If I Return

by Bennett, Sawyer

  My sleep was not very restful last night. Jack and I had drifted off after that spine-shredding sex, but I was awoken by the piercing shriek of my cell phone. I say piercing because by the time it rang, it was almost three AM and the alcohol had definitely faded, leaving me with a throbbing headache.

  The call was from Audrey, wanting to know where I was. She was really drunk, as evidenced by the way she slurred her words to me. I assured her I was fine and that I’d see her in the morning. Whether she remembers that or not remains to be seen.

  After I hung up, Jack had gotten out of bed, getting us both glasses of water and aspirin to take. He made me drink three glasses, claiming I wouldn’t have a hangover if I did that.

  And he’s right. I feel amazing this morning with no headache, no upset stomach, and a gorgeous man holding me in his arms.

  I sigh slightly, not wanting to move too much and wake Jack up. It feels so nice lying here like this; I want to hold onto this a bit more. Because I know once we wake up and look each other in the eyes, it’s going to be over. I mean, this was a one-night stand, right? It was my way to walk on the wild side, to be the wanton jezebel that Audrey wanted me to be. But I know guys don’t come back for seconds from women like that. I fully expect Jack to be very nice to me, but I’m sure our goodbye will be a true goodbye. I just hope it’s not awkward at the wedding, but I suppose I can stay out of his line of sight.

  It’s sad really. Because I like Jack. I mean... I know I just met him, but sometimes you can just judge a person’s character. I keep waiting for a flood of regret to hit me, and the only thing I’m regretful for is that I can’t spend more time with him. But I’m a big girl. I knew what I was asking for when I told Jack I wanted to be with him last night.

  Correction. I told him I wanted him to fuck me.

  My embarrassment flares hot over that but there’s no sense in bemoaning it. Like I said, I don’t have any regrets about having sex with Jack. We were responsible, we were safe, and holy hell, I never knew what I had been missing. This had been a real eye-opener for me.

  “Are you awake?” Jack murmurs in my ear.

  I’m jolted out of my thoughts, wondering how long he’s been awake.

  “Yes. Just for a few minutes though. How about you?”

  “I’ve been up for a while. Since about six-thirty.”

  I start to sit up but he pushes me back. “Six-thirty? Why didn’t you wake me up? I could have gotten out of your way.”

  Jack’s arms tighten around me and he leans down to kiss my shoulder. “Now why would I want you to get out of my way? Besides, it’s not been a hardship to hold a naked and beautiful woman in my arms.”

  I smile but I know Jack can’t see it. His words are so sweet and kind, and I choose to believe them. Again, this Camden sister has never had a man tell her that before and I find myself liking it.

  “So, what are your plans for today?” Jacks asks, while he continues to lay soft kisses on my shoulder. My blood starts to zing at the gentle touch.

  “Not much. I want to go hang out in the snow for a while, but then I’ll probably just relax around here.”

  “You’re not going to come skiing with us?” Jack loosens his hold around my stomach and moves his hand over my hip. He continues skimming his fingers down over my outer thigh. The sensation causes my heart to start hammering, wondering where his hands will venture next.

  “Um... no, I don’t ski.”

  Jack’s fingers trail to the inside of my thigh and move upward. Now my brain starts to sizzle and my breathing becomes a bit shallow.

  “You don’t?” Jack asks playfully in my ear just before he bites lightly on my earlobe, causing me to have a near seizure. “How come?”

  How come what? I don’t even remember what we are talking about, because now Jack’s fingers are directly between my legs, brushing over me softly. I can’t stifle the moan that comes out and my hand goes down to rest over his, to hold him in place. I can feel Jack starting to get hard and he pushes up against my rear end.

  Apparently skiing is forgotten because Jack places his lips near my ear and says, “Do you like that?”

  My hand grips his, pushing him more roughly against me. He inserts a finger and flexes inside of me deeply. “God, yes. Don’t stop.”

  Jack chuckles. “Don’t worry, I won’t.”

