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pinki_fallon@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: Mako
I just wanted to catch up with you on Mako. I may be here in Paradise but I’d never forget my little petals back in dear old Blighty. Actually, Paradise it is not. My leg is doing a plausible impersonation of an inflatable salami after an encounter with a jellyfish. I take that as ominous. I asked a fisherman why all the boats had been hauled off the beach and he muttered darkly about a typhoon. Of course the local met office pleaded ignorance but I’ve been here before, darlings. My money is on the dusky señor mending his lobster pots.
But enough of me and my woes. Back to Mako! I understand the meeting went well last Friday so now we must hasten to production. Pinki, I have briefed my PA to get in a number of directors’ reels for your perusal. You should inform her of your favourites. Harriet, perhaps you would let me have some info’ on timing and budgets and I can begin to prepare a schedule.
Now I must round up those lovable rascals, Vincent and Brett, before they wreak any more havoc. I have already had one of my talented cast drop out after a Vesuvian eruption of silicon. I should hate to lose any more to their sordid ministrations.
Wish you were here.
David Crutton – 1/10/00, 12:50pm
to: Zoë Clarke
cc:
re: lunch
I am working through lunch today. You can make up for your abysmal start this morning by getting me a sandwich (cheese, salad, mayo on white bap), bag of cheese and onion crisps, Diet Coke, Fruit and Nut, and a king-size Mars Bar. And hurry up. I’m not nice when I’m hungry.
Lorraine Pallister – 1/10/00, 12:52pm
to: Zoë Clarke
cc:
re: lunch
Reception in two.
brett_topowlski@millershanks-london.co.uk 1/10/00, 12:58pm (4:58pm local)
to: liam_okeefe@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: bingo!
Knew I’d seen that Coke line before. Just asked Vin and it came to him straight off. A girl team from Watford left their book with Horne a few months back. He never bothered to look at it but we snuck a peek while it was under Susi’s desk – they looked fit when they dropped it off so we thought we’d look inside for their number. Anyway, they’d done a campaign for 7UP. The line was “IT’S IN THE CAN.” It was the best thing they had by a street. Is one of Horne’s scripts about a beekeeper and a salesman? If it is, this ain’t no coincidence. The cunning prick knicked it.
Topowlski of the Yard
pertti_vanhelden@millershanks-helsinki.co.fi 1/10/00, 1:19pm (3:19pm local)
to: david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: FIZZY POP
I am worrying that your continuing indeciding on the Coke matter is holding us up too much at this end. So this morning I am taking the liberty of preparing presenting materials on your behalf. I am flying in top storyboard artists from Stockholm. They will be making a super-dooper job, of that I am certain.
I also have news of a breakthrough of even more sizeability. I am nosing around my very good contacts in the pop record business and I believe I am making Aqua themselves interested in singing “Fizzy Whizzy Pop” at the presenting meeting! Wowee, who would believe? Obviously, there will be fees and expendings for considering. But real pop legends in the blood and sweat!
Between you, me and the bed sheet I think the reason behind their interest is the fact that they are not having a top seller for some months. I know not if you are following the hit parade chart, but they are seeing tough competition from groups like Take This, the Space Girls (I am loving Baby Space!) and Hanson. It is difficult for them out there. But if it is bringing them into our Miller Shanks family, then who is caring?
Mmmmm bop – Pertti.
liam_okeefe@millershanks-london.co.uk 1/10/00, 1:33pm
to: brett_topowlski@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: bingo!
Shit, fuck and blimey o’riley. I’ve just come out of Pinki’s first “Community Creative Love-in” and that’s some bit of news to greet me with. I knew Horne was an unprincipled motherfucker, but didn’t think even he’d stoop to stealing ideas off a couple of potless students. But what do we do with this bombshell? As I see it there are two options:
1. We grass him up to Pinki, Crutton, Tarzan F. Weissmuller and fucking Campaign. This plan has one distinct advantage. It means the end of the low-life twat’s career. Never eat lunch in this town again? He’ll be lucky to get egg and chips at a greasy spoon on the Old Kent Road.
