Humanities Contingency_You Will Lose Yourself

by Matthew Birch

  “Of course-” Robert stalls.

  “Alice-” She fills in the gap.

  Robert smiles, “Alice”

  Alice does a cute curtsey before saying, “Why is the infection so rare?”

  Everyone smiles. Alice just has that kind of effect on people.

  “Infection is rare because most people only get infected when an attacking creature or monster is stopped after infecting you through the means I said before. This makes infection rare because monsters and creatures prefer to kill and consume to add to their biological mass. It makes them stronger, smarter, and more prevalent to the point that they can consciously control other monsters to do their bidding-”

  “A pack leader...” Ed says. “We met one in the north...”

  Robert nods, not annoyed in any way from the interruption. “I met one too; I don’t where it is now. It just wouldn’t stop asking about something called the Carnage?”

  Ed shares a nervous glance with the rest of us. I remember Marcus saying something about that - a pack leader. It’s what we saw when it ran past us after Marcus gave his life.

  “I haven’t met it since...” Robert goes silent. “When the time is right, we continue west. I am going to assume everyone who is present now not only heard the broadcast but by my reckoning, means we are all that is left on the island. We haven’t got much more time left in our favour...” Robert looks backwards at the mischievously looking slovenly mall.

  I haven’t noticed till now, but I see them, the infected soldiers...

  * * *

  I go for a stroll around the mall with Alice, who, bless her heart, was too afraid to investigate it herself. We talk and talk about what Robert had said, and even further about past events with Callum and more. Lastly, after keeping a fair, mutual distance with the sick, infected, or injured. I don’t care which; I don’t trust any of them. She asks me about the Carnage. “So when did you learn about it?” Alice says unhappily, her features disheartening for some reason.

  “You didn’t know?” I question her curiously. How could she not know?!

  “You all kept sheltering me...” Alice blows some of her hair from her face. It’s getting longer now; maybe I should offer to cut it. I mean, I took a gardening course, but I bet I’d be a great hairdresser!

  “I’m so sorry Alice... I’m not sure why we did. You’re a strong little bitch-” Oh my god! Rushing my hands over my mouth, I realise it is too late to shut myself up!

  Alice giggles. “Don’t worry; Ed has secretly been calling me that for a while now”

  Rolling my eyes, I think, Godammit Ed. “Anyway, it was Marcus who told me about it when we were trying to escape after the ranger station before you found us. That was when William gave his life...” Great, now I even feel guilty about the laziest person this world has to offer. Wandering outside, we observe everyone. My eyes focusing on Callum and his group and how they awkwardly huddle together whilst their enemies do the same, watching one another tentatively, the bad blood between them wordlessly stews...

  This can’t be good.

  Chapter 9 - Wasted potential

  Chloe

  Tossing and turning, bending and spinning, moving to no avail; why can’t I just be comfortable? I can’t sleep, is it because my sleeping bag won’t allow me? I can’t sleep, is it because I am freezing? I can’t sleep, is it because I am scared of what is still yet to come...?

  Laying on my bruised spine, I remiss about the harm inflicted on my body. Topics I wouldn’t normally dwell on flock like sheep to my mind, herded together by the sheepdog I call my nightmares. Ed and Maya are crashing inside the next room. I stay out in the hallway, not the most ideal place to be. We set up a nice little area just for our group of four. Deep within the mall, near the back storage area that had been emptied long ago. A compact fortification has been built there to make up for any lacking weak spots along their backside, so any assumed ambushes from the rear are nigh impossible. Whilst everyone tends to live near the entrance where they feel most safe, our group distances itself. Eyes closed and hands resting clasped together on my stomach, I take a deep breath to relax. Clearing my mind should be a lenient task, never mind, I was thinking it would be more difficult, now I think clearly. Though, the thoughts that come are not what I wanted.

  Vividly, like I am living it right now, I remember Marcus and me. How William heedlessly slammed his bloodied fist into the meaty skull of the camouflaged monster. We only spared a glance, but it was all it took to see William’s head get absolutely crushed into oblivion. I remember Marcus and me, how we tried to run as far as we can, down the forgotten road to the fallen bridge. I remember Marcus and me, how he was flung aside, and my spine was smashed into ruins. Even now, I still feel it. Clicks, clacks, I hear it all; the fragility of my spine reminds me of the events I survived. What I withhold, is the injury that will last me a lifetime.

  Opening my eyes, I relinquish myself from the nightmare. The Carnage...

  Maybe, just maybe, we were never dealing with creatures, monsters, zombies, whatever! Whatever has happened to this island has created living beings with sentience, intelligence... Maybe we’re not fighting to survive against evil, no, my belief has been distorted.

  Are we struggling to cope against a new species? Is this just natural selection in the making?

  Okay, that’s enough of my thoughts for today. I think it’s about time I made the tough decision to actually be sociable and join everyone else. Undoing the zip to my sleeping bag and slipping away from the warmth it never had, bastard, I stand up. Looking around, I see nothing, just a hallway and a security room. Small, dense, useless without electricity, yet, Ed and Maya made it cosy? I just wish Marcus was still here. He’d know what to do.

