Humanities Contingency_You Will Lose Yourself

by Matthew Birch

  “Is that possible?” It doesn’t feel possible. The things we’ve done, what I’ve seen, the people I’ve killed in the name of revenge for my wife and Tommy.

  Alice, Lola, they are young, not innocent, they’ve killed creatures, and only that, they are not going to learn the pain of killing another human. They have seen it, witnessed it, and heard it. I won’t ever let that happen again.

  This world is cruel; I should know that more than anyone, so I will train them to be ready. Sheltering them isn’t an option any more; now, we need warriors who can do what we do without the insanity that comes with it.

  Chapter 12 - Training

  Zack

  “Okay, so, what have you learnt today?” Smiling, I place my hands on my hips. We reach mid-day, and I am pretty sure good progress has been made.

  “Cleaning a gun, preparing a gun, using a gun and reloading every other weapon than a handgun” Alice has to think as she goes along, trying her best to remember every detail.

  “I still think it was genius to teach them everything other than a handgun” Robert, sitting on a stall nearby commends me. Smiling at him, I give him a brief nod of acknowledgement. Teaching the girls to use more than just a handgun felt like the right thing to do. Nowadays, we are packing a lot more heavy weaponry than just handguns. Circumstances are renownedly serious, and I’d hate for everything to go wrong only for these two to have nothing but the knowledge of a handgun.

  “I would still like a lesson using a handgun anyway,” Lola says, her arms shaking as she struggles to hand me back the shotgun.

  Laughing, I meet her half-way and aid her. “Don’t worry, you will” I reply, reassuring her they will learn all they can.

  “It’s weird-” Alice speaks up. “Ed always told me the best weapon is a bladed one?”

  Seems like I might have swayed her opinion? “You can have whatever preference you like, but at the end of the day, knowing the trick of all trades helps when caught in any kind of situation that demands it”

  “Like what?” Robert asks, amused, he gets in on the action. It’s nice to see him enjoying himself. We get on quite well actually. Him being a soldier and me being a unit of the National Guard, we retain a certain admirable respect for one another in the duties we still uphold despite the fall of society.

  “Well, imagine you didn’t have the machete?” I say to Alice whilst studying Robert, a smug look on my face as I wage an inside war with the man.

  Lola listens and Alice agrees. With the two girls on my side and Robert silenced, I proceed, “Good, now, there is still a lot more to learn than just guns, next will be survival tactics as well!”

  Groaning both girls complain as if this was a school lesson. Robert openly laughs like a jerk. Half-smiling, I dismiss them, turning to see-

  Matty...?

  “I couldn’t care less about the psycho bitch, though by any chance have you seen Bella?” Normally, the uncaring man has gone out of his way to come all the way up here to ask us...

  “No?” I reply, unsure of his intentions even though he probably just means well. “I haven’t seen her...” Thinking back to earlier today, I remember when I visited the graves. Bella was nowhere to be seen...

  “You girls saw her?” Matty blatantly invites Alice and Lola who say they aren’t even sure who Bella is!

  “Robert?” Matty questions the last person he can.

  “I’ll keep an eye out” Robert responds, hands behind his head as he takes in the cool breeze from being up here.

  “Well, if anyone finds her, let me know” Matty finishes his quest and leaves us be.

  What is this about? Why is Bella so special all of a sudden?

  Chapter 13 - The Monster within

  Zack

  Exploring wholly throughout the gloomy kitchen, I find its contents remain unsorted; all the scavenged supplies have been left here. Nothing is rationed fairly; people come and go when they feel like it. I haven’t got a problem with people doing that as we are currently in surplus. To keep spirits that little bit higher from how dangerously low they already are, Robert allowed it some time ago. Even with extra people coming in, the rule on food and water remains the same. Right now, more than anything, my stomach grumbles for a craving I can’t complete. Beasts in my belly crash away at one another until I get exactly what I deserve. All I want is the delicious, creamy taste of-

  Shooting up, I remove the flashlight from my mouth. “Hello?” I respond to the gentle drumming that reverberates restlessly through the hallways outside. It’s hardly perceptible; still, I know it’s there, banging, as if on drums, its rumbling snakes its way through the inside of the building. Leaving the malls prime kitchen area, I find myself stumbling through the back room, my flashlight being my only friend as I scour the dimly lit hallways. With no electricity, we presently leave bundles of candles lying around. Swaying weakly, they provide me with a path as I wonder what the banging is.

  Stopping, the uncomfortable music stops, and I am left looking over my shoulder. Tense, I advance, avoiding the interaction with the pit of dread in my stomach. My heart, mind and soul know something is wrong.

  Coming from above, I find the sounds didn’t echo through the hallways as I thought, it’s the pipes. Someone, deep inside, is doing something they shouldn’t be. Either that or something worse is happening...

  At the darkest depths, I peer downwards onto the staircase that leads to the internal plumbing system of the mall. A single, large underground convention of pipes and machines that no longer carry the tasks they once did.

  Something is down there-

  Grunting, shouting, screaming-

  A fight, perhaps?

