For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

With a smile, I run my hand over his bearded cheek. “And I love you, Pierce.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck, then he picks me up and places me on my feet. Taking my hands, Pierce makes me hold my arms out. Then he goes to one knee. “Take a bow, my princess. For you are now a woman.”

  Doing as he’s said, I hear the audience go into a frenzy of cheering and clapping. When I pull my body back up, I find the lights going away and Pierce’s hand on mine, pulling me along with him.

  We go into a side door and I find Pierce’s body pinning mine to the wall as he kisses me deeply with a hunger I’ve never felt from him before. “Jade, I love you. I love you so damn much. Never doubt that. Please.”

  Brushing my hands over his shoulders, I find myself crying as he says what I want to hear. It’s obvious how much he’s fighting himself. But then he stops and pulls me out of the room. We enter a long hallway that has a light at the end of it. He takes me to the room we changed in earlier. “We’ll shower, then put on our clothes and go to the airport.”

  I nearly fall apart with his words, hoping he’d want to spend one more night together at his place. Before I can fall completely apart, he starts pulling the leather contraption off me, then drops his pants and carries me to the shower.

  All I can do is lay my head on his broad chest and hope he changes his mind before he puts me on that plane.

  Pierce

  A dull ache fills my heart as I walk with Jade to the jet that’s parked on the tarmac. The stairs are in place, the engine is warming up, and my body feels so damn cold.

  It’s occurred to me more than once that I might have some kind of an episode when I walk away from Jade, or when the jet takes off, taking her away from me forever.

  I’ve never felt so much for anyone, and this is fast becoming the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But it must be done. That’s what I keep telling myself.

  Our fire burns too bright. Our love is too encompassing. It can’t last. It probably isn’t even real.

  She and I were thrown together into a relationship that was doomed from the start. The plan was to teach her things, not fall in love with her or her with me. But it happened, or so we think it did. I think of what we had much like a dream. It’ll stick with me until the day I die. But it wasn’t real.

  Nothing like that could ever be real. We fell into the fantasy we strove to create. Like amazing actors, we grew into the parts we were playing. I’ve discussed this with Jade a lot these last few days. She disagrees, of course.

  Always the hopeless romantic, that girl!

  But I’m not a romantic at heart. At least I’ve never been before Jade came along. It’s hard to believe this whole thing started with one question on a message board. But then again, the whole thing is unbelievable.

  I managed to talk a vanilla virgin into trekking her way across the globe to become my submissive partner. And she became the best one I could’ve ever imagined.

  Jade’s hand is shaking as we approach the steps. “Pierce, please …”

  I stop her as I pull her into my arms and kiss her with a soft kiss, then lean my forehead against hers. “Baby, don’t stoop to begging me for what I can’t give you. Remember all we’ve talked about. I want you to walk away from me with pride. I want you to learn from what we’ve shared and take that with you through the rest of your life. You’re a vibrant woman, capable of anything you set your mind on. And one day, when you’re a famous author, I’d love it if you’d send me an autographed copy of your first book. One I hope will be dedicated to me, under the name Mr. Power, of course.”

  She hits at my chest with a weak fist. “Jerk,” she mumbles. “Why do you have to be like this?”

  “I don’t know.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “Why do you have to believe this fantasy of a love story can last forever? I’ve told you many times, if we stay together, I’ll end up neglecting you and making you hate me, a thing I never want to happen. This way, you’ll always hold love in your heart for me. And I will for you too.”

  “Such a romantic gesture, Pierce.” Both her hands lace with mine, holding them at my side. “You’ve changed me. I’m going back a rich woman. A woman who is rich in more than just monetary value. You’ve shown me so much in such a small amount of time. I want you to know I’m thankful for it all. The money is the least of what I’ve gained from knowing you.”

  I rub her nose with mine. “I’ve learned a lot from you too. I’ve learned that love really does exist. And before you tell me that I’m throwing it away, I want you to understand that I’m not doing that at all. I’m locking it away, keeping it safe from harm. A little place I can escape to in my mind from time to time. A perfect place, where only you and I reside. I hope you do the same sometimes.”