  My head falls back onto his shoulder and he uses that opportunity to kiss on my neck, lightly biting at me. He adds another finger and my legs fall open, my hips pushing against his hand.

  “Are you going to come for me, Hope?” His voice is soft, with almost a taunting quality to it. “Are you going to come hard against my hand?”

  I’m practically mindless by now and, while I’m flying faster toward my impending explosion, I want Jack inside of me when I come. “Jack...”

  “What do you need?” His fingers work faster and my breath starts coming out in choppy spurts.

  “I need you... inside of me.”

  “Not going to happen, baby girl. I only had that one condom. This is about you right now. Just let loose. Let go.”

  I groan out loud, partly because I’m disappointed I won’t feel Jack inside of me, but mainly because his words are sexy as hell. He’s doing this just to please me, wanting nothing in return right now. The thought alone has me peaking.

  When Jack licks the outer shell of my ear and says, “Come on, baby... give it to me,” I can’t contain myself anymore and my back arches away from him as I climax hard against his hand. With his fingers still firmly embedded in me, he pushes my hips back against his erection, grinding into my butt.

  I finally crash back to earth and Jack removes his hand, wrapping his arm back around my stomach and pulling me in close to him. I can still feel him hard against my backside, and even though I just had a Richter-topping orgasm, I want to have sex with him... badly.

  “Jack... how about I slip some clothes on and go get us some condoms. I know Audrey has some.”

  Pulling back away from me, Jack eases me onto my back so he can hover over me. He leans down and gives me a soft kiss. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll get some more later. A big box.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. I wanted to give you a happy good morning, that’s all. There is plenty of time for me to fuck you later. And I will—fuck you later, that is—and more than once.”

  His words cause my heart to flutter, because that means he is not saying goodbye to me right now. It means that while this may be a fling, it’s definitely not the one-night stand I had thought it would be. That thought makes me ridiculously happy.

  “Now, what were we talking about before your body got me distracted?”

  I giggle. “I think we were talking about skiing.”

  “That’s right. So, come skiing with us. I can teach you how.”

  While I would love nothing more than to spend the day with Jack, I just have absolutely no desire to ski. I have no desire to learn how to ski. I have no desire to careen down a mountain and break my neck.

  “I’m going to pass,” I tell him reluctantly. “I’m just not very athletic and it’s just not something I’m interested in.”

  Jack sighs. “Okay, but can I see you when we get back? Maybe we could do dinner together?”

  “Um... I’m not sure. I have to check with Audrey and see what her plans are. But I’d love to if she has no problem with me ditching her. Which I’m sure she won’t.”

  Gracing me with a smile so beautiful, I think my heart literally flips over in my chest, he says, “Awesome. I can’t wait to see you later.”

  His voice is full of promise and he leans down and kisses me again. It’s scorching hot and I know exactly why he is anxious to see me later. But that’s okay... I’m looking forward to seeing a whole lot more of him later, too.

  Audrey and I are sitting in the Blue Ridge Dining Room, eating breakfast. My gaze hungrily takes in the snow-covered ground and I’m itching to get outside in it.

  “Are you g
oing to give me the details now or what? I’ve been patiently waiting and you said you’d tell me all about your night with Jack at breakfast. So spill.”

  I pull my eyes away from the window and look at Audrey. For someone that was drunk off her ass at three AM, she looks damn good. She was awake when I made it back to the room this morning, already showered, dressed, and ready to hit the slopes. The vans they had rented to take the group to Wolf’s Ridge would be leaving in about half an hour so we have to eat quickly so Audrey could make it down to the lobby in time.

  “Well... I took your advice and became the wanton slut you wanted me to be.”

  “Get out! You did?”

  “I did.”

  Audrey lets out an excited squeal and all of the other diners turn to look at her. She thankfully lowers her voice. “So how was it? Was it as fabulous as I imagine it was?”

  “It was better than fabulous. I mean... Jack is such a nice guy, and he’s so kind and thoughtful that—”

  “Oh, shut the hell up. I don’t want to hear about that. I want to hear about the sex. Give me the good stuff.”

  I can feel my face heat up. “I’m not about to share those details with you, you freak. You’ll just have to be satisfied with knowing that your sister finally did something wild and she has no regrets about it.”

  Audrey wants to push me for the nitty-gritty, but I won’t budge on that. This may only be a fling with Jack, but what we are sharing is special.

  It has a defined time limit, but it’s special nonetheless.

  “Are you going to see him again?”

  I nod my head up and down, smiling like a kid at Christmas. “He wants to take me to dinner tonight. Is that okay with you?”

  “Hell yeah it’s okay. I’m happy my baby sis is doing something outside of her comfort zone. In fact, I insist you do nothing but get you some of Jack the entire time we’re here.”

  “I don’t want to ditch you or anything.”

  “As if. I am a party unto myself. The fun follows me, not the other way around. I have plenty of friends to keep me occupied, so you just enjoy this.”

  Audrey reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I really just want you to be happy, Hope. I just want you to see that you don’t have to be so serious all the time.”

  I squeeze her hand. “I know. And I’m glad you planted the idea in my head. This has been... an experience for me. A good experience.”

  “Just don’t let your heart get caught up, okay? Remember... booty calls do not make for long-term relationships.”

  My heart sinks a bit at her words but I know they’re true. I mean, there’s no way that Jack and I could have a serious relationship. We started out backward. We bypassed all of the ritualistic behaviors that two people go through when they are getting to know each other, and before they progress to intimacy. I’m sure Jack will never see me as anything but a woman looking for a good time.

  After breakfast, Audrey left on her ski trip and I ran to my room to grab my coat, hat, and gloves. I make my way back down to the lobby, and head toward the back of the hotel. There is a stone staircase I saw that led out onto the back lawn, which is bordered by the Inn’s golf course. I figure there will be plenty of snow down there for me to play in.

  Just as I reach the terrace doors, I hear, “Hope... wait up.”

  My heart thuds and I turn around to see Jack jogging up to me. “What are you doing here? Did you miss the vans to go skiing?”

  Jack smiles at me. “Nope. I made a spur-of-the-moment decision not to go. I’d rather hang with you today.”

  “You would?” I can’t believe it. Never in a million years would I have thought this.

  “Yes. I would. Ski slopes will always be there, but you and I only have a few days together. This is more important.”

  His words both please me and haunt me at the same time. He wants to be with me, but he also has verified the time limit I assumed we had. And even though I knew this would be over at the end of the week, I guess there was a small part of me that hoped it wouldn’t.

  As clearly evidenced by the disappointment I’m feeling right now.

  The thing that causes my heart to cramp just a little, is the fact that I’m pretty sure the only reason Jack wants to hang with me is for sex. Which is okay. I mean, I know what I signed on for and trust me, if Jack and I do nothing but lay in bed all week, that will be fine by me. I just... I guess I want him to see me as more than a booty call.

  “Well... did you get more condoms?”

  Jack cocks his head at me and gives me an odd look. “No, I didn’t buy condoms. We don’t need them right now. Besides... I thought you wanted to go play in the snow.”

  “But... I thought... I just assumed...”

  “What? That all I want to do is screw your brains out?” His voice sounds a tiny bit hurt but he also has a smile on his face. “Hope... I like you, and I like being around you. In or out of bed. Trust me... we’ll make use of some condoms this week, but for now... let’s go get our snow on.”

  My face lights up into a huge smile and I throw my arms around his neck. His own wrap around me, pulling me into a tight hug. “You are an awesome guy, do you know that?”

  “I’ve been told that a time or two.”

  Jack takes my hand, pulling me across a large, snow-covered lawn behind the resort. At least I think it’s a lawn. I can’t tell with the snow thickly layered over the ground.