  Someone is down there, not something.

  Taking the pistol off my belt, I neglect its holster. Taking slow steps, I walk down the creaky stairs. Thick concrete surrounds the area, completely encasing whoever is inside within.

  Buried inside this eternal abyss, with my fear creeping up over my rear, I know something is horribly wrong when I see weapons scattered across the ground. There are so many varieties, but for what purpose? Some of them are blood stricken? Almost like watching a murder scene, I find out this isn’t any ordinary plumbing area, it’s a killer’s hideout.

  Crazed, the psychotic bitch known as Bella throws someone into one of the machines nearby. She hasn’t noticed me. Their flashlights remain rolling on the ground, acting as the only light in this madness.

  “HEY!” I scream; they freeze. Suddenly relaxed, Bella looks at me. Something about that look in her eye is telling me to shoot. My gun raised, I have a clean line of fire. “What the fuck is going on?” I ask, turning my hand so I can focus my flashlight on the other person. Is it Maya? Bleeding, tired, the beaten woman gasps for air. Mouthing something, her lips trying to tell me a story I cannot comprehend. Lip reading isn’t exactly my strong suit.

  Darting to her side, Bella makes a run for it, her little footsteps resounding through the area. Because of the misdirection of sound and the lack of sight, finding her is impossible. Moving forward, I focus on Maya who sinks down the side of the machine. “You okay?” I ask the injured Maya who gently breathes. A docile nod is her only response.

  “Stop her-” She whimpers, looking straight ahead down the dark hallway created between the two towering machines.

  Narrowing my eyes, I focus, my flashlight turned down the way Bella escaped. Jaw agape; I am paralysed at what I see. Lines of bodies, soldiers and more alike, Alan’s body is here, Joseph’s body is here. What the-

  Screaming, I hear a maniacs cry from my left-

  Just turning in time, I am met with the full force of the petite girl who pulverizes me. Her fists smashing into my face and body as she mounts my waist. Everything happens so instantaneously, I can barely defend myself-

  Pulling the trigger several times, I release several bullets that ping around the room wildly-

  None hit their desired target, but hopefully, the sound will.

  Maya, leaping
back into the action, grabs Bella’s hair and pulls with all her might. Ripping the roots from her skull, Maya roars as Bella is forsaken, bleeding deeply from her disgusting wound.

  Crawling on my hands and feet until I am distant enough that I can see Maya throw the head of hair to one side while the abhorrent view of Bella’s crippled face and skin that is too tight in one place while being loose and flabby in another hangs over us. Breathing heavily like a feral animal, we see what is wrong with the woman.

  She’s just fucking insane.

  “I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!” Bella withdraws a knife and throws herself at the unsuspecting Maya-

  “PRISON COULDN’T STOP ME AND NEITHER WILL ANY OF YOU!” She’s an ex-convict. An ex-convict was living under our noses the entire time. The unfortunate part is that we had to get the most dangerous killer there is. I don’t remember her, as she must have been kept hidden, surely I would have seen her on the news. What she has done and is doing is absolutely crazy. No wonder, I remember back in the day there was this rumour of a woman so evil; no one would ever work the cases she was involved in. It was her. It must be-

  “Zack!” Maya shrieks, the knife being pressed closer to her body than she would’ve liked. Uncaring, Bella alternatively throws Maya into the adjoining machine before running at me. Preparing myself, I take the full force of the charge, scarcely able to see where the swing of the blade is coming from-

  Then, Bella stops all at once. Stomping his boot behind us is Chris...

  But he can’t hear, how did he know we are down here?

  His weapon raised, he looks between us one by one. Pained, Maya holds up her hand as she falls to the floor in agony from her fight.

  Bella releases me and slips away, running as fast as she can into the darkness to escape. Holding my hands up, I say, “Please, she was trying to kill us-”

  Chris steps forward, shoving me to one side before looking down the same line of bodies we saw earlier. Shooting his gun once, he releases the signal that causes Robert to come parading in seconds later.

  “You two, out, now!” Robert shouts in a rage, his gun forced on us both as we are pushed from our place. Moving on just as quick, Robert and Chris move down the hallway, stepping over their murdered soldiers and survivors alike. I don’t know what Bella was doing. But it was most certainly fucked up. During the night, she dug up and moved bodies under the mask of the darkness; the moon is shrouded tonight, providing no light to the world. Picking the most isolated place she could, Bella had her fun. Gutting, slicing, and molesting some of the bodies down here. Limps are spoiled, clothes are torn, and organs are smeared. The whole site is revolting, and I want nothing more than to be out of here. Not the mall, this fucking island.

  Chapter 14 - The Breach

  Zack

  Taking a peacefully paced walk, I remember the events that happened earlier today. Robert’s speech was limited to being less than inspirational, a simple demonstration that resulted in the decision for the group to finally, make their move. Countless people have died; with Bella vigorously stabbing, gutting, and extracting several soldiers into the basement, it took that for Robert to get his ass in gear! Not one of us knew there was an ex-convict among us. Robert went on, stating that, ‘we can’t be the death of each other’, he makes the obvious even clearer. We are still human, our enemy is not.