  When I see tears moving in long streams down her pink cheeks, I can’t stand what I’m seeing and kiss her. Our arms close around each other as we take our last exchange. My body and mind are at odds. My body wants to keep her with me. My mind tells me it won’t last in the real world.

  Her hands clutch my arms as I try to end the kiss. I taste her salty tears as they make their way into my mouth. She finally has to pull her mouth away as she gasps, then sobs, “I love you, Pierce. I will always love you.” Then she breaks away and runs to the stairs.

  “Jade, stop,” I call out.

  She stops and turns to look at me as her face is melting with sorrow. “What?”

  “Jade, I love you. Please remember that. I’m doing this out of love and nothing else. What we shared was perfect, and I want it to stay that way. I love you more than I love myself, and one day I hope you can understand that, baby.”

  My cell’s alarm goes off as it’s now midnight. The end of our contract.

  Jade looks at my cell as I take it out of the breast pocket of my suit and swipe it to stop the sound that’s ending us. Another sob breaks out of her and she turns and runs up the stairs. I watch her take a seat next to the window. Her eyes hold me as she puts her hand on the glass as the stairs are taken away and someone shuts the door.

  Our eyes lock as we take each other in for the last time. “Goodbye, Jade.” I blow her a kiss.

  She’s breaking down inside the plane. She’s crying so damn hard, it hurts me as if she was stabbing my heart with a dull knife. Her mouth moves, and I can tell she’s saying, “I love you.”

  “I love you, Jade!” I shout as the jet begins to move.

  Into the night, the plane takes her away from me, the way I knew it always would. It had to end and I knew that all along. But I never knew how badly it would hurt us both.

  I’d call it all a big mistake if we hadn’t each gained so much from our time together. What we shared can never be called a mistake. No matter what the outcome, it was no mistake.

  Walking to the door, I look back as I hear the sound of the jet flying up into the dark sky. It’s unimaginable that anyone could fall so hard in only two months. If anyone ever told me such a thing before Jade, I’d have laughed at them.

  Now I know it can happen.

  My car is parked just outside the entrance doors. There’s barely any traffic at this late hour. I was able to park right at the curb. As I get into my car, everything crashes down on me like a brick wall.

  Everything I’ve kept at bay comes bubbling to the surface like a geyser. Dropping my head on the steering wheel, I let it all out, crying like a damn baby.

  “God, she’s gone! Why’d I let her go?”

  Jade

  My alarm goes off, waking me from the sweetest dream. Pierce and I were playing in the lake. It’s hard to believe three months have passed and he’s still so completely in my head. Even though not a word has come from him at all, I know my number is still in his cell. His is in mine too. And I find myself staring at it, wanting to call him but not daring to.

  He was right about men seeing a change in me and coming on to me a hell of a lot stronger than they’ve ever done before. One in particular is finding it nearly impossible to take no
for an answer. My much larger flat has been filled with various vases of flowers, as he sends them almost daily.

  Charles Gilmore seems to be infatuated with me. He’s a banker, handsome, and charming. I met him when I opened a new bank account with the cashier’s check from the BDSM club. And I have a feeling he might be a gold digger. But he did send me to an investment firm that’s handling my money for me, making it grow into more money as if by magic.

  I can check my bank account once a week and see it increase all the time. Interest is the way to make money, in my opinion.

  Classes are going better than they were before, and they were going pretty good before summer break. It seems my creative spark was another thing that was ignited by my vacation. My professors are full of questions about what the hell happened to me during the short break.

  I only tell them I took a trip to the states and my old friend and I had a ton of fun in the Oregon woods. Quite a few of my teachers have asked where they can sign up for the trip I took. It makes me laugh every time.

