Fast Forward

by Celeste O. Norfleet

  When we finally got to D.C., Big T dropped us off at my house. He offered to take Ursula and Sierra home too, but they wanted to get out with me. I was so happy to be someplace safe that I kissed Li’l T on the cheek. Much to his surprise, so did Ursula and Sierra. Right before they drove off I heard him telling Big T that we were “Li’l T’s Angels” and that’s how he rolled ’cause he got it like that. I couldn’t help but shake my head. That boy was too much. But tonight I really didn’t care.

  So Ursula, Sierra and I stood out front a few minutes before Ursula asked the obvious question. “So what the hell happened? I’m dancing and having fun then all of a sudden I heard that Destiny’s Child was outside. Then I heard that somebody got shot.” Sierra and I just looked at each other.

  “You know, I am so sick and tired of going out to have fun, then have some fool mess it up for everybody. Why can’t they just keep their drama-asses at home? Always starting trouble and getting people caught up in that mess,” she continued. “Y’all know what happened. And where the hell is Darien?”

  We looked at each other again. “He left,” I said.

  “Yeah, Kenisha, duh. I got that part. Where’d he go?” She dialed his cell again but didn’t get an answer. “I can’t believe he’s still not answering. This is so wrong.”

  “Maybe his cell is just turned off.”

  “Wait, it wasn’t him who got shot, was it?” she asked cautiously looking at both of us.

  “No, we saw him after everything happened. He was fine,” I said, just as a police car sped through the traffic light at the corner.

  “So where is he, and why the hell did he leave us there?”

  “I guess he had to leave. The police were grabbing up everybody, so maybe I guess with him just getting off house arrest he didn’t want to get in trouble again.”

  “Whatever, it’s still wrong. You don’t just run off and leave people like that, especially your family. I told you he was selfish like that,” she said.

  I had to agree with her. His stuff was wrong. But if I saw what I think I saw, then I know why he did what he did. He was holding something in his hand when the fight ended. Then that guy fell. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that the guy he was fighting got stabbed.

  Sierra hadn’t said a word the whole time. She just looked from me to Ursula as we talked. We heard another police car siren somewhere in the neighborhood then saw it careen against the light and down the street. “I gotta go,” Sierra finally spoke.

  “Yeah, me too, let’s go. Talk to you later, Kenisha,” Ursula said as she and Sierra walked away. Sierra looked back at me but still didn’t say anything to me.

  I heard Ursula complaining again about fools messing up her good time. I waited a minute. Then after they got to the end of the block I went up on the porch and looked down the street and waited. I couldn’t exactly see Ursula’s house from my house, and the only window with a good enough view that faced in the right direction was in my grandmother’s bedroom. Hopefully she was still asleep, which is where I should be. But I knew I was too hyped up to fall asleep anytime soon.

  I sat down on the top step of the porch and just waited. I had no idea for what. I guess I just needed to take a break from everything that was going on and maybe try to wrap my head around it. My thoughts were spinning ’cause everything was happening so fast. I could barely hold on. All of a sudden my chest felt tight and breathing became difficult.

  I reached into my purse and grabbed my inhaler but I didn’t really need it, so I just sat there thinking about what had happened. After a while I found myself wondering about Darien and what had happened to him. I heard a siren again. It got louder as I saw a police car turn the corner away from my street. While I was looking down the street, I saw somebody walking up. I didn’t want to be here when they got close, so I figured that it was time to go in. I stood and headed to the front door. “Kenisha.”

  I jumped and spun around.

  “Chill girl, it’s me,” Darien said, as he walked up the brick path to the front porch steps. He stopped at the bottom step and looked up at me. “Hey.”

  “Darien,” I whispered, looking around cautiously. The last thing I needed is for my grandmother to wake up or for somebody else to see me with him. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m always a’ight.” He shrugged indifferently.

  “So what are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Hanging out, waiting,” he said casually, like it was twelve noon instead of two-thirty in the morning.

  “Waiting for what? You know you can’t be out here in front of my grandmother’s house late like this,” I insisted.

  “So why don’t you invite me inside?”

  “Hell, no,” I said instantly.

  “What, you don’t want nobody to know that you into me?”

  “Who said that I’m into you?” I asked, trying not to smile but failing miserably. I knew he could tell I was lying. The truth was I was kind of into him.

  “Don’t be frontin’. You know you like that bad boy thing you was talking about before. So why don’t we just go inside and kick it?”

  “Uh-uh. Plus it’s late and I gotta go in.”

  “A’ight, fine. I just wanted to talk is all.”

  “Talk about what?” I asked, as I walked back to the top of the steps and sat back down.

  Darien climbed the porch steps then sat next to me. He waited a few minutes, looked up and down the street then up at the sky. He pulled a cigarette and lit it. After a few deep drags, he looked at me. “You have a good time tonight?”

  “I saw the fight,” I said.

  “Yeah, I figured that,” he said.

  “What were you fighting about?”

  “Some punk-ass owes me money. Then he was gonna try frontin’ like he don’t know no better. I had to step up on him.”

  “Maybe he didn’t have it on him at the time,” I suggested.