2. We don’t do a sodding thing with this nugget of information. This plan also happens to have a distinct advantage. Pinki and I won’t have to work through every single bloody night this week coming up with a new campaign to replace the one Horne knicked. (It’s alright for you two, tucked up snug thousands of miles away – you’re not gonna get the grief.)
There we have it: a fascinating moral dilemma; an intriguing conundrum; a fucking dog’s dinner. What the hell do we do?
David Crutton – 1/10/00, 1:35pm
to: Zoë Clarke
cc:
re: lunch
Where the fuck are you? More to the point, where the fuck is my sandwich? You’re extremely lucky that you’re not as plug-ugly as the Craigie girl, otherwise you’d now be spending more time at home with TV Quick.
Pinki Fallon – 1/10/00, 1:43pm
to: Creative Department
cc:
re: you’re amazing
That was the most fantastic experience, guys! Not only were our ideas mega but there was a genuine coming-together and sense of common purpose. And we made big progress on Coke. The two new scripts were brilliant. Thanks, and let’s do it again tomorrow . . .
David Crutton – 1/10/00, 1:49pm
to: Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re: problem
I need your advice. There is a problem that I have been doing my best to ignore for a week. However, it refuses to go away and now threatens to get out of hand. Under normal circumstances I’d tell this particular thorn in my side to fuck off, but he’s managed to get Weissmuller involved so that is not an option. In short, it involves our colleagues in Finland and the Coke pitch. Come and see me the moment you return from lunch and I’ll take you through it in detail.
daniel_westbrooke@millershanks-london.co.uk 1/10/00, 2:08pm (6:08pm local)
to: harriet_greenbaum@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
bcc: david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk
re: Coke
If you had immersed yourself as deeply in Coke as I have these past few weeks, then my presentation would be clear as Waterford crystal. However, you are a newcomer to this pitch so I will make allowances and not put it down to stupidity. Feel free to make whatever changes you see fit. But in the final analysis, I will make the decision as to which version we go with. While I would normally hesitate to pull rank, I am Head of Client Services, and on an issue as crucial as this I will have no qualms. Incidentally, I am incredibly busy here trying to keep a tight rein on a very difficult client. I would appreciate it if the e-mails pleading for help were kept to a minimum.
Harriet Greenbaum – 1/10/00, 2:13pm
to: David Crutton
cc:
re: problem
I have a small misunderstanding to clear up with Dan, then I’ll be right up.
David Crutton – 1/10/00, 2:15pm
to: Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re: problem
I know, I was blind copied on the “misunderstanding.”
harriet_greenbaum@millershanks-london.co.uk 1/10/00, 2:21pm
to: daniel_westbrooke@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: Coke
Daniel, let’s not start this week on the wrong foot. My earlier e-mail was neither pleading for help nor trying to pull a fast one. I was simply offering my input on the presentation document
. As my more experienced senior, you were always going to be kept apprised and have the last word. Of course, if you’d rather not be bothered during your arduous shoot, then I will keep you out of the loop and deal directly with David.
Lorraine Pallister – 1/10/00, 2:27pm
to: Zoë Clarke
cc:
re: ta
Good to get together at lunch. Don’t think your plan of coating her with anchovy paste and dipping her in a vat of piranhas is feasible. Mind you, another few weeks of this and I might feel differently. Can see her now and she’s typing away like a loony. Something tells me another e is on its way.
Susi Judge-Davis – 1/10/00, 2:29pm
to: Lorraine Pallister
cc:
re: time keeping
I hate to be a nag, darling, but lunch is one hour only. It’s another little thing that niggles Simon, and it’s best if you know the ropes before he comes back.
