying out into his mouth.

  “Fuck... that’s sexy,” Jack whispers against my lips while my body shudders against him.

  I can’t even respond but a tiny sigh slithers out.

  Jack removes his hand and leans up. He rips open the condom and deftly covers himself with one hand. Positioning himself in between my legs, he gently starts pushing his way in while laying his forehead against mine. His breathing is harsh, but then so is mine. I can feel him pushing in further and my body literally sighs as it welcomes him in. After a few shallows pushes and retreats, he finally sinks in all way to the hilt and we both exhale loudly at the feeling.

  “You feel amazing,” Jack murmurs, just before grazing his teeth down my neck.

  He starts to move. Slowly, deliberately.

  Each push inside of me is done with exquisite care. He tilts his hips at the perfect angle so I feel it at the deepest point inside of me, and his pelvis grinds deliciously against my sensitive spot. My hands move down to his h
ips, urging him on, beckoning him to go faster. He complies, his thrusts becoming harder, pushing my body backward on the bed with every move. Before long, the top of my head is knocking against the headboard, which is in turn knocking against the wall. I have a brief moment of embarrassment that we may be heard, but then Jack twists his hips in such a way that every bit of sense flies out of my head.

  I’m a quivering ball of nerves, flashing and pulsing. I can feel my second orgasm building when Jack leans down and whispers in my ear. “This feels so good, Hope. Tell me it feels good to you.”

  I can only nod, my cheek rubbing against his as my answer.

  Then he reaches his hand down between us, pressing against me, and I can’t help the shriek that comes out of my mouth as I climax hard. I can feel my body gripping him tightly... oh, so tightly, and he gives one last push inside of me and his whole body goes still.

  I look up at Jack and his eyes are closed, and then he whispers, “Fuck... I’m coming.”

  Those words send a thrill through me and I swear my orgasm fires up all over again, causing my hips to buck against him. His eyes fly open in surprise and he pushes back against me, giving me a few more hard thrusts, which push me over the edge again. When I finally come back down, Jack is hovering over me, his hips still pushing himself in and out of me, coaxing every last bit of pleasure out of me that he can.

  When he stops, he leans down and gives me the softest kiss on my lips. “That was incredible.”

  I reach my hand up and rub my thumb over his lower lip. “I agree.”

  After a few moments of reveling in the afterglow, Jack pulls out and lies beside me. He gathers me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest. Closing my eyes, I listen as our breathing returns to normal and I keep waiting for a feeling of shame or guilt to overcome me.

  But it never does.

  I slowly come awake and immediately take stock of my surroundings. I’m lying on my side with Jack pressed up against my back, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. His other arm rests beneath my head and I’ve used it as a pillow all night. The bedside clock says it’s almost eight AM.