A Touch of Passion (boxed set romance bundle)

by Uvi Poznansky

  Watching TV alone in the den, Dave had already received a text message from his mother. Your sister-in-law is dying. Jason needs us now. Put aside your jealousies and be there for him. Vacantly staring at the screen, Dave didn’t know if he had the courage to go to his brother’s house. The whole death thing was something he wasn’t comfortable with, but to add it to their strained relationship would be difficult. Looking up, he saw his wife standing in the doorway.

  “What?” he asked, wishing she’d leave him alone.

  “I just got off the phone with your mother and it’s not good,” she said. “We need to go over there.”

  “What good will it do for us to be there? I’m certainly not the one Jason wants around right now.”

  “I’ve been thinking about it and we should be there. They’ve been our best friends for all our lives, you and Jason and me and Harley. To abandon them now would be unforgivable. Let’s get over our pride and go.”

  “What about the kids?”

  “I’ll call Jason and ask him.”

  Bea dialed the number and then contemplated hanging up when Jason finally answered, sounding terrible.

  “It’s Bea,” she said. “Your mom just called.”

  Silence on the other end, but then she heard a distinct sniff and her heart broke. Jason was crying. She hoped they weren’t too late. “What can I do for you, Bea?” he finally asked.

  “We’d like to come over,” she replied. “We didn’t know if bringing the family would be too much.”

  “No, bring them. The girls need their cousins around.”

  Afraid to ask what was happening, she simply left it at that, telling him they’d leave right then.

  After they said goodbye, Jason reluctantly went back to the den. The girls were still crowded around their mother, talking about events to come, Harley nodding her head. When she found the strength, letting them know what her hopes were, reminding them that she’d written out guidelines for each girl.

  “For you, too, Devi. When you’re a big girl, you only have to check the notebook. You can read what my plans are for you, too.”

  “Like what, Mommy?” she asked.

  “Well, I hope you discover what you want to be when you grow up. It should be something you love doing. And that you can always ask your sisters for their advice on any issue that should come up.”

  “Like what to wear on a school day?”

  “Yes, that’s a perfect example!”

  “I want Tina to help me,” she said, looking apologetically at Angie and Bennie.

  They laughed, Angie and Bennie not offended. “It’s okay cutie,” Bennie said. “I don’t like my clothes either.”

  “What else, Mom?” Tina asked.

  “Well, I hope you’ll reach out to each other. I think of my mother everyday and only have to pick up the phone to call her. If you miss me, call each other.”

  Glancing up at Jason, Harley smiled, and he saw a glimpse of the old Harley, his heart breaking all over again.

  “I’m so glad we had four girls,” she said. “Thank you, Jason.”

  Nodding at her, he was unable to speak for a moment.

  “Bea and Dave and the kids are on their way over,” he said.

  The door to the mudroom opened as Joe and Fran arrived. Maryanne took them aside, explaining that she was having a rare, extended awake time with the girls. “We’ll stay out here. Do you have any coffee?”

  “No, I didn’t mean not to see her,” Maryanne said, squeezing their hands. “Go, go. She’ll want to see you.”

  Pushing them into the den, the girls rushed to their grandparents with a reception that was more than they expected. Bennie offered her grandmother the ottoman next to Harley’s recliner. “Here Granny Fran, sit down next to Mom.”

  Harley lifted her arms to hug Fran, the effort it was taking visible on her face. “Fran, thank you so much for everything,” she whispered. “You have been the best mother-in-law. Thank you for caring for all my girls.”

  Mumbling an acknowledgement, Fran was uncomfortable with Harley’s repeated praise but knew this might be what she construed as her last chance to say what was on her mind.

  “And Pop Joe, you’re so wonderful. The girls love you. Thank you for taking such good care of us every summer.”

  The effort to talk exhausted Harley, her eyes closed, head back a sign the audience was over for a moment. Holding on to Devon and Tina’s hands, they didn’t move until she relaxed, her normally irregular breathing becoming more pronounced.