Zoë Clarke – 1/10/00, 2:34pm
to: Lorraine Pallister
cc
re: ta
Gotta keep this short. Forgot to get the Crettin his sodding lunch!!!! Had to go out and get his own. Don’t think he knows what a sandwich bar looks like, so can’t have been easy!!!! He nearly killed me when I got back!!!!!!!!!!!! Zxxx
Harriet Greenbaum – 1/10/00, 2:46pm
to: Pinki Fallon
cc:
re: prepare yourself
I’ve just been speaking to David and I should warn you that he’s going to be more than usually rigorous when he judges your Coke work at 4:00. The reasons for this are complex. To cut a long story short, he’s decided to give the kiss-off to another Coke campaign done by our office in Finland, and which apparently has the backing of Jim Weissmuller in NY. This being so, it is essential that we leave no chinks in our armour. “IT’S IN THE CAN” must be as good as it possibly can be. I know you can do it. Think Girl Power!
Pinki Fallon – 1/10/00, 2:51pm
to: Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re: prepare yourself
I think you just gave me my first taste of international (office) politics. Not sure that my life as a grubbing copywriter has prepared me for this. Anyway, I happen to think that Simon left us with the makings of an amazing campaign and the work we’ve done on it today is really exciting. See for yourself at 4:00, but I’m quietly confident . . .
harriet_greenbaum@millershanks-london.co.uk 1/10/00, 3:09pm
to: pertt_vanhelden@millershanks-helsinki.co.fi
cc: james_f_weissmuller@millershanks-ny.com
bcc: David Crutton
re: Coca-Cola
Dear Pertti,
David is terribly busy and he has asked me, as Senior Account Director on the Coke pitch, to write to you on his behalf. Firstly to apologise that sheer weight of work has prevented him from getting back to you sooner. Secondly to say thank you for all your efforts this past week.
It was very noble of you to throw your shoulder to the wheel on Coke, and all of us in London are bowled over both by your unselfishness and the brilliance of your idea. We thought “Fizzy Whizzy Pop” amusing, off-the-wall and possessing some quite astute insights into the role of Coca-Cola in the millennial market place. Also the choice of Aqua as a vehicle for the product story is a delightful and charming piece of casting.
The bad news for you is that we have taken the difficult decision to go forward to the pitch with an idea that we have developed here in London. It was a close call but in the end we felt a locally derived concept would be more in tune with the very unique outlook of young, British consumers.
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings. I must once again convey our sincere thanks for your hard work. Anyone who doubts the viability of inter-European co-operation need only look at your example to be proved hopelessly wrong!
Yours sincerely,
Harriet Greenbaum
Account Director
David Crutton – 1/10/00, 3:18pm
to: Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re: Coca-Cola
Well put, Harriet. If you’re ever stuck for a second career, stand for parliament. You’ve got the right line in bullshit.
james_f_weissmuller@millershanks-ny.com 1/10/00, 3:31pm (10:31am local)
to: david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: Coca-Cola
I’ve got to say that when Pertti hit me last week with his brilliant Coke idea I wondered how the heck you were going to beat it. I am very much looking forward to seeing the “locally derived” idea that you have given the green light. Send me the work prior to my departure. There’s nothing like a red-hot piece of creative to get the pre-pitch adrenaline flowing.
I’m very much looking forward to the pitch next Monday. Winning Coke in the UK is a foot in the door. Then we can take it on around the world.
I’ll be arriving early Sunday morning with Rick Korning, our senior VP in charge of global oversight and planning (I believe you met him at the get together in Delhi last year). We’ll head straight to the office so you can take us through your presentation.
By the way, who is Harriet Greenbaum? I understood Daniel was handling the pitch, but you seem to have found a wise and tactful deputy.
Best wishes,
Jim
Ken Perry – 1/10/00, 3:32pm
to: All Departments
cc:
re: a tidy office is an efficient office
As part of the drive to have the office ship-shape for Monday’s pitch, tomorrow has been designated Clutter Clearance Day. To ensure that the clear up is expedited with the minimum loss in productivity, I have arranged for the placement of colour-coded wheelie bins on each floor. These are strictly for the containment of rubbish and other surplus items.
RED: white paper (please ensure that all staples and clips are removed)
BLUE: used manila envelopes
GREEN: videotapes (VHS and U-matic)
PINK: overheads and other acetate materials
MAUVE: miscellaneous
Shanice will come round to appoint “Rubbish Monitors” whose jobs it will be to see that the correct procedures are adhered to. If we all muck in and carry out this exercise properly it will not only be quicker, it will also be more fun.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Ken Perry
Office Administrator
Nigel Godley – 1/10/00, 3:33pm
to: Ken Perry
Shanice Duff
cc:
re: a tidy office is an efficient office
Brilliant initiative, chaps! I’ll volunteer to be monitor on my floor. Do we get badges or caps?
Nige
pertti_vanhelden@millershanks-helsinki.co.fi 1/10/00, 3:38pm (5:38pm local)
to: david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc: james_f_weissmuller@millershanks-ny.com
re: I’m gutting
Dear David Crutton,
I feel I must write to you most frankly. I am very upsetting at your treating of me on the Coca-Cola snub. We are in Finland bending over to our backsides to be helpful. And we are spending time, money and perspiration to be making it happen.
In returning we are not asking for Nobel prizes, just a little respect. I can be accepting that you are not choosing our idea over your own. I am thinking you are wrong, but many years of the Eurovision Singing Contest are teaching me that the thrills of competition are not always resulting in triumph.
What is sticking in my craw fish is that you are asking a lady female subordinate to be giving me the information about your decision. This is rude and not respecting of me as a fellow Chief Executive Officer. I am believing that when you are including me on your e-mailings that you are valuing me for my friendly opinions and inputting. But about this I am wrong. I will not be so outcoming in the future.
Pertti van Helden
david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk 1/10/00, 3:44pm
to: pertti_vanhelden@
millershanks-helsinki.co.fi
cc:
re: I’m gutting
Dear Pertti,
I am sorry that you are upset. Disrespect was not the intention. As we explained we have nothing but admiration for your endeavours on Coke, However, I have to say that the work you sent us was very wide of the mark strategically, and demonstrated a naïve misunderstanding of the British marketing landscape. As such it would risk being laughed off the TV screen. Perhaps I am being blunt, but I wish to demonstrate that our decision was reached objectively, without recourse to petty prejudice.
I hope that we can continue to work together in the future. Next time, however, your contribution might stand more chance of being useful if it were asked for.
Best wishes,
David Crutton
Zoë Clarke – 1/10/00, 3:47pm
to: Harriet Greenbaum
Pinki Fallon
cc:
re: Coke review
David has asked me to remind you to be on time for the 4:00 review. He is on a tight schedule and can’t be delayed. Ta.
gabriella_delhoya@millershanks-sf.com 1/10/00, 3:53pm (8:53am local)
to: david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: I’m gutting
Dear David,
This is fantastic. For years we have been trying to build a true spirit of togetherness in the San Francisco office. Working with the proven principles of Primal Scream Therapy, our ultimate goal is 10,000 PEOPLE, 1 MIND. This can only be achieved once we break out of the confines of conventional corporate role-play and openly share our feelings with all of our co-workers. Your candid letter to Pertti, where you embrace your anger, is incredible. More importantly, your decision to share your private self with the entire network is a model of the methodology that we are reaching for on the West Coast.
Who is your teacher? I know that if we pool our knowledge we can lead Miller Shanks into the next dimension of spiritually energized business practice.
Your friend in enlightenment,
Gabriella del Hoya
Head of Human Development, Miller Shanks San Francisco
mike_appleton@millershanks-hk.co.hk 1/10/00, 3:55pm (11:55pm local)
to: david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk