Urban Diaries

by Jackson, Sexcee

  We’re pulling out of the driveway and I realize I’m hungry so I suggest we stop and get something to eat.

  “Like what?” she asks, her voice dripping with lust.

  “Like food”, I say giggling like some damn schoolgirl.

  “I’m just playing, baby”, she says in that sexy voice of hers.

  “But seriously Terri, what do you want to eat cause I could go for some Denny’s or something simple like that.”

  “Cool”, I say, cause I really don’t care as long as its with her. Shit, I would go to the edge of the earth with this girl.

  Denny’s on a Saturday night is packed with a lot of people, mostly men, hanging out looking for some late night ass to hook up with. As soon as we get out of the car the fellas are on her and I instantly realize that I’m gonna have to deal with this shit every time we go out somewhere together. We get about 10 feet from the door and one of the guys from the parking lot decides he wants to holla at Courtney. Before he can finish his tired ass line, she simply points at me. “I’m with her.”

  “Well I can see that but I only want you”, he says as if he thinks we’re offering him a threesome or some stupid shit like that. “No sweetie”, I say with all of the tartness I can muster. “Me—and—her—are to-ge-therrrr”, I say as if I’m talking to a retarded four-year-old.

  Then the light bulb visibly goes off in his dumb ass head and he goes on to prove how stupid he really is. “Oh, so yall some gay bitches huh?” Unperturbed by this idiot and trying not to laugh we simultaneously say, “Basically.”

  Then he says what every stupid man that gets rejected by a lesbian says, “You ain’t never had a real man”, like if we wanted a man he would even be in the running.

  At this point, I’m starting to get pissed because I’m hungry and I do not appreciate being disrespected or belittled, especially by someone with the IQ of my ass. Now it’s very rare that I get ghetto and perpetuate the stereotypes about black women and their attitudes, but something in me snaps and before I know it my finger is in his face, my neck is popping and I say “Nigga puleez. Even if I liked men, I wouldn’t date yo’ raggedy ass. And don’t hate on me because the girl you want would rather be with me.”

  “Fuck you bitch.”

  “I got yo’ bitch. And you got me fucked up. Don’t be fooled ‘cause trust and do believe that I can get real project in this muthafucka so you best be on yo way.”

  “Bitch, I’ll slap you, and then I’ll make you my bitch.”

  “You don’t believe that”, I say with a sarcastic chuckle “and you got one mo’ time to call me a bitch, bitch.” I reach in my purse for my pepper spray.

  In order to try to save face, of course he goes there, so I go there. I must have emptied my whole can of pepper spray on his ass because before I could turn around and walk away he’s writhing around on the ground in his swap-meet Sean John outfit screaming for help. “Now who’s the bitch?”

  We have second thoughts about going inside the restaurant because we both conclude that we don’t want to be around when this fool recovers. So we get in the car and just start crackin up because this whole situation is so fuckin ridiculous. “You got some food at yo’ house?” she says when we finally stop laughing. “Yeah, I’ll find us something. I’m really ready to go home now.”

  We get to my house and go inside and as soon as I close the door, Courtney starts kissing me. She grabs my ass and leads me to the couch where she lays me down and continues to kiss me. I’m damn near about to come when she finally stops. She slowly starts to unbutton my blouse while kissing me on the neck, telling me how good I smell.

  She gets my blouse open and pushes it off my shoulders gently. She licks the tip of her forefinger and starts to rub my nipple with it in a lazy, circular motion and I begin to melt. Before she can get me too far gone, I pull her shirt over her head and dive head first for those double Ds. I push both of those beautiful breasts together and lick both nipples at the same time, then one at a time, then at the same time again. We are both panting and writhing wanting more and more of each other. I finally force myself to stop for a minute and I grab her hand leading her to the bathroom where I run us some bath water; not because I’m worried about her cleanliness, but because I don’t know where this is going and I won’t relax unless I know I’m fresh. Hey, I’m a woman, a clean woman, but a woman nonetheless and sometimes our bodies do things that even we don’t understand.

  Before I undress and get into the sudsy water, I grab a fresh bar of soap out of the cabinet. When I turn around, Courtney is already undressed and in the water waiting for me. I quickly undress and when I get to the rim of the tub, she grabs my hand with the soap in it and pulls me onto her lap. Before I know what is happening to me she is rubbing soap on my breasts. I feel like I’m in heaven. We take turns washing and rinsing each other and decide to take this party to the bedroom because we’re both getting hot and sweaty from the steam. It takes us another ten minutes to dry each other off because we can’t keep our hands off each other long enough to get the job done. We finally make it to the bedroom and before we get to the bed, I light some jasmine scented candles. I thought Courtney was beautiful before, but by candlelight, she is absolutely breathtaking.