  “Why don’t you girls get ready for Sally and Amanda and Michael?” Maryanne suggested.

  They’d decided not to have hospice come in as long as Harley was awake. If the progression of her life took the expected course, a time would be coming soon where she would lapse into a coma. Maryanne and Jason could do for her whatever hospice could do until then. Andy Forman came through with morphine, but so far she hadn’t needed any pain medication.

  Chapter 24

  Improbably, Bea would become Harley’s complete caregiver, taking over from Maryanne and Jason, more than just giving them a reprieve. She was doing penance. The way it happened, on that weekend that Fran admonished Bea about making peace with Harley, they drove over as soon they could get their children together.

  Silent during the drive over to his brother’s house, Dave struggled with emotions he couldn’t name, feelings that confused and embarrassed him. If he was jealous of Jason, it was the most immature, ridiculous reaction. Undertaking self-examination over the previous months, Dave realized his brother’s tragedy had revealed a character flaw of mammoth proportions in him.

  Now his marriage was in the toilet. After discovering what Harley had been up to, seeking a new wife for Jason, Dave’s curiosity got the best of him and he joined a dating service, too. The result was dismal, but he wasn’t giving up. There had to be someone out there for him. He wasn’t at the place yet to accept that he’d already found the right person and she was sitting next to him in the car.

  Pulling behind his father’s car, Dave looked in the review mirror at his children, the girls sad, Michael, quietly playing with a matchbox car. That was another thing. He hated it that his children were exposed to such depressing circumstances, even the shore house tainted now by death. “Let’s just get inside,” he said, shoving the car door open with his shoulder. Bea dreaded what was possible in Dave’s current state of mind; he could pick a fight with Jason, or start acting out in front of everyone. He’d been like a wild man the past week, barely able to make eye contact with her, let alone be civil.

  “Can we wait to hate each other until after Harley dies?” Bea asked.

  “Yes. Our lives have revolved around her for the past two years. What’s another couple of weeks?”

  Shocked at his cruelty, Bea hardly recognized the man Dave had become. He stamped up the driveway and let himself into the house. Bea waited at the car as the children piled out with their belongings, quiet, sad. Death was part of life, she reasoned. There was no way to protect them from Harley’s suffering. It was up to the girls to find their way through it, offering support to their cousins, realizing how fragile life was. It pained her to recognize that her husband was setting such a dismal example for them.

  “We’re here,” Dave said sarcastically to his mother. “God forbid we don’t all suffer along with everyone else.”

  “David!” Fran hissed. “Please, you’re going to hurt her feelings. She can hear everything, and I mean everything.”

  Even his posture was intimidating; he was standing like a wrestler with his chest puffed out and fists at his side. “Where is everybody?”

  “Jason is downstairs with your dad and the children, setting up a ping pong table. Harley’s in the den with her mother.”

  Tiptoeing to the den, Dave didn’t really want to see Harley; he hadn’t seen her since her venture to the basement, and he tried not to stare; she was unrecognizable, so thin and frail looking. If he’d been more aware, he’d ha
ve realized she scared him. The whole concept of dying at any age was horrible, but at her young age? Unthinkable.

  Expecting her to be sleeping in her recliner, or out of it, not being able to see, it shocked him peeking around the corner that she was awake, and recognized his stocky figure in the doorway.

  “Dave? Is that you?” she said, struggling to sit forward.

  Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the room, closer. “It’s me, Harley,” he said.

  She reached out her trembling hand; he could see the effort it was taking. “God, it’s so good to see you,” she said, slumping back against the recliner. “I’ve missed you.”

  That was it for Dave, he crumbled, falling to his knees at the side of her recliner. “Oh Harley, I’m so sorry. I’ve been such an asshole.”

  “Yes, but that’s okay. I didn’t expect anything more,” she said, smiling at her own attempt at sarcasm.

  It defused his anguish and he snorted, having to wipe his hand across his nose. “What can I do?”

