Deep

by Angela Annette

  “I have two…once a week and my dad would take me to Ballet because Mom had to work late. After every class, he’d dance around with me, twirling and lifting me…” I laughed hating and both loving the pain of the memory. I closed my eyes to see my dad’s face, to see him dancing around. He was the biggest danseur I’d ever seen.

  “That big guy, dancing around all dainty?” He smiled and stood up, holding his hand out, “let’s dance.” I took his hand and he walked me to the middle of the room and began twirling me around.

  I felt eight years old again, spinning around laughing and giggling. Ben hummed an off rhythm tune as I closed my eyes to see my father’s face, to see myself in white tights and a black leotard. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I spun, still laughing allowing both the joy and pain to swim in my head.

  We continued to laugh and dance—Ben pulled me closer, we both wrapped our arms around each other and swayed. I rested my head against his chest as we shuffled around. “What is the second memory?”

  “Playing hide and seek with my family. Warren and I always hid together, in the same exact place each time. My parents’ bedroom closet. We knew they’d find us…” I smiled. “What about you?”

  “After baseball practice, my dad and I would stick around and throw the ball around and then we’d go for pizza or ice cream after. Sometimes both. My dad played ball all through college, was supposed to go pro but he hurt his shoulder…Every year, since I was 15, I’d save my allowance and take him to a ball game, he loves the Yankee’s…I can’t wait to see them again—for them to meet you.”

  “Me too. What do your parents do?”

  “Dad’s a Geometry teacher, my mom is a secretary.” We danced around a little longer and then fell asleep.

  My eyes popped open and there he was, the king, watching me, smiling, flower in hand. I reached out to grab it. The flower was wet and I pushed it against my nose and inhaled. There wasn’t anything fragrant about the flower, it only smelled of earth. “What does it look like out there?” I asked.

  He smiled softly, “it was once beautiful. Colors, life everywhere. The weeds where it’s deepest green almost the color of the earth. The water was clear with a myriad of fish both big and small…the sea jewels drifted and twinkled in all colors, lighting the waters, blue, pink, red…green. Phins, greats, crustacean. Even the flowers had a scent. I could find clams and discover the most precious of body decoration. I’ve searched to find you some,” he nodded his head and closed his eyes for a moment. “Now it is not that way, the water isn’t so blue, the life isn’t what it was. Everything is sad and slowly dying. Flowers do not grow like they used to. The only thing that remains is the sparkle of the sea jewel. I don’t think they can die. They seem the only ones with hope.”

  “I’m sorry.” I reached a quivering hand out and touched his. “What is a sea jewel?”

  He stared down at our touching hands and he slowly looked up, “They are tiny fish, with light in their bodies.” He took my hand and gave it back. “Should I stop bringing you gifts?” I glanced back at Ben. I didn’t know how to answer Hanan’s question. “Be true…” The hope in his wide eyes didn’t help me with an answer.

  “No.” I nodded. “I like them.” I cracked a small smile. Maybe I had the cave illness, we could never be anything more than what we are. But I was being honest. No one had ever treated me the way he did. I’ve never been showered with gifts. I didn’t care that they were home made, they just seemed so sweet and thoughtful.

  “Then why don’t you wear anything I give you?”

  “Ben…”

  “Does your heart live with him?”

  “Hanan…” I nodded my head.

  “Forgive me. I’m not being fair. I know we are different. You are earth and I am sea. We are from two different lands. It is…silly of me to dream of you. To want you, to pray that I may keep you…but I can’t help myself. I understand Ben’s heart.”

  “No it…”

  “Maybe my faith is misguided? Our worlds are different our bodies.” With his hand placed against the side of his face where the shell was impressed, he touched my face with the flower, his eyes brightened and he smiled sweet and gentle. “My desires rule me. My compassion has turned against me.” And then he got up and walked away.

  “Wait.” I jumped up and ran down the dark tunnel, whispering his name. But he was gone, so I returned to Ben where I belonged and laid back down. Trying to understand my own feelings. What was I supposed to do? The king was right, we were different.