  I quickly realize that I am in no way dressed for extended play outside. The gloves I bought in Florida were thin leather with no interior fuzz for extra warmth. My hat is nothing more than a knit Florida State beanie someone gave me for Christmas a few years ago, that has never been worn. I’m wearing jeans, a sweater, and the same black boots I had on last night with my jeans tucked inside. Audrey would kill me dead if she knew I was wearing them out in the snow. My coat at least is wool and I bought it just for this trip, never having needed a winter coat before. I was going to be soaking wet before too long.

  “So, what exactly is your level of snow experience, Miss Camden?”

  I look up at Jack as we are walking, his hand tightly gripping mine. The sun is brilliantly shining and his eyes are sparkling sapphires today. “Sadly, I’m a snow virgin. This is my first time.”

  He stops walking and just looks at me with astonishment. “You’re kidding?”

  “Nope. We don’t get snow in Florida, in case you haven’t heard that news flash.”

  He rolls his eyes at me. “Well, there are certain things that a snow virgin has to try, and I list these in no particular order. Let’s see... there’s making snow angels, and we have to build a snowman, and of course, who can resist a good old-fashioned, snowball fight... and last, but certainly not least, you simply have to try this really cool trick of sticking your tongue to a flagpole.”

  I start laughing and playfully punch him in the stomach. “I can’t believe you’d try to get me to fall for the ‘stick your tongue to a flagpole’ trick.”

  He shrugs his shoulders and puts a mock look of shame on his face. “What? I thought a Florida girl wouldn’t know about that dirty trick.”

  “We do have TVs in Florida, you know? I’ve seen A Christmas Story only about a million times.”

  “Damn. Caught me. No matter. I have better uses for your tongue.” Jack steps in close to me and grabs hold of my hips. My breath comes out in a rush, pluming white in the cold air.

  “You do?” I say, my voice shy and husky all at the same time. “Like what?”

  “Well... I was holding out on you, but the actual very best thing to do in the snow is to kiss.” His head lowers toward mine but he just stares at me.

  “You don’t say?”

  I anticipate his lips touching mine but he doesn’t move. “It’s the truth. But before we do that, we have to make quick snow angels first.”

  My eyebrows lift. “So, there is an order to these things?”

  His nose rubs along mine and he says, “Most assuredly... I to
ld you I was holding out on you. You see, when I do kiss you in the snow, I’m going to want to take my time doing it, which means we’re going to get soaked and freeze our asses off. Which then means that we’re going to have to go immediately inside and take a hot bath together. Soooo... we need to get the snow angels out of the way.”

  God, the thought of lying in a hot bath with this man makes me need to squeeze my thighs together. “I like your plan,” I say breathlessly. “It’s well thought out... some would say with military precision, so you get bonus points for that.”

  He chuckles at me and then steps back. “Okay, let’s get to it. Come stand beside me, about three feet away.”

  I position myself and he looks at me. “That’s good. Now, the key to a good snow angel is to make sure you fall into a good starting position. You do know the mechanics of how making a snow angel works, right?”

  “Yes, sir,” I tell him, giving him a quick salute.

  “Smart ass. Okay, spread your legs just a little bit further...”

  My cheeks heat up even though his words were not even intended to be sexual.

  “Nice blush,” he smirks.

  “Shut up,” I scold, “or we’ll skip right to the snowball fight.

  “Okay... this is serious. Hold your arms out, and, on the count of three, we’ll fall backward together. Ready?”

  I nod at him, removing my gaze from his and looking straight ahead with concentration. I actually want this to be a good snow angel, so I focus my attention.

  “One... two... three!”

  I fall straight back, letting out a hoot of joy when the pillowy snow catches me. I look to my left and see Jack is still standing there, looking down at me. The morning sun is behind him, so his eyes are gray and dark.

  “You didn’t take the plunge. How come?”

  He doesn’t answer but just drops down to his knees beside me. His hands come to my face, the leather from his gloves warming my skin. He looks so serious all of a sudden, my pulse starts pushing blood through my veins at Mach 3.