  The doorbell rings and I climb out of bed to go see who could be bothering me so early on a weekend morning. Rubbing my eyes, I make my way to the door and look out the peephole. I see a man with a brown paper bag and a white envelope in his hand.

  “Hello, and you are?” I ask.

  “A messenger with a delivery for Jade Thomas.”

  “From?” I ask.

  “A secret admirer.”

  Opening the door, I get a rush of excitement. Maybe it’s from Pierce!

  The man hands me the bag and the envelope. “Here ya are, miss.”

  “Thank you. Wait here. I’ll get you a tip for your trouble,” I say as I step back to put the things down.

  He tips his cap at me. “No, thank you. I’ve been generously compensated by the sender. Have a wonderful day, Miss Thomas.”

  Closing the door behind him, I have high hopes this is from Pierce. I put the bag and envelope down on the small Queen Anne table by the front door and look inside.

  “What the hell?” I reach in and pull out white paper, unwrapping it to find smoked salmon and cream cheese on a couple of bagels. Placing them on the table, I reach back in and pull out some more breakfast foods, and then open the envelope where I find a short note written on pale blue paper.

  Jade,

  I’m waiting in the hallway for you. I’d like for us to spend this lovely Saturday together, starting with breakfast. We can see where things go from there.

  Charles!

  “Damn,” I hiss. I was so sure it was from Pierce.

  Dropping to my knees, I find it impossible not to cry from disappointment. I try hard to stop crying and gain control over my emotions but it’s of no use. At least once a week this happens to me. I let hope overcome me and when disappointment ensues, it tears me apart again.

  Pierce never intended to break me. But he has. I’m doing well in everything, but the way I miss him is excruciating. Each time Charles sends me something, I get my hopes up that it’s from Pierce, only to be let down each and every time.

  A knock comes at the door. “Jade, are you crying in there?” Charles asks.

  “Shit!”

  “Jade?”

  Grabbing a tissue to wipe my tears away and blow my nose, I go to the door and open it. “Charles, I wasn’t expecting anyone. I’m afraid I don’t feel well this morning.”

  “You seem to be ill often, Jade. It appears to hit you every time I ask for your company.” He gives me a charming grin. “I’m well aware of your lack of dating experience. Is that why you keep turning me down? I don’t mind that at all. I think it’s quite refreshing to find a woman who’s new to the dating game.”

  In a quick move, he takes my hand and walks into my flat, without being asked to. Charles Gilman is a nice looking man. His dark hair is short and parted neatly on one side. He’s not anywhere near as built as Pierce, but he’s tall and has a broad chest. His suit isn’t Armani or anything near to that, but it’s nice and he looks sophisticated, well-off, and most women would like him, I think.

  “Charles, are you after me for my money?” I ask with an abruptness that has him laughing.

  “Jade, do you honestly take me for a money-grubbing man? You must be aware that I know many wealthy women. Most have more money than you do.” He leads me to sit on my sofa and I find myself pulling my pink robe tighter around me.

  My nighty is skimpy, and my panties aren’t on. I wasn’t expecting male company at all. “Pierce, do you mind…” I stop as I realize what I’ve called him.

  “Who’s that?” he asks me with a grin. “A secret lover, perhaps?”

  Shaking my head, I get up. “I’m going to get dressed now. I suppose you can have this date you’ve been after me for. I’m sure to bore you.” I hurry out of the room and go to my bedroom.

  My cell is on the nightstand and I look at it, wishing like hell that it’d ring and be Pierce on the other end of the line, telling me he’s coming for me. But it lays there like a dead fish and I head to my closet to dress.

  Not trying to look cute in the least, I pull my hair, which has grown out a bit, into a high ponytail, leave the makeup off, and then put on a shapeless dress that goes all the way to my ankles. A pair of black flats makes up my ensemble, and I head out to Charles after giving my face a wash and my teeth a quick brushing.

  He turns away from the table he’s set elegantly with dishes he’s found in my cupboard. “You look lovely, Jade.”

  “You look as if you’ve made yourself at home, Charles.”