  “I will not punish Bella with a death sentence-” Robert’s stance on the matter of another unforgivable human’s life has set the game and match. The uprisings of the crowd who shout and boo in disagreement throw insults like missiles at Robert. “While some of you feel killing her is the right thing to do-” Robert tries to maintain his composure above the encore of the enraged mob. Several of them getting personal, claiming she doesn’t deserve to live whilst others question who put him in charge. Vicky from the rabbit foot gang swears she’ll kill Bella herself if he won’t. She dug up and stole Alan’s body under all their noses. How does that even happen! Chris, putting the massive mounted machine gun on us didn’t make things any easier. “You must remember, that to kill her, is to lose what makes us human!” Robert remarks while the barrel of the weapon that would end us all in a flash is confronting us.

  The way I see it is that if we risk our compassion and the good nature that makes us who we are, then we are no better than the monsters outside our doors. Before everyone could be dismissed charmingly without the threat of death over our heads, I paid close attention to the detail of Robert looking between us all. He was doing a head count, and I don’t blame him, he lost a lot of good men last night and he never knew any better. With my stroll coming to an end, I conclude memorizing the hardly understanding speech that occurred earlier today. Hauling my legs, I tiredly wonder back into the building. At this moment in time, Bella hasn’t been executed; she has been locked up in a shed in the furniture section with heavy supervision from Chris and a few others who volunteered themselves. Maya isn’t much better; the poor girl took one ordeal of a beating. I never was able to learn why she was down there in the first place. Maybe she saw Bella and tracked her down? To be honest, I don’t need to know. If it wasn’t for Maya, then none of us would have ever known what Bella was up to.

  In the little medical bay area we have, I find Maya laying on one of the beds that originally had been up for sale in the mall. Resting there, she is cradled by Ed who whispers something to her. She seems to brighten, a smile on her face. So cute, I wish I could experience that again. Now, I have nothing left but the memories of my past life. Perhaps after we escape this place, we’ll go into the world to become celebrities. If I can’t live happy with the family I had, I want to have the money to compensate for it. Sad, I know, but I don’t care, I just don’t want to die. If I die, my memories of them die with me. Before I can even get close to the couple, I am grabbed roughly and pulled aside-

  “Zack, the base has been compromised!” Ian screams in my poor ear as quietly as he can!

  “Hold the fuck up-” I mutter, shoving my hand over his mouth as I drag him to a more private corner behind some bookshelves. “Where!” Uncovering his mouth, I give him the opportunity to tell me how the base is screwed!

  “I found a breach-”

  “Where?” I ask again, calmer this time.

  “Southern perimeter, the back storage, I was patrolling and saw it-” Panicking, Ian quails into me for some reason?!

  “Get off me you jackass. Show me where!” Undoing my gun from its holster, I point in the direction of the back storage.

  “No, we need to leave now, the monsters are coming-” Trying to scramble past me, most likely to get the attention of everyone else, I forcibly stop him by wrapping my hand around his mouth and tugging him back.

  Whispering in his ear, I say, “Calm down. If it was done by monsters, then we would know. They would be trailing you right now. I think someone on the inside got out!”

  ‘I just wish I could live a normal life again’

  “Don’t let word get out. Come on, let’s just go check it out, then we’ll report it to Robert” Murmuring our plan, I do a quick area check to make sure we’re not seen nor followed. Maybe Robert’s headcount was incorrect. It’s not his fault, but because of the soldiers Bella killed, it made the headcount difficult, possibly he wasn’t even sure what the number was beforehand so it’s all unorganised in his head. One stray soldier who wasn’t present has turned, and the parasitic fucker in his head has made him go haywire outside our walls. He’s broken out and will be back shortly. We need to make sure that is the case though. Travelling, we move through the barely lit halls where the sun doesn’t reach. Edging past the deserted sleeping area that belongs to Ed’s group, we continue onwards to the back storage room. The entire way, a few words are shared between Ian and I. Staying quiet and focused; we have no chances for missteps. One wrong move, even the slightest mistake, and it will all be over in a heartbeat.

  “Robert said soldiers have left and come back as monsters...” Still panicking, Ian who is grad
ually beginning to piss me off now won’t shut up for five minutes. Every conversation we’ve had thus far is him whining to me like a bitch. “Maybe we should call for back-up?” Posing the question, Ian raises the alarm. Even if he didn’t mean it, what he’s implying makes sense in my head at least. We are going in alone, which could be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.

  My only response is, “We can’t cause a panic!” Our views differ, and my point is rather idiotic in itself. Becoming more hostile now, Ian really begins to turn against me now-

  “Hey, what are you guys doing back here?” Chloe, the nice girl Alice talked so fondly about turns the corner, nearly bumping into us?

  “There’s a hole in the back perimeter!” Ian blubbers.

  Refraining from smashing his face, I maintain a friendly tone, “Nope” That couldn’t have sounded more like a lie than it already does. Not to mention awkward as well.