  She beckons me over to her while she is still sitting on the edge of the bed. She pulls me to her so that I am standing between her legs and when she puts her mouth on my nipple tasting my flesh with her tongue, my knees buckle, but she holds me up and continues to explore my body. I put my hand on the back of her head and just enjoy the moment. With her mouth on my nipple, one hand on my ass and one on my pearl tongue, she is making me crazy and I can’t breathe. She has me so wet and excited that I have to stop her. I push her back onto the bed and began to return the favor. Now I am the one sucking her breasts and rubbing her love button.

  We are both soaked and wet and all I can think about is making love to her with my mouth. So I do. I slowly work my way down her stomach stopping to dart my tongue in and out of her navel, which makes her shiver. I continue on my mission at self-gratification. I open her legs, wrap them around my neck and dive in. I have to hold her still because she is bucking and moving so fiercely. I keep licking and sucking until I feel her shudder. It takes her a minute or two to catch her breath. She grabs my face and pulls me up to kiss her than whispers in my ear, “your turn”. She rolls on top of me and starts kissing my neck and sucking my ears. She has her finger inside me and I’m already coming.

  “You like that baby”, she says seductively. And I whimper what I think comes out as a yes. She surprises me by turning me over on my stomach and running her tongue down my back. I assume she is going to stop when she gets to the crack of my ass but she doesn’t. Instead, she continues to venture where no man has gone. She parts my cheeks and darts her tongue in and out of my ass and I am on fire. She then surprises me again when she has me get on all fours and makes me sit on her face. I’m thinking, God this girl is a freak, and I am enjoying every minute of it. By this time, I am screaming and whimpering and making all kinds of noise. This apparently turns her on because she is moaning and groaning right along with me. I don’t think either one of us has ever experienced sex this good. I finally climax and we both collapse into a hot and sweaty mess of tangled legs and arms.

  We wake up in the same tangled heap that we fell asleep in and all I can do is smile. I know it’s only the first night, but an incredible first night it was. I’m laying here with this woman and I don’t know where she lives, works, hell I don’t know anything. Scratch that. I know this girl makes my insides throb and they don’t throb for just anybody. I am lost in thought when the phone rings and am pissed by the intrusion. It is either Nikki or my mother and I know at this ungodly hour I’m not lucky enough for it to be Nikki. So I assume it’s my mother and debate answering but give in because after all it is my mother. Right before I pick up the phone, I curse myself for having a phone within arms reach. What was initially an act of convenience is now an irri
tation.

  “Hello” I say groggily, trying to discourage any real conversation.

  “Hey baby. I was just calling to see if you wanted to go to church wit yo ole momma.”

  “Naaah. I think I’ll pass, I’m kinda tired.”

  At that instant, Courtney rolls over and slides her hand in between my thighs, then she kisses my neck and I am once again ready to be her love slave. “Ma I gotta go”, I say quickly.

  “Why?” she asks suspiciously.

  “Um…… I gotta pee. I’ll call you or come by later.”

  “See that you do”, she answers as if she knows I’m lying and she hangs up.

  I turn the ringer off and hang up the phone. When I turn over to face Courtney, she puts her mouth on my nipple before I even get all the way over. I instantly get wet. And so it begins. Again.

  When we’re done, Courtney takes her sexy ass into the kitchen to find us something to eat because sexing a sista like that always works up an appetite, gay or straight. I decide to turn my phone on and check my voice mails because I knew my mother left a couple of messages because of the way I blew her off earlier. I was right, she did, and the first two was her normal yapping about how she’s my mother and I shouldn’t blow her off, disregard or take her for granted because some people WISH they had a mother as good as her, and Blah, Blah, Blah. I was so used to those kinds of messages I didn’t even get pissed anymore because they had become the norm. It was her last message that made me uncomfortable to the point of tears:

  “Baby, it’s me. Next time you come over here, remind me to show you this episode I have saved on my DVR of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta”. You have to see how this nasty, unruly, faggot who got all up in Sheree’s face over some silly party. I swear, God just needs to round up all of those filthy, disgusting, AIDS carrying Booty Bandits and Rug Munching Dykes, set them on fire, and damn them to hell. Anyway, I love you and I’ll talk to you soon.”

  *******************

  I think I’m in love. Me and Courtney have been seeing each other for about three months now and the difference between this relationship and all the others, men included, is that there is no power struggle. There is no competition to see who can dominate whom (except during sex). I respect her space and she respects mines. I think it helps that we both make a decent living in our respective jobs. I mean shit, I’ve been in relationships where because I make good money, I was expected to pay for everything and dole out allowances like my last name is Rockefeller or some shit. With Courtney, it’s different. We both send each other roses and we take turns paying when we go out. We don’t discuss it or anything, it just happens that way. There is a real, sincere level of respect that we have for each other. We have not made any commitments to each other, so to speak, but, I can’t explain what’s happening between us, but I can say I like it. I can really see myself sharing a life with this girl. Things are that good between us. I’ve never felt like this in any of my other relationships.

  I guess it’s because with the men, I was just going through the motions and with the women, I never planned on coming out of the closet. She doesn’t care if I come out or not. All she cares about is my happiness and she does not want to see me unhappy or at odds with my family on account of her.