  “That’s bull. He better step correct when he’s handling my money and my business. He knows that now.”

  He took another hard drag of his cigarette then flicked it into the air. I watched the lit butt fall onto the brick path. I could tell he was still angry about the fight. His vernacular was all street and raw. Usually when he talked around me, he was different.

  “So that guy works with you?” I asked, still watching the soft flame from the butt flicker.

  “He works for me,” he spat out the correction.

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to know anymore. He must have understood since he didn’t volunteer anymore information. “So what’s up?” I asked quietly. “Where did you go after that? We were looking for you. The police were everywhere. We barely got a ride home.”

  “I had to leave—too many cops. I don’t want to go back to juvie hall.”

  “Then don’t,” I said, actually thinking it was that simple.

  He half laughed at my naïveté. “You really think it’s that easy, don’t you? You think all I have to do is just not go.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “No, it’s not. This ain’t some made for Disney movie, girl. This is real life.”

  “Like I don’t know that? What I’m saying is that we all have choices in how and where we want to end up. Maybe you need to make another choice ’cause maybe the one you’ve made is gonna lead you back to where you don’t want to be.”

  “You mean go back to school and all that crap.”

  “Yeah, why not? What’s so bad about going to school? At least you have a chance for a better life and a future.”

  He chuckled again. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

  “I know that.”

  “See, it’s that stuck-up bourgie private school that teaches you that shit. They brainwash you that all this can be better.”

  “Didn’t I hear you went to private school, too?”

  “Yeah, so what? Besides, that’s different.”

  “How’s it different?”

  He looked at me then shook hi
s head like he knew this big secret that I didn’t. “You got this warped idea that life is any better than right now. It’s not. I hustle, that’s what life is. My dad’s constantly on my case to go back to school or get my GED. He’s pissed ’cause stuff be happening. He wants me to go work with him, but I can’t be about all that. That nine-to-five ain’t me, and that going to college shit sure ’nuff ain’t me.”

  “So what do you think you’re gonna do, just sit around and do nothing the rest of your life?”

  “Nah, I got plans. I can produce videos and rap. I can be like Diddy.”

  “Doesn’t everybody want to be like Diddy and think they can rap? So what are the odds of you actually having a career in the music business?”

  “My pops could help me out, but he acting like he won’t.”

  “Maybe he is trying to help you out.”

  “You know Tyrece Grant. Hook a brotha up,” he said. I didn’t respond. “See, you wrong and that’s some bull,” he said, louder than necessary. “See, you be talking to TB like that. That shit don’t fly with me. I got a rep to protect.”

  “Your reputation, that’s why you were fighting tonight?”

  “Don’t nobody disrespect me. I handle my business.”

  “You act like you do whatever you do because you have no choice, but you do—we all do. The bad boy thing won’t last forever. Then what?”

  “Then I’ll get a new hustle, ’cause that’s what you like about me and you know it.”

  I was just about to say something when he leaned over and kissed me. I was too shocked to do anything but just sit there. It’s not like I never kissed anybody before, I have. But I was always kind of expecting it. Darien took me completely by surprise.

  So he was kissing me, and I kind of kissed him back. We did that for a while. Then he leaned closer and started touching me. I let him then after a while I backed off. It felt funny. Yeah, I liked him and all, but I like lawn mower guy, too. Terrence was safe. Darien wasn’t. I think he was right. I liked that he had a reputation and that he was a bad boy. We started kissing again. He took my hand and put it on his thigh. He moved it higher, and I felt him hard and jumped back.

  “What, don’t tell me you never been with TB before?” he said. “I know he’s got your number punched.” I didn’t respond. He looked at me and shook his head. He obviously knew his answer. “Girl, he be playin’ you. I hear brother be all over the place at Howard. He’s got hunnies dropping at his feet morning, noon and night. Girl, you been played.”

  “I gotta go in,” I said. This was getting way too real for me. I wasn’t ready before with LaVon, and I know I was not ready now. I stood up, but Darien took my hand and held tight.

  “Come on, stay,” he said. “We don’t have to do anything.”

  “I got church in a few hours, and after tonight, I need to get some sleep,” I said easing my hand from his.

  “A’ight, next time,” he promised, “for real.”

  “Night,” I said then headed to the front door. I unlocked it, went inside then locked it again. I didn’t stop moving until I got to my bedroom. I was still shaking inside when I looked around my room. It was just like I left it, but somehow it seemed different. Maybe I seemed different.

  I changed my clothes and lay in bed with my eyes open. Every noise made me jump. I still couldn’t believe everything that went on that night. It was too wild. I never experienced anything like that before. It was crazy, everybody running around like that and the police all over the place. I couldn’t wait to tell my girls about it. Then there was Darien. My stomach was still fluttering and my heart was going wild.

  So by the time I finally dozed off, my alarm went off and it was time to get up. Sunday morning, I woke up feeling like somebody else. I wasn’t me anymore. Last night was like a dream. No, make that a nightmare. I remembered being in Big T’s car, closing my eyes all the way home, praying that we’d get there safe. I don’t know what I was thinking sneaking out like that. I vowed never, ever, ever to do anything like that again. And I meant it.