  My slow walk to the entrance is slaughtered when yelling and shrieking erupt from outside. I hear it even from here-

  A part of me doesn’t want to run. I can’t be bothered any more. Is this hopelessness? Without the motivation to do anything, I might as well be dead. Sighing, I break out into a brisk jog, my selfishness driving me. The guilt of what might have been if I didn’t go is what urges me towards the entrance. When I actually arrive, I find that nothing is wrong...

  Excellent waste of my-

  Everyone crowds around someone on the side of the parking lot where the rabbit foot gang resided. Rushing over, I push through the crowd to see-

  Alan is dead. Peaceful, content, crowded by the people who loved him dearly, the poor man passed away in his sleep. He seemed like a nice guy. His weeping group cling to his body. Joey is the only person from the southern group to show an interest. Robert disbands whoever wasn’t part of the rabbit foot gang as quickly as he can. Joseph is here as well, his fingers holding Alan’s wrist as he searches for the pulse that never comes, his head gently rocking itself in failure. Comforting them, Robert tries his best to talk to them as soothingly as possible. An option is laid down, and the group make their choice, they will dig Alan a proper grave alongside the notable men and woman who got this far as well.

  Facing the graveyard, I give it a glare. Next, I frown. We are literally the last humans on this island, and even now we still wither away into dust.

  “Even though my group hates their guts, it doesn’t stop them from liking Alan-” Joey suddenly says as he guides us away from the immediate funeral taking place. “Alan was a peaceful man. Despite working for Black Fox, he was the only person to not have killed or harmed another human. Yes, he fought against unnatural creatures and so on. That was it. Their group like him for it; saw him as a way to better themselves after being misled for so long. Black Fox never killed Alan either for the fear that doing so would be the line to cross that has him overturned by those he controls” Joey’s explanation is drawn out and long, despite this, the entire time, I pay close attention, keen to learn more about their group. The more I learn, the more I want to get to know them. I want to show sympathy, but I don’t know how. I know a fair share of gardening, maybe in the time we have, I
can preoccupy myself with making a little flower bed for Alan? Never knew him; hardly matters though right?

  Joey and I take a stride towards the lounge area where the rest of his group chill, unfazed by Alan’s passing. Offering me a seat on one of the spare armchairs, Joey and I begin hanging out, no doubt a weird unexpected turn of events. “Can you tell me more about the other members of their group?”

  Joey nods, looking in their direction. “Well, you already know about Black Fox and his bitch Joanne. Alan Bridgeford is the man who passed away. I’ll try to remember them all as best I can” Looking onwards, his eyes scan each person before he continues. “First, is Vicky, the dirty blond with the hair cut short? She’s a bit mangled, and also messed in the head. Black Fox was horrible to her...” The first person is Vicky, the horribly ill-looking woman.

  “And what about him?” I ask, trying my best not to point at the next person.

  “Graham, African American fellow, is that who you’re pointing at?” Joey asks, and I answer with a nod. “He’s quite a nice bloke to kick back with. He lost both his kids and his wife cheated on him. They’re all dead now. He relies a lot on others to get through the day” Joey finishes. Graham doesn’t look like the type from what he described. The big, hulking man helps heave Alan’s body, his face riddled with tears...

  “And the Italian dude?” Next, I think it’s time I question the same one who went out to get Alan in the first place after he was purposefully left for dead by Black Fox.

  “Ah, Matty, yeah, we don’t really get on. Poor guys a lone tourist who got caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time. He wanted to escape his gambling addiction by coming to the beaches here. Now, he is just a wall of stone, dude is quite chill with everything. We fought before; he’s a tough dude, when he gets angry he will just blabber on in Italian. It’s kinda funny really” Joey chuckles, his eyes shifting to the last person in their group. “And that’s Bella, kind, carefree, not even sure why she joined their group in the first place. Yeah, she’s cool”

  Now I know their entire group.

  “You’re a murderer and a thief-”

  Spinning around, we see Ryan squaring up to an impeccable, isolated Maya who had been walking over to me.

  “You killed him!” Ryan squeals in her face-

  Joey shoots up, rushing in whilst Zack and Ian hold Ryan back. Maya, misunderstood and offended, steps back. Standing up, I edge towards Maya. Grabbing her arm, I pull her to one side.

  “Don’t mind him, he’s just delusional-” Joey speaks in Ryan’s place.

  Maya makes no reaction, she just nods, eyes boring into Ryan’s tearful eyes. The dudes in a rage, moving on I suppose. “You alright?” I ask Maya who-

  Out of the corner of my eye, Ryan breaks free, like a tiger, he dashes at Maya-

  She can barely react, her assault rifle too slow to defend herself-

  I blink, and it’s all I manage as I miss someone knocking Ryan down! Like the unknown warrior he is, Ed delivers a harsh elbow to Ryan’s face, knocking the unsuspecting man down to the ground where he rolls about in agony for a second. Eye bludgeoned, nice one Ed.

  Ed delivers a small smile to Maya. “You taught me that one” He beams at the woman who is too startled to care.

  Oh fantastic, now a crowd is forming-

  Joey rushes to Ryan’s aid. Seeing what he’s doing, I copy, grabbing Ed and Maya and forcing them to move their asses. Managing the increasingly dangerous situation is the best thing we can do right now. Pausing, we all find ourselves trapped between Chris and the crowd.

  “IT WAS HER. SHE MURDERED DANIEL. SHE MURDERED MY BROTHER!”

  Chris moves past us, glaring at Ryan despite not being able to hear. The flustered, enraged man is unquestionably doing something he shouldn’t be and Chris can see that.

  No, Callum, please don’t-

  Joey tries to intervene-

  Huh, what is he doing? Something about his expression... Callum, what are you thinking?

  “THEY MURDERED MY BROTHER IN COLD BLOOD FOR NO REASON”

  “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE MINUTES?” Roaring like an absolute beast, Callum fucking loses it! Flipping out and crashing his fist into Ryan-

  Oh my god what is happening-

  “SHE HAS HIS GUN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Ryan screams right back him, breaking free from Joey and barreling into Callum who grapples him in place. All the while, Callum cranes his neck, twists his back and stares directly at the weapon Maya has had the entire time.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Maya is brief, not precise, seemingly, lying. She knows. That gun. Wait-

  That person Ed killed, that was Daniel-

  “Hey, Callum, why don’t you tell your whiny brat to back off before I do it myself?” Confidently, and slightly brash, Ed holds Maya close in one arm while waving his other spare arm through the air. It’s a warning sign. A battle is about to go down. I stop, stare, watch-

  Why won’t I do anything!

  Callum says nothing while shoving the flailing Ryan into Joey.

  CHLOE, MOVE-

  Callum fights off Ed, pushing him back into the rabbit foot gang who have all come to see the commotion. Maya squeals, trying her hardest to hold onto her weapon that Callum easily pries away from her hands. Practically leaping back, Callum inspects the weapon thoroughly. All the while Chris stands to one side, apparently amused as he crosses his arms nonchalantly? Ed sprints straight back at Callum, only to be met half-way by Joey. No action is made on either man’s part because of the reality that they both like one another. I see it, hate it, why? Because everything we’ve tried to build is instantly going to break apart.

  “What the fuck is going on! What did I say?” Robert is finally back in the mix, shoving his way into the crazed crowd.

  It’s too late. Callum has inspected the assault rifle. Plainly, with his eyes wide and a slight twitch in his jaw, he struggles to muster the words. “I remember... Daniel would make markings like these when he was bored...” Callum rubs his fingers delicately across the side of the assault rifle where several indentations have been carved in by a machete. “Well, I suppose it is only fair, an eye for an eye-” Raising the gun, Callum aims directly at Maya...

  Robert disarms Callum, head butting him and knocking him on his arse, when Joey sees this, he attempts stopping Robert who now holds the weapon, only to be held back by Chris in his mighty arms. Zack and Ian do nothing as some of the healthier soldiers get in their way to stop the conflict. In the distance, I overhear Lola screaming for them not to hurt her dad and uncle-

  Except, now there is no one to stop Ryan, knife drawn, crazy and bloodthirsty, the vengeful man makes his move. Advancing on the defenceless, shocked Maya, she does nothing to hinder him-

  Ed leaps in the way, two swift blows later and the weapon is loose. Playing dirty, all sense of martial arts goes out the window. There’s no class in this fight now as Ed grabs Ryan’s bundle of hair and tugs it violently while kneeing his gut. Ryan, literally clawing Ed, shoves his fingers deep into his skin. An injury I know Ed hides under his jacket has been impacted. Five little holes from once upon a time come back to haunt him right now of all times. Roaring, amidst the madness where I don’t act because I am afraid. I watch as Ed and Ryan tumble to the floor. Both men caught in a savage grapple that ends all too abruptly when Ed takes Marcus’s machete off his belt and places the sharp edge of the weapon at Ryan’s shuddering throat. Breathing in, he sucks his throat in, his body going limp under the stronger, more adept man’s hold. Beaten, broken, and now at a loss, Ryan stares directly at Ed who breathes heavily.

  “KILL HIM!” Bella screams. Jesus Christ, I thought she was the nice one!

  “I AM THE ONE WHO KILLED HIM!” The truth is out. Ed has finally said it. Now we all know the sickening truth. ”I KILLED HIM BECAUSE HE PUT HIS GUN ON US!” Screaming relentlessly, Ed’s lungs are pushed to the limit. Ryan’s eyes fill with tears, I see it, I just wish- “HE OFFERED US N
O ALTERNATIVE. I KILLED HIM BECAUSE WE WANT TO SURVIVE. I KILLED HIM BECAUSE THAT IS THE WAY LIFE IS NOW, NOTHING MORE!”

  “Ed, please-” I hear Maya’s crisp, melancholy voice call out effortlessly...

  This is all going wrong.

  Everyone stops struggling, the madness becomes calm.

  “I lost someone who was like a brother to me too-” Ed’s crying as well...? “Marcus would have never spared you...” Defeated, Ed pulls away, withdrawing his weapon and his anger as he shoves through the crowd. He even pushes Maya to one side...

  The memory of Marcus stopped him from killing Ryan. Marcus... We need you now more than ever...