  “Where did you go?” Ben whispered.

  “Nowhere. I just…nothing. Go back to sleep.” I kissed him on the cheek.

  Chapter 20

  Hanan

  I vanished down the tunnel and into my room. I needed to be with my thoughts. I touched the stone and it lit up. I found the corral and whispered to them, “show me what to do,” and threw them onto the stone. The white pieces slid across the black surface and then stopped.

  I bent over and let all of my weight be held by the stone. I waited for something to happen, for Adonai to show me the way. But nothing happened. Nothing.

  “Show me.” I whispered through gritted teeth, pushing my hands against the stone. “Now!” I slammed my hand down onto the rock. An angry reflection frowned back at me. How could I have been so foolish? To think that I would get my seat back, that this was what He wanted. I was living a fool’s dream. Aarif was right, there is no God. He only lives in my mind. I’ve wasted my thoughts, my hopes my dreams into a false faith, a false hope. Fool! Damn Fool! I tried to breathe…I couldn’t stop shaking I couldn’t…stop. The walls shook. I gripped my head as it pulsed.

  The rage in me was building. My heart raced, my emotions were out of control. Fury trembled in my bones. I exhaled and slumped against the wall, trying to calm down. I couldn’t stand to be in my own head, stand to feel what it was I felt. I wanted to escape myself.

  I woke up in the same place I had fallen. Everyone was sleeping so I prepared the meal by throwing crustacean into the hot water. I took some fresh great meat and placed that into the water as well, Eva wouldn’t eat it otherwise. The surface food Aella found had all gone bad; had grown algae on it. The fresh water we had for them was almost finished; I needed to come up with a plan to get more…

  I broke up the crab and then set it out on the shells, then carried the food out into the eating room. Aella would be up soon she could serve them their food.

  I sat on the floor and began eating.

  “Lord?”

  “Yes Aella?” My head hung low, I was prisoner of my thoughts I just wanted to be alone.

  “May we eat with you?” Pulling myself out of my mind to answer her. I glanced up and saw Aella first then Eva…

  She wore the flower in her hair and the body decorations I’d given her—only around her ankle. It gave me little joy. A feeble amount of hope entered my heart. It made me smile, though I knew it meant nothing. Nothing to my future, or the future of my people. I would never get close enough to her.

  The calm atmosphere immediately changed as I rose to my feet. The tension was thick. Ben’s chest was pushed forward. He was probably disgusted by me, with my gifts, especially now that she wore them.

  We eyed each other, both allowing our hate to seep into the other. He didn’t fear me, would fight me though he knew he would lose, he’d die earning respect; die for her. Ben reeked of pride and bravery, which made me respectfully hate him even more. He challenged me with more confidence than my own kind, my own brothers. If he had my strength, it would be a battle till the death of one of us. Why didn’t he fear me? Where did his confidence come from? I took in a deep breath and broke Ben and my connection, only because Aella’s voice gently touched my mind.

  “Yes.” Allowing them to sit first, I followed and sat in my place, facing them. I should have gone into my own quarter, but I couldn’t leave Eva. I needed to see her as much as I could, I wasn’t sure if she’d remain in my life.

  T
hey began eating. I slightly glanced up at Eva who chewed slowly, uneasily reaching for more with her delicate hand. It was thin and brown and…I…I wanted to touch it, hold it between mine. My eyes trailed up to her lips…

  “Why do you stare at her like that?” Ben asked. The anger was there, raging, but well hidden in his eyes. “And your little trinkets or jewelry gifts…” I saw his fist clench.

  I was already angry. Angry because nothing seemed to be working in my favor, everything I had done—sacrifice, praying, hoping—was all in vain. I had no future. So now this human was only pushing me further into that dark place I felt I had already been. “Because…” I let out a deep breath, “because I like to. I cannot help myself.” I looked up from my food and met his face. I didn’t feel like playing this game, I wouldn’t restrain much anymore. “She is…”

  “Hanan…” Aella said.