  “Nothing, really,” she said in barely more than a whisper. He leaned closer to her. “Just be there for Jason and the girls. I need to know they’re going to be okay, you know? So I can rest in peace.”

  “I’ll do that for you,” he said, hoping he was able to, grateful she didn’t ask him to not divorce Bea if she even knew about their problems.

  Bea walked in then, moved seeing Dave at Harley’s side, visibly moved to tears. “Can I come in?” she asked.

  Harley looked at her and put her head back again. “Hi, Bea,” she said. “Dave and I are just having a moment. But we’re finished.”

  The expression on Harley’s face wasn’t as welcoming for Bea as it had been for Dave. “Can I be alone with Bea?” she asked. Getting up from his kneeling position, Dave leaned over and kissed her cheek.

  “I’ll go hunt down Jason,” he said.

  Harley nodded, unsmiling. Thinking clearly, knowing how dire her situation was, the anger she felt toward Bea strengthened her. Bea was going to have to do some restitution.

  “How are you doing?” Bea asked, sitting on the couch next to Harley’s recliner. Trying not to stare, the changes in her friend over the past days were dramatic and she could see for herself she wasn’t doing well. “I mean I know how you are.”

  “Yes, I’m doing as well as can be expected for someone who’s dying,” Harley said. “But I don’t have a lot of energy so I want to get this out before I have to take a nap.

  “How could you abandon me?” she asked, looking directly at Bea.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “There’s no excuse. I don’t know. I guess I was just reacting to my own circumstances.”

  “Which are?”

  “We’re getting a divorce,” she answered.

  “Now?”

  “Well, yes, but not right now. We want to be here for you and Jason and the girls.”

  Harley put her head back and closed her eyes. “Why would you divorce him, Bea? Dave’s the love of your life.”

  “He’s divorcing me. He doesn’t love me. He claims he only married me because of you.”

  “Me? What did I have to do with it?”

  “He claims he was always competing with Jason, and by marrying me, it gave him some leverage. You were so fabulous, if we were friends, I must be pretty great, too.”

  “He said that,” Harley replied, disbelieving. “You’ve been married almost as long as we’ve been. Why is this just coming up now?”

  “I guess because he was looking for an excuse to leave. I can’t read his mind. Nothing he’s said makes much sense, Harley. All I know is I took my anger out on you. It wasn’t fair, it was even cruel. But I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me.”

  “Before it’s too late,” Harley added.

  “Yes, before it’s too late.”

  “Why can I hear Fran’s voice?” she asked, chuckling.

  “She did call me,” Bea admitted. “But I’ve been missing you so badly, I was going to get in touch anyway.”

  “Why now?”

  “I don’t know,” Bea said. “Everything I’ve done lately I wish I could commiserate with you about, every project I do at school, every meal I cook I want to discuss with you like I did in the old days.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I didn’t feel right about it,” Bea said.

  They didn’t speak for a moment. “What’s going on with the candidates?”

  Harley shook her head. “Nothing’s going on. It was a stupid idea. Kathy doesn’t like Jason and Jason doesn’t like Anna so it was a waste of our time.”

  “It was fun,” Bea said. “Now Dave is doing it, too.”

  “He is?” Harley asked. “He must be having some kind of adult situational crisis. That’s not the Dave I know.”

  “Well he’s looking. I actually wanted to go through the contacts with him, but he wouldn’t let me.”

  Harley’s interest was piqued. “Really? You’d do that?”

  “Why, yes! I wish I could choose someone who would be a good stepmother to my kids.” She fell back against the back of the couch. “The thought of him getting involved with some floozy, having to allow him to take the kids overnight or for days at a time with a woman I don’t know makes me a little nutty.”

  “I feel your pain,” Harley said. Bea grabbed her hand.

  “I know you do, Harley. The only difference is Jason really loves you. And I’ll be here to be tortured by Dave’s girlfriends.”

  They sat together in silence for a while. Bea thought Harley was sleeping, but she was still awake, thinking.

  “Bea, I’m getting tired.”

  “Okay, I’ll leave you alone,” she said, getting up.