  The ironic thing is Courtney makes me feel super courageous. She makes me want to tell everyone I know about us and not give a damn about what anyone has to say. And that’s the attitude I take with me when I finally decide to go have coffee with my mom and tell her.

  We get to Starbucks and order my favorite drink, a Carmel Frappuccino and for my mom, a Decafe Pike Place Roast. Even though I’m nervous as hell, I keep trying to think positive by pretending that we’re just gonna have some coffee and talk and I’ll let out my secret. But then those negative thoughts come creeping back in. She’ll probably slap the taste out my mouth, disown me and shun me forever.

  We grab some seats, sit down, and start chatting about nothing in particular. While I’m enjoying the artsy decorum trying to settle my nerves, the barista, Allen, who took our order, actually comes to bring our drinks. Allen is a good friend of mine who I met in college who is openly gay but has no idea that I’m in the closet. He smiles at me and as I introduce him to my mother, who nods and sips her coffee.

  We begin making small talk and he mentions that I should come to the party and grand-re-opening of his husband’s hair salon, Ntricate Hair. Just hearing the word “husband”, my body froze with fear. I knew that my mother was about to start World War III and I honestly didn’t want any part of it.

  “Come on, ma”, I said getting up. “Let’s go.” But it was already too late. “Wait a minute”, she said hastily. “You mean to tell me you married to a man? You’re one of those nasty fags?” she blurted looking Allen directly in the eyes. I apologized profusely to Allen feeling like a LOSER with a capital L because of her blatant disrespect. Allen, looked at me reassuringly and said, “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I got this.” And in an instant, he pulled up a chair and sat at the table with us.

  “Ms. Anderson, ma’am, the word “fag” is considered very hurtful and derogatory in the gay community. I was very offended by your comments. And yes, I am gay and I am married, but I’m no nastier than you, your daughter or anyone else.”

  My mother looked at him with her nose turned up and said, “Could have fooled me. You don’t look gay.”

  “And what does a gay man look like?” Allen said. “Like the stereotypes that you’ve seen plastered all over TV? I am a man and I enjoy being a man. Yes, I’m gay but I have absolutely no desire to dress or act like a woman.”

  “Son, do you know that God intended for marriage to be between a man and a woman? And you do know that you’re going to burn in hell for this sin you’re committing against God!”

  “Well ma’ am, I guess I’m going to have to take that up with God since he’s the only one that can judge me. But tell me, are you, your daughter, and all the rest of the women going to burn in hell too, you know, for liking men, or is it just men that like men?”

  “Oh you’re trying to be funny?”

  “No. I’m trying to understand your point of view. And what about the people that have pre-martial sex, babies out of wed-lock, abortions, or constantly lie to their spouses. Are they gonna burn in hell with me because they too are sinners, right? What makes my sin any greater than anyone else’s?

  “Because God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve and having sexual relations and being married with the same sex are both morally wrong in God’s eyes.”

  “And having heterosexual sex before you’re married isn’t?”

  “Of course it is. But now that it’s legal for you pansies and bulldaggers to get married, it’s gonna change society forever. Next, we will be teaching kids about being gay in schools and end up having a whole messed up society full of crazy, confused, queers and butch looking dikes. It just takes away from the sanctity of being married.”

  “Hahahaha! I’m sorry I’m laughing at you but you sound ridiculous, Ms. Anderson. Society changes everyday. It’s just a natural part of life. And do you realize that the divorce rate among heterosexual couples and the whole idea of it being “cool” to have a baby mama or be a baby daddy is taking away from the sanctity of marriage?”

  “You know what? This conversation is over you filthy queer! Now go ahead and get back to working for your little minimum wage check. Maybe you’ll be able to afford a nice suit to go to church in so somebody can pray those lust-filled, gay, demons out your heart.”

  “With all due respect ma’am, I own this shop, as well as the Starbucks across the street from City Hall. I was just filling in for one of my employees who had a doctor’s appointment. But I’ll leave your table as you wish but not before I say this. You are a very judgmental person and although your comments didn’t hurt me, they may hurt someone else, possibly someone you love. You claim to be a religious person but you seem to forget the book of John, chapter 8 verse 7. You know that
part in the Bible that CLEARLY states, ‘He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.’ None of us are perfect, for we are all sinners in God’s eyes. Yes, I am gay and no, you can’t tell just by looking at me. I’m not a flamboyant queen, nor am I a down-low brother. I am, however, a successful, educated, business owner who is married, in love, and in a monogamous relationship with another successful business owner, and we are both good people. We don’t bother anyone and we lead a quiet, peaceful, and normal existence. Perhaps, Ms. Lady, instead of passing critiques and judgment, you should concentrate on getting that hatred out of your heart because God loves me regardless of who I sleep with at night, but the jury is still out on how he feels about hypocrites who hide behind the bible and sin on a daily basis. Hope to see you at the party Terri, and ma’am, enjoy your coffee and please do come again.”