  “Well stop.” Was all he said, while fire burned in his eyes. “She’s mine.” Ben’s face was bright red and his eyes were wide. He stood to his feet and I jumped to mine.

  “Are you challenging me?”

  “Hanan,” Aella stood in front of me. I looked down at her face and then to Eva. She was biting her lip, tugging on Ben’s arm, whispering for him to stop. She took the flower from her hair and it slowly and painfully drifted to the floor.

  “It’s okay.” I forced myself to say—eyeing the fallen flower. “I will go. Aella the spears need cleaning.” I walked over to the blossom, knelt down and crushed it tightly in my hand.

  “When will you take us home?” Ben asked, I rose up and found myself face to face with my enemy. Aella touched my forearm; Eva stepped back tugging on Ben’s arm.

  “Would you rather die, trying to make it home all because of my…weakness for Eva?” I turned and caught her gaze, holding it for as long as I could, grasping every emotion, until she turned away. So meek and soft, at least she was this day—Aella called her tough, when I wasn’t around, when it was just the two of them. “If so I can return you today, deliver you to death and swim away hating you even more than I do at this very moment…” I turned my back to him. “She is meant for me.” I whispered, feeling the conviction in my words. Some part of me believed that my fate was not done, that somehow this would all work out. Then the other side of me wasn’t so sure and the confliction of the two sent anger bursting inside of me. I was confused. How could this fail? How could this work?

  “Hanan…Lord, please. Ben, no.”

  Eva stood between Ben and I. “Please…can we not talk about me? Ben we need to stay here till they find a safe way for us home. Hanan…”

  “I’m leaving.” I made my way out of the eating quarter and down the tunnel leading to the stone. The black stone reflected and I stared down at my face, a fallen king, unable to get up. Dethroned. What would I do with myself now? Go up against my brothers? Possibly take them out one at a time?

  All of Tahirah would die. Eva was our last hope.

  I heard Aella enter the room.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing Aella.”

  “I know you, what is it?”

  “This is never going to work. We are never going to be free of the curse, you and I will die in this cave. There isn’t a thing we can do about it.”

  “What do you mean? What has happened?”

  “Aella…the water is running low, there is no way I will ever get close enough to Eva…this plan, our future is hopeless. I can’t keep them here any longer. Tomorrow we will take them to the surface.” I slid down the wall, and onto the floor to sit. Trying to ease the pain felt in my body, but mostly in my heart. How could this have failed?

  “The Nishant?”

  “They’ve stopped searching for them. I’ve lied to keep Eva here longer. Your king has lied…I have become my worst fear, I have become my brothers.” She gasped and I couldn’t look at her face. She was disappointed; the sadness and disbelief entered my heart...and the anger, burned. “Before you judge me, Aella, I was only doing what I thought was best for us…”

  She released a hard breath and knelt beside me. “You are not your brothers. You’ve spoke one lie. This may still work.”

  “No, it will not work. We will surface tomorrow.” This would never work, why couldn’t she see that? “After we surface, maybe you and I should part.”

  “No, I will never leave you! You own my life.”

  “Aella. I do not own your life. I am no king.”

  “You will always be my king.” She said softly, lightly touching the side of my face. “Now stop sitting here defeated! Stop acting helpless, when you are not! You are ruler of the sea, one of the strongest in all the seas.” Her hand stung as it crossed my face. I just took it, took what I deserved. “Just because this has not worked does not mean that all is lost. What about the rebellion? I am going to meet them today.”

  I gave the group of mer who would fight in my honor a thought and nodded my head. “I cannot allow them to fight for me; we are going up against my brothers. Not to mention their guards and Kosey. I’m sure he will be a part of this…I can’t watch them die for me.”

  “Lord…we are already dying. They wouldn’t be dying for you, they would be dying for themselves, their families—fighting for Adonai. What difference will it make how we die? I’d rather die with honor, fighting for what is right. Like Queen Azizi would have done. ”

  “Your honor and death will be in vain.”