  So I went to church with my grandmother, and I could barely stay awake. After morning service we came home and had breakfast. We talked about school and other stuff while we ate. “So why are you so sleepy today?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t sleep well, I guess. I think I’m gonna go upstairs and crash now.”

  “Yes, you do that. You need to get your rest. Remember, I’m going back to church this afternoon. I’ll bring something in for dinner.”

  I went upstairs and crashed. I must have slept for four hours. When I woke up, my grandmother was still out. I grabbed the newspaper and was checking out the metro section. There was an article in there about what happened last night at the go-go club. It mentioned that someone had gotten stabbed and was still in the hospital. The police were asking for witnesses to step up. Please, like that was actually going to happen.

  Ursula called me and we talked a few minutes, mainly about the go-go club. She said that Darien had finally gotten home about four o’clock and that he was fine. She was still pissed that he left us there. She was just about to go off on a rant when my other line beeped. I told her that it was probably my dad so she hung up. I clicked over. It wasn’t my dad. It was Terrence.

  “Hey Shorty,” he said happily.

  “I thought you were supposed to be coming home this weekend,” I said quickly.

  “I thought so too, but I crossed over. We didn’t know about it, it was a surprise. The whole line crossed. I’m officially a Greek.”

  He seemed so happy, but I wasn’t feeling it. He promised that he’d be around, but he wasn’t. At least Darien was here and acted like he wanted to be with me. “Congratulations,” I said, not as delighted as I guess I could have been. He caught the bland tone in my voice.

  “So what’s up with you?”

  “Nothing,” I said, vaguely.

  “You sound mad because I wasn’t there this weekend?”

  “Nah, I had fun. I hung out at my friend’s house.”

  “What friends?”

  “Ursula and Darien.”

  “Darien? What? You’re hanging with Darien now?”

  “He said y’all knew each other, but he wouldn’t tell me how. You want to enlighten me?” I asked.

  “You need to leave him alone,” he warned sternly.

  See that’s something that pisses me off with Terrence. He thinks he can boss me around and tell me what to do. He can’t. He says that we’re hanging, but he’s never around to hang with me. Maybe Darien was right. Maybe he was just playing me. “Why not? He’s fun and at least he’s around sometimes.”

  “You need to leave him alone,” he repeated.

  “Since when do you tell me what I need to do?” I asked. I was already irritated. His attitude was just getting me more annoyed. “So what’s the beef between you two? What, did he steal your toy in kindergarten or something?” I joked.

  “I don’t want to talk about it, but you need to listen to me and leave him alone.”

  “That’s not good enough, Terrence.”

  “We’ll talk about it Friday when I come by.”

  “Yeah, right. I heard that before.” I half chuckled.

  “What is wrong with you? You’re acting all pissed off. I told you the line went over this weekend. I thought you’d be happy for me,” he said. I didn’t respond. “Kenisha. Kenisha?”

  “I gotta go. I’ll see you around, maybe.” I hung up. I seriously don’t know why I was so pissed off, but I was.

  I decided to call Diamond and Jalisa. I needed to talk to someone real. We did our usual three-way conversation. We caught up on some homework business, and they e-mailed my assignments. We talked a little bit about school and Hazelhurst. But after that, the next thing out of Jalisa’s mouth was that she saw the go-go club on the news this afternoon.

  “Girl, I couldn’t believe it. That’s where Ursula was talking about going before, right?”

  “I think so,�
� Diamond said. “I wonder if she went.”

  “She went. We both did,” I said casually.

  “What?” Jalisa and Diamond said in unison.

  “You went there last night?” Jalisa asked.

  “No way. Your grandmother would never let you go out like that with church the next day,” Diamond added.

  “She didn’t, but I did anyway. I snuck out.”

  “Kenisha,” Jalisa, said, stunned, “you snuck out?”

  “Yeah, my grandmother went to sleep early, so I left.”

  “Wait, so you were there when all the stuff on the news was going on?”

  “Uh-huh. I even saw the guy who got stabbed.”

  “No, you didn’t,” Diamond said chuckling. “She’s joking.”

  “I’m not joking. I saw it, for real.”

  “Kenisha, For real, for real?” Jalisa asked.

  “Yep, for real,” I said proudly.

  “Girl what is up with you? You are moving too fast lately. First you going to parties where they’re drinking and smoking pot. Then you’re hanging out with this street thug drinking beer. Now you’re sneaking out of the house and whatever else. You wrong and you know it,” Jalisa said.

  “For real, Kenisha,” Diamond chimed in, “how can you just do that? Your mom would be so pissed if she was around.”

  “But she’s not, is she?” I snapped. Suddenly I realized that this was going nowhere. My girls, my used-to-be girls, just didn’t get it anymore. “She’s gone, so I can do what I want.”

  “No, you can’t,” Diamond said.

  “Whatever,” I said dismissively.

  “What is wrong with you?” Jalisa said.

  “Nothing’s wrong with me. What’s up with you? Y’all acting all stuck up like you don’t know how to have fun anymore. All you two do is hang out in the mall and shop. Please, living in the burbs got y’all all bourgie. Y’all don’t know anything ’bout what goes on in the ’hood.”