  “No, stay with me. I mean I’m getting tired of being here, of living. I can see it’s not good for my girls to have to watch me failing.”

  “Harley, they’ll take you anyway they can,” she said. “They love you so much. It is hard on them, but it will be harder when you go.”

  It was just the right thing to say, not denying her predicament or the anguish it would cause when the time finally came.

  “It’s okay to let go, Harley,” she whispered. “I’ll miss you so much. The last weeks away from you, I thought of you and how you impacted my life. It’s going to be terrible without you. But I’ll live. So will the girls.”

  “I’ve missed you, too. Will you stay with me?”

  “Yes, of course,” Bea said, realizing what she was being asked.

  “I think I’ll feel better when I go if you’re with me,” Harley said. “I hope I’m aware of it. I mean, I feel so close now, I can feel it in my body, my feet and hands, I know they must be purple, I can barely see unless I’m right in your face. I know I smell.”

  “Harley, you don’t smell.”

  “It’s because my mother is a fanatic about it with the dressing changes and the soap and water. I’m lucky I have any skin left.”

  “Well, there are some things you shouldn’t worry about and that’s one of them,” Bea said.

  “Will you take care of me?” Harley asked. “I hate to ask it of you, but I can’t ask my mother. She’s come undone. I don’t want Jason’s last memories having to wipe my ass.”

  “I’ll take care of you,” Bea said, crying. “Whatever you need, I’ll do.”

  They sat together holding hands, and quietly the older girls came back in, sitting around Harley, waiting for her to wake up, but she never did, at least not that day.

  She had one more lucid moment after her conversation with Bea. That night in bed, she reached for Jason in the middle of the night.

  “Jay, are you there?” she asked in the dark.

  “Yes, love, I’m right here.” Carefully, gently, he gathered Harley up in an embrace. She snuggled next to him, feeling safe and for the first time in a while, warm.

  “I’m always cold now,” she said.

  Pulling the blankets up around her, he could feel her ice cold hands folded
together against his chest.

  “I love you, Jason,” she said. “Thank you for everything.”

  “Harley, I love you, too. So very much.”

  She closed her eyes, and with her head up against him, fell back to sleep.

  Chapter 25

  Sitting on a roll-around stool, Jason familiarized himself with his old anesthesia machine, going through the checklist that was standard operating procedure for the OR. It was a Tuesday, staff meeting day, and he was alone while the nurses who worked in that room had an in-service. He’d picked in-service day to return to work so he could get to his room without being bushwhacked by well-meaning acquaintances and colleagues, all concerned for his welfare.

  Unwilling to discuss Harley’s death with anyone but his immediate family or closest friends, most of his colleagues backed off after being clued in by Andy Forman. He was finally able to talk about her to his daughters and mother without bursting into tears.

  The morning after she died, his mother and mother-in-law asked him if it was okay to strip the sheets off the bed. “Just throw everything away,” he’d replied, and then back peddled. “No, don’t touch it. I’ll take care of it.”

  He was still sleeping with her pillow, burying his face in it, smelling her soap. When he decided he had to change the sheets, he found her hair everywhere. Collecting it, he placed it in an envelope and put it in his dresser, under his socks. At night, when he missed her so desperately he was barely able to stand it, he’d take the wad of hair and bury his nose it in, trying to smell her.

  The nights were torture for the whole family, Harley’s absence stark. Then Devon had an idea.

  “Daddy, let’s arrange Mommy’s favorite things on her nightstand. Then when we want memories, we can come into your bedroom and look at them.”

  They’d gone through the house, choosing things they knew Harley had loved, making a memorial of sorts for her in the bedroom. Her favorite books, a bag of knitting, an afghan she’d finished right before Christmas they arranged by the chair she’d rocked her babies in. Little by little, things Harley used everyday found there way into the corner. Her mug, used only for tea at night, and her special coffee mug, too, a pillow Bennie had made in second grade, mementos and memorabilia from the children and their trips to the shore, her stethoscope from work and hospital ID tag.