  “It’s never in vain when fighting for our God. And not if we win…I’ve been thinking. If we can draw one of your brothers out…we can win. You can kill them off one by one. We have a chance if we attack at the right moment. Dangle the bait and the hungry prey will come.”

  “And how do we draw them out?” Aella’s face was filled with hope, with future. Courage. To think I sat here defeated, by a future that had not even come. Defeated when the fight had not even come. Maybe there was a chance, but that chance seemed powerless—feeble against the wrath of Aarif and Minkah.

  “I can do it. Minkah will come if I call him.” We stared at one another for a moment in silence. She was willing to risk her life for her people. Willing to confront her lost love—he had given her that scar, stole her beauty because of the twisted words Aarif planted in his ear.

  “No. I can’t let you. He will finish what he started.”

  “Hanan, we have to do something. You cannot sit here defeated and...”

  “Aella…”

  “Hanan…I know you feel for her. And I do not believe it is over…hark the voice of your heart. Your mind is what controls you, but in your heart, do you honestly believe it is the end? Listen to the faint whisper of Adonai.” She pressed her hand over my chest. “He will not misguide you…I’ve seen the way she looks at you, heard the way she speaks. There is something in her that feels for you. She is only consumed with fear. This cannot be easy for her, she loves Ben. Eva is confused. Hanan, we never believed this would be easy—you’ve endured more than this. He is with you, who rules over all. Remember, if Earth and Sea came together once before, it can happen again.” She was right, but my heart has put me in a position, that I was not used to. Made me feel things I had never felt.

  “I am still taking them to the surface. I can’t lie to Eva any longer.”

  “I understand.” She smiled. “Think about the rebellion—we can win if we plan wisely. I will go to them now.” And then she turned to leave.

  “Take Enya.” I called out to her as she left the room. Could she be right; maybe the rebellion had a chance. The fact that I was taking Ben and Eva to the surface was proof enough that Eva and I would never be. She would never bare my seed. As much as the thought stung, I was at peace knowing that I wouldn’t be living a lie. Perhaps it was the lie that diverted my future?

  I took another moment to gather myself, and went to Eva and Ben’s quarters. They sat facing each other, he held Eva’s hands in his—of course it angered me—but I needed to speak to her. I prayed that she would forgive me, so th
at my mind would be at ease and my soul redeemed.

  “Eva…” She turned to face me. “Can I see you for a moment?” She glanced back at Ben.

  “It’s okay.” She said to him and he released her hands, staring bitterly at me.

  “Do not worry. This is good news for you…Ben.” I spat his name out as if it were the most disgusting thing to ever touch my lips. Perhaps he was the reasoning behind my failed future? I turned and walked down the tunnel with Eva trailing behind me. I took her into the room where I spent most of my time trying to understand and see my future.

  She was immediately drawn to the stone, most were—it reveals the unseen and shows the truth. I stood and watched her as she ran her hand over the smooth black surface and moved her face closer to the stone. “I look awful.” She whispered.

  “You could never look awful.” I said. She straightened up and stared at me nervously.

  “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” A small smile. I dove into her eyes, the current pulling me under until I forced my eyes closed to remember why I had called her here with me. There is no future Hanan. Not with her.

  I walked over to the stone and tapped it with my finger. White light blazed from it—I reached for the coral and spread them out. “Show me my past future.” Eva watched earnestly.

  “What…what is this? Is that me?”

  “Yes.” It was her attached to Ben, surrounded by the demons. And then here I came, light blazing sending the nishant back into the shadows. She reached for me and I went to her. “This was the night I saved you and Ben.”

  “Will it show anything else? Like what happened to the ship? The people on the ship?” Her heart beat rapidly, desperation in her voice.

  “No…Eva, I’m sorry.” A single tear slipped from her eye, she went to wipe it away, but I caught her hand. “Sometimes…” I watched as the tear rolled down her cheek, past her lips, down through the air and onto the rock, “when emotion is heavy, the stone shows that thing that has compelled one to feel.” I knelt down, pulling her to her knees with me. I whispered to the coral. “Show her the thing that pains her heart...be it dead or alive.”