  He comes to me, taking my hand and leading me to sit at the small table in the breakfast nook. “I have. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “And if I do?” I ask as he takes the seat across from me.

  “I think you just need to get used to me,” he says as he pulls a white linen napkin off the table and places it on his lap.

  “Impeccable manners, I see.” I put my napkin in my lap too. I see he’s gone so far as to make a pot of coffee with my coffee maker. Looking into his brown eyes, I say, “You’ve found my coffee, I see.”

  “I thought you might like some. Perhaps you’re one of those people who need it to get the day going. I didn’t want you to go without it just because I’ve shown up on your doorstep.” He gives me another brilliant smile.

  Most women would love this, I bet. He’s charming and doting. But he’s not Pierce.

  “Charles, I’m very busy with school. I don’t have time for a man in my life.” I pick up the bagel and take a giant bite, hoping to gross him out.

  “This may come as a shock to you, but I’ve seen you around, Jade. You do have time on your hands. You go to the library and check out books. Many books. If you have time for all that reading, you have time for me.” He reaches across the table, taking my hand that was reaching for my cup of coffee.

  I look at his hand on mine. “Charles, that reading I do so much of is part of my work. I’m studying to be a writer.”

  “Why?” he asks. “You have no need to write. You have plenty of money. How’d you come about that, may I ask you?”

  I narrow my eyes at him as I answer the way Pierce told me to if anyone asked about it. “I won a small lottery when I was in America.”

  “Really?” he asks as he lets my hand go, then takes a sip of his coffee, pinky finger extended. “Because the cashier’s check you opened your account with wasn’t from a lottery commission. It was from an account that’s associated with some odd things. Things I don’t see a nice woman like yourself being into.”

  My ire is fired up with his nosey nature. “Charles, that money and where it came from are none of your business. Perhaps I should pull my money out of your bank and put it somewhere else. A bank where the client’s privacy is of the utmost importance!”

  “You have more spunk and spirit than most, Jade. I wonder how you gained that strength. I wonder who taught you to be so tough. I wonder if it was this Pierce man you called me earlier.” He looks at me over his
coffee cup with an eerie smirk that gleams in his eyes.

  “That’s none of your business, yet again. Is this how the day will go with you? You asking or telling me things and me letting you know where you stand in them?”

  Compassion suddenly fills his expression. “You’re reading me all wrong. You see, I think I know what’s happened to you. I think I know why you keep turning me down. Do you want to know what I think, Jade?”

  Fear runs through me as I assume he’s found out my secret. “Not really.”

  “I think you’ve been used in a dreadful manner. Has some American cad hurt you?” He searches my eyes and I feel heat filling my face.

  “No one has hurt me!” I get up from the table, unable to look at him any longer. I have no idea where it is I’m going, but I’m leaving the man’s company.

  Suddenly, strong hands grab my shoulders and he spins me around to face him. “Where that money comes from, women are used, Jade. There was a small note on the cashier’s check. In the memo line, these words were written, Payment for services rendered for a two-month period. Tell me, Jade, what did you do for that amount of time that you were paid a million dollars for?”

  I never saw this coming! I never thought anyone would ever know about what I’ve done!

  “Listen to me. Does anyone else know about what that fucking check has written on it?” I ask in desperation.

  “No, I’m the only one who saw it. And just so you know this, I destroyed it after getting the money transferred into your account. Frankly, I began to care about you the moment I started looking into the whole thing. I’d never want you hurt by that information. And I want to help you get over it all. The whole ugly thing.”

  “But it wasn’t ugly. It was beautiful,” I blurt.

  His hands move up and down my arms, caressing me, then he pulls me close, hugging me. “My poor darling girl. Your youth has compromised your judgment. Some scandalous American man dominating you for his own pleasure isn’t beautiful. It’s monstrous. And I can see how badly you’ve been hurt. So please talk to me. Tell me what he or anyone else did to you. I’ll get you to the help you’ll need to get over